almostpassedit Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 (edited) hello, brief history relationshp ended feb 08 turns out ex was cheating attempted to break up with her. cursed her out, threw her out, several times she begged for a while but over time grew bold and cocky. began to disrespect me. i couldn't take it anymore, told her to get lost went back one week later, she broke me with words said we had no future, to leave her alone. i cursed her out a couple more times and then she had i was harassng her. head was messed up for the next 15 or so months. during this time, i know she was checking up on me via facebook. i was rebounding with about 4 or 5 women i was complete NC. No text, no nothing, just getting over it. head began to get better the last 4 or 5 months. i'm pretty much to the point where i doubt she can hurt me anymore. should i atempt a contact? sometimes i wonder what she is up to and i dwell on the relationship, other-times i don't care, i do want to have sex with her again. i tend to notice that whenever i make emmotional connections with friends or family and we have real good talks or fun or social activities, that relationship gets pushed deep in the back of my mind. its hard to remember now. getting harder, i can't see her face anymore. i'm actually cool with everything now, like it doesn't bother me anymore. on that same note, its like "i see her, if i see her, if not, then oh well" what yall think? and if i do call what the hell am i going to say? i really don't want her back. i wouldn't mind having sex with her again. Edited January 1, 2010 by almostpassedit
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 What would be the point? What's your end-game? is it to prove to yourself that you ARE over her? let me tell you, if you're asking these questions you're not. leave well alone, move on , and just do what you can to let sleeping dogs lie. Big mistake. Huge. Trust me - leave it well alone.
LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 What would be the point? What's your end-game? is it to prove to yourself that you ARE over her? let me tell you, if you're asking these questions you're not. leave well alone, move on , and just do what you can to let sleeping dogs lie. Big mistake. Huge. Trust me - leave it well alone. TaraMaiden...another member I LOVE! Re-read what you just posted and how TaraMaiden responded. If you have to ASK if it would be a good idea...then it isn't. It's like the saying, "When in doubt..throw it out!" You just don't need the risk of having feelings flood back like that. See I know indifference. I have a couple of Facebook friends that are my ex-boyfriends. I used to cry and tear my heart out for them but that was YEARS ago and after I healed. We chat, have a couple of laughs but have NEVER revisited our old wounds or asked the whys or why nots of our past relationship. My recent ex? There is no way in hell I can do that with him. I still hurt and have hidden his updates on Facebook because my heart used to sink when he wrote something. That tells me I don't need to bother with my ex until I can feel that apathy of not caring what the f*ck he's up to...just like the other exes. Just don't. If you can tell yourself honestly, "I can easily not contact my ex for three months and not care!" Then you just might be ready. If you can't, then you need to drop the phone, the keyboard, or whatever and stay away until you can say that you couldn't care less either way.
DenverBachelor Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 i can't see her face anymore. Isn't that the weirdest thing? Living with someone for a year and her face gets foggier and foggier every day. A ghost ...
Hazyhead Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Noooo! Don't call her. Out with the old and in with the new - she brings nothing but baggage and drama. Keep moving...
thatguy100 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 If you are just going there just to be friends then fine, if you are going to try and win her back then fine, but if its just to see if you are over her, don't you need to talk to her for a reason, you need a game plan what is this going to be about?
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 You've gone this long without talking to her and by your own admission have gotten to that place of "indifference"- trust me- that's a great place to find yourself after a difficult break up. Don't go backwards.
MichiganMan222 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Yeah don't call her. Because all of the stuff you posted about being over her and ready to move on is BS. If you really were, you wouldn't be asking the question. You're not over her. Keep going with NC so you can be. Then when you are, you won't have any desire/reason to contact her.
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Umm what is breaking contact going to accompish for you?
canadaman111 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I am no expert, but if after 20 months you are not fully over her I think I would at least make an effort and contact her. You just have to be prepared for whatever comes after.
LovelyDaze Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I am no expert, but if after 20 months you are not fully over her I think I would at least make an effort and contact her. You just have to be prepared for whatever comes after. canadaman111 may be onto something. If you are STILL in this state of despair that you have been for nearly 2 years, then perhaps you need to call her and shoot the breeze. Here's what will more than likely happen: * No answer * Very vague one word answers like "yep" "sure" "okay" * A full report that your ex is happy & with someone else. * Your phone blocked to call at all * Happy to hear from you and desperately wants you back. The last one hits you, didn't it? Know why? Because even if the last one happens it won't be good. My ex has asked for me back several times but HE hasn't changed one bit. I have been through making up after a considerate amount of times with other exes that made the 2nd breakup worse and more heart-wrenching. The other four is probably what you will receive and you just might need that final disappointment to finally move on.
adamt Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 after 20 months, you should really have accepted it is over and looked to have moved onto new people and began dating again. maybe youa re one of these people who wont be over someone until you meet someone knew. Why are you giving this person anytime when they cheated on you? You should put as much thought and effort into meeting people who will treat you with respect
USMCHokie Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Nothing good could come of this. As everyone has said, if you are good with the way things are, then why the heck would you risk losing all that...?
Author almostpassedit Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) so right after my breakup, i told myself this: days will turns to weeks, weeks will turn to months, months will turn to years and now i can tell myself this: years will turn into decades. life goes by to fast. she hasn't been around for years and its starting to feel that way, like a distant memory, its so hard to remember. its almost as if, it never happened. I'm started to think we were never together. I'm starting to think we were **** buddies and nothing more. its odd how my mind is rationalizing the events of the past so that I can be at peace with myself and despite it all, I'll always think of her as a whore and no matter what i post on this forum, pride will not let me contact her. The sad part is, I don't think she'll ever leave my heart. I think I'll forget and I pray I never run into her, she has to much power, even 2 years later, she's in my thoughts. Thats weird, every night and every morning. Its not like before. Its odd though, she's still checking my fb profile. Edited January 4, 2010 by almostpassedit
bananaboat11 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 canadaman111 may be onto something. If you are STILL in this state of despair that you have been for nearly 2 years, then perhaps you need to call her and shoot the breeze. Here's what will more than likely happen: * No answer * Very vague one word answers like "yep" "sure" "okay" * A full report that your ex is happy & with someone else. * Your phone blocked to call at all * Happy to hear from you and desperately wants you back. The last one hits you, didn't it? Know why? Because even if the last one happens it won't be good. My ex has asked for me back several times but HE hasn't changed one bit. I have been through making up after a considerate amount of times with other exes that made the 2nd breakup worse and more heart-wrenching. The other four is probably what you will receive and you just might need that final disappointment to finally move on. So true... I say call.
Author almostpassedit Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) I hold no hard feelings anymore. Don't hate her. Don't care for her. Miss the company a little but I'm working on that now. Rebounded for a while, got tired of that and stayed alone for the last 6 or 7 months, just growing, learning, getting stronger. For some odd reason though, I feel as if she's waiting for me to contact her. Sometimes I hear her thoughts and see her in dreams. Its odd, I know I'm not crazy or obsessed. It is what it is, so its best to just sleeping dogs lie. I Won't contact her, Im just venting really. I went this long, why break the NC NOW? Makes no sense. ==== Here's what will more than likely happen: * No answer * Very vague one word answers like "yep" "sure" "okay" * A full report that your ex is happy & with someone else. * Your phone blocked to call at all * Happy to hear from you and desperately wants you back. ======= So true. I am going to wait a few more months before I unblock her on facebook though, the 2 year mark, I'll unblock it. Hopefully though, by that time I won't remember Edited January 4, 2010 by almostpassedit
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