Artist Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Well it has been two months since my ex broke up with me and 7 weeks after she was engaged to another guy. We dated for 10 months. My counclior keeps telling me to have married her would have been hell and that I have done the right thing to cut her out of my life but when does this hell end? The getting over her? I feel like I am just trying to survive. I obsess over her, feel numb, weep a lot. Right after she broke up I did ok because this was the third time she broke up and I figured she would just come back but when I figured out she was too sick to keep dating I told her I agreed and we should not date anymore but I would be her friend. Then the grief hit. Then she kept contacting me. I got a little better and then two weeks later found out she was in a relationship with a new guy. So the grief started all over. Then two weeks later I found out she had cheated on me with this new guy. So the grief started over. Then last Sat a friend told me she was engagued 7 weeks after our break up. I am so tired of hurting. I am working out hard and have gotten into great shape but the weeping is hard. When we feel like weeping is it alwasy a good thing to do? Does it always help? Or can it be a bad thing. Pulling you deeper into despair? Thoughts?
Vampire Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 For what it's worth, I've just cried my eyes out after reading some more Facebook and a comment which proves my ex fiance did have sex with the ex boyfriend she went to stay with while I was being told we'd be together. I have cried my eyes out and given myself a headache. You can't supress tears. You can delay them, but ultimately, at times, it's good to let it out. Right now, after crying, I feel hollow but it's better than fighting the urge and kidding myself. It's when you don't want to cry that you know you're further down Victory Alley.
Space Ritual Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 It may never fully leave you given the circumstances(since I have read both of your threads, and you both have encountered some real crap as of late). Artist, only you can heal in your own time. all of us are different. Sadly I think Holidays(like this one) are especially tough when the realizations have come so recently. The best advice I can gibe is to try to surround yourself with as many friends and people who care about you as possible. and always remember that no one(AND I MEAN NO ONE) is worth the constant self torment you are dealing with. easier said than done I know, but as long as youi do your utmost to delete these toxic people form your life(NC) it will get better. Vampire, I have also read yoru threads but was hesitant to post anything. I will say that the worst thing you can possibly do to yourself is to even look at your ex's Facebook account. It will be a constant reminder and you will keep doing this and setting yourself back to square one everytime you do. Look guys, those social sites are an overblown extension of how shallow people's lives are anyway. some people use them for their intended purpose, but increasingly they are used as a mental weapon. Is suggest you deactivate your accounts for the time being, or if you refuse to do that at least set your privacy levels so that the people in question will not look at your profiles. It may seem like not much of a trade off, but we all know that those damn statuses and moods on FB and Myspace are little more than emotional extortion. Example: "Oh I have a hangnail, where or where can I find an emory board?" 10 horndogs(or mutual friends even) that have befriended person in question... Get well soon baby I'll come over and clip your nails, etc, while that may seem a sophomoric example, the idea is that if they know you are looking it will give them cause to post something publicly which they know is bound to set you off... so stop looking at the profiles. Baby steps if need be
Vampire Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I appreciate your words SR, I really do, but my FB is set to private. Nothing, save for Add Friend or Send Message is visible. It's the same on hers. The link was through a comment made by somebody else which opened the page. My fault for looking, but it was impossible I felt, not to. Thankyou for having the time to read my thread though, I do appreciate it and every little bit helps. I wish I hadn't read the other comments tonight which confirmed my suspicions and I guess I will have to do my best to try and not look in future.
Space Ritual Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 The Mutual friend thread was what got ya? Really I would take a break from that damn place. I am there but I am only there to play Mafia Wars. A few real world friends I have there I recently deleted because I couldnt stand their constant "Fawn Fests" as I call them. I could have just hidden their posts from being viewed but I have never done anything half-assed..lol. I mean those damn places are relationship killers in the first place. You ever notice hoe many threads include looking at a recent Ex's FB and all the hell that comes with that? At any rate, If I were you Id at the very least block her as it will kill all communication and break the links that you view when mutual friends post to her, and maybe hide the friend's posts for awhile so there is even less of a chance of that happening
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I have a FB profile, but truly, I never, ever use it. my partner uses it, to..... Play Mafia Wars..... That's all FB is good for. The rest of it just serves to rip us to shreds. Or rather, we let it serve us that way. I am perfectly capable of keeping in touch with the friends I want to keep in touch with without knowing about their children's swimming lessons, dog poos on the living-room carpet or - yup - hangnails!
Zeegagge Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Is this about Facebook or weeping? Weeping over Facebook? I feel that. Haven't done it. My sh*t's so in my face that Facebook is the least of my worries. Either way, I've wept plenty and usually felt a little better afterwards. Now my tears seem to have run dry and I wish I could cry, just for that release. I guess I'm entering a new phase of grieving. It's gone from emotional pain to just plain numbness. Sad, but every possible thing I could think about regarding the relationship, I've analyzed and overanalyzed. There's nothing more to think about. It all happened for fair and just reasons. I didn't do anything wrong. We just didnt have a good connection and regardless of how many times we both tried to make it work it just didn't. Now her mom and sister both tell me that I need to tell her to **** off, that Im pissed at her and I want nothing to do with her anymore. I'm not pissed though. Maybe I should be. Ima let her know, soon.
