Mary3 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Men claim to want a loving loyal woman, but as soon as they get it they get bored with just one woman for the rest of their lives and turn to porn, strippers and lust after other women which messes up the relationship. There is nothing wrong with Porn. Its an extra added spice . No~one should be threatened by Porn ..... Cheaters cheat with or without porn. Being bored with your spouse is no excuse to cheat either. Find some magic and spicy~ness in your relationship.
Lovelybird Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) What is it about this word "compromise"? Why is it considered a virtue in relationships when it's so poorly regarded in every other aspect of life? When we hear talk of people compromising their beliefs or principles, it's usually considered in a negative context, yet when people are compromising for the sake of a relationship, it's somehow considered to be a positive thing. Are we expected to suddenly compromise on our beliefs, passions and principles just because we get married? It might explain why the divorce rate is constantly increasing while the marriage rate is constantly declining. I think whether the compromising is good or bad depends on what you are compromising. For example, if you are compromising only preferences such as where to eat, then it is good for the relationship and you are sacrificing for the goodness of marriage. But if one compromised on major values, such as porn issue, husband wants to indulge in porn, then wife compromises her value, and follow her husband, then this compromise will lead to bad consequence, will damage their relationship instead of helping, in a long term sense. Again if a wife is very self-centered, only consider herself, and the husband compromises, this will encourage her self-centerness, this compromise will lead to bad results as well. So I think on the area compromise, both partner should have a clear direction or principle, what to compromise, what not to. otherwise, one can become a doormat, or one is pulled down by another's moral deficit through compromise rather than they help each other grow more mature more loving more responsible. I think many couples don't know what to compromise, what not to, and this ruined their relationships. They put temporary happiness or fake peace ahead of major value, which eventually will deteriorate their romantic relationship Edited January 4, 2010 by Lovelybird
New_Life08 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Well, the truth is...most men know where their bread is buttered, and it's not at their friend's house...lol! It is because they have consideration for their partner in life. Sort of the same idea with a business partner. You would not make decisions that effected the business without letting your partner know, or it wouldn't take long before your partner in the business got fed up with it. Families have routines, if you plan to change the routine then any decent person will let the other know what's going on. It isn't so much about being PW as it is maturity. You'll find out one day...lol
Woggle Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 There were times in my life where my bread was buttered at my friend's house.
carhill Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 LOL, I think my best friend's wife has buttered my bread more than my stbx ever did
Garner14 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 What happened when men ruled over the women? I watch my grandpa and grandma. Grandpa runs the show. Now, my dad gets called a mother****er by his wife twice a week cause she rules him. Again what happened?
Golfilla Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I think whether the compromising is good or bad depends on what you are compromising. For example, if you are compromising only preferences such as where to eat, then it is good for the relationship and you are sacrificing for the goodness of marriage. Well, it depends on how often you're making the compromise, and this is the point. For example, I'm a fitness fanatic, I exercise literally every day -- and if it's raining outside, that's a bonus. Consequently, if I meet a partner who simply wants to eat at McDonalds all the time, it's going to be a major problem in the long run, and I'm better off with someone else who shares my ideals about health and fitness. The same goes for my partner. The reason people end up PW'd (and it happens to women as well, even if they use different words to describe it) is because they don't have strong enough boundaries at the start of the relationship in terms of making sure they're with the right person. A lot of men simply cave in when the woman they're dating demands marriage within six months, and from that point on, they're owned. Nobody ever stops to question whether the relationship for which they've made all these concessions is going to be any better for them than just being alone. And I still make the point that the more you have to compromise in any relationship, the more likely it is that you're in the wrong relationship. I don't go along with this idea at all that relationships are "work", because if two people are compatable, they'll be wanting to do the same things most of the time anyway. A relationship is supposed to support you in achieving your goals and living the life you want to live -- not detract from it. Ultimately, it's better to be alone than to wish you were alone.
giotto Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 And I still make the point that the more you have to compromise in any relationship, the more likely it is that you're in the wrong relationship. I don't go along with this idea at all that relationships are "work", because if two people are compatable, they'll be wanting to do the same things most of the time anyway. A relationship is supposed to support you in achieving your goals and living the life you want to live -- not detract from it. Ultimately, it's better to be alone than to wish you were alone. all very well, but relationships change because life changes, with children, for example, and you will discover new behavioural tracts in your partner, in situations you've never been before. Having children require a huge amount of adjustment and compromise... I just find your view too simplistic and black and white and I suspect you don't have any children or maybe you are quite young... life is a lot more complicated than that...
