mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 so my H and I are currently living apart. its so we can have time to work thtough this and figure it out. some people close to us have gotten word of this. i am now on my 3rd, yes 3rd MM since my A to come on to me. I'm not interested at all. in fact im very disappointed that these men who i used to consider my friends have now made it known that more than just friends is an option. this is ridiculous. i have little respect for ALL MM at this point. anyone else faced a similar situation? im saddened because at this time where things are so difficult i would love to reach out to a friend to talk to...but why do all of the males seem to want more? cant a guy just be friends with a girl without trying to get into her pants?
White Flower Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Tis true I'm afraid. So many MM available it's just disgusting. I suppose if they all D'd before they cheated the D rate would be at 90% or more. So sad. I wrote a thread on this subject. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t188610/
Fallen Angel Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 so my H and I are currently living apart. its so we can have time to work thtough this and figure it out. some people close to us have gotten word of this. i am now on my 3rd, yes 3rd MM since my A to come on to me. I'm not interested at all. in fact im very disappointed that these men who i used to consider my friends have now made it known that more than just friends is an option. this is ridiculous. i have little respect for ALL MM at this point. anyone else faced a similar situation? im saddened because at this time where things are so difficult i would love to reach out to a friend to talk to...but why do all of the males seem to want more? cant a guy just be friends with a girl without trying to get into her pants? I have always thought that was possible. I have had HUGE numbers of male friends throughout my life. More close male friends than women friends to be perfectly honest. But My MM told me once, that a man will generally not take the time to really befriend a woman, if he isn't at least a little attracted to her (unless she is the wife/girlfriend of a close friend), and even then, he will be 'friendly" but never close friends. I didn't believe him, and then I started asking some of my closest male friends to be honest with me about it. They ALL agreed with My MM on this issue. ALL of them said that while they knew that I would most likely never "go there" with any of them, that in the beginning, they originally became my "friend" in an effort to 'feel me out' as to the possibility of a relationship, be it purely sexual, or more committed/emotional. Needless to say, I was shocked! And while I have still maintained close friendships with most of them, admitting to me that they had 'feelings' of more than friendship for me, took it's toll on some of my friendships. With others, it simply is known where I stand, and they have learned to accept that we will always be just friends. (But I had one or two that said as much as they value my love and companionship as just a friend, they will continue to hold out hope that maybe .. someday.. they might 'get lucky" LMAO!)
skylarblue Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 It’s been very common in my experience for a guy to start a conversation with me, mention he has a gf/W, and still proceed to try to pick me up. Even more amazing is that I’ve had guys try to quickly pick me up at times when they were WITH their gf/W after she walked away. Several times the girl has come back in the process and given the guy all kinds of hell. I mean really, how stupid can you be. As far as friendship between men and women I really believe (and told by male friends) the vast majority of guys are at the least mildly attracted to females they befriend and though he wouldn’t make an attempt, he would be open to a sexual encounter if offered. Personally, my male friends can be placed into 2 categories: those who want to sleep with me (who have no chance) and those who have slept with me (all attached). I only have one male friend that in no way would want to have a sexual R with me. Oddly, he does seem to like spending lots of money to watch other girls give me lap dances.
OWoman Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I have always thought that was possible. I have had HUGE numbers of male friends throughout my life. More close male friends than women friends to be perfectly honest. But My MM told me once, that a man will generally not take the time to really befriend a woman, if he isn't at least a little attracted to her (unless she is the wife/girlfriend of a close friend), and even then, he will be 'friendly" but never close friends. I didn't believe him, and then I started asking some of my closest male friends to be honest with me about it. They ALL agreed with My MM on this issue. ALL of them said that while they knew that I would most likely never "go there" with any of them, that in the beginning, they originally became my "friend" in an effort to 'feel me out' as to the possibility of a relationship, be it purely sexual, or more committed/emotional. Needless to say, I was shocked! And while I have still maintained close friendships with most of them, admitting to me that they had 'feelings' of more than friendship for me, took it's toll on some of my friendships. With others, it simply is known where I stand, and they have learned to accept that we will always be just friends. (But I had one or two that said as much as they value my love and companionship as just a friend, they will continue to hold out hope that maybe .. someday.. they might 'get lucky" LMAO!) I think this is one of those "difference between men and women" things. For guys, the categories are fluid - to them, attraction is part of a bigger thing that can - and sometimes does - involve social, emotional and sexual aspects. For women, the categories are more fixed. A guy is either friend material, or his relationship material, or his quicky-on-the-stairs material, or whatever. Women seldom find themselves developing the hots for a long-standing male friend - unless some major trauma or massive life-change has disorientated them. Which, really, is just another form of the age-old "for men, ANY sex can be good sex, whereas for women, even mediocre sex is worse than none" thing.
