Why Date Fat people?

[theBrokenMuse]

Overall, both men and women need to realize that it is part of their job as a boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife to keep themselves trim and physically attractive, or else accept that they probably contribute to important aspect of the relationship problems.

 

Funny, it's never caused any problems in my relationships but that's because I would never knowingly date anyone who has any type of hangups about weight. I agree that no one should get involved with a person who has strict weight preferences expecting that to change or think that you will be special enough to override it. That will cause problems but it's not the weight in and of itself that's the core issue.

[D-Jam]

Why would any one want to date a fat person.

 

I would be interested to hear from people who started dating some one who was already fat.

 

My gf is in good shape and if she ever got fat I would still be attracted to her although it would upset me health wise. But if she had been fat when I met her I don't think I would of formed that initial attraction.

It's no secret that I have never been into fat people, but I imagine the reason many will date them is that they don't see body weight as a big factor.

 

My best friend likes larger women because he's into curves.

 

Dating "fat people" isn't "settling" the way many think it is...it's finding the right person who will be there. Look how many "beautiful people" out there either play games with one another or are chronically single, thinking they can do better than everyone they meet.

 

I won't judge others who choose people that don't fit my idea of "attractive". It's a big world out there.

 

 

I've seen many in the Black Community even speak of how they like larger women over skinny ones.

[pricillia]

It is just fact most people judge a book by it's cover and don't look beneathe the surface and the essence of the person, hey I have my preferences and when you want a lover in your life someone that turns you on and makes you want to ravish them..he he

 

I am trying to loose weight myself and would not rule out a man that was a little overweight if he was my type of guy however everyone has thier cut off I guess.

[temple]

I guess a many people will see a fat person and think they are unhealthy/uncaring of their bodies/unfit. I do understand why people would have concerns about dating an overweight person. I take good care of my body, so my general preference is to not date someone who is overweight. I think it goes deeper than aesthetic preference, it's not like I'm saying I only like men with particular hair or eye colours: I want someone who looks like they take care of themselves. I'd feel the same caution about dating a smoker or a heavy drinker.

[pricillia]

I guess a many people will see a fat person and think they are unhealthy/uncaring of their bodies/unfit. I do understand why people would have concerns about dating an overweight person. I take good care of my body, so my general preference is to not date someone who is overweight. I think it goes deeper than aesthetic preference, it's not like I'm saying I only like men with particular hair or eye colours: I want someone who looks like they take care of themselves. I'd feel the same caution about dating a smoker or a heavy drinker.

 

 

I feel the same way heavy drinking and heavy smoking in a person is unattractive to me

[GoodOnPaper]

That's not necessarily true. I can't answer for him, but looking at my own gf - she looks great, but she's a coach potato and that I don't like even though there is absolutely *nothing* wrong with her looks. We're in the process of reconciling the differences in activity levels and that doesn't have anything to do with weight per se.

 

I don't think that's what the OP is getting at. He wants to know how anyone could possibly be initially attracted to someone overweight -- as if one must be incredibly desperate to be so. I admit that I had some hangups and conflicting emotions when I met my wife, but as BrokenMuse points out, the weight itself is trivial compared to the real core issues at play.

 

Funny, it's never caused any problems in my relationships but that's because I would never knowingly date anyone who has any type of hangups about weight. I agree that no one should get involved with a person who has strict weight preferences expecting that to change or think that you will be special enough to override it. That will cause problems but it's not the weight in and of itself that's the core issue.

 

My big hangup was that I was too concerned about how others viewed my partner's level of attractiveness would reflect on me -- I thought I sensed some of that in the OP. Over the years, I've learned that connection and intimacy easily trump that kind of thing.

[Vertex]

I don't really feel the need to justify a physical preference. It's just something I have, and I'm not going to 'force' myself to like something else. If I meet someone with an amazing mind and personality and takes care of themselves and happens to be a bit overweight, I could look past it, sure. But extremely overweight, probably not.

 

But I enjoy keeping in shape and would probably not be very compatible with someone who, say, was lazy/made excuses to not do anything physical/ate extremely unhealthy/took poor care of themselves/etc. That turns me off more than anything. I can say this from experience!

 

It's all about the attitude. Anyone can take care of themselves -- a better body will come naturally with that, even if it takes a while.

