dreamergrl Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Me and my friends were talking the other day about dating experiences. Someone brought up when a guy says he wants to see you again, even gives you a time he's free, says to call or text him, but then doesn't respond. I think it's irritating. I'd rather just be told he's not interested. Why go to the extent of being like "Well I've got to do this or that until this time, then I'm free" if you aren't interested?
Crazy Magnet Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Men are baffling creatures. I don't even pretend to understand how they think.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 I can see being like "I'll call you" or something, to be nice. But to go as far as giving out a schedule description is a bit much.
boogieboy Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Men are the same as women. Sometimes a better girl comes along, and you just dont want to be bothered with anyone else, and that includes explanations for a flake on a date. Some people just arent strong enough to be able to let someone down the right way. Besides, women respond to ignoring better than men do.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Me and my friends were talking the other day about dating experiences. Someone brought up when a guy says he wants to see you again, even gives you a time he's free, says to call or text him, but then doesn't respond. I think it's irritating. I'd rather just be told he's not interested. Why go to the extent of being like "Well I've got to do this or that until this time, then I'm free" if you aren't interested? i agree 100%...unfortunately for me, its not limited to just guys....
paddington bear Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I think this can also be the old 'well I meant it at the time' - which is why it seems sincere, but on reflection, for whatever reason they change their mind. Also, sometimes there is that frantic babbling, saying too much, when all you want to say is 'I'm not interested' you somehow have said the exact opposite. Actions not words - my mantra for 2010 when it comes to men. Talk is cheap.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Well one friend talked about this guy who asked her to call him later that day. She does, and gets no response. I doubt a better girl came along with in hours. Same guy who told her he was free on a day she asked about, gave her the lowdown of his day when he'd be free.. then nothing. I'm sure girls are just as guilty of this. I just don't get why people do it! I'm not all girls, but I don't take well to ignoring, my mind is wired to want to know one way or the other straight out. If someone makes plans with me, then stick to it, because other wise I could be making other plans!
shadowplay Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I've had a guy go so far as to contact me TWICE on his own, ask me to do something, give me a vague layout of his schedule, ask me when I'm free and then never get back to me. So he blew me off twice. WTF. Why did he contact me in the first place???
paddington bear Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 See the thing is when the guy says 'call me' he's not bothered really. He wants to be chased, and if he wants to be chased, he's usually not that interested, hence not actually taking the call. Asking the girl to call, then getting the call is an ego-boost for him, but it doesn't mean he's interested. I know this all sounds a bit 'the rules-y' or 'he's just not that into you', but more and more I've seen that (if not all and if not 100% of the time), a lot of these clichés are in fact more general truths. Guys are programmed to chase, to attain, if said members of the species indicate (on first aquaintance) that the woman is to call them, then she's not worth chasing in his mind.
alphamale Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I think it's irritating. I'd rather just be told he's not interested. because people are trying not to offend someone, especially face-to-face
Vintage79 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Basically all daters are like this. If you don't like it, why don't you do the calling? I know I have been out a few times and got lots of numbers...told one of the first I'd call, but I ended up liking the others I met after her better - she definitely didn't get a call...which was likely best for both of us, as opposed to the, "we met the other night and I said I call, but I didn't like you as much as the others I met, but I'm a man of my word" call.
paddington bear Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Basically all daters are like this. If you don't like it, why don't you do the calling? I know I have been out a few times and got lots of numbers...told one of the first I'd call, but I ended up liking the others I met after her better - she definitely didn't get a call...which was likely best for both of us, as opposed to the, "we met the other night and I said I call, but I didn't like you as much as the others I met, but I'm a man of my word" call. Hence the actions speaking louder than words. This would in fact be (hilarious actually) but a ridiculous call to receive and best not done. Much easier for them not to answer the phone or to flake and you have your answer without the explanation that they're not that interested or have found someone better, which no one really wants to have rubbed in their face.
boogieboy Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I'm sure girls are just as guilty of this. I just don't get why people do it! I'm not all girls, but I don't take well to ignoring, my mind is wired to want to know one way or the other straight out. If someone makes plans with me, then stick to it, because other wise I could be making other plans! People do it because they are shytheads. They cant handle being put in a position to have to tell why they arent interested in someone. Your mind may be wired to want to know, but men are trained by women to not tell the brutal truth. So a guys perception of what you want wont always be what you actually want. Blame it on social training.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 I've had a guy go so far as to contact me TWICE on his own, ask me to do something, give me a vague layout of his schedule, ask me when I'm free and then never get back to me. So he blew me off twice. WTF. Why did he contact me in the first place??? That is annoying. I mean, ok, so if you find someone else you are more interested in, just say so ya know? See the thing is when the guy says 'call me' he's not bothered really. He wants to be chased, and if he wants to be chased, he's usually not that interested, hence not actually taking the call. Asking the girl to call, then getting the call is an ego-boost for him, but it doesn't mean he's interested. I know this all sounds a bit 'the rules-y' or 'he's just not that into you', but more and more I've seen that (if not all and if not 100% of the time), a lot of these clichés are in fact more general truths. Guys are programmed to chase, to attain, if said members of the species indicate (on first aquaintance) that the woman is to call them, then she's not worth chasing in his mind. I hate ego strokes lol I understand what you are saying, but what I don't understand is why some people want to be chased by someone they aren't interested in. because people are trying not to offend someone, especially face-to-face I find it more offending to be led on. But that's just me.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Men are baffling creatures. I don't even pretend to understand how they think. same goes to you ladies... Ya I don't know why a guy would say that if he didn't mean it. What a waste of time.
