dan3549 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Hi, I'm hoping posting on here that I can get some advice on my current situation, because it's pretty bizarre to say the least- any suggestions are most welcome I currently live with my ex-girlfreind (we were together for 3 years) in a house- there are just the two of us, and we took a mortgage out together to get the house. In October last year, my then girlfriend told me she still loved me but was no longer in love with me- she wanted to stay living together as freinds. I was pretty devastated as I love her- not wanting to lose her I agreed to live with her as friends, hoping we would get back together. A couple of months ago I found some love letters to her from another guy, and then found a letter from her to be posted to this guy- the address being a prison. She worked as a prison officer last year but has since left the service (apparently due to pressure)- evidently she had fallen in love with a prisoner whilst working there and was still in contact with him. I confronted her about this and she confessed straight away, saying she was in love with him (he's in for manslaughter), and wanted to wait until he comes out so they can marry and be together. I felt sick to my stomach, but she assured me she didn't leave me for him. It seems a pretty quick turn around if this is the case considering it was only a month between her dumping me and me finding her love letters. Its bad enough to lose a partner, but to a prisoner!? We still live together, with the understanding that she will move out at some point this year- I can't help but still love her, and it hurts so much when I hear her talking on the phone to him when he gets his phone call- her family know nothing about this as she is scared to tell them (they want her to get back with me). So I guess my question is- what would you do in this situation? Im finding it very hard to live here with her while she is infatuated with this guy, but I can't kick her out cos its partly her house, and she says she still loves me, just not in love with me. She recently lost her younger brother in a road accident, and since then she has left me and wants to marry a prisoner. I just don't know what to do
DenverBachelor Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 So I guess my question is- what would you do in this situation? Im finding it very hard to live here with her while she is infatuated with this guy, but I can't kick her out cos its partly her house, and she says she still loves me, just not in love with me. She recently lost her younger brother in a road accident, and since then she has left me and wants to marry a prisoner. I just don't know what to do I would plant drugs in her car. a) She'll go to prison and be with the one she loves. b) You get her out of the house. c) You're now open to dating new people and having them come over whenever. d) She won't be able to contact you easily so NC will be a walk in the park.
Witan Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I think you should definitely cut ties with her. Seems like she's on a self-destructive path, and your emotions are dragging you along for the ride. At the very least, find your own place to live so that you don't have to live with her. Nothing good can come out of that.
carolinawanderer Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Do you know why she feels like she's not in love with you anymore? Are there specific things that can be worked on, or is it just a feeling? I have a friend who was in a relationship with a guy that she wanted out of for quite a while...she tried to break with him a lot, but she stayed because it was comfortable. Anyway, she met someone else and her and the new guy are to be engaged. She told me she didn't leave her old boyfriend for this new guy - she said she knew she could never be with the old boyfriend long term - but meeting him just expedited the process of her leaving. Could be a similar situation here. If I were you, I'd just try to move on. Even if there are things in your relationship that can be worked on, her having strong feelings for this other guy is a huge confounding factor.
mark982 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 i think her family would be very interested in her being in love with a guy in jail for manslaughter. actually even if you can't get back with her,your doing her a favor, guy sounds like a peach.
LovelyDaze Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 A prisoner? That whole thing is beyond the word doomed. And, NO people..nobody needs ignorant examples of how you or a family member is in love with a PRISONER(not even the county jail for two days or something..PRISON) and it's "beautiful" Your ex needs help...
dazzle22 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Purchase the book, "Women Who Love Too Much" and ALL will become clear...totally
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 So I guess my question is- what would you do in this situation? Im finding it very hard to live here with her while she is infatuated with this guy, but I can't kick her out cos its partly her house, and she says she still loves me, just not in love with me. She recently lost her younger brother in a road accident, and since then she has left me and wants to marry a prisoner. I just don't know what to do a. She has a problem. A very big problem and you should really be glad that it's over. b. Be as kind as you can within your limits. Don't be a jerk, just mind your own business while making sure she is on track to leave as soon as possible. c. She is a grown adult and you are not her father, so don't act like it. You have your own problems to deal with. She needs to sleep in the bed she made (sorry for the bad analogy).
Author dan3549 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Many thanks for the replies so far guys, they are much appreciated! In response to a few queries, no, there is no particular reason that she doesn't love me, she just says she no longer wants to be there with me. She did say the other day that is her brother were still here (after the accident) that we would still be together- Im not sure how that would have happened- all I have tried to do is be there for her during this difficult period (being praised by the parents for my efforts), so its not like Ive been ignorant or selfish in any way following his death. I can't really move out myself, at least not permanently, as it was my parents that put the deposit down for the house (being 25 it's my first house), so there's no way Im going to walk away from that and just let her live here on her own, or until her new love interest is released! Think Im just going to have to play it cool and try not to argue with her or anything, but accept that its over. I don't know whether to tell her parents about it all as I don't know if she is having some king of breakdown after her brothers death, and I guess being a prisoner officer isn't the most stress-free job in the world. Very strange times..
dazzle22 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I am frankly surprised that her employer does not have inservices on this issue because this sort of manipulation by sociopathic prisoners is well known. Does her employer know she is up to this?? I would tell her to move out by the weekend and tell her she has option to tell her parents first, or you will. They know and like u and deserve to know what an insane thing their daughter is doing! Maybe they can talk some sense into her. She is being brainwashed by this sociopath..
Author dan3549 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I am frankly surprised that her employer does not have inservices on this issue because this sort of manipulation by sociopathic prisoners is well known. Does her employer know she is up to this?? I would tell her to move out by the weekend and tell her she has option to tell her parents first, or you will. They know and like u and deserve to know what an insane thing their daughter is doing! Maybe they can talk some sense into her. She is being brainwashed by this sociopath.. As far as I know her employer is none the wiser about the situation- this guy wants her to meet with some of his family, and I already know my ex has spoken to his mother on the phone. The only thing that is keeping me from teling her parents is thery are still reeling heavily from the death of their youngest son- they have been so kind and welcoming towards to me, I don't want to be the one to push them over the edge with this info as I know it will tear them apart when they learn what she is doing. Its just so, so hard living here with her knowing she is "in love" with him, and not me
LovelyDaze Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 As far as I know her employer is none the wiser about the situation- this guy wants her to meet with some of his family, and I already know my ex has spoken to his mother on the phone. The only thing that is keeping me from teling her parents is thery are still reeling heavily from the death of their youngest son- they have been so kind and welcoming towards to me, I don't want to be the one to push them over the edge with this info as I know it will tear them apart when they learn what she is doing. Its just so, so hard living here with her knowing she is "in love" with him, and not me That is wonderful that you are still thoughtful of the parents. Leave them to their grief over their son. Your ex is already going to make it worse if they find out about her destructive behavior. She's an adult though so she will have to explain why she is "falling for" a prisoner.
dazzle22 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 No right or wrong answer, but to play devil's advocate, if she goes off and elopes with this guy, which sounds like she might do because she is not telling her parents, then her parents lose a daughter too, essentially and never had a chance to try to intervene...
Author dan3549 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 No right or wrong answer, but to play devil's advocate, if she goes off and elopes with this guy, which sounds like she might do because she is not telling her parents, then her parents lose a daughter too, essentially and never had a chance to try to intervene... It's a tough choice I'm faced with for sure. I'm now thinking to just let things play out, and either she comes to her senses and realises what she is doing is just so wrong (in my opinion), or she actually runs away with the con without any care or concern for all the people she will leave behind. Her choice I guess
dazzle22 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 True,,, it is impossible to save some people from THEMSELVES....sigh!
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