Hazyhead Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I certainly know the type of man you are talking about. There are a couple of husbands of my female friends that I try to keep at arms length due to their 'over-familarity'. What I have found from talking to other friends about them is that they seem to take the same approach with most women, as if they're trying their luck. Problem is, they never stop trying. They give me the creeps. I also know of many of my friend's husbands that are so incredibly loyal and easy to get along with because their relationship to their wives is strong and secure and as husbands, they are devoted. I have witnessed them being approached by women in bars or wherever and be noticibly terrified, trying their hardest to get away. I know that some people will see this as them trying not to get into a situation where they might be too tempted, but the important part is - they don't behave innapropriately back. I think it's important to remember that although most men can have a detached attitude towards sex, not all of them act upon it.
White Flower Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I was approached by this guy on a dating webiste during an 'off time' with exMM. He seemed like such a nice business man and in his picture he seemed so gentlemanly. This particular site has IM on it and he kept asking when I was going to get online and I was just too busy. Finally, he sent me a message saying that all he could think of was my left breast and what he could do with it and if that sort of response was good for me then he'd like to meet me. Also, that his time was important and if I couldn't speed up my game he'd be moving on. The nerve! Then he promptly let me know that he had only mornings available if we could meet and I instantly knew that he was a MM! I finally replied to him and said, 'Thank you very much for your interest, but I don't have time for MM.' He never responded with a denial. He knew exactly what MM was.
Hazyhead Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I was approached by this guy on a dating webiste during an 'off time' with exMM. He seemed like such a nice business man and in his picture he seemed so gentlemanly. This particular site has IM on it and he kept asking when I was going to get online and I was just too busy. Finally, he sent me a message saying that all he could think of was my left breast and what he could do with it and if that sort of response was good for me then he'd like to meet me. Also, that his time was important and if I couldn't speed up my game he'd be moving on. The nerve! Then he promptly let me know that he had only mornings available if we could meet and I instantly knew that he was a MM! I finally replied to him and said, 'Thank you very much for your interest, but I don't have time for MM.' He never responded with a denial. He knew exactly what MM was. What a charmer! Why was it that you didn't go for him?
outofthedark Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 "i have little respect for ALL MM at this point. anyone else faced a similar situation?" Not the same situation, but I see MM entirely different now. I watch them closely, I wonder how many that I used to think were decent have actually stepped out of their own marriage. I pay attention to how they are a little too close when conversing with women, smile a little too cheesy, walk away with a sway in their step. I am jaded for sure. I honestly believe that 90% of MM would at least have a ONS if not more. Those ones, I am disgusted by. The ones that are lacking that emotional connection they find with a long term affair partner where it is ea and pa, I feel sorry for them. I feel more sorry for the ow that is involved with them as I feel they get the brunt of the pain involved. I see 90% of married men now as one step away from tearing someones world apart with no concern as to the fallout. Just selfish. Yep jaded, I know it.
White Flower Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 What a charmer! Why was it that you didn't go for him? Ha ha ha ha ha. No way sista. It's all on my time table and nobody else's! Besides, I'm into meaningful Rs and not FWB type Rs but you already knew that.
NoIDidn't Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 The ones that are lacking that emotional connection they find with a long term affair partner where it is ea and pa, I feel sorry for them. I feel more sorry for the ow that is involved with them as I feel they get the brunt of the pain involved. I see 90% of married men now as one step away from tearing someones world apart with no concern as to the fallout. I know what you mean, but I feel sorry for his W and family, moreso than the OW that knows that he is married and yet entered into this train wreck anyway. In my mind, at least the OW knows what she is dealing with. The BW and family are typically the last to know sometimes. Personally, I don't feel jaded towards married men. There are some good ones (and even some of them have cheated possibly), and there are just some that are going to always feel that all women are vulnerable to their (so-called) charms and will sleep with them no matter their (the guy's) status. Basically, guys like this just think that some women are so desperate that they would welcome the advances of any man, married or otherwise.