JackJack Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 "How many men are whipped?" Well, if you're meaning if my wife's asks me to do something, that I jump right then or say how high, then no I guess I'm not.
hopeful1980 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Many women don't have orgasms during sex and need to get some extra manual stimulation. But sex is not always about orgasms. Its about the closeness. And just because she does not orgasm does not mean she is not enjoying the feeling of being made love to... Maybe for a while you just want the closeness. But I refuse to believe any person would not be frustrated after years of not getting off while watching the other person come away satisfied time after time. After a while it would be like, "What's the point?"
Mary3 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 What happened when men ruled over the women? I watch my grandpa and grandma. Grandpa runs the show. Now, my dad gets called a mother****er by his wife twice a week cause she rules him. Again what happened? Times have changed. Women back in your grampa's day stayed home. Its just how it was back then. He brought home the bacon and she cooked it. My mom stayed home and raised us kids. My dad worked and did everything including shopping. He controlled the money. My mom got an allowance. She didn't mind it...but I wanted something more than that when I grew up.
Golfilla Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 all very well, but relationships change because life changes, with children, for example, and you will discover new behavioural tracts in your partner, in situations you've never been before. Having children require a huge amount of adjustment and compromise... I just find your view too simplistic and black and white and I suspect you don't have any children or maybe you are quite young... life is a lot more complicated than that... No, life really is that simple. I don't have children by choice, I decided some years ago that there were other things in life that were more important to me. Consequently, I make this clear to any woman that I meet, which leaves her free to find someone else who wants children if that's what she wants, and many do. This isn't about "compromise", it's about being honest. Now I'm sure the act of raising children takes work, but frankly, people should only be having children if that's what they really want. If you're less than 100% certain, don't do it. The reason people find it difficult is largely the same reason people end up PW'd in marriages, because they go along with something they didn't really want to do in the interests of "compromise" or because it's what their partner really wanted.
soserious1 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) There is nothing wrong with Porn. Its an extra added spice . No~one should be threatened by Porn ..... Cheaters cheat with or without porn. Being bored with your spouse is no excuse to cheat either. Find some magic and spicy~ness in your relationship. Then let them get their "spice" from their freaking porn! There's nothing fun or exciting about being used as a cum rag after your man has finished viewing his porn, finish with what got you started please! If they can sit there and justify using it when it suits them, why can't we suggest that they use it when it suits us? Edited January 4, 2010 by soserious1
threebyfate Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 This is another thread that falls within the confines of victimhood. No one can control you if you don't allow it. Also, different people prefer different types of relationships. For some, they look for a nurturing mother, to "take care" of them. Some look for an equal partner. And finally others, look for someone to subjugate.
soserious1 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) Since when is letting somebody you live with know that you won't be available or won't be home for dinner or whatever "whipped" ? Part of sharing a life with somebody involves freeing them from worry.. if I'm going away for a few days or going to be in at odd hours I do my room mate the courtesy of letting her know and that's just a room mate, how much effort does it take really to say to a wife "hey, don't worry about dinner for me on Friday, I'll be grabbing a bite at the game with Brian" or whatever the occasion is. Keeping a spouse updated as to your plans is not asking for permission or being whipped, it's simple consideration. BTW, if you're standing at the end of the driveway chatting with your neighbor and his wife comes out to remind him of something he needs to do.. don't be too sure that she's some sort of nag.. he might very well have a deal where she "rescues" him from convo's that have gone on too long. Also ,a lot of folks will fallback on the old "I need to ask my wife/husband" in order to get out of invites to things they really aren't interested in attending. Edited January 4, 2010 by soserious1
giotto Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 No, life really is that simple. I don't have children by choice, I decided some years ago that there were other things in life that were more important to me. Consequently, I make this clear to any woman that I meet, which leaves her free to find someone else who wants children if that's what she wants, and many do. This isn't about "compromise", it's about being honest. Now I'm sure the act of raising children takes work, but frankly, people should only be having children if that's what they really want. If you're less than 100% certain, don't do it. The reason people find it difficult is largely the same reason people end up PW'd in marriages, because they go along with something they didn't really want to do in the interests of "compromise" or because it's what their partner really wanted. I'm so happy I'm not your girlfriend...
