ladyjane83 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Is it ok to ask the person youre dating whether they are dating other people?? I'm just curious. We have only been on 2 dates, so obviously I'm not expecting exclusivity, however..I'm not dating other poeple because Ive never done the multi dating thing and its not something I like the thought of. Is this an English thing? No one I know has ever really "multi dated" either. I kind of just want to know where I stand with this guy and if he is dating other people to. We have asked each other all sorts of things in texts so it wouldnt be that random or out of the blue for me to ask..but is it inappropriate to ask? We met on a dating site and before we ever met in person he told me he has met up with a few girls off there but didnt work out and "got rid of" the last one a few weeks ago so to speak. He said I'm the last girl he is going to meet of the online dating thing because its just not working for him, and that when his subscription ends he s going to remove his profile...which he did. So I can assume he isnt dating other people off there. I dont know why I want to know if he is dating other people...I just do!
boogieboy Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 You want to know if you have a chance at getting him. Well if hes smart, he'll lie to you. He probably IS dating other people, but you cant worry about it. You should be able to tell by his actions if he's really into you. If he doesnt seem too into you in the beginning, then bail out before you become attached, because he most likely will never be into you. I suppose youre asking because you sense he isnt into you?
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 I dont know really, I find him hard to read. But he texts me pretty much everyday which I think is a good sign. and lots of times in the evening so I guess he isnt out on dates while he is doing this (unless he is a complete player!) He has said lots of nice things. I dont know why I want to know really...I suppose yeah, it would give me a better idea of how "into me" he is. He did say the other day "my mum was asking about you last night" (he is aussie but living over here in uk, his mum lives in aus so he must have been talking to her on the phone) and I guess that if he was multi dating he wouldnt bother telling his mum about all the girls. i dont know, of course he could be lying!
boogieboy Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Youre a woman, youre supposed to gave good intuition about these things. BTW dont ever ask him, you will torpedo everything if you do. You can ask him if you want to send him running by showing your insecurity. Do you think he will think insecurity is sexy? You should come off like you have your own options, just as you think he does. Dont hold any expectations on this, just take it one action at a time. You have to see it from his shoes. Maybe you dont multi date, but hes a guy. Dating sites are full of women who set up profiles for validation and thats it. He has to message a bunch of women, and if he actually gets 3 woman on the line, 2 of them will flake. If has options he can decide which woman he likes best. You can only be youreself, hopefully youre interesting enough to make him want to stick with you. If you arent, you better step your game up..just in case he is dating other women. If you cant do that, just hope he likes you as you are. if he texts you this much, you guys should be talking on the phone by now, and setting up another date. How is he talking on the phone to his mum, about you- but not on the phone with you?
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Oh we have spoken on the phone too, sorry didn't think it was relevant to mention. We have spoken on the phone 3 or 4 times for about an hour each time. Mostly when we were getting to know eachother before meeting up and then one call in between the first and second date. He mentioned arranging a 3rd date for this week
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Of course it's ok to ask. Screw what everyone else says -- you say what you want, ask what you want, when you want. Who gives a crap? It's not like your asking him if it's ok to marry you...
boogieboy Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Of course it's ok to ask. Screw what everyone else says -- you say what you want, ask what you want, when you want. Who gives a crap? It's not like your asking him if it's ok to marry you... Bwidger, need I remind you of your cluelessnes in gauging peoples interest level is and why they dont return your calls? Could be because you say thing you shouldnt be saying? This is why she is afraid to ask.
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Bwidger, need I remind you of your cluelessnes in gauging peoples interest level is and why they dont return your calls? Could be because you say thing you shouldnt be saying? This is why she is afraid to ask. I don't think it's a big deal in her instance so don't use my circumstance (which is different) and pop into what I said. To each his own and I don't advise playing mind games at all..
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 you have to ask eventually though dont you?...or are you just to assume that as they start seeing more of you they will start seeing less of the others?
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 BTW dont ever ask him, you will torpedo everything if you do. You can ask him if you want to send him running by showing your insecurity. Do you think he will think insecurity is sexy? You should come off like you have your own options, just as you think he does. This is a huge turn-off to me. If the guy I'm dating now had run when I asked, I would have said good riddance. Granted - we had been talking and seeing each other for a month. But I'm into transparency with somebody I'm interested in a relationship with. I don't like playing games. I'd rather just know what's going on so I can make my own decision about things. Why in the hell does everything have to be about GAMES? "Did I say something wrong to make him run?" blah blah. It's such a load of horse****. If he lies to that question - he's a piece of ****. I despise games, pretense, lying by omission, and ESPECIALLY straight-up lying to my face. LJ83 - I asked before we had sex. Actually, a month before we had sex. I told him I don't have sex outside of exclusivity. He agreed and said he wasn't seeing anybody but me. (And BB - I really don't care if you think he was lying. I know him quite well and there's no way in hell he'd lie to me. I KNOW. Let's call it women's intuition. )
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 I think that with this guy I could ask...Im just not sure whether I should. Like I said we have asked eachother lots of things, and its mostly him who instigates the asking, we talked alot before meeting and asked lots of questions about what we want/dont want etc and we got quite personal about it. He even text me the other night and said "ok, is there anymore questions you want to ask me know that we have met a couple of times?" I kind of suggested that there was, but then I said I wasnt brave enough to ask... so he has text me a couple of time now saying "so are you feeling brave enough to ask whatever it is today?" so I COULD just ask. He has asked me lots of personal q's, so its not like it would be weird for me to ask him something. He hates cheating (I know multi dating isnt cheating) and commitment is a massive thing for him and he knows it is for me too so I dont think he would be too shocked if I wanted to know this. On our first date, he asked me how the online dating was going and if I'm talking to anyone else on there etc, I was a bit hesitant to answer but he said "come on its fine, we are only just meeting so there no commitment yet is there" ..so I honestly dont think he would mind if I asked him. But I just dont know! There are reasons that I think he isnt, for example texting me every night ...but he was I'm the 5th "date" he has had from the website, so I know he is quite active with it (although he has renmoved his profile now) but he could obviously be dating girls he has met in 'real life' too.
