bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I understand the hot girls get 100's of emails... what I'm asking is what can I do to stick out? Obviously just mentioning something in her profile isn't working...or maybe it is. I get responses about 50% of the time... There are 3 girls who I was absolutely stunned by - and none of them emailed me back. I want to try and make it impossible for them to not email back! haha. I'm pretty decent looking (so ive been told), so I really dont think its my looks thats causing no response - hence the starting of this thread.... Believe it or not, 50% ain't bad online as a guy (better than me)... There isn't a surefire solution to getting the girls you want to respond back to you. You should look at it differently. Instead of thinking that there is one surefire way to absolutely get them to respond to you, focus more on the truth of the matter: it's a numbers game and they are getting WAY more than you I assure you of this... So, what happened to this one and the other 3 your were multi-dating? Since her getting sick didn't deter you, others canceling during this cold, virus-filled holiday season shouldn't deter you. IMO, when you meet a compatible lady, all this 'strategy' stuff and multi-dating and even LS will just seem irrelevant. You'll wonder why you spent all that wasted time and energy agonizing over the details. But, regardless, life goes on. Enjoy Agreed.
DustySaltus Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 (edited) dude you CAN'T stick out online Not necessarily. You just can't put things like "Hi, hello, hey , , wassup, yo, holla, hey qt, what's good, hey baby, yo mami, it's handsome or shabbat shalom" in the subject line...anything else you'll stick out:) It's all about the pictures and witty one liners to get the initial attention. At the end of the day, it's a meat market. Edited January 2, 2010 by DustySaltus
sagetalk Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 i have e room mates and they are all men, tony is 30, chris is 22 and mark is 23. That is one of the most unattractive things I've ever read. Gross .
DustySaltus Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 That is one of the most unattractive things I've ever read. Gross . Wait a second. What about the fact that she goes to an "ONLINE HIGH SCHOOL"? What the hell is that?
squeaky Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 i joined a dating website a few months ago just to see what it would be like. it's a paysite run by the local newspaper here in portland. to date, i've received over 200 emails. it's really overwhelming. whenever i log in, i have like 4 new emails. i don't respond to a lot of them because so many of them seem so generic. and to be honest, i'm also less inclined to respond if it seems like i have nothing in common with the guy (i try to be clear about what i'm looking for in my ad). the best messages i've gotten were short but interesting. maybe the guy will cite something specific from my profile and he'll have something witty or enlightening to say, and then he'll tell me something about himself that relates.
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Maybe I'm wrong here but it's not what you say but it's how you say it and your profile will do the talking for you. As long as you're messages don't contain grammatical errors and they aren't copy and paste if the person is interested they should respond.
Mary3 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Like I told you before OP , the online dating thing is just a fantasy. You had 4 girls you were dating . I bet that made you feel good. Then they all disappeared. You know why ? Because they were doing the SAME thing you were doing ; filling your box with emails , planning lots of dates, busy busy guy....But as soon as the novelty wears off you will feel as alone as you did before. So go for less, expect less, find someone special and focus on HER , not 53 chicks at once...
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 The OP, prior to engaging our assistance, had *never* been rejected by a woman. Methinks right about now he's starting to re-think his strategy in seeking advice here
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 The OP, prior to engaging our assistance, had *never* been rejected by a woman. Methinks right about now he's starting to re-think his strategy in seeking advice here nah..online dating is all about rejection... plus, being in 2 relationships lasting 10 years didnt give me much oppy for rejection i guess. the only thing im rethinking is online dating
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 So, what happened to this one and the other 3 your were multi-dating? Since her getting sick didn't deter you, others canceling during this cold, virus-filled holiday season shouldn't deter you. IMO, when you meet a compatible lady, all this 'strategy' stuff and multi-dating and even LS will just seem irrelevant. You'll wonder why you spent all that wasted time and energy agonizing over the details. But, regardless, life goes on. Enjoy i have 2 more im dating...but neither have progressed to date #2 yet.... the 2 i have multi-dated, both cancelled this week....both seem legit...but only time will tell. whatever
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 i joined a dating website a few months ago just to see what it would be like. it's a paysite run by the local newspaper here in portland. to date, i've received over 200 emails. it's really overwhelming. whenever i log in, i have like 4 new emails. i don't respond to a lot of them because so many of them seem so generic. and to be honest, i'm also less inclined to respond if it seems like i have nothing in common with the guy (i try to be clear about what i'm looking for in my ad). the best messages i've gotten were short but interesting. maybe the guy will cite something specific from my profile and he'll have something witty or enlightening to say, and then he'll tell me something about himself that relates. this is what i try to do everytime
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Honestly Steve, I am fine with a quick "hello, how are you" for the first message. Because I am only going to click on your profile and look at your pictures. If I like your pictures, I will read your profile. I HATE bad grammar, spelling, short form, or mail addressed as "sweetie, sexy, honey," etc. I just delete those messages without looking at their profile. I don't think sending a witty, well thought out message the first time is going to get you more responses- I think it's more important to have some good pictures, then you can show your wit in the body of your profile.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Honestly Steve, I am fine with a quick "hello, how are you" for the first message. Because I am only going to click on your profile and look at your pictures. If I like your pictures, I will read your profile. I HATE bad grammar, spelling, short form, or mail addressed as "sweetie, sexy, honey," etc. I just delete those messages without looking at their profile. I don't think sending a witty, well thought out message the first time is going to get you more responses- I think it's more important to have some good pictures, then you can show your wit in the body of your profile. my pictures are tight..... like i said...roughly 50% response to my initial emails... the 3 that I REALLY wanted to email me back since I started, of course didn't...
