young_confusd_scard Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 hi i have been with my bf for 2 years now and we live together and have been happy but this last couple of months have been abit demotivating. I love him to bits but i jus cant help thinking ..what next? Im only 21 and dont want to get married til my career is sorted and when im ready. But i dont know what to do bout my boyfriend he spends most of his time with his friends in their flat upstairs and sometimes i dont see him for hours on end (bear in mind he is jobless and im at university so i spend a lot of time in self study) we do make plans to spend time together but most of the time he changes his plans with me and ends up spending that time with his friends. i have spokn to him bout this before and he is making some effort to change. However, I just have this horrible feeling like im bored now? And don't know whether this is just what relationships are like after years? I have also done some really bad stuff in our relationship but both were in the last 4 months. I kissed 2 guys (different times) but i don't know why i did it, i do love my bf and feel really guilty to the point i couldnt sleep for weeks after but after about 2 mnths i did it again. Is my relationship over and im just holding on to the ghost in its place? There are other things as well he hasnt made the effort to visit my family in over a year and they even comment on it he says its cos of work but he only works part time on a saturday and he cancels work if his friends ask him or hes hungover but not for me. He doesnt make me feel like im sexy anymore? Even when i go home to visit my family when i ring him hes always too busy to talk longer than 10minutes and we run out of conversation anyway. but he can be the sweetest guy ever and he really helps out around the house when im studying and he loves me to bits i really dont know what to do???please help x
Devil Inside Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 What are some of the reasons for staying together?
Heartbrokenandinlove Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 My advice is to be open and honest - communicate your concerns to him! At least then you can both try and work out what is best together. Communication is very important - even if you do end up breaking up!
harmfulsweetz Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Hm. I've been there too, it's not easy. You have to really work out the reasons to stay and the reasons to leave, and see if one outweighs the other. Do you love him? Have you openly and honestly discussed this with him? Maybe what you need is a bit of communication, don't accuse him of these things like 'you always do this' or 'you always do that.' Use phrases that begin with 'I feel this when you do this.' It puts emphasis on the consequence over the action. Do you think you feel too young to be settled down? I'm 22, and I felt that. I acted very badly at times I believe because of this, I didn't know how to act, and I didn't want to be settling. It could be that you need a break from each other to truly appreciate what you have. You need to do what is right for you. No matter how long you've been together, if something feels off, it's because it is. There actually doesn't appear to be much 'good' in what you've posted, except the odd snippet at the end. You could need time to mature, and so could he. I think your early twenties are often difficult times to be in an R, because you are still growing as a person. Good luck.
bluestraps Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Wow I thought living together is the solution to everything. Being young like you both are comes with this typicaly. Hes still feeling like one of the guys and he needs that . Hes not ready to settle down either. If he cant find the time to spend with you . He might feel that since you study for classes he may as well just hang out with his friends. About the other guys, You just felt like you werent getting affection from your boyfriend. Kissing is bad enough but its not the end of the world. Being an older guy , not by much but still older, I would rather spend more time with my girlfriend than friends. I guess because Alot of my friends have other things going. This happens so many times we cat gaught up in our own wants and desires And we forget about the ones we love. It could be a case of that or maybe he doesnt really care . As said before, conmmunication can do wonders for this. Take it from me I wish I could have had better communication with my ex. Hes young so He feels he has time to have fun and leave you behind. I wouldnt end anything based on what you read here. I'd talk to him >most guys are afraid to tell you how they feel.
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