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I agree with Boogie 100%!!! Oh man, don't ask! He's right, it will show your insecurity and that is a huge turn off.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Yeah... I know I shouldnt really. Otherwise I would of by now. But so what happens then with this multi dating thing?...like I asked earlier, do you just assume that if they like you and as they start seing more of you then they will just see less of the others?
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Yeah... I know I shouldnt really. Otherwise I would of by now. But so what happens then with this multi dating thing?...like I asked earlier, do you just assume that if they like you and as they start seing more of you then they will just see less of the others? Well, if he is mutli-dating, then yes- that's how it would work. I seldom go on a third date with someone unless I am into them though! I think he's into you so far. To keep him interested, it's all about being carefree in the beginning. If you notice the posts from the males on here- they are always the most interested in the women they can't figure out;)
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 yeah, thats how I'm trying to be. just this multi dating thing is all new to me, its not something that I or anyone I know does! Will see how it is after the 3rd date. I hate playing games though..If i'm into someone, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not! but yeah...play it cool.
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 yeah, thats how I'm trying to be. just this multi dating thing is all new to me, its not something that I or anyone I know does! Will see how it is after the 3rd date. I hate playing games though..If i'm into someone, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not! but yeah...play it cool. There is a big difference between playing games and simply playing it cool, and in my opinion 2 dates is just too early to bust out the "are you seeing other people". So it's not about playing a game- it's just about not introducing any kind of pressure. He's also intimated to you that he isn't seeing other people. So, you are actually only concerned that he might be multi-dating. I met a guy online and we dated for about 6 weeks before I noticed he took his profile down. We just dated and had a good time, no pressure, and he took the profile down on his own. I was already antsy and wanted to bring it up after a few weeks- but I just held off. It felt so much better to see him do it on his own. So- I think your guy is giving you some pretty positive signals. For sure just relax and have fun. Worry about heavier stuff at the 3 month mark:D
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 well I asked him. I decided I wasnt going to, but because I had indicated that I had something to ask he kept asking what it was!...I kept saying it doesnt matter, I realised that its not important and dont need to know etc etc. But he kept asking, then texted saying "gee, I guess the question must be pretty personal :s" making it way more of a bigger deal that it was. I said its not, and that its just silly and not important, then he replied with "I bet some of your friends have told you not to ask me so you're not, even though you want to..." So I just asked. Didnt want him to think I had this huge serious question! I just said that this is what I was going to ask, but have realised that its none of my business and dont want you to answer!... anyway, he text back saying "OMG I cant believe you just asked me that"... I was thinking sh*t, but then he text again a second later and said "only joking, its not a big deal! no, am not dating anyone else. I bet it was your "rules" friend who told you not to ask wasnt it?! haha" (I had told him about my friend who is following that "rules" book to get a guy..which he thinks is stupid) So its done. Of course he could be lying (From what I know of him, I dont think he is) but I dont really care...I had decided I didnt want to know anyway, so I'm just glad that it hasnt scared him off and he has still metioned going out this week. phew! I get that it would put some guys off, but I guess it just depends on the guy x
Yukikazi Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 If you notice the posts from the males on here- they are always the most interested in the women they can't figure out;) I think based off the posts here.. its not interest.. more like frustration and confusion
Mac McMenamin Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I think it's great that you asked the question and it seems like it wasn't that painful once it was done. Perhaps I'm a little older so my respone may date me, but I don't have time to waste on lost causes or false hopes; if someone can't find the time to be honest with me then I know right there they aren't the one for me.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 so funny thing is...he is now showing more interest in me since I asked the question than he was before! hmm. Maybe he thought I wasnt interested but now he knows I am since I asked? Strange. And I was worried it would send him running!
boogieboy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Wow, that was a real slick girl tactic you did to make the question seem worse than it was, do you do that often?
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 No, it wasn't deliberate at all! I have never been into playing games. I just asked if I could ask him a question, but then after reading peoples responses on here I decided against it so told him it didn't matter. But he kept asking over and over and in the end I was worried that he has built it up to a much bigger thing than it was...which is why I decided to ask!
Yukikazi Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 No, it wasn't deliberate at all! I have never been into playing games. I just asked if I could ask him a question, but then after reading peoples responses on here I decided against it so told him it didn't matter. But he kept asking over and over and in the end I was worried that he has built it up to a much bigger thing than it was...which is why I decided to ask! Asking a completely different question didn't occur to you? Like Are you allergic to shellfish? Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? Do you know how to synthesize a mentholated alkaloid?
tigressA Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Asking a completely different question didn't occur to you? Like Are you allergic to shellfish? Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? Do you know how to synthesize a mentholated alkaloid? No need for that. What's done is done, and it seems to have turned out well.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Because I didn't need to ask a different question...I asked what I wanted to ask and it turned out well! Why are some people on her always so negative? Very quick to tell you when something is a bad idea or doesn't sound promising or that you should leave someone. But when I come on here with a postive outcome to something people are always quick to criticise! I asked the question and it turned out well!...so why tell me that I should have asked something else instead of saying congratulations I'm glad it turned out well for you. Strange.
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