Author mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 i feel jaded. not about all men. but im starting to think that men really are only friends with women for just one reason.
NoIDidn't Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 but im starting to think that men really are only friends with women for just one reason. Actually, I believe this to be true to a certain extent. I have always had lots of male friends, never many female friends. Women were just too much work - cliques and drama. But once I got married....they shied away quite obviously. I had the chance to ask some of them why, and was told that my marriage meant that they could not continue to hold out hope for "one day". Talk about feeling gypped. LOL.
JoyDevine Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 so my H and I are currently living apart. its so we can have time to work thtough this and figure it out. some people close to us have gotten word of this. i am now on my 3rd, yes 3rd MM since my A to come on to me. I'm not interested at all. in fact im very disappointed that these men who i used to consider my friends have now made it known that more than just friends is an option. this is ridiculous. i have little respect for ALL MM at this point. anyone else faced a similar situation? im saddened because at this time where things are so difficult i would love to reach out to a friend to talk to...but why do all of the males seem to want more? cant a guy just be friends with a girl without trying to get into her pants? No! Friendship = other women and gay men. A straight male friend is a sham. Acquaintance... buddy yes, real friend, no. (and I'll add - every man I've been with started out as a good friend) And it makes me sad when married men try to pick me up. But as this forum proves, it works with lots of women so I guess they figure they might as well try since I might be an OW wannabe .
Hazyhead Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Ha ha ha ha ha. No way sista. It's all on my time table and nobody else's! Besides, I'm into meaningful Rs and not FWB type Rs but you already knew that. It cracks me up that he'd actually think that you'd go for that, "Ooh, my left breast! I can't wait... what time?" It also makes me curious as to how fabulous this left breast of yours is
Hazyhead Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 It cracks me up that he'd actually think that you'd go for that, "Ooh, my left breast! I can't wait... what time?" It also makes me curious as to how fabulous this left breast of yours is God, i just read this back! How pervy do I sound? You know I was kidding... right? Right? ... Damn
gopher Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 i feel jaded. not about all men. but im starting to think that men really are only friends with women for just one reason. Wrong.....I have a lot of single female friends that have always been platonic...and no, I was never interested in most of them relationally.....of course, some of them I was( and I'm sure women are as well), but after we had the "conversation"....the friendships only got stronger.
Always A Lesson Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Hi I'm really new here. Don't get discouraged w/MM, just don't encourage them. Wait till you hear my story! I was TRULY deceived by a MM (or should I say) a "Bible Totin' demon" .
Darth Vader Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) so my H and I are currently living apart. its so we can have time to work thtough this and figure it out. some people close to us have gotten word of this. i am now on my 3rd, yes 3rd MM since my A to come on to me. I'm not interested at all. in fact im very disappointed that these men who i used to consider my friends have now made it known that more than just friends is an option. this is ridiculous. i have little respect for ALL MM at this point. anyone else faced a similar situation? im saddened because at this time where things are so difficult i would love to reach out to a friend to talk to...but why do all of the males seem to want more? cant a guy just be friends with a girl without trying to get into her pants? This seems to me to be a hidden cost to cheating on one's spouse. Look at it, word gets around about you cheating, well, every Tom, Dick and Harry gets wind of it because people talk about who's cheating. Now these men know that you're not commited to your marriage by your cheating, so they figure "hey why not, her marriage is over anyway", I'll take a shot at screwing her. That shows you that they have lost respect for you, because how much respect did you show your husband screwing your OM? Cheaters lose friends. That's all part of the cost. Does your husband know about these guys? Ok, flip side, about your hurting husband, having horrible images of you riding your OM. Having people talking and snickering at him behind his back, and/or worse, saying hurtful things and laughing to his face because of your actions (yes that does happen, you did that to him, you caused it to happen). By you both being apart (perhaps it's a good thing), you realize that there are probably women out there who've heard about what's happened, he may be getting hit on by the droves, being tempted to sample some goods in a sexual way if you know what I mean. Again, that's part of the cost. Welcome back to reality! Edited January 4, 2010 by Darth Vader
Author mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 theres no need for a post like that. its laughable. i do think that the fact that H & I have separated plays a role...but these men have no idea why. its not out there. and if my H wanted to sample the goods as you say. well i guess i really cannot say much about it. i would hope it wouldnt happen, especially now know the hurt that something like this causes, but i couldnt say much. and youre right in what you say, but i dont really think your post was intended to be helpful in anyway. ive read your posts before when you vividly put sexual images out there for a betrayed spouse, just like youre trying to do here. IMHO something like that only comes from a truly troubled individual.
