holiday Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I was with my ex for almost 3 years, broken up for over year. He recently asked if we could try to start over and have a relationship. He apologized for a lot of things and thinks that since we're older now and have been separated for awhile that things could work. I was hesitant, but I want it work with us. We've been dating and doing everything that a couple in a committed relationship would do. And things have been good so I've had a lot of hope that it's going to work this time. However, I just found out that he's on match.com and that he's on regularly. I'm not sure if he's just looking or hopes to find someone he'd like to date. This was very disappointing and upsetting. I'm not dating anyone because I don't see how we can work on our relationship while seeing other people. I haven't discussed this with him because I think 1. he'll be embarrassed 2. I don't want him to think I'm spying on him or invading his privacy 3. he says I always look at the negative and he hates when I bring up the fact that I don't trust him. I mentioned that I don't trust him before I found out about him online and he got upset and said he's trying to make me trust him. (By the way, I looked on match.com to see if he was there because it's what broke us up in the first place. I found him on match.com with my mom, while jokingly trying to find her a man--that's another story though.) Advice, please!
thats what i said Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 The key to any successful relationship is to be able to communicate with each other about anything. It's difficult to be able to trust him if you can't even talk about the fact that he's on match.com. You said it's what broke you up in the first place, right? Well, why don't you use that and ask him if he's still on it? Then, if he says he's not, you know you just can't trust him.
threebyfate Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 holiday, he sounds shady. If you're going to proceed, which I wouldn't recommend, proceed with major caution.
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 (. . .) 3. he says I always look at the negative and he hates when I bring up the fact that I don't trust him. Yes, and look at why you don't trust him..... I mentioned that I don't trust him before I found out about him online and he got upset and said he's trying to make me trust him. Well, he's not doing too good a job then, is he? The whole point of earning someone's trust, is candour and openness. He's neither being candid nor open. Yet he accuses you of not trusting him, all the while demonstrating his untrustworthiness.... It's called projection. "I'm being bad, you've found me out, so I'm gonna get mad with you, and lay a guilt trip on your shoulders to deflect attention from the fact that I phukked up, and I deserve a pasting." By the way, I looked on match.com to see if he was there because it's what broke us up in the first place. QED. Advice, please! One word: DUMP.
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