 

Perhaps it's a bit judgmental on my part, but I make the assumption that fat = lazy or inept at taking care of oneself. If you go to the gym regularly and eat right, you will get in shape. Energy in, energy out.

 

That being said, there are plenty of chubby girls that are still absolutely adorable and have everything else in place. I'm mainly talking about the ones that are quite a bit overweight to the point where physical attraction dies.

Edited January 2, 2010 by Vertex

[jerbear]

I've met women are somewhat overweight and I give them the benefit of the doubt. I look at the overall picture.

 

You rarely see an ambitious career minded woman being overly obese. Some of them actually realize that to make partner they better be closer to normal BMI and weight relative to their height.

 

One of my interests turned friend, lost over 80 pounds! I thought she was a cutie when I met her and just recently saw the new her. WOW... :love:

 

It's all about their attitude. Sometimes the "fat" person will realize that if they take care of themselves, a better lifestyle, body, mood, business promotion will present themselves.

[theBrokenMuse]

 

It's all about their attitude. Sometimes the "fat" person will realize that if they take care of themselves, a better lifestyle, body, mood, business promotion will present themselves.

 

So let me get this straight... because I am fat I don't 'take care of myself' (ie. slob) AND that my entire lifestyle, my body, my mood, and even my interpersonal business relations are all completely inferior to a thin person's. Gotcha. If you want to know why some fat people have such bad attitudes and self-esteem issues, they stem from the idiocy like this that is spouted by the masses. Fat women especially are told over and over again that losing weight will be a magical cure all that will change everything only to discover that it's not - not by a long shot.

Edited January 2, 2010 by theBrokenMuse

[bentnotbroken]

Yesterday I watch a movie on HBO, of course I just watched a little. It talks about fat girl participate a beauty pagent, she says about personality beauty is more important than appearance. But she wears a top only half cover her breast, she has large breast, I mean Large, and then she wears a very short skirt barely cover her private part. just opposite to what she proclaimed. not pretty

 

Big people's lifestyle isn't healthy. Everyone who is big should work on losing weight

 

 

LB, usually I agree with you 100%, but not in this instance. It isn't always the case. My sister is overweight, she has an excellent lifestyle. She walks 4 miles a day( with our mother)she bowls regularly, plays basketball with her kid and lifts weights with her H. Her weight is fine for her body type. Most charts that we use are based on 1940's standards and the BMI categories bodybuilders and some professional athletes as obese. If the heart is healthy, cholesterol, blood pressure and lung capacity is okay, the weight itself isn't that big a deal.

 

As long as monitoring one's health and knowing family history are important there is no issue. We see young, slim people die all the time from heart disease, high blood pressure and stroke.

[pricillia]

So let me get this straight... because I am fat I don't 'take care of myself' (ie. slob) AND that my entire lifestyle, my body, my mood, and even my interpersonal business relations are all completely inferior to a thin person's. Gotcha. If you want to know why some fat people have such bad attitudes and self-esteem issues, they stem from the idiocy like this that is spouted by the masses. Fat women especially are told over and over again that losing weight will be a magical cure all that will change everything only to discover that it's not - not by a long shot.

 

 

In shape people can be just as annoying as someone that is more out of shape. I don't think blaming anyone for your self esteem issue will get anyone anywhere, it is all how you are raised and the choices you make that will get you to where you would like to be.

[Choboto]

their not my cup of tea. I work out, run, swim, bike, play soccer, and boulder. Its safe to say athletics are a huge part of my life. Id like my partner to be able to atleast attempt to join me in my hobbies,even if they cant do em. and someone whos overweight or obese cant do any of these hobbies.

[pricillia]

I mean everyone has thier own idea of what is or is not obese or what is or is not attractive or what is or is not annoying, there is someone for everyone out there you just have to find it.

 

I myself gained some weight but I know that I am attractive and I am working on getting it off because I personally want to and I want to be healthy and feel good about myself.

 

I really think that some people just are happy in thier own skin and then sometimes emotional situations get things spiraling out of control and people don't make healthy choices about thier activities and the food that they eat which makes them fat and unhealthy... but those people that are overweight have feelings and should not be judged they way that we are judging them...

 

It is easy to joke and make fun of an overweight man or woman, I think they have alot of stress in thier lives and have a hard time handling it and before you know it they are in the danger zone...

