depressed80 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 hey everyone.. i have been married for almost 4 yrs and have been with my spouse for almost 12 years total. I will be 30 soon and throughtout the course of dating he has cheated on me, in our early 20's..I basically ruled it out and gave him the benefit that we were young n it was a phase..I did kiss a few guys too but never went all the way as im very reserved and traditionally raised to love one man. My feelings have not changed but there has been this one "other" woman that has been the question in my marraige. I know it in my gut that somthing happened with them before we got married. She sent me email with chat conversations they had on aol when we were in our early 20's, she kept pictures of him when they hanged out in her apt or went to dinner , etc. (the pics was with him only)...I even got phone calls from her questioning our marriage and she even said right before our wedding that she maybe pregnant but turned out not to be. Now throughtout all this, my husband -bf at the time denies this. He argues back with me for diggin and fighting and accusing him. SO this past summer he went away fro the weekend to a function with freinds and she was there. she posted pics on her personal website which included pics of herself in his hotel room and the freinds he was with. Another person also has a pic with them his arms around her and another one that looks like they are holding hands... Now my husband lied to me and never told me she was there, he denied the pics until i showed it to them and came up with a story that she came with her freinds and met them in the hotel... To me i dont believe it and it is becoming more n more harder for me to live with the fact that he will bnever tell me the truth... I found an email with them texting each other, he saying things with me is complicated and wishes to be with her, he misses her, he wants her to have his children. HE DENIES iT ALL.. I am left so confused because i dont not give him the reason to cheat, i accepted our past but this problem is not going away. Why doesnt he admit it... I have even told him if he wants that other woman then it is fine by me. I dont want the headache, but he tells me he only wants me, he has built a life around me, i am his world. etc..The other woman told me once he is living a double life and whats it all.... We have a house together, no kids, good careers... but my patience is detriorating and i hate him for everytime i look at him , i see lies...i am so depressed..what to do?
2sunny Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 wow, that's a lot of years and energy spent on this OW he has. tell him to get out. that way you can start living and find out that men don't do this to women they love. he sounds narcissistic to extreme. resolve that you'll never get the truth form him - don't even bother trying... wasted energy. make a clean break, he is a true cake eater. they deserve each other. be grateful you don't have kids together. next time - pay attention to warning signs - you ignored them.
Darth Vader Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Girl, you know the old saying: If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck. Except in this case, your husband's not a duck, he a Dick! Divorce and drop his loser ass! I know you can do better! Yes, he's cheating! But we're here for you girl!:bunny::bunny:
RedDevil66 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Good God, why do cheaters deny deny deny?! Cheaters will swear on ANYTHING to keep their dirty little secret. He's going to try to manipluate you into believing him. This is tough I am know the depression that comes with being lied to, but you need to stand up to him and ask him to leave. He will keep seeing her
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I usually don't push divorce, but since you don't have kids with him, I'm suggesting you leave him. He never changed and he is in contact with her. Alot more than you realize. This isn't about you, he's flawed and somehow felt HE needs to have someone else feeding his huge ego. HE is the one who is messed up, has issues and didn't take the vows seriously. He is lying to you, denying and making it seem like you're the crazy one, that is called GASLIGHTING. It can drive someone nuts! Listen to your gut, the evidence is all there, even though he's denied it and said it's nothing. You know the truth.. One option is, hire a PI. If you can afford it, gather what you need to know and then hand him divorce papers. And ,please, whatever you do, stop having sex with him... And sadly to say, get tested for STD's.. This man you married is living a double life, behind your back.
cody5 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Yes, leave him. What is worse? The cheating or the lying? Or better still, him thinking you are so stupid that you will believe those childish lies? No kids. You have a good career. Why are you with him? And don't give me the financial commitment of a house. You can walk away from that.
Justtoodangtired Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 You know the answers already. You have found proof in black and white. You know he is lying and you should know he is being unfaithful. At this point, does it really matter if he is sleeping with her. He has lied about it for years. Honey, if you have a good job and can take care of yourself, please do yourself a favor and save yourself years more of this. IT WILL NEVER CHANGE! And if it is not this woman, it will be another. He has shown you he can't be truthful. PLEASE get out. There are reasons some women stay, ie, children, now marketable job skills to support themselves, etc. You have none of those reasons to stay. Take care of yourself. It will only get worse. He may say everything you want to hear. But you know his actions speak different. You have SEEN with your own eyes the proof and the truth, yet you still want to believe him. How is that even possible? Your own eyes aren't lying to you. And I don't care what his excuse is how she showed up at the hotel. She was there, touching on YOUR husband and HE lied to you about it. Ask yourself, why would he lie if it were innocent. Just please take the advice and get out now while you still have an ounce of your sanity. No man is worth losing all your self respect and dignity. that price is too high to pay for someone who doesn't love or respect you. And I promise you, he does neither for you! Good luck to you. Keep coming here for supprt. I know it's helping me deal with a liar!
imagine Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I would not trust an OW. There is sufficient evidence to have him polygraphed. Do this. Hopefully he will reveal everything while waiting for the test.
Recommended Posts