likestolaugh Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 so my gf of a little over a year didn't respond to my Happy New Year txt message from last night(we talked over the phone earlier that day for a brief time [long distance charges are killer], since we can't be together this time. The convo was normal). I told her happy new year over the phone as well, and she kinda said the same back (she seemed distracted). I told her over the phone that I'd txt her at midnight which I did, with a nice message. I had mentioned earlier that she didn't need to reply if she was busy then (if at a party of something). However, I sort of expected a response my this morning at some point. By now, surely. An unanswered text isn't normally that big of a deal, but it bothers me when it's New Years. To compound it she updated her facebook status this morning with a general "Happy New Years 2010 xox" message. As an aside she didn't respond to a couple emails I sent her yesterday afternoon either, which contained helpful info for a project she's currently pursuing. However she often doesn't respond to emails. She has been on the computer today like I said. Sometimes I feel like she takes me for granted... knows that I won't leave her (although I'm no pushover), because I love her. should I tell her this? It's just a bit annoying...
Bejita463 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Sometimes I feel like she takes me for granted... knows that I won't leave her (although I'm no pushover), because I love her. If you REALLY feel this is the case, then it may be prudent to suggest a break, and/or cease contacting her for a couple weeks. Show her she can, and if her behavior continues, will lose you. You'll see how important to her you are.
ordinary_girl Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 If you REALLY feel this is the case, then it may be prudent to suggest a break, and/or cease contacting her for a couple weeks. Show her she can, and if her behavior continues, will lose you. You'll see how important to her you are. woa! surely a chat about communication would be more constructive than suggesting a break straight away?
Bejita463 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 woa! surely a chat about communication would be more constructive than suggesting a break straight away? It would stand to reason that actual communication would need to be occurring before such a conversation could take place. Regardless, I was not addressing the lack of communication. I was addressing his feeling like she is taking him for granted. If he thinks she believes he will always be available, then the easiest way to solve this would be to demonstrate that this is a fallacy. The communication is an altogether separate issue.
ordinary_girl Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 It would stand to reason that actual communication would need to be occurring before such a conversation could take place. Regardless, I was not addressing the lack of communication. I was addressing his feeling like she is taking him for granted. If he thinks she believes he will always be available, then the easiest way to solve this would be to demonstrate that this is a fallacy. The communication is an altogether separate issue. I often agree with you but not this time. not everyone takes well to threatening behaviour, I know I wouldn't. if someone feels taken for granted they should have a mature conversation about it with their partner. you can't demand communication from your partner on the one hand and threaten to dump them on the other - without telling them what the issue is clearly. otherwise you are guilty of doing exactly the same thing: not talking.
Author likestolaugh Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 well there's no big enough issue for me to suggest taking a break. Anyway, I haven't seen her for a couple weeks (been away with the family for the Holidays). We spend a lot of time together when we're both in the same city, but it's fine as I love her and I know that she loves me. It's just similar little things like the no-txt that make me feel annoyed sometimes. A week before I left there was something that made her cry to me over the phone that she worried I might get tired of her, that she isn't good enough for me. I don't like hearing her be sad, but at the same time it was nice to know that she felt that occasionally. I didn't know what to say (I should have said "yeah sometimes I feel a little taken for granted")... but I just old her that I wasn't tired of her. I think she was PMS'ing so I didn't want to ignite the situation. and we communicate well generally.
threebyfate Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 likestolaugh, have you considered skype, calling cards and other ways to save money on brutal long distance charges? Beyond that, LDRs are impossible, without strong and consistent communicators, both parties wanting to make things happen. For some reason, your g/f is falling down on the job by not responding to multiple attempts to connect. I would stop attempting to contact her. If she responds to existing attempts, I wouldn't respond. Let her sweat it out.