[theBrokenMuse]

I don't think blaming anyone for your self esteem issue will get anyone anywhere, it is all how you are raised and the choices you make that will get you to where you would like to be.

 

I don't have self-esteem issues BUT you'd have to be daft if you didn't understand that being given the message that you are a great deal lesser than other people by the society in which you live is going to cause psychological damage to people.

[jerbear]

Fat women especially are told over and over again that losing weight will be a magical cure all that will change everything only to discover that it's not - not by a long shot.

The women are not told or given the opportunity, so they won't even know.

 

If you observe the real world, it is operated by non-fat people.

[theBrokenMuse]

The women are not told or given the opportunity, so they won't even know.

 

Really? So you don't know any women who have repeatedly lost and gained weight who are disappointed that their lives didn't drastically change for the better like had been led to believe it would? They are told. Hell, at fourteen years old I was being told that they entire world would be my oyster, that I could have any boy or amount of popularity that I desired if only I would lose some weight. It was my own family peddling this snake oil at me never mind the blitz or teen mags and television telling you that you just need to bring out that beautiful swan and all will be well in the world. It is wrong, it is cruel and as far as I am concerned sick to make people swallow tripe in order to get them to conform to the standards of others.

 

If you observe the real world, it is operated by non-fat people.

If you mean 'controlled' by operated, it is also safe to say that the majority of the world's biggest businesses are run by males, so should I strive to grow a penis as well?

[Green]

OP, I thought this thread looked familiar so I checked and this is the third thread you've created about fat women. You are neither a woman or fat and your your girlfriend isn't fat, yet you felt the need to rehash this subject more than once. Now, a lot of people that are bigoted towards heavier folks will often bring up the subject of weight as a means to shame, humiliate or punish under the guise of trying to 'understand' or they play the 'health issues' card thinking it makes them seem compassionate. I'm not saying that you are one of these people but it does make me wonder what exactly you getting from regurgitating this subject matter.

 

I don't think fat men and women are attractive. As a man I can safely say that I would most likely never begin dating a woman who was obese.

 

I apologize if I've made previous threads that offend you, but right now all I'm saying is I don't understand why my friend is so attracted to a 300lb+ woman. I would never say anything to him or her as I would not want them picking apart the way I look.

 

The fact of the matter is he makes it very tempting to say something, well he looks at internet women (not fat)... and oh yeah he said my good looking gf was to skinny to which I asked him if he wanted to die.... well you get the point.

 

By the way why is it ok for fat women especialy to insult women for being thin? I understand calling some one fat is alot meaner but still its a double standard like making it olright for a women to hit a man but not vice versa because men are stronger.

 

No I do not hate fat people in face there is no difference other then being fat that I am talking about her. The fat itself in my opinion is not attractive and I have had no straight answers on why people find it attractive.

 

For this issue to even be on your radar, you must REALLY be concerned about how a few extra pounds on your gf will reflect badly on you. To me, it sounds like this is what it is all about . . .

 

I actualy turned in a different direction and was first attracted to my gf's voice. When I turned around and saw her face and yes body I was very attracted to her and it was the sexual attraction that gave me the drive and confidence to overcome social anxieties and ask her out.

 

If I had looked at her and she had been fat I probably would not have found her attracted.

 

Now that I've been with her over a year and know that I love her things are different. I'm not worried about her getting fat because she just doesn't eat or live that life style, but if she did get fat it wouldn't change the way I feel about her because things are past a physical level, but in the begining before I knew her yes it was very physical. I don't feel like I could even get a grasp on the real her until plenty of dating time had passed.

 

The way I see it... physical attraction is the PRIMARY reason for male-female relationships to exist to begin with. If this wasn't the case, I would have moved in with my best friend long time ago and called it a day. (Personalitywise I'm happier with him than I've ever been with any woman. The problem is neither of us is gay or would consider a sex change operation.)

 

Prioritizing attraction is not about being superficial, but acknowledging that there is little else to really bring women and men together. Internal qualities matter for sustaining a viable long-term partnership, but I wouldn't care about sustaining a long term partnership with someone I'm not attracted to. That is also why I consider the concept of a "sexless relationship/marriage" an oximoron. This type of an arrangement is anything but a relationship.

