duskandsummer Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 So it took one major relapse to put me back on the road to moving on..and now I don't know where I stand. So for those who have gone through it..let me know what stage this is lol So about two weeks ago..I was at rock bottom again..speaking crazy nonsense about wanting him even though he has a girlfriend and all. Well I know im not over him, but im not hurting like I use to over him. Now I see pictures of him, or his girlfriend will post status updates about him and instead of feeling like my heart just crumbled in a million pieces..I just roll my eyes and forget about it. It doesn't hurt. When I think about him, because I obviously still do, I still check his facebook page to see how he is doing, cause I still care about the guy..I can't hate him because he couldn't give me what I wanted you know? but instead of aching for him I don't. No pain what so ever is being felt in my heart. BUT I am missing him, I want to talk to him to see how he is really doing, I want him to know I exist I guess and I want him to know im doing good. I just miss talking to him, being apart of his world instead of an outsider looking in. I see like new pictures of him and he is getting a little acne he didn't have before..but he still seems flawless to me and I am doing a lot of things to better myself, and everyday I feel more confident. It doesn't make me happy I just don't know why I still hold him up high. When something good happens to him..I am truly happy for him, I feel joy in my heart knowing something good is happening to him, knowing he is happy. I am not aching like I was before..for him. Don't get me wrong if he were to talk to me again and wanted to start something again..I know those feelings would come back in a heartbeat..but I just don't know whats going on with me now. Why am I not feeling pain..yet I still miss him. If one thing causes me pain is loneliness not really him anymore..I miss the attention..I miss being held and kissed and all that..that hurts me, but not the fact that he gave me all those things and took it away. im confused..any thoughts?!
cybersister Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance; - these are the 5 stages of grief. Looks to me like you have hit acceptance. However, bear in mind that this does not mean you are over it yet- people can go back to stages, particularly if they did not do them thoroughly in the fisrt instance.
tVII Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 you want the OLD times back. thats really it. right now your mind is on the right track to move forward. its like quitting cigarrettes. you gotta take it one day at a time to wean yourself off. but your getting there.
Author duskandsummer Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance; - these are the 5 stages of grief. Looks to me like you have hit acceptance. However, bear in mind that this does not mean you are over it yet- people can go back to stages, particularly if they did not do them thoroughly in the fisrt instance. well seeing as he stopped talking to me and didn't give me a reason..this wasn't a break up, this was an us thing and the the thing just stoped after three years. denial..I guess my denial was that he would eventually call again and that he is playing some sort of game. anger..oh yes I've had my anger but not towards him towards his girlfriend I blame it all on her. bargaining..never did that I mean I haven't talked to him about whatever we had. depression..I have been depressed about things with him even before he lost interest in me. Depression is something I know very well in my situation. but im not depressed over him anymore. acceptance..I accept the fact that he is with someone else but I don't accept how he treated me..and I don't accept the fact that so much has been left unsaid..I mean how can I? I have gotten no closure and maybe thats what is keeping me attached even though im not hurting over him anymore? if so how can I reach acceptance with no closure?!
tVII Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 breaking up is closure enough. getting another gf is even more. sometimes thats all the closure some get. but if you really want closure then call him up but don't really expect to hear what you want. might even set you back.
Author duskandsummer Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 breaking up is closure enough. getting another gf is even more. sometimes thats all the closure some get. but if you really want closure then call him up but don't really expect to hear what you want. might even set you back. ive thought about it so many times to call him and just tell him what he has put me through. we never broke up we were never together..and whatever we had has been going on for 3 years..he got this new girlfriend 2 years after we started talking..so the girlfriend thing didn't hurt whatever interest he has in me until a year ago. Actually exactly a year ago is when all this trouble started. Anyways its a long story, but thats what im scared of talking to him and being set back. Or talking to him and hearing that he never was interested in me..that he was just bored..or I was just something to do. That would break me, because I care about him so much I pretty much fell in love with him. Its one thing to know your love isn't requited but its another knowing that the person didn't care about you at all. That you are no one to them. So I don't know what to do. I am still holding out on some stupid hope that he will contact me and that will give me the opportunity to tell him everything.
Author duskandsummer Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 ehh I started feeling something today. It still not that aching feeling I was feeling before..its not pain. I just really really miss him. I've been contemplating texting him..but I wouldn't know what to say, plus he has a girlfriend..plus the last time I texted he deleted my number because he asked who it was..so that means I really shouldn't right?
Howitzer Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 It sounds like you're almost there, almost moved on from him. Do you still want to get back with him? Do you want it while accepting that it will never happen? If that's the case, I would be careful contacting the guy. It might give you a false sense of hope, so you should keep that in mind if you do call him. Otherwise, maybe you just miss him as a special and close friend. You guys used to date, so it's understandable that you'll see him in a different light. You just have to be cautious about your imagination and emotions. If you do talk to him, I would suggest keeping it light for now.
Author duskandsummer Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 I over think everything this guys says. I know that if I try to contact him now, and it doesn't go the way that I want..I won't be doing so good. False sense of hope is exactly what I feel the last 3 years have been with him. I see that he is doing well and I am happy for him but at the same time wish I were the one who got to be apart of the good in his life now. I just feel like he is someone that when I have moved on, I will always care about. I may not ache for him but a tiny part of my heart will be reserved just for him..cheesy I know but I can't shake the feeling. My expectations bleed into the reality of it and then im let down. I feel like I do this not with just him but with every guy I have dated. But especially him.
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