Lost Soul Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I have recently been dumped by a woman that turned down my proposal; I love her very much and did not want to lose her. However, she was always pressuring me about finances and her view that women should always have control over finances, and she should always have a larger budget than me if we were married. This always caused friction as i am quite successful and she has been unemployed for last 2 years and has no career to speak of. She currently is separated and ex-husband (lives in another state) is continuing to support her. I think this is so unfair to x-husband as she should just cut him loose so he can move on....but she is completely dependent on him financially. Long story short, I believe my views on finances made me an unattractive husband because she knew that I would not relinquish control of finances. Is her view as ridiculous as I believe, or am I in left field? I would be her 3rd husband so she has already made two mistakes so I can understand her wanting things to be completely in order. I am lost; no contact for 1 month. I am suffering without her.
Simon Attwood Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I have recently been dumped by a woman that turned down my proposal; I love her very much and did not want to lose her. However, she was always pressuring me about finances and her view that women should always have control over finances, and she should always have a larger budget than me if we were married. This always caused friction as i am quite successful and she has been unemployed for last 2 years and has no career to speak of. She currently is separated and ex-husband (lives in another state) is continuing to support her. I think this is so unfair to x-husband as she should just cut him loose so he can move on....but she is completely dependent on him financially. Long story short, I believe my views on finances made me an unattractive husband because she knew that I would not relinquish control of finances. Is her view as ridiculous as I believe, or am I in left field? I would be her 3rd husband so she has already made two mistakes so I can understand her wanting things to be completely in order. I am lost; no contact for 1 month. I am suffering without her. Thank heaven for small mercies!!!!
curiousnycgirl Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I agree with you her expectation is ridiculous. I also think you dodged a gold digging bullet here. Frankly if everything else in the relationship was wonderful - this would not be an non starter when it came to marriage. Sounds like she only wants you because of your success - and then only if she can control YOUR purse strings. If you are truly in love (or think you are) tell her you will give her XYZ $'s a month to manage the houehold (or whatever) and she must sign a prenup that if you divorce she gets nothing, including no alimony. I'm willing to bet you'd get the same negative answer to the proposal. Best to stay NC and heal yourself.
Simon Attwood Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Please expand. When your brain clears up from the fog, you will count your lucky stars, mate.
Author Lost Soul Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Everything you all said is true, but I love her to death and cannot bear being without her. I have maintained NC for one month, she has emailed me once since then, I ignored it. I have never suffered more in my life. Despite knowing I am better off without her, I cannot get her out of my head--she had a wonderful sweet and loving side......just that there was a DR Jekyl side as well.......has anyone ever been in a relationship with someone where it was almost like dealing with two different people?
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Thank goodness you found this out NOW. I don't have a man vs. woman opinion on handling finances, I think whoever is more financially responsible (and financially HONEST, that's a biggie) should handle them, but both need to keep themselves informed. She should have a larger budget? Where does she get this stuff? That sounds to me like she believes that if you need, oh, $400 a month in discretionary spending, then she 'needs' $600 just so hers is bigger, even if her actual needs were only for $300. That's nutz and oneupmanship. A big clue that she places herself as more important than you. You did dodge a bullet. Now you're free to go find yourself a nice, sweet peer. Good luck!
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Everything you all said is true, but I love her to death and cannot bear being without her. I have maintained NC for one month, she has emailed me once since then, I ignored it. I have never suffered more in my life. Despite knowing I am better off without her, I cannot get her out of my head--she had a wonderful sweet and loving side......just that there was a DR Jekyl side as well.......has anyone ever been in a relationship with someone where it was almost like dealing with two different people? Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was a Master Manipulator? (psst...the answer is yes!)
curiousnycgirl Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Everything you all said is true, but I love her to death and cannot bear being without her. I have maintained NC for one month, she has emailed me once since then, I ignored it. I have never suffered more in my life. Despite knowing I am better off without her, I cannot get her out of my head--she had a wonderful sweet and loving side......just that there was a DR Jekyl side as well.......has anyone ever been in a relationship with someone where it was almost like dealing with two different people? Think about this - she is sweet and loving as long as there is money coming in, otherwise she would have agreed to marriage. Sorry you are hurting but she is not the woman you want her to be. You are seeing her through rose colored glasses. Keep the NC - you are doing great! I am also at 1 month, so I know how painful it is where you are. We can and WILL do it!
mem11363 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 If she was really into you this would not be an issue. The real issue she has is that she does not want to be with you long term. So she wants to be able to extract the maximum amount of money from you in the minimum amount of time after which she will leave you. You need to date others to distract yourself. Letting her wipe you out and then dump you would leave you feeling just as you do now except add being broke to the equation. As for the Dr. Jekyll side she has - actually it is the dominant aspect to her. Because for someone who claims money is so important she ONLY wants other folks money. She has chosen not to work for 2 years - so she is lazy AND greedy which is a very scary combo in any person regardless of gender. I have recently been dumped by a woman that turned down my proposal; I love her very much and did not want to lose her. However, she was always pressuring me about finances and her view that women should always have control over finances, and she should always have a larger budget than me if we were married. This always caused friction as i am quite successful and she has been unemployed for last 2 years and has no career to speak of. She currently is separated and ex-husband (lives in another state) is continuing to support her. I think this is so unfair to x-husband as she should just cut him loose so he can move on....but she is completely dependent on him financially. Long story short, I believe my views on finances made me an unattractive husband because she knew that I would not relinquish control of finances. Is her view as ridiculous as I believe, or am I in left field? I would be her 3rd husband so she has already made two mistakes so I can understand her wanting things to be completely in order. I am lost; no contact for 1 month. I am suffering without her.
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