soserious1 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) We don't need to be ignorant about anyone, and I'm certainly not suggesting we should, but courtesy needs to be a two-way street. For example, if I'm going hiking or camping on a particular weekend, I'll have it worked out well in advance (I don't wait for the weather forecast because I like going out in the rain). If I'm going to a concert or a sporting event, I'll have the tickets bought in advance. This is the time for my partner to speak up if she wants to do something different that weekend. I've been in situations where I've been planning something well in advance and have said as much, and been told on Friday that the other person wants me to do something else. If that comes up, the answer is "no". Of course, they are free to do something else if they so desire, but it won't change my weekend plans. And if this clash happens every weekend, then we're probably both better off with other people. You'd probably enjoy dating me then, I tend to be rather a distant woman who's kind of busy, I operate on the default assumption that any man I'm seeing won't be spending time with me on weekends unless we've made plans for it in advance. Edited January 5, 2010 by soserious1 Link to post Share on other sites
datura_noir Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 OP, I think you have nothing to worry about....I foresee many weekends in your future unfettered by a nagging spouse! Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 There is, obviously, a necessity for common courtesy within a partnership, alerting a spouse if there's going to be a break in routine, something some men mistake for 'asking permission'. The OP referred specifically to 'checking with' a wife. My husband routinely tells his friends he has to 'check with' me before he knows if he can go out with them; some of them might think he's 'whipped.' In point of fact, he is literally checking with me because he doesn't know, he has a terrible memory and never writes anything down. If he doesn't call me first, he won't know if he or we have got conflicting plans already. Basically he knows when he has to go to work and what days he picks up his daughter, and anything else (dinner with friends, dr. appts., car service appt, lunch with his own mother, office party, whatever) he relies on me to remember for him. The only time I have ever asked him not to accept a friendly invitation was when he had already gone out after work two or three times that week and I wanted him to take an evening with the baby instead of going out again, to give me a break, which I feel is more than reasonable. We have a condo and therefore several neighbors, most of whom we are friendly with. There is one neighbor however who is very talkative and is constantly trying to pressure my husband into resuming a position on the HOA board which he is not interested in at this time. Whenever he gets cornered by this neighbor our standing MO is for me to wait five minutes and then come looking for him with something I need him to help me with or something he needs to get ready for, so he can get away without being a jerk about it. Guess he's whipped there, too . Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Whipped is such a negative term. There is a huge difference between respecting your wife's needs/wishes vs. what you want to do. Example; if I had plans to do whatever with friends and my wife came home almost in tears because of her day. Out of respect/love for her, I would choose to stay home and be with her over my friends. Let's be realistic here, friends get over it, wives don't. Now, if I was going out with friends and she says, "I don't want you going out tonite", unless there is a legitmate concern over the company I was keeping or circumstances, I'm going out. It goes both ways. I will not be controlled. Whipped? Not on your life. Respect? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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