 

But why specificaly do you think normal sized people fall for fat people?

 

It's no secret that I have never been into fat people, but I imagine the reason many will date them is that they don't see body weight as a big factor.

 

My best friend likes larger women because he's into curves.

 

Dating "fat people" isn't "settling" the way many think it is...it's finding the right person who will be there. Look how many "beautiful people" out there either play games with one another or are chronically single, thinking they can do better than everyone they meet.

 

I won't judge others who choose people that don't fit my idea of "attractive". It's a big world out there.

 

 

I've seen many in the Black Community even speak of how they like larger women over skinny ones.

 

I just think the curves disapear on obese women, in the begining fat adds to the curves but eventualy the breasts loose their shape and the fat will just deposit any where on the womans body... Men get boobs and look pregnant

 

It is just fact most people judge a book by it's cover and don't look beneathe the surface and the essence of the person, hey I have my preferences and when you want a lover in your life someone that turns you on and makes you want to ravish them..he he

 

I am trying to loose weight myself and would not rule out a man that was a little overweight if he was my type of guy however everyone has thier cut off I guess.

 

could you be attracted to a 5 foot 7 man who weighed 350lbs with big man boobs?

 

I don't think that's what the OP is getting at. He wants to know how anyone could possibly be initially attracted to someone overweight -- as if one must be incredibly desperate to be so. I admit that I had some hangups and conflicting emotions when I met my wife, but as BrokenMuse points out, the weight itself is trivial compared to the real core issues at play.

 

Well thats just the thing, what made you get over those hangups, why didn't you just date some one you didn't have hang ups over?

 

I don't really feel the need to justify a physical preference. It's just something I have, and I'm not going to 'force' myself to like something else. If I meet someone with an amazing mind and personality and takes care of themselves and happens to be a bit overweight, I could look past it, sure. But extremely overweight, probably not.

 

But I enjoy keeping in shape and would probably not be very compatible with someone who, say, was lazy/made excuses to not do anything physical/ate extremely unhealthy/took poor care of themselves/etc. That turns me off more than anything. I can say this from experience!

 

It's all about the attitude. Anyone can take care of themselves -- a better body will come naturally with that, even if it takes a while.

 

Perhaps it's a bit judgmental on my part, but I make the assumption that fat = lazy or inept at taking care of oneself. If you go to the gym regularly and eat right, you will get in shape. Energy in, energy out.

 

That being said, there are plenty of chubby girls that are still absolutely adorable and have everything else in place. I'm mainly talking about the ones that are quite a bit overweight to the point where physical attraction dies.

 

I agree with what you have written, and yes some chubby girls who have shape can be quite sexy but why is it you think people choose to date the very fat, the obese people when they themselves are not obese? Do you happen to have friends in your life who did date a very fat person? or very fat friends?

 

I've met women are somewhat overweight and I give them the benefit of the doubt. I look at the overall picture.

 

You rarely see an ambitious career minded woman being overly obese. Some of them actually realize that to make partner they better be closer to normal BMI and weight relative to their height.

 

One of my interests turned friend, lost over 80 pounds! I thought she was a cutie when I met her and just recently saw the new her. WOW... :love:

 

It's all about their attitude. Sometimes the "fat" person will realize that if they take care of themselves, a better lifestyle, body, mood, business promotion will present themselves.

 

So you agree people look better with out an extra 100lbs of weight over what would be healthy for them.

 

LB, usually I agree with you 100%, but not in this instance. It isn't always the case. My sister is overweight, she has an excellent lifestyle. She walks 4 miles a day( with our mother)she bowls regularly, plays basketball with her kid and lifts weights with her H. Her weight is fine for her body type. Most charts that we use are based on 1940's standards and the BMI categories bodybuilders and some professional athletes as obese. If the heart is healthy, cholesterol, blood pressure and lung capacity is okay, the weight itself isn't that big a deal.

 

As long as monitoring one's health and knowing family history are important there is no issue. We see young, slim people die all the time from heart disease, high blood pressure and stroke.

 

I always agree with LB 100% and when she posted I was afraid she would put me in my place but didn't.

[jerbear]

So you agree people look better with out an extra 100lbs of weight over what would be healthy for them.

In this context, yes.