Bejita463 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I often agree with you but not this time. not everyone takes well to threatening behaviour, I know I wouldn't. if someone feels taken for granted they should have a mature conversation about it with their partner. you can't demand communication from your partner on the one hand and threaten to dump them on the other - without telling them what the issue is clearly. otherwise you are guilty of doing exactly the same thing: not talking. What you are seeing and what I am suggesting are not the same thing, I think. Taking a break is not a threat, and if used as one is the end of any healthy relationship, for all intents and purposes. The point is if one person feels taken advantage of, both can step away and reassess how the are approaching the situation and move on from there. After a week or two of that, things are very easy to see much more clearly. When one person is trying to communicate and the other is not, the answer is not more effort from the person already trying. The answer is more effort from the person who is not. They can't DO that if not given an opportunity to do so. TBF is following my line of thought, to a degree. For some reason, your g/f is falling down on the job by not responding to multiple attempts to connect.
threebyfate Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Treat people with the same respect and courtesy level as they treat you. You also train people how to treat you. Put up with too much crap and someone is guaranteed to walk all over you. Sad to say, it's human nature to take others for granted. BTDT and been taken advantage of. Never again.
D-Lish Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Treat people with the same respect and courtesy level as they treat you. You also train people how to treat you. Put up with too much crap and someone is guaranteed to walk all over you. Sad to say, it's human nature to take others for granted. BTDT and been taken advantage of. Never again. Yes, yes ^^ What TBF said! I do think it's very important to tell her how you are feeling on this matter. If it doesn't change after talking to her about it, then I'd make a move to pull back a little. You have to tell her though- if she's being inconsiderate and it's affecting you, don't keep that bottled up. Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (which tend to make people defensive).
Woody1 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 This is the sort of thing that would piss me off big time. The missus not texting back at anytime does my head in but on new years eve, that's terrible in my opinion. The best thing to do is just ask her mate, she may have a valid reasons, if she hasn't then i think you may be right, she probably thinks she can get away with it because you'll still love her...
muse08 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 A conversation is necessary at this point, as a few others have said. However, when people don't respond to text messages and they're your s.o., it CAN be a slap in the face. Not calling, but texting in leiu of, is understandable b/c a person may not be able to talk at the moment. But just not texting back(you don't even have to talk), IMO, say a lot. Even if there is a reason, what would it possibly be for not texting a simple "thanks, ok, happy new year, same here, hi, or even leave me alone"... Could she be upset that the two of you were'nt able to see each other? You think she lost her phone? Even if, she could use someone else's phone to call or text you. Perhaps she expected you to make an effort to be with her on this special day. Not trying to make you feel worse, just trying to help you figure out why she may not be responding. Think about it this way. You have done your part and there is nothing else you can do at this point. Once she responds, you may be busy and may need to have a discussion.
Author likestolaugh Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Well I feel a bit bad for having started this thread now… we texted each other this afternoon. It turns out she did send me a text last night (or tried to at least)… spent 20 minutes trying to, and she thought the last one went through, but obviously it didn’t. Anyway she texted me a nice message a little while ago when I told her I didn’t get hers. I believe her as she seemed surprised that I didn’t get one from her. TBF, I remember what you said in a previous thread about being taken advantage of... and while I don't think it's anything she would ever consciously do.. I have been weary of it ever since.
threebyfate Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Yes, keep your eyes open wide. Did she say why she didn't respond to your emails? I'll openly admit I think she's full of poop. Sorry likestolaugh. I'm not going to lie to you.
Author likestolaugh Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 (edited) thanks for your honesty anyway. If you don't mind, I'm just curious... in what way do you mean "she's full of poop"? Do you think she's purposefully manipulating me? I know her and knowing the type of person she is, it's clear as day to me that she's not the devious type. As for the emails, she doesn't always reply to my emails (although frankly I wish she would). But then, she sometimes takes forever to respond to her good friends too. I'm seeing her tomorrow, and I'll mention them then... maybe mention that I would have appreciated a response. Edited January 2, 2010 by likestolaugh
threebyfate Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 You know her best and I can only give you my opinion based on your posts. I get the impression that she tends to take you for granted, that her time is more important than your time.
Author likestolaugh Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 well maybe I should start putting my foot down more... I guess I'm going to have to as I'm in my final semester of graduate studies and am going to need more time to myself during the next few months...
threebyfate Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 You have to decide how you want to be treated. When you decide that, set up your boundaries and hold firm to them!
Author likestolaugh Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Thanks. I think we generally have a very healthy relationship. Things aren't always perfect... and neither one of us is a perfect person (and neither expects that). We communicate really well and can discuss issues... Sometimes I just think I put more effort in that she does, but I convince myself that it's worth it.
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