stevejohnson1976 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 So, I seem to really suck at the first email when picking out someone I am interested in online. Usually, I get no response and I have a feeling it's because my emails are horrible! What do you look for in a first email? What makes you want to email that person back? One I get going with a few emails, almost every girl says that my emails are fun, or that they wrote me the longest and that I really keep them interested. Any tips or strategies? What are your successful first emails like and what are the ones like that you respond to? Seems like I'm starting over again since both of my 3rd dates cancelled this week.
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 The response rate on the online dating site e-mails are very low, and it has nothing to do with you personally. The problem is that if a woman is at least a bit attractive, she gets plummeted with messages from guys. So unless there is something really eye popping to her on just the subject line, chances are good that you won't get a response. It sucks, but it's just the way it is. My tactic, which seems to work the best, is to write a bunch of e-mails (1 e-mail for 10-12 different women) and ask one or two questions in each. Try to touch on something very specific in the profile and stay away from the generic statements. If you are lucky you will hear back from 20% of those women.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 The response rate on the online dating site e-mails are very low, and it has nothing to do with you personally. The problem is that if a woman is at least a bit attractive, she gets plummeted with messages from guys. So unless there is something really eye popping to her on just the subject line, chances are good that you won't get a response. It sucks, but it's just the way it is. My tactic, which seems to work the best, is to write a bunch of e-mails (1 e-mail for 10-12 different women) and ask one or two questions in each. Try to touch on something very specific in the profile and stay away from the generic statements. If you are lucky you will hear back from 20% of those women. I agree. You can't make detailed and personal emails to every woman you write online because you won't hear back from most of them anyways, so it's good to make them as general as possible and not exhaust yourself.
CarrieT Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I agree. You can't make detailed and personal emails to every woman you write online because you won't hear back from most of them anyways, so it's good to make them as general as possible and not exhaust yourself. Wow, if that's the guy's tactics no wonder you are all having such a difficult time about it. Those emails that I respond to HAS something detailed or specific, indicating to me that the guy has taken the time to read my profile and find a common interest. It is the generic emails that I ignore.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Wow, if that's the guy's tactics no wonder you are all having such a difficult time about it. Those emails that I respond to HAS something detailed or specific, indicating to me that the guy has taken the time to read my profile and find a common interest. It is the generic emails that I ignore. Try being a guy one day then... It may improve your responses slightly from time to time but not by much.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 You also have to take into account that a lot of these profiles just repeat themselves and some are so short that all you can do is comment on two or three sentences which typically include her saying she's into arts, movies, blah blah blah... Often have I seen these profiles and responded with what they have written in theirs, which ironically is what most guys do because who else are you suppose to ask if they don't have much to say in their profiles?
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 I always make sure they are detailed and personal to them. I try to ask a couple questions based on their profile and show them we have some things in common
CarrieT Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Try being a guy one day then... It may improve your responses slightly from time to time but not by much. Here's an experiment for you; create a fake female profile and read all the emails that you get. See which ones sound interesting, which ones are completely lame, and it will give you an idea of what works and what doesn't.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Here's an experiment for you; create a fake female profile and read all the emails that you get. See which ones sound interesting, which ones are completely lame, and it will give you an idea of what works and what doesn't. Your probably right, but that can get very exhuasting...
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Here's an experiment for you; create a fake female profile and read all the emails that you get. See which ones sound interesting, which ones are completely lame, and it will give you an idea of what works and what doesn't. I used a similar tactic to build my profile. I was on match and went "stealth" meaning I hid myself, and did a search for guys in my age bracket. Looked at a couple profiles, noted was on them, how they were constructed, and so forth. I then completely rebuilt my profile to try to avoid all of the similarities/cliches in the male profiles I saw. I even created the most random user name I could think of, un-hid my profile and went with it. The result? Women actually send me the first message before I send one out myself.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Arg, damnit... now i have to take what carrieT says seriously lol..thanks a lot! jk
knaveman Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Here's an experiment for you; create a fake female profile and read all the emails that you get. See which ones sound interesting, which ones are completely lame, and it will give you an idea of what works and what doesn't. I actually like that idea. I may have to try it.
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Arg, damnit... now i have to take what carrieT says seriously lol..thanks a lot! jk Yeah, just be prepared that even if the woman sends you the first message that there is a good chance that after you respond, she still won't send you a second one. Some women have it built up in their minds as to what your response should be, and if it doesn't meet that standard, they will just not write back. The bottom line with all of these services is that you just have to keep trying until you find something that works, and to not take non-response personally.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Well, CarrieT, I just took your advise and ran with it... I sent out two very detailed and personal emails (not creepy, not emotional; just about their profile), so let me see what happens here... Btw, sent out two. One was sent to a girl I never emailed before and the other was sent to a girl I emailed before.