johngdating Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 The best first email is a generic "Hi, I am xxx. Liked your profile and would like to get to know you more..." Why? You are playing the numbers game in online dating. There's no point in composing custom written messages in first emails-because people are communicating with a lot of other people and they may simply not be interested in meeting you AT THIS MOMENT. That effort spent in composing a nice email is wasted. First do a reality check quickly by posting a little generic email. The idea here is that you can do this to 30-40 people per day. Play the numbers. You dating profile and your photos should be impeccable. Let your profile talk-let them come to your profile to get to know you more. It is all about efficiently getting in touch with a large number of people. John
b52s Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I get a kick out of this advice being given for an opening email, they're great advice, don't get me wrong, but through personal experience, I've tried everything from a short introductory email, to something more personal and longer. None of it works, most women are shallow when it comes to online dating, and the fact you're competing with 100's of other emails sent to one woman doesn't help. Go out with some friends, get to know people, join a group or a club, and you'll probably stand a better chance there. You can use online dating as a 2ndary option, but definitely wouldn't count on it.
CaspianDreams Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I get a pretty good response rate, but the response to a reasonably written, unique letter is so much better than the canned, copy and paste. You should be able to write a unique, clever, witty letter in about 5 minutes...it's not that hard. Moreover, if you are just blanketing people with the copy and paste letter, what's the point...after a week you've contacted 200 peple and got responsees from about 10, who aren't all that excited because you bored them with your letter...more attractive women initiate contact with me that that each week (usually 20-30/week) I usually write a few sharp letters (10/week) get responses from 5-6 women, and add them to the 20-30 that contacted me. At that point, you have about 30 people you're stuck corresponding too...it's too many, so I start clicking delete to a lot of the women. Not really sure what you guys are doing, but it doesn't sound like you're doing it the right way, or else there's somthing off about your profile (or I suppose mine could be amazing, but I doubt it). Not sure if those response rates are normal, but that's what they were last time I tried Match.com (2 years ago), and that's what my response rate is now...so it seems consistent.
CLC2008 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Back when I did online dating, I was inundated with emails and honestly, the ones that stood out the most were ones that showed a genuine interest in getting to know each other better. Not flashy, no pick-up lines, etc. That, combined with being physical appealing, is what caught my attention.
meerkat stew Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 At 50% you are way ahead of the game. There is absolutely no way to insure responses from a specific woman though. The only thing that I've found that works regularly in this respect is if you get the feeling that a woman is materialistic in her profile (about 60-75% of them are generally), to make subtle references to money, designer labels, club membership and social status, as these are like catnip to materialistic women. But not too obvious with it, no pictures of yachts, just subtle mentioning is enough to get their venal juices flowing. After reading a study on women and attraction, I tried this on my next internet dating circuit by peppering my emails with jokes and observations that included mention of moderately high end men's clothing brand names. Not too high end, but just right. It felt completely unnatural to do this, and I was worried that the text would come off as such. The results were amazing though, 100% response from approximately ten women who just seemed kind of materialistic in their profile. I went out with a couple of them, even dated one for a couple of months. We were completely incompatible. So there's the rub, the technique works really well, but unless you are really into social things and fairly materialistic yourself, you won't find a match. But you did ask how to get closer to insuring a response from a specific woman, and that's the only way I've found. Probably -extremely- counterproductive to try with the non-materialistic 25%, so use with caution.
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 my pictures are tight..... like i said...roughly 50% response to my initial emails... the 3 that I REALLY wanted to email me back since I started, of course didn't... Well, at 50% response, you are doing better than 99% of most men.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Well, at 50% response, you are doing better than 99% of most men. i have good pics....so im told. too bad i have no skillz to back them up!! hahaha..
Mary3 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 i have good pics....so im told. too bad i have no skillz to back them up!! hahaha.. Do you mean oral skillz ??
Crazy Magnet Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Girls get SO many emails, Especially if she is cute, which makes it hard for them to respond to everyone. Or, they are already dating 2 or 3 people, and don't want to add another man to the mix right now. I ran into that. I can only meet so many people at one time! So many people here keep knocking online dating, but I found someone I really connect with. If I wind up single, I'll for sure go back online to meet someone else. I had a lot of fun, met lots of people, and ended up with a boyfriend after about six weeks. It worked for me.
bwidger Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Girls get SO many emails, Especially if she is cute, which makes it hard for them to respond to everyone. Or, they are already dating 2 or 3 people, and don't want to add another man to the mix right now. I ran into that. I can only meet so many people at one time! So many people here keep knocking online dating, but I found someone I really connect with. If I wind up single, I'll for sure go back online to meet someone else. I had a lot of fun, met lots of people, and ended up with a boyfriend after about six weeks. It worked for me. Do you see the other side here? It'd probably be more "fun" and "successful" for guys if they got as many options as it would appear women did. Yeah, then of course we'd all go back to dating sites. But who knows, maybe I'm just getting ugly or something, idk...
b52s Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Girls get SO many emails, Especially if she is cute, which makes it hard for them to respond to everyone. Or, they are already dating 2 or 3 people, and don't want to add another man to the mix right now. I ran into that. I can only meet so many people at one time! So many people here keep knocking online dating, but I found someone I really connect with. If I wind up single, I'll for sure go back online to meet someone else. I had a lot of fun, met lots of people, and ended up with a boyfriend after about six weeks. It worked for me. Yeahh, doesn't take much for a woman to get slammed with emails.
bluestraps Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I hate online dating . If one thing about you is not on their list then its like no thanks. I like mystery about my dates. I dont want to know everything about them before because usualy it doesnt matter anyway, and its boring.
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