mlo Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I was seeing someone for 7years and then she said her feelings changed and she was not attracted to me. She still loved me and the emotional bond we shared but there was no attraction. We still stayed the best of friends, spending all our time tog, until recently when this new guy turned up on the scene. She now "kind of" likes him and wants to see where things go with him. But she also wants to stay close friends with me. I definately cannot bear to be around them and see things progressing between them but i cant get myself to be away from her when it's just us spending time without him around. I know she's genuinely concerned about my feelings and so is also trying to hold back on this guy ..but keeps telling me that eventually they will start seeing each other. My mind tells me ..complete distance is the only way to do it..but i just cant get myself to..and she insists she doesnt want anything (including distance) to come between us
TaraMaiden Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Well, you cannot have a foot in both camps. You either stay in contact with her, and deal with the fact that she's with someone else - and all that entails - or you have to explain to her that you just can't do this, it's too difficult for you, you don't want to stop her living her life, but you can't be party to it. You're not asking her to choose. You're making that choice, because it's the only way you can survive and heal. Use the 'Caliguy No contact Guide' in my signature. It's the only way you'll stop going insane.
DenverBachelor Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 My mind tells me ..complete distance is the only way to do it..but i just cant get myself to..and she insists she doesnt want anything (including distance) to come between us She broke it off with you to play the field. It doesn't sound like she already had someone lined up when breaking up with you, but 9 times out of 10 when you hear, "something missing / feelings gone / love you but not in love" then there is someone on the periphery. Do yourself a big favour and let her know that, although you enjoy the friendship, you can not allow yourself to be a participant to the pain that this new relationship will bring to you. Becoming friends after a breakup is often a way to cushion the blow, but it is just delaying the inevitable. As hard as it is to accept, she is no longer a central part of your life. Good luck.
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 You have to break ties. No one in the history of break ups is strong enough to endure the pain involved in coaching the person they love into a new relationship. Nothing that happens in the future will ever negate the 7 year bond you had with your ex. But, the best thing you can do for yourself as you witness your ex moving on before your eyes is to jump ship. We all try it- we all try to remain friends with ex's initially. It seems like a lesser evil than never seeing them again. It's never the right way to go though. The only way you can have a friendship with an ex is when you are completely over them.
Author mlo Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Thanks guys...part of me already knew what you all have said.. Just did not want to face and accept it. Unfortunately we have common friends and live in the same neighbourhood so "No Contact" will be that much tougher... Thanks again for your advice.. hope i manage to get thru it
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