Lovelybird Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) I don't go along with this idea at all that relationships are "work", because if two people are compatable, they'll be wanting to do the same things most of the time anyway. A relationship is supposed to support you in achieving your goals and living the life you want to live -- not detract from it. Ultimately, it's better to be alone than to wish you were alone. There are no two people on the earth have same preferences and opinions most of time. If there is a person exactly has same opinions and preferences as you most of time, that person must grow out of somewhere your body, or a woman pretending for the sake of relationship, eventually she will become a doormat or slave A relationship is not one that add more convenience into your life, if you think so, then probably it won't work well in the end. A relationship should ultimately offer a place that make both grow more mature, grow more out of themselves and become more caring person, and with this goal in mind, the growing couple can really benefit from the relationship because they have rooted in good ground, they will bear good fruits. If you make that convenience and most own temporary happiness as top priority, it won't work out well long term. There are some men who feel robbed or taken advantage of whenever the woman they dating asking for their attention and love, they seem cannot see there is another reality besides his, any need from the woman they think it as threatening, and accuse the woman of being selfish, when in reality he is the one too self-centered. Edited January 5, 2010 by Lovelybird
Golfilla Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I'm so happy I'm not your girlfriend... The feeling is mutual. Don't worry, I realised some years ago that my honesty isn't going to make me popular, and I'm cool with that. There are no two people on the earth have same preferences and opinions most of time. If there is a person exactly has same opinions and preferences as you most of time, that person must grow out of somewhere your body, or a woman pretending for the sake of relationship, eventually she will become a doormat or slave A relationship is not one that add more convenience into your life, if you think so, then probably it won't work well in the end. A relationship should ultimately offer a place that make both grow more mature, grow more out of themselves and become more caring person, and with this goal in mind, the growing couple can really benefit from the relationship because they have rooted in good ground, they will bear good fruits. If you make that convenience and most own temporary happiness as top priority, it won't work out well long term. I think you've missed my point. At no stage did I say I expected a relationship with zero compromise, that is clearly ridiculous. However, I do think that in the long term, relationships work better if the two people involved have things in common, and if you go and ask any old married couple that have been together for 50 years, you'll get the same answer. Of course relationships are about growing and developing, and that was my point. You need to be with someone who is on the same page and heading in the same direction you are. And I still believe there is a governing equation here, the more often you have to compromise, the more likely it is that you're with the wrong person. There are some men who feel robbed or taken advantage of whenever the woman they dating asking for their attention and love, they seem cannot see there is another reality besides his, any need from the woman they think it as threatening, and accuse the woman of being selfish, when in reality he is the one too self-centered. Again, it's a matter of compatability. There are some men who live to dote on their wife, and will happily sit at home for hours on end with her, and there are plenty of women out there who don't want constant attention, and would rather that their husband gave them space to do the things they want to do. After all, how many women complain about having a domaneering husband or boyfriend who never lets her go out with her friends? Wouldn't they be happier with a man who simply went out and did what he wanted while she went to the movies with her friends? It's just a matter of finding the right person for YOU. Some people like being smothered, and that's perfectly OK, they just need to find someone prepared to smother them. Other people like to be independent, and that's cool too. The problem is that a lot of people are dishonest about what they really want (or perhaps they don't even know). I've lost count of the number of older men I've talked to who told me that they spent hours doting on their wife, giving her everything she said she wanted, only for her to leave anyway. They would have been better off to just be themselves (i.e. the guy their wife actually married) and simply not worried about the outcome.
Golfilla Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Since when is letting somebody you live with know that you won't be available or won't be home for dinner or whatever "whipped" ? Part of sharing a life with somebody involves freeing them from worry.. if I'm going away for a few days or going to be in at odd hours I do my room mate the courtesy of letting her know and that's just a room mate, how much effort does it take really to say to a wife "hey, don't worry about dinner for me on Friday, I'll be grabbing a bite at the game with Brian" or whatever the occasion is. Keeping a spouse updated as to your plans is not asking for permission or being whipped, it's simple consideration. I agree 169%. However, there's a difference between simply keeping someone updated and asking permission. If I call home on any given night to say that a meeting with a client has dragged on for longer than expected and I won't be home at said time, I don't want someone giving me a mouthful for supposedly being "inconsiderate". Nor do I want a lecture if I arrive home at 6.35pm when I said I'd be home at 6.30. Nor do I want to have to ask permission to go hiking in the mountains with my friends on the weekend. Frankly, I had enough of that when I was a kid.
