disgracian Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Maybe your friend just has a great time with a woman who is spontaneous and fun to be around and loves and adores him and makes him feel good about himself and blissful? Thanks for your input hoping2heal. I am cautiously optimistic that I may get at least one person to realise that I could just as happily date women both small and large (hypothetically, since I am now taken - sorry ladies) and it just doesn't matter either way. It's not something to "look past" nor is it some deviant fetish. It's just one of a thousand different characteristics of a person and one that seems to be paid far too much attention. Cheers, D.
You'reasian Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 How is a repugnant attitude in any way connected to her weight? It sounds to me like you're treating her size as a negative score that you can possibly overlook only so long as everything else balances it out, but if she was an outright bitch then you'd part ways because of her weight and not attitude? Or did I read it wrong? Cheers, D. Being overweight is not an issue itself (almost a non-issue) if she's got more positive traits about her, say she takes good care of her general appearance, is a great partner etc. If she's an outright ***** her being overweight would tip the scales from non-issue to negative trait through more dealings.
nddb Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Everything wonderful I can think of about being married to my wife, weight comes last or not at all. 1) Emotionally fulfilling 2) Someone affectionate 3) Laughter 4) Unconditioned support 5) Physical affection 6) Loving mother 7) Responsible with our money (read--future) 8) Someone who doesn't look at our relationship as another battlefront in the war between the sexes 9) Someone who appreciates my effort to provide for the family 10) Someone who admires and respects me despite my faults AND IT'S VICE VERSA Weight: Even though my wife is thin, and has been for years, it won't bother me if she goes to 150, 200 or 250. More breasts, more tummy, more thighs, more to pamper... so what?
bwidger Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Everything wonderful I can think of about being married to my wife, weight comes last or not at all. 1) Emotionally fulfilling 2) Someone affectionate 3) Laughter 4) Unconditioned support 5) Physical affection 6) Loving mother 7) Responsible with our money (read--future) 8) Someone who doesn't look at our relationship as another battlefront in the war between the sexes 9) Someone who appreciates my effort to provide for the family 10) Someone who admires and respects me despite my faults AND IT'S VICE VERSA Weight: Even though my wife is thin, and has been for years, it won't bother me if she goes to 150, 200 or 250. More breasts, more tummy, more thighs, more to pamper... so what? First off, I love your input and I think it's great that you have these things, but would you be saying the same thing if you were single and looking?
You'reasian Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Everything wonderful I can think of about being married to my wife, weight comes last or not at all. 1) Emotionally fulfilling 2) Someone affectionate 3) Laughter 4) Unconditioned support 5) Physical affection 6) Loving mother 7) Responsible with our money (read--future) 8) Someone who doesn't look at our relationship as another battlefront in the war between the sexes 9) Someone who appreciates my effort to provide for the family 10) Someone who admires and respects me despite my faults AND IT'S VICE VERSA Weight: Even though my wife is thin, and has been for years, it won't bother me if she goes to 150, 200 or 250. More breasts, more tummy, more thighs, more to pamper... so what? I agree with the general idea of this thread. Your wife has alot of awesome qualities! Weight would never be an issue, given these traits
hoping2heal Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 First off, I love your input and I think it's great that you have these things, but would you be saying the same thing if you were single and looking? My lovely future husband met me when I was heavier than I am now. He didn't try to tag my ear and hide me in a closet until I lost some weight.
disgracian Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 If she's an outright ***** her being overweight would tip the scales from non-issue to negative trait through more dealings. I guess what I'm struggling with is the ostensible suggestion that you'd put up with her bitchiness if she was not overweight. You probably didn't mean that, but that's how it seemed to read. Cheers, D.
Pink Cupcakes Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 allina, their fiances are also most likely obese. Have you ever watched The Biggest Loser? They had a couples one and in all the cases the couples were equally obese to begin with. It's not rocket science, a big woman is probably with a big guy. Of course this is not always the case and sometimes you get a very big woman with an average size guy and/or vice versa. To each their own, who cares? I'm not saying that the physical is more important than the emotional/intellectual. However, when looking for someone to spend your life with there has to be physical and sexual attraction. I also dislike the idea often used in these weight threads that suggests a person can either be attractive physically or have a good personality. It's not that difficult to find someone with an amazing personality that you click with, that is also attractive. You say attraction fades with age and children, though I'm not sure I agree. Yes, we age, and with age attractiveness changes. But to say that with age and children everyone becomes morbidly obese is crazy. I am not talking about perfection here. But someone who is 300lbs? Are you honestly telling me this wouldn't matter to you? You would be turned on by a 300lb body?
