sumdude Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Never go well hate doing it. Seems that the more you try to explain the worse it gets. Things are either working for both of you or not. The reasons are useless to explain in matters of the heart.
paddington bear Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Ultimately there is no point in explaining is there? At the end of the day someone is getting rejected and will be hurt, the reasons why they are being rejected are kind of pointless in knowing (not attracted to you any more, found someone else, you've changed, I've changed, I'm leaving the country, I'm afraid of commitment - same few reasons for breaking up over and over). All the dumpee needs to know is that the outcome is fixed, the decision that you are not wanted any more has been made and that there's nothing you can do to change it and yet...we all ask 'but whhhhhy?' and then get even more hurt when we hear all the explanations. I think breaking up with someone is worse than being broken up with - you get the weeks of wondering 'should I do this or not?' stress, then the actually having to go through the trauma of informing the other person, and along with that the loss of a relationship (and yes of course the relief that comes with that), but also horrible guilt and feeling like a s**t for hurting someone, whereas the person who's just been dumped gets all the comfort and sympathy and can moan about how he/she was so mean to meeee waaaaah
harmfulsweetz Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Ultimately there is no point in explaining is there? At the end of the day someone is getting rejected and will be hurt, the reasons why they are being rejected are kind of pointless in knowing (not attracted to you any more, found someone else, you've changed, I've changed, I'm leaving the country, I'm afraid of commitment - same few reasons for breaking up over and over). All the dumpee needs to know is that the outcome is fixed, the decision that you are not wanted any more has been made and that there's nothing you can do to change it and yet...we all ask 'but whhhhhy?' and then get even more hurt when we hear all the explanations. I think breaking up with someone is worse than being broken up with - you get the weeks of wondering 'should I do this or not?' stress, then the actually having to go through the trauma of informing the other person, and along with that the loss of a relationship (and yes of course the relief that comes with that), but also horrible guilt and feeling like a s**t for hurting someone, whereas the person who's just been dumped gets all the comfort and sympathy and can moan about how he/she was so mean to meeee waaaaah Completely agree. Breaking up with someone is so tough. There's no painless way to do it, you are essentially rejecting them, and this will hurt however you deliver it. There's no easy way out for anyone. And being the dumper doesn't equate you to being the villain either, you aren't. More often than not, both parties were aware of the situation before it happened, but only one was capable to make the decision. In my last R, I broke it off. It hurt like hell to hurt him so, I think I cried more for him than for me, it still hurts now thinking about it. Yet, I know it was for the best. It's easier being the dumpee in terms of reputation and all of that, more people crowd around them, and try and make them feel better, and all that. Whereas, there's a marked difference in how people treat dumpers, it's like they are totally without a right to care. I walked in after breaking up with my ex, and they asked 'why are you crying if you ended it?' I felt like saying 'because it hurts dumba$$'.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Never go well hate doing it. Seems that the more you try to explain the worse it gets. Things are either working for both of you or not. The reasons are useless to explain in matters of the heart. Yes, the reasoning seems useless. Give your reasons, but don't expect them to understand. Underscore the point that it's just not working for you, and that is what will make the relationship fail. The key, I think, is leaving the dumpee knowing just that. It's unfortanate when a relationship is not working, and the most the dumper can do is let the person find someone with whom the relationship can work.
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