hopeful1980 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I agree 169%. However, there's a difference between simply keeping someone updated and asking permission. If I call home on any given night to say that a meeting with a client has dragged on for longer than expected and I won't be home at said time, I don't want someone giving me a mouthful for supposedly being "inconsiderate". Nor do I want a lecture if I arrive home at 6.35pm when I said I'd be home at 6.30. Nor do I want to have to ask permission to go hiking in the mountains with my friends on the weekend. Frankly, I had enough of that when I was a kid. It depends on the situation. If the wife feels that her husband constantly chooses his job over his family life, she may feel he isn't being considerate of her need to have him around. Coming home 5 minutes late is a bit extreme, don't you think? I hope you consider women more reasonable than that. And no one is talking about having to ask permission. I don't ask my husband's permission to go to lunch with my friend. I just do him the favor of giving him the heads up, especially considering that will mean he will be with the kids all day by himself. There are many things to consider when contemplating the "whipped-ness" of someone.
soserious1 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I agree 169%. However, there's a difference between simply keeping someone updated and asking permission. If I call home on any given night to say that a meeting with a client has dragged on for longer than expected and I won't be home at said time, I don't want someone giving me a mouthful for supposedly being "inconsiderate". Nor do I want a lecture if I arrive home at 6.35pm when I said I'd be home at 6.30. Nor do I want to have to ask permission to go hiking in the mountains with my friends on the weekend. Frankly, I had enough of that when I was a kid. Who said anything even remotely like what you are talking about? I certainly didn't.
Golfilla Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 It depends on the situation. If the wife feels that her husband constantly chooses his job over his family life, she may feel he isn't being considerate of her need to have him around. Coming home 5 minutes late is a bit extreme, don't you think? I hope you consider women more reasonable than that. I don't stereotype women at all, either positively or negatively, but I've been in that situation before, and I'm not prepared to do it again. I'll make sure the next woman I get involved with isn't so pedantic about little things. Who said anything even remotely like what you are talking about? I certainly didn't. Oh dear, clarification time again. I was simply pointing out that I have no problem calling someone and letting them know I'll be home late (which is what you referred to unless I'm mistaken), but I'm not about to start asking someone for permission, which plenty of posts in this thread have alluded to, including the OP.
soserious1 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) I don't stereotype women at all, either positively or negatively, but I've been in that situation before, and I'm not prepared to do it again. I'll make sure the next woman I get involved with isn't so pedantic about little things. Oh dear, clarification time again. I was simply pointing out that I have no problem calling someone and letting them know I'll be home late (which is what you referred to unless I'm mistaken), but I'm not about to start asking someone for permission, which plenty of posts in this thread have alluded to, including the OP. I'm certainly not suggesting that anybody should have to ask permission or beg forgiveness for being held over late at work or for wanting to do things with friends. What I am saying is that when you choose to live with somebody you owe them some basic courtesies.Taking 60 seconds to say "I have a chance to go hiking this weekend, we don't have any commitments do we? " is not some horrible thing, picking up the phone and saying "I'm going to be held over late at work, you and the kids go ahead and eat" is simple human decency. If people consider doing those kinds of things as evidence that they are "whipped" then I suggest they avoid all but the most fleeting of relationships. I mean seriously, if we're running late to get to work, we call, if we can't cover a shift or take on a project for a work peer we let em know quickly and we're nice about it, why do we need to be ignorant with the people we supposedly care most about? Edited January 5, 2010 by soserious1
Golfilla Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I mean seriously, if we're running late to get to work, we call, if we can't cover a shift or take on a project for a work peer we let em know quickly and we're nice about it, why do we need to be ignorant with the people we supposedly care most about? We don't need to be ignorant about anyone, and I'm certainly not suggesting we should, but courtesy needs to be a two-way street. For example, if I'm going hiking or camping on a particular weekend, I'll have it worked out well in advance (I don't wait for the weather forecast because I like going out in the rain). If I'm going to a concert or a sporting event, I'll have the tickets bought in advance. This is the time for my partner to speak up if she wants to do something different that weekend. I've been in situations where I've been planning something well in advance and have said as much, and been told on Friday that the other person wants me to do something else. If that comes up, the answer is "no". Of course, they are free to do something else if they so desire, but it won't change my weekend plans. And if this clash happens every weekend, then we're probably both better off with other people.
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