Awesome Username Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I've dated and been attracted to larger men before. They tend to be comfy.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I've dated and been attracted to larger men before. They tend to be comfy. I'm chowing down $1 burgers at McDonalds right now
disgracian Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 allina, their fiances are also most likely obese. Have you ever watched The Biggest Loser? They had a couples one and in all the cases the couples were equally obese to begin with. That's an absurdly small sample size from which to draw any kind of conclusions. Moreover, on the Australian couples series, probably only 1/2 were both obese. I think you need to put more thought into your arguments. Cheers, D.
melly18 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 My lovely future husband met me when I was heavier than I am now. He didn't try to tag my ear and hide me in a closet until I lost some weight. is that you in the avatar? you don't look fat to me. :/
agentsmith Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Everyone has different preferences. I don't feel attracted to women who are skinny, and generally go for the ones who've got some meat on their bones.
b52s Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 (edited) Why would any one want to date a fat person. I would be interested to hear from people who started dating some one who was already fat. My gf is in good shape and if she ever got fat I would still be attracted to her although it would upset me health wise. But if she had been fat when I met her I don't think I would of formed that initial attraction. Yeah, now that I think about it, I know this married couple where the husband is a beanpole, but the woman is obviously obese.....I was thinking, "Meh, she was probably thin, and gained weight after they got married" THen...I saw their wedding photo, sure enough, she was obese (and him thin) in the wedding photo...I was like "Huh?? oooookay." I don't mind if a woman is somewhat chunky (extra 20 to 30 lbs on her)....typically if they gain the weight, they gain it proportionately...and it doesn't look too bad on them. I've actually been attracted to some "thick" women. Oh, there's this one girl... VERY thin, I would say she weight...90lbs....bean pole...the guy she's with is a monstrous fat guy.....she's kinda cute actually, but....it made me think "Wow, this means I still have a chance, LOL" (Not with her, but this means with my physical appearance - as average as I look - , I should be able to land SOME girl, lol) Edited January 2, 2010 by b52s
thirdgirl Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Green, that's just your personal preference for thinner women. Not everyone is attracted to the same body type. Don't you think a heavier person has enough prejudice against them, that they don't need it constantly rubbed into their faces? exactly. overweight people face enough criticism as it is.
disgracian Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Oh, there's this one girl... VERY thin, I would say she weight...90lbs....bean pole...the guy she's with is a monstrous fat guy.....she's kinda cute actually, but....it made me think "Wow, this means I still have a chance, LOL" (Not with her, but this means with my physical appearance - as average as I look - , I should be able to land SOME girl, lol) Another one who just doesn't have the first clue... Cheers, D.
b52s Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Another one who just doesn't have the first clue... Cheers, D. Well either she doesn't care about looks and more about the personality (which is why I said, even an average looking guy like myself still stands a chance, lol) or he/she has a "fetish" for that kind of thing
theBrokenMuse Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 or he/she has a "fetish" for that kind of thing *facepalm* The whole point that he was trying to make is that there are three different basic body types and not everyone is going to only want the one that is pushed most often by the media. In other words, it's not a ****ing fetish.
theBrokenMuse Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Also, I don't hate thin women. That's right, not ALL big women hate other females simply because they are SKINNY. I don't think skinny women are an evil race! My obese butt personally doesn't have a problem with thin girls ether. I don't have low self-esteem so I've never really understood the whole 'hater' nonsense.