alphamale Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I find it more offending to be led on. But that's just me. no, actually studies show that people prefer to be lied to instead of told to their face that they are not beautiful/skinny/rich/intereting enough to be seen with again.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Basically all daters are like this. If you don't like it, why don't you do the calling? I know I have been out a few times and got lots of numbers...told one of the first I'd call, but I ended up liking the others I met after her better - she definitely didn't get a call...which was likely best for both of us, as opposed to the, "we met the other night and I said I call, but I didn't like you as much as the others I met, but I'm a man of my word" call. Hence the actions speaking louder than words. This would in fact be (hilarious actually) but a ridiculous call to receive and best not done. Much easier for them not to answer the phone or to flake and you have your answer without the explanation that they're not that interested or have found someone better, which no one really wants to have rubbed in their face. I agree with this if you had just met them, but never went out. Now if you've been out with them and they tell you to call, then ignore you, I think that's rather immature. One person thinks they are getting another date when they aren't. They are putting their time aside for someone who isn't interested. People do it because they are shytheads. They cant handle being put in a position to have to tell why they arent interested in someone. Your mind may be wired to want to know, but men are trained by women to not tell the brutal truth. So a guys perception of what you want wont always be what you actually want. Blame it on social training. Agreed. Although it doesn't have to be brutal. I mean, okay so he says to call blah blah makes plans, without intention, a simple call or text back to say it wont work or something isn't as bad as just flaking.
Choboto Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 for me, if i say im not interested anymore, you have to answer, why, who, what they did wrong, then they start cryin, they get depressed isntead of pissed off. I think not tellin them and them gettin pissed is better than them bein depressed that you just dont like em.
allina Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 They do it because it's the easiest thing for them to do.
alphamale Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 They do it because it's the easiest thing for them to do. its easier for both parties actually...:)
paddington bear Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I went out (briefly, for this very reason) with this guy. Every week he'd go into great, long descriptions of all the nice things we would do on our date and I'd be thinking 'oh that sounds nice' and start to look forward to it. Then he would cancel the date, then call again, more explanations, then cancel. So, I've been there. Eventually I sent him a text message saying something like 'you are obviously too chicken to simply tell me that you are not interested in seeing me any more, so I'm doing it for you, goodbye' and never heard from him again. Simply not interested and I think too scared to simply tell me, and instead convinced himself somehow that he DID want to meet me, but on second thoughts actually didn't. To be fair, I was on the other side of the fence once, had these great phone conversation with this guy, but wasn't feeling it when with him, would think 'right, must break it off with him' would call him to do it, get on great over the phone and then realise again that in person I wasn't interested.
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I'll normally be upfront with a woman if I feel she is mature enough to handle the truth. I have passively rejected a few women in the past because I felt that if I gave them the god honest truth that they wouldn't be able to handle it. Of course, I've had the incredible experience of a woman passively reject me (in fact a woman who used to be in my life is passively rejecting me now), so I suppose everyone has their own reasons. I hope this post makes sense.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 I guess I'm alone here in wanting to be told instead of being ignored after a date. Maybe I'm just weird
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I guess I'm alone here in wanting to be told instead of being ignored after a date. Maybe I'm just weird Maybe you are just mature. I've had women tell me directly (on a first date) that they didn't want to be told such information up front. I don't verbally respond when I hear that but the big red flag of immaturity normally shoots up in my head. I guess if someone doesn't know stuff like that directly, then can twist it around in their mind to make it seem like it wasn't their fault.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Maybe you are just mature. I've had women tell me directly (on a first date) that they didn't want to be told such information up front. I don't verbally respond when I hear that but the big red flag of immaturity normally shoots up in my head. I guess if someone doesn't know stuff like that directly, then can twist it around in their mind to make it seem like it wasn't their fault. Well it doesn't even have to be put out in a mean way. A simple "I just don't think it will work out" or "I'm not interested" would be great. Then one person isn't making time for a date that isn't going to happen. If you can't do it face to face, then said a darn text!
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