richardcruz Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Take it from me..the guy who cried a river in front of ex ex girlfriend many times.. weeping in front of an Ex= Very Very Bad Idea weeping on your own out of sight of your Ex=Good Idea It sounds like you have just been crying on your own, and there is absolutely no shame in that. Men cry too. Many people confide in me, maybe because I'm not afraid to tell them that I can relate to them or that I have been in their same position when they are at their weakest hour. A lot of these guys hold positions in our society were they most portray the alpha male type image (they are police officers). I must say that the one thing that can really dig into all guys hearts and squeeze the tears out is heartbreak from a woman. Don't worry about how long it'll take for you to stop crying, as your heart will do this on its' own. You are handling a very tough situation and it's perfectly normal that it hurts like hell. I say let the tears out and eventually, although it may not true right now, the pain WILL lessen in time and the tears will dry up. Take Care man
Author Artist Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Yes I was pretty strong with her. When she broke up via email I sent her a text telling her "sounds like you are breaking up. Ok. Seems like a pretty fast switch from hot to cold but ok. I wish you the best. Hope you get to the bottom of your issues" When she kept contacting me I sent her a message telling how deeply she had hurt me by cheating which she did not know I had found out about and my final message to her was "Please never contact me again. Peace" But at home I am weeping a lot. It is so intense sometimes I feel I am going crazy. But I have not contacted her. I guess I just want to know there will be an end to this. It is funny. I went through heart ache like this back in March with another lady..it was just as hard. Now I look back on her and have no hard feelings for her but no pinning. The hardest thing to me about this is the feeling that what I am feeling now will never end which is just not true but feels true.
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I find crying helps a lot. Nothing wrong with succumbing to tears. Little boys are taught it's not okay to cry and they carry that stigma into adulthood. The worst thing that can happen with a good cry is that your face will get wet.
blackbear_703 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 No there's nothing at all wrong with crying...as long as it isn't in front of the ex. I've heard it been said that crying is the soul's way of purifying itself. I have to agree. It's better to let your emotions out than to keep all that bottled up inside and one day explode. Or even worse, end up in the same position that many of our exes are in with depression, anger issues, etc. I've also heard many a person say that it's best to write in a journal, write poetry, listen to some good soulful music, etc. when you start crying since it helps you get it all out of your system and ultimately helps the healing process.
blackbear_703 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 The Mutual friend thread was what got ya? Really I would take a break from that damn place. I am there but I am only there to play Mafia Wars. A few real world friends I have there I recently deleted because I couldnt stand their constant "Fawn Fests" as I call them. I could have just hidden their posts from being viewed but I have never done anything half-assed..lol. I mean those damn places are relationship killers in the first place. You ever notice hoe many threads include looking at a recent Ex's FB and all the hell that comes with that? At any rate, If I were you Id at the very least block her as it will kill all communication and break the links that you view when mutual friends post to her, and maybe hide the friend's posts for awhile so there is even less of a chance of that happening Very true about FB being toxic during a break-up. In fact, it was the death blow (Or was it??? After all, it was my ex's fault this happened) to my own relationship. I discovered a mutual thread which lead to the discovery of another site with pics of my ex with another guy and all the messages she'd left for him. All the rest is history. My ex hasn't been very active on the social media sites lately. However, after her new best friend (ironically enough, the girlfriend of the guy above) posted some sexy pics of herself on another site yesterday, I started wondering and worrying about my ex. Logging on to that site might've been a bad idea.... But yeah, taking a break from FB or at least hiding the ex's posts might be a very good idea if you're struggling to find closure from the break-up. Seeing those daily updates and all the potential beaus in her/his life will hurt you everytime you log on.
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 crying is never bad just dont do it in front of ur ex..neva show how much u hurt cuz that gives them power my ex met someone 4 months after breakup and now there are together i cry a lot and i pray for peace in my heart not for gettin her back...i will always love her but das is dat i have cried a freakin ocean and it helps to cope more than smokin janie lol
Howitzer Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Seems like most people here are saying it's ok to cry. I agree too, to a certain extent. It seems to me that you are starting to cry all the time. Perhaps your continuous crying is reinforcing itself, and eventually you'll just start to feel weird without being sad. Has anyone ever experienced this? Where you're just sad all the time, but then you feel happy briefly, only to remember and remind yourself that you "should'' be sad? I definitely went through a period of this.
gaudi Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I don't know if it's a bad/good idea to cry, but it's all I've done today. Don't know what's been so different about today, but it appears some days are better/worse than others.
lostboyuk Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Hold it in when you need to, then let everything out when you know you can. It is natural, otherwise it wouldn't happen. I do find that holding it in gives me some strength knowing that I can but when I let it out.....buckets!!! More difficult to stop it when alone I find. I juts held it in front of my kids for 4 straight days, waited until I was out of the way!
Author Artist Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Oh No. I am not crying all the time at all. When I cry it is usually for about 5 minutes maybe 10. Usually not more than once a day or every other day. Actually today has been really good. I am finally feeling hopeful. Hope it lasts for at least a few hours.
Author Artist Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Does anyone have a hard time working or getting work during this time? If so for how long. I have had a very hard time getting any work done for the last two months.
Howitzer Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 That's good man. Know that it's ok to feel bad, and to cry, but do your best to try to climb out of this rut. Do things that make you feel better, don't give in to your despair.
blackbear_703 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Does anyone have a hard time working or getting work during this time? If so for how long. I have had a very hard time getting any work done for the last two months. Yep it's been hard for me to get work done and yep, I've missed out on some money on account of the break-up. It's been a combination of distraction from the break-up itself and a loss of motivation (i.e. the end of the dreams we had together)....esp. in those early days of 1 1/2 months ago. Now I'm getting myself back into the full swing of work, but it's taken time.
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