pureinheart Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 so my H and I are currently living apart. its so we can have time to work thtough this and figure it out. some people close to us have gotten word of this. i am now on my 3rd, yes 3rd MM since my A to come on to me. I'm not interested at all. in fact im very disappointed that these men who i used to consider my friends have now made it known that more than just friends is an option. this is ridiculous. i have little respect for ALL MM at this point. anyone else faced a similar situation? im saddened because at this time where things are so difficult i would love to reach out to a friend to talk to...but why do all of the males seem to want more? cant a guy just be friends with a girl without trying to get into her pants? I just got finished reading lists of replies from W's that had been cheated on or W's just stating opinion off of another site where most of them were totally bashing the OW and had nothing to say concerning the actions of their H's or other H's cheating. I have been hit on by MM more than I care to say, exMM chased me bigtime...it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable....exMM was a major exception. So I continue with my stand that the problem is not with the OW...
pureinheart Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 This seems to me to be a hidden cost to cheating on one's spouse. Look at it, word gets around about you cheating, well, every Tom, Dick and Harry gets wind of it because people talk about who's cheating. Now these men know that you're not commited to your marriage by your cheating, so they figure "hey why not, her marriage is over anyway", I'll take a shot at screwing her. That shows you that they have lost respect for you, because how much respect did you show your husband screwing your OM? Cheaters lose friends. That's all part of the cost. Does your husband know about these guys? Ok, flip side, about your hurting husband, having horrible images of you riding your OM. Having people talking and snickering at him behind his back, and/or worse, saying hurtful things and laughing to his face because of your actions (yes that does happen, you did that to him, you caused it to happen). By you both being apart (perhaps it's a good thing), you realize that there are probably women out there who've heard about what's happened, he may be getting hit on by the droves, being tempted to sample some goods in a sexual way if you know what I mean. Again, that's part of the cost. Welcome back to reality! This reply was totally uncalled for, stuff like this gets by and informative stuff gets deleted...go figure
bestplayer Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 This seems to me to be a hidden cost to cheating on one's spouse. Look at it, word gets around about you cheating, well, every Tom, Dick and Harry gets wind of it because people talk about who's cheating. Now these men know that you're not commited to your marriage by your cheating, so they figure "hey why not, her marriage is over anyway", I'll take a shot at screwing her. That shows you that they have lost respect for you, because how much respect did you show your husband screwing your OM? Cheaters lose friends. That's all part of the cost. Does your husband know about these guys? Ok, flip side, about your hurting husband, having horrible images of you riding your OM. Having people talking and snickering at him behind his back, and/or worse, saying hurtful things and laughing to his face because of your actions (yes that does happen, you did that to him, you caused it to happen). By you both being apart (perhaps it's a good thing), you realize that there are probably women out there who've heard about what's happened, he may be getting hit on by the droves, being tempted to sample some goods in a sexual way if you know what I mean. Again, that's part of the cost. Welcome back to reality! Darth Vader i think what u said is true but u were a little too harsh on her . I dont think everyone around her knows all her personal details to such an extent In fact If she is attractive many guys will try to be more than a friend anyways , no matter they know anything about her affair or not . take care
gopher Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I just got finished reading lists of replies from W's that had been cheated on or W's just stating opinion off of another site where most of them were totally bashing the OW and had nothing to say concerning the actions of their H's or other H's cheating. I have been hit on by MM more than I care to say, exMM chased me bigtime...it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable....exMM was a major exception. So I continue with my stand that the problem is not with the OW...[/QUOTE] This is just silly....the only blame is with the MM, and the OW is an innocent victim?
freestyle Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I don't remember which poster said it, but one woman here had a hilarious method for dealing with a MM hitting on her............. "if a MM hits on me, I will promptly send him back to his wife--- with a black eye, and a note tied around his neck.............":laugh: Think I'm gonna borrow that one.............
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