alphamale Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 So, I seem to really suck at the first email when picking out someone I am interested in online. Usually, I get no response and I have a feeling it's because my emails are horrible! no, its more because the women you are contacting have 250+ emails in their inbox and all of them read the same. another reason i don't recommend online dating. for the girls its like shooting fish in a barrel and for the men its like shooting clay pigeons with a pee-shooter
CarrieT Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Well, CarrieT, I just took your advise and ran with it... I sent out two very detailed and personal emails (not creepy, not emotional; just about their profile), so let me see what happens here... Btw, sent out two. One was sent to a girl I never emailed before and the other was sent to a girl I emailed before. It is still a numbers game, but even if I am not interested in a guy and he has taken the time to state something personal, I will reply with a "I don't think we are a match" comment. Then again, I am one of those people who respond to mail that is courteous even if it is a declination.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 It is still a numbers game, but even if I am not interested in a guy and he has taken the time to state something personal, I will reply with a "I don't think we are a match" comment. Then again, I am one of those people who respond to mail that is courteous even if it is a declination. This is something I'm confident about: I'm not a bad looking guy, my profile is very, very, very honest and upfront and detailed about who I am, what I want, and where I'm going...AND my grammar isn't like redneck literate... so if anyone on earth has a chance after using your advise I think I have a pretty good shot if it works...
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Update: Well, so far so good, they read them about 10-15 minutes ago and haven't deleted them yet so things are looking up! lol Sorry, please, continue with this threads purpose... I'll only have a few more updates to post here...
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 "aaww, ill respond to your e-mail only b/c you took all the time to ready my whole profile and came up w/ all those questions. that's really sweet and nobody has taken the time to do that. but keep in mind, i'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, and this is just a FRIENDLY conversation. i'm technically still in high school, i'm in an online school, i do it all on the computer. i'm gonna go to kent state and i'm not exactly sure what i wanna do yet. maybe a biological scientist? i have no idea. so, skull caps are basically like do rags. they look so trashy. but skull caps don't hang off your head, they fit tight. i have sooooo many standards for men, but they are not too high. i know what i want! and i'm not gonna settle for anything less. i can't even list them all, but a few include: being very attractive (to me), being really sweet and nice in general but at the same time, not afraid to be a****when he needs to be. i don't want no **** ass ****. i dont' want no hood ass dude, if he came from the hood, that's cool, just as long as he worked his way out of it like i did and like i'm still in the process of doing. and you know, depending on how old he is, he's gotta be in school or already have a good job and a nice house and car. the closer he is to my age, the less i care about that stuff, just as long as his goals are in the right place. see what i mean? i only listed 2. there's so much more than that. you gotta be funny, and i HAVE to feel a real strong connection w/ that person. if they have everything right and when i kiss them my mind starts trailing off about something else, then it aint gonna work, lol. i have e room mates and they are all men, tony is 30, chris is 22 and mark is 23." -response from girl I never emailed LOL, OK...WHAT?
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 This girl is only 18 (kinda young for me; I'm 24)..she's also "gangsta" lol... After reading her response; I just hate having to always prove myself to every freakin girl alive...I'M LEGIT DAMNIT!
carhill Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I tried a different 'tactic' instead of my usual in-depth interrogation methods With women who contact me, I'm taking a commonality in their contact and talking a little about myself. With those I contact, I pick up on an aspect of their profile and bring it into a common experience I've had. The big difference between now and 15 years ago is that I'm much more comfortable talking at some level about myself. I noticed, in the past, that the successful guys shared their ambitions and experiences and people were drawn to that confidence and charisma. I always found it to be self-involved but, then again, they got the ladies and I did not. My secret weapon is easily being able to switch, learned from a lifetime of being a confidant to women. A little here; a little there. The right person will pay attention to and value that combination. Like is often said here, it's a numbers 'game'.
CarrieT Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Oh, yes -- you will probably go a LOT further in your discussions with any person if you use complete sentences, correctly spelled words, and good grammar. For many of us, there is nothing worse than "txt spk." I completely ignore messages like, "U R cute. thot I wud drop a line cuz it looks like we have lots in common." UGH.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 I understand the hot girls get 100's of emails... what I'm asking is what can I do to stick out? Obviously just mentioning something in her profile isn't working...or maybe it is. I get responses about 50% of the time... There are 3 girls who I was absolutely stunned by - and none of them emailed me back. I want to try and make it impossible for them to not email back! haha. I'm pretty decent looking (so ive been told), so I really dont think its my looks thats causing no response - hence the starting of this thread....
alphamale Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 what I'm asking is what can I do to stick out? dude you CAN'T stick out online
carhill Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 So, what happened to this one and the other 3 your were multi-dating? Since her getting sick didn't deter you, others canceling during this cold, virus-filled holiday season shouldn't deter you. IMO, when you meet a compatible lady, all this 'strategy' stuff and multi-dating and even LS will just seem irrelevant. You'll wonder why you spent all that wasted time and energy agonizing over the details. But, regardless, life goes on. Enjoy
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