[theBrokenMuse]

I apologize if I've made previous threads that offend you

They didn't but if the fact that you want to discuss fat people this often is a bit of a red flag.

 

I don't understand why my friend is so attracted to a 300lb+ woman.

 

he said my good looking gf was to skinny to which I asked him if he wanted to die.... well you get the point.

Maybe he isn't obsessed with sizes or perhaps he likes bigger women better. He wouldn't be the only one in the universe, you know.

 

By the way why is it ok for fat women especialy to insult women for being thin?

Who said it was? I sure as hell didn't. I hate catty women that are all jealous of other females, it's so lame. They all need to get over themselves.

I have had no straight answers on why people find it attractive.

Not everyone's mind is wired to care about the same things you do or take to social conditioning in the same way. For example, I remember as a teen having a friend talking about her BF and how her family was unhappy that he was different from the other guys she had dated and I was utterly clueless that she was talking about his race. Until she came out and said it, his race never crossed my mind when with some people that might be the first thing they would have considered. Everyone has different preferences and viewpoints about what's of importance and that which is important to you might be utterly trivial to another. Your friend may simply not agree with your perception of beauty. Edited January 2, 2010 by theBrokenMuse

[Vertex]

There's a reason why we tend to favor the fit over the fat -- we've evolved to do so. We have a natural built-in desire to seek out traits that indicate genetic fitness, which are generally expressed through things we find attractive.

[GoodOnPaper]

Well thats just the thing, what made you get over those hangups, why didn't you just date some one you didn't have hang ups over?

 

No options. I always had a very difficult time attracting women -- a consistent track record of crashing-and-burning in "nice guy" fashion. Then all of a sudden, even though I didn't do anything different, this cute but overweight girl was drawn to me and I couldn't shake her loose.

 

Getting over the hangups has been a gradual thing. I still have a mental knee-jerk reaction that normal-weight women are out of my league. Although, I've found that now, most normal-weight women aren't chesty enough to draw my notice, anyway . . .

 

A simple but important fact to remember is that overweight women are people, too -- despite what you read on LS -- with a wide spectrum of physical attractiveness, senses of humor, style, emotional and "book" intelligence, passions, etc. We all draw lines on what we find attractive and unattractive. For many guys, weight is the first filter -- for me, it's usually not. What I don't understand is your concern about dating overweight people -- you obviously have a strong aversion to doing so and you don't seem to have a problem attracting normal-weight women. As I said before, I'm surprised this topic is even on your radar.

[theBrokenMuse]

We have a natural built-in desire to seek out traits that indicate genetic fitness.

 

However, this could only translate into an athletic vs. both thin and fat. In fact, you could build a much better case for fat women being preferred during the evolutionary process than thin as thin used to equate as sickly and less likely to be able to live through harsh times, like the winter months while pregnant as opposed to the fat women who were considered more hearty and more likely to survive when food was more scarce. The fact that thin women are considered as desirable today as the athletic body type is a testament to social conditioning as opposed to the evolutionary process.

[Vertex]

However, this could only translate into an athletic vs. both thin and fat. In fact, you could build a much better case for fat women being preferred during the evolutionary process than thin as thin used to equate as sickly and less likely to be able to live through harsh times, like the winter months while pregnant as opposed to the fat women who were considered more hearty and more likely to survive when food was more scarce. The fact that thin women are considered as desirable today as the athletic body type is a testament to social conditioning as opposed to the evolutionary process.

 

You'll have a mix of both surviving for a variety of reasons, but the average/most numerous type of human build is average for a reason.

 

I would say that there is certainly a social effect that augments a preference for specific traits, but my point is that I'd say most people would be okay with someone who was slightly thin/slightly fat. It's only when you hit the extremes do you have issues.

[Jaytb]

Some people are into heavier people some people are not. There's not much to understand here. I'm into thin women, but I don't think anything of someone who isn't. It's really nothing to get in a tizzy over.

[disgracian]

You can't see peoples personalities and other qualities so its going to be the looks that origionaly pull you attention.

Well, two things spring to mind initially: Firstly I have personally noticed very little correlation between a woman's size and how attracted I am to them; secondly, I rarely gravitate towards the prettiest face I can find because in my experience it's only fleeting attraction. I'm more intrigued by the quiet types; they tend to be more interesting and more attractive because of that.

 

Cheers,

D.