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Want him Just as a friend

lipstick

By lipstick
in The Other Man / Woman

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lipstick New Member

lipstick

Posted
Posted (edited)

I have been here on and off reading stories posted everyday. I know there are a lot out there like me but I never found one right answer for my problem. ...I have told my story several times but here I am again repeating the same hoping to find motivation to get out of this.

 

So me and my coworker were friends for over 3 years now...Both of us are married. Somewhere along the road, we crossed the lines First it was continuous flirting from him, he turned my attention to him, I skipped many heart beats in the process...Started EA with him. Its a constant struggle. He talks about physical attraction between us...only in IM never face to face. When we meet face to face, we talk as if we never mentioned about the attraction. His words and comments are now more like we both are in need of physical intimacy and there is nothing more to it but thats not how it started though...initially he was always telling how cute I am and blah blah blah

 

Now I am addicted to his talks. If he is quiet, I go crazy. I cant focus on my work. I have no aspirations of moving up the ladder. My day will be get in do my work and chat with him. If he talks, I have a day like in heaven...if he doesnt, I spiral down to Hell. I truly want to get out of it. He doesnt know what goes in my head becuase first, I am not very expressive. Second he doesnt beleive it is true even if I slip my feelings here and there.

 

I know truly to my heart how wrong I am. I want to change. I cant go NC due to nature of work. Cant leave the job due to family stress. Cant go counselling as I do not want to draw my family into this mess.

 

I think about him nonstop 24X7, be it how he smiles or how he talks, how he commented or whatever it is. I know I have fallen for him but I also know nothing comes out of it. So I dont want to take this any more further. I am struggling to maintain the friendship and not have feelings. The crossing lines doesnt happen all the time. Since he is in control and I never initiate, the sexual tension shows up in our chat every now and then. I usually track back the conversations to normal but I find myself longing more from him though I act as if I dont want it. I want him just as a friend and nothing more....this is killing me and I am totally confused.

 

I have put here whats going on though not very articulate...not my strong skills. Ask me I can give more information. I am looking for a way to get out of this.

 

I never hugged, kissed o even physically touched him....

Edited by lipstick
Hazyhead Established Member

Hazyhead

Posted
Posted

Lipstick - your post is confusing and shows how conflicted you feel. No member of the opposite sex that you only want as a friend do you think about 24/7, remembering their smile and how they make you feel. I think in order for you to have any chance at just being friends you have to maintain a little bit of distance. It sounds from your post that right now you feel more for him than you do your husband and that's dangerous if you envision yourself being friendly with him. I think that if you continue the way you are going this situation will only become more complicated and hurtful.

 

I feel for you, I do, because I think you are only trying to convince yourself that you just want to be friends with him because you don't want to lose him. This is not just a friendship. Be careful.

 

Wish you well lipstick.

jwi71 Established Member

jwi71

Posted
Posted

I know truly to my heart how wrong I am. I want to change. I cant go NC due to nature of work. Cant leave the job due to family stress. Cant go counselling as I do not want to draw my family into this mess.

 

You just posted how YOU can't change anything.

So...uh....good luck with the NOTHING you "can" do to change.:rolleyes:

 

Actually...you don't WANT to change badly enough.

 

But trust me...it WILL change...whether you like it or not. And on your terms or his or your H or his W a change is a comin'.

 

Question is how and when and who will drive the change....my guess is you will escalate to PA then get busted.

I have put here whats going on though not very articulate...not my strong skills. Ask me I can give more information. I am looking for a way to get out of this

Well...you CAN'T quit, you CAN'T go NC, you CAN'T go to IC and MC...leaving NOTHING.

 

As you CAN'T do any of the above...I don't know HOW to change since YOU CAN'T DO anything to change. Except "want" to change...but aren't willing to actually change.

 

Good luck with that.

her_halo_slipped Established Member

her_halo_slipped

Posted
Posted (edited)

Lipstick... I've read your other posts and it seems this EA has been eating you up for sometime now.

From what I've read it seems that the infatuation you have with this man is one sided. Sure he might say nice things to you and smile etc etc but how can you be sure that you are not reading too much more into this? After all he has never instigated anything more.

Maybe you have become too focussed, dare I suggest a little obsessed with him?

Why don't you ask him directly about this flirting and sexual tension between you and see how he responds?

Take a step back. You are way too close to the fire to be making clear judgements. In your first post you sound very desperate.

Edited by her_halo_slipped
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