Author Green Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 It's a matter of horses-for-courses. If I'm looking at pictures of women then physical attractiveness assumes more importance because I'm just looking and, well, I don't really have anything else to go on. It depends what I'm trying to attain. To somebody of maturity and perspective, weight is really only a factor if it has health implications. If that sounds condescending or pompous, tough. It's also true. Cheers, D. If your using the internet to date women pictures and words are all you have to go off of. If you meet a girl at a party or park or whatever you are not going to know her personality yet until you persue her so why wouldn't it be the same as when you look at pictures. You can't see peoples personalities and other qualities so its going to be the looks that origionaly pull you attention. And I'm just curious are you a regular sized person who dates a obese person? More importantly did you begin dating this person already obese Okay, as a person who is Fat, and no; not big boned I had to chime in here. Green, not all fat people are alike. For example, I CAN kayak. Now, I'm not crane fat no but I seem to have more confidence about myself than the thin women I know. I mean for one, if I'm upset because I look fat in a pair of jeans? It's because I really AM fat I don't just make up crap to be upset about for no reason. Sure, I have my days where I am like "omg get the tow truck hank and put out the orange cones." However, with diet and excersize I feel better about that for one. Also, I don't hate thin women. That's right, not ALL big women hate other females simply because they are SKINNY. I don't think skinny women are an evil race! I've also noticed compared to my thinner friends, I seem to be the one more willing to do something spontaneous and crazy (okay I don't mean girls gone wild kind of spontaneous and crazy) while the other girls are like "omg people are watching what if I look bad". What cracks me up as a bigger woman, is how many times I hear this one "Oh, I don't mind a woman being overweight but they all have such bad atitudes and no confidence. They are always down on themselves." Sweetie, that is HARDLY a trait of JUST overweight women. That one cracks me up about as much as the whole "no, it isn't her looks it's her health that it bothers me!" Come on, you can admit you prefer a woman who is in shape because of how she looks; I don't get upset about it (Wow, so many heads must be spinning. I think I am breaking so many pre-concieved notions it will be overwhelming). Women of every size can be both fun and exciting, beautiful inside or ugly inside, there's a variety and fat people again are not one size fits all (um, no pun intended). We are just as diverse and unique as other people and there are some of us that are royal pains in the behind and some of us that you will have the time of your lives with. We are people and not some foreign species of alien leppers. Maybe your friend just has a great time with a woman who is spontaneous and fun to be around and loves and adores him and makes him feel good about himself and blissful? I agree women of every size can be both fun and exciting, beautiful inside. My point is only that I personaly find no shortage of people who are not obese so why do people decide in that unatached begining period to persue something with some one who is obese. Your bf for instance, is he fit or obese as well? did you ever ask him, did he say that he just fell in love with you and never dated obese women before... has he just always enjoyed bigger women...
theBrokenMuse Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 OP, I thought this thread looked familiar so I checked and this is the third thread you've created about fat women. You are neither a woman or fat and your your girlfriend isn't fat, yet you felt the need to rehash this subject more than once. Now, a lot of people that are bigoted towards heavier folks will often bring up the subject of weight as a means to shame, humiliate or punish under the guise of trying to 'understand' or they play the 'health issues' card thinking it makes them seem compassionate. I'm not saying that you are one of these people but it does make me wonder what exactly you getting from regurgitating this subject matter.
GoodOnPaper Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 My gf is in good shape and if she ever got fat I would still be attracted to her although it would upset me health wise. But if she had been fat when I met her I don't think I would of formed that initial attraction. For this issue to even be on your radar, you must REALLY be concerned about how a few extra pounds on your gf will reflect badly on you. To me, it sounds like this is what it is all about . . .
Sam Spade Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 The way I see it... physical attraction is the PRIMARY reason for male-female relationships to exist to begin with. If this wasn't the case, I would have moved in with my best friend long time ago and called it a day. (Personalitywise I'm happier with him than I've ever been with any woman. The problem is neither of us is gay or would consider a sex change operation.) Prioritizing attraction is not about being superficial, but acknowledging that there is little else to really bring women and men together. Internal qualities matter for sustaining a viable long-term partnership, but I wouldn't care about sustaining a long term partnership with someone I'm not attracted to. That is also why I consider the concept of a "sexless relationship/marriage" an oximoron. This type of an arrangement is anything but a relationship.
Sam Spade Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 For this issue to even be on your radar, you must REALLY be concerned about how a few extra pounds on your gf will reflect badly on you. To me, it sounds like this is what it is all about . . . That's not necessarily true. I can't answer for him, but looking at my own gf - she looks great, but she's a coach potato and that I don't like even though there is absolutely *nothing* wrong with her looks. We're in the process of reconciling the differences in activity levels and that doesn't have anything to do with weight per se.
Sam Spade Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Overall, both men and women need to realize that it is part of their job as a boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife to keep themselves trim and physically attractive, or else accept that they probably contribute to important aspect of the relationship problems.
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