alphamale Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 marriage basically benefits woman & children the most
Eve Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Not meaning to bash wives or anything, but I am finding this to be a common trend lately...in fact, I had to go seek out new friendships and let past ones dissolves due to this issue. OR....are they really whipped? Or the husbands actually want to spend their time joined at the hip with their sig other? For instance, there's this 30 something married couple, married for about 4 years now....we have had an opportunity to see the opening of Wolverine...our "troupe" of friends were all looking forward to seeing this flick. One of the guys couldn't make it because his wife would be getting home after work when he would be away if he did go to the movies with us. And I'm thinking, "She doesn't have a key to let herself in? LOL" Either he WANTS to be home when she gets home from work, or.......he feels obligated or "Whipped" to be there when she gets home. It this normal or unhealthy? I think family priorities naturally take over. Usually various interests will still be held but do not over take the priorities. Sort of part and parcel of compromise and all that. My friends dont come first anymore and they accept this... but at times I will prioritise them and Hubby and the kids accept this and vise versa. Being 'whipped' to me means that the person has no say in how this pattern forms or is maintained with their partner and family. Anyway, hopefully each would want to be together and so no ill feeling would be present. Whats hard about that? Take care, Eve xx
carhill Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 *Pussy whipped* When your woman has removed your balls and then filled the sack with a LoJack to track your every move!! It's when you ask your friend to come out with you, but he has to go with his girlfriend to a craft show just so he can get some poon tang afterwards. (1) adj - situation whereupon a male is undeniably at the mercy of his high-maintenance girlfriend & answers to her every beck and call, usually followed by the reprioritizing of girlfriend over friends, family, school, food, water, and air. (2) adj - making decisions based on the incentive of sex 0------ The last is key, especially where the dynamic of sexual intimacy and love has been conditioned upon specific responses. As everything is with women, it is never blatant and in-your-face, but rather subtle and often almost imperceptible as a methodology. For example, if I irritate my wife by talking to farmer Joe in the driveway for too long, irrespective of lack of other commitments, and she lets that irritation/annoyance impede intimacy and affection that is otherwise appropriate to the M, she is conditioning me to react in a certain way based on how it makes her feel, regardless of the health or balance of those feelings. It's simple manipulation. If I annoy her, I am denied love and affection. If I let her do that over time, I become pussy whipped. This is where having firm boundaries, other options, and not being afraid of going it alone benefits one. A healthy mix of love and caring less. There are dynamics which reverse the genders but we're talking about whipped men here and the dynamics of and motivations for that psychology.
Woggle Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Most married men I know pretty much bend over backwards for their wives who couldn't care less about them. The wives complain about everything under the sun and the men cut off their balls trying to please them which never happens. I also know of marriages where the man has the upper hand. In fact the only equal marriages I know of are mine and a few friends.
nddb Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I like to spend time with my wife but I'm of the opinion that letting the wife call the shots all the time (or even most of the time) is a huge mistake in a marriage. Call me old-fashioned (or chauvinistic or a pig, whatever...) but we humans are pack oriented. There's an alpha dog in every pack. This alpha dog dotes on his wife and loves to spend time with her. But I won't go with her every suggestion or demand. If she gets her way every time, the baseline is all screwed up. How would she ever know that I'm doing something out of love versus out of being a push-over?
Spooky84 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I believe that some men are born to be whipped. I have had more than one friend growing up that got whipped by every girl they dated and eventually ended up in a marriage where they literally could not leave the house except to go to work. For some men being whippable is just another personality trait I think.
giotto Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 One of the guys couldn't make it because his wife would be getting home after work when he would be away if he did go to the movies with us. And I'm thinking, "She doesn't have a key to let herself in? LOL" No, he is just hoping he will get sex... what a fool! A couple of other married guys I knew always had to "see if their wife had anything planned for that night" I'd ask him if he'd want to hang out, grab dinner on Fri night....and he'd say, "Well, gotta see what the wife's got planned..." Eventually this phrase got repetitive, and thus that's why I sought out friends. .....single ones...or friends who had sig. others or spouses that didn't henpeck them or whip them. I don't find it odd... we always ask each other if we have anything planned before we agree to some sort of actvity outside the house, but that's because we have children and someone has to look after them! I believe that men who are "whippable" are so because they want an easy life and are not that bothered about what's going on... you could call me "whippable", for example. Or at least I was. Also, psychologically, some men try and find reassurance in their own wife's love and appreciation, so they tend to turn into "yes men"... the typical doormat syndrome...
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I'm of the opinion that a married man who discusses his plans with his wife before finalizing them is caring and considerate. And one who doesn't is a selfish dipwad who treats his wife like a piece of furniture. Also goes the other way.
Woggle Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I'm of the opinion that a married man who discusses his plans with his wife before finalizing them is caring and considerate. And one who doesn't is a selfish dipwad who treats his wife like a piece of furniture. Also goes the other way. I agree but many men I know can't sneeze without their wives throwing a fit. When I ask a friend of he wants to do something they have to ask their wife permission like a parent asks his mommy. I have never asked another permission to live my life so why start now?
parky-our-zeppelin Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 If you're in your mid-20s to 30s, people are getting married. Once you get married, you spend your life with somebody. Since I've started dating my current girlfriend, it's probably true that I've hung out with my other friends less, but it's out of choice, and it's not like I've ignored them completely or dropped off the face of the earth. The fact is that I actually enjoy spending time with her more than I do with them, which is a quality that's sort of inherent in marrying someone. It doesn't mean they aren't my friends any more, but yeah, they're lower on the totem pole, and she is much more important to me. It's really a good thing, and if you're approaching the my-friends-are-all-married age, you should be thinking less about your married friends and more about finding someone yourself, because you're starting to move toward the exception rather than the rule in being single.
Woggle Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 If you're in your mid-20s to 30s, people are getting married. Once you get married, you spend your life with somebody. Since I've started dating my current girlfriend, it's probably true that I've hung out with my other friends less, but it's out of choice, and it's not like I've ignored them completely or dropped off the face of the earth. The fact is that I actually enjoy spending time with her more than I do with them, which is a quality that's sort of inherent in marrying someone. It doesn't mean they aren't my friends any more, but yeah, they're lower on the totem pole, and she is much more important to me. It's really a good thing, and if you're approaching the my-friends-are-all-married age, you should be thinking less about your married friends and more about finding someone yourself, because you're starting to move toward the exception rather than the rule in being single. This is not true. The majority of my friends are more family to me than my blood relatives and I will always make time for them and drop everything if they need me. I also know most of the single ones will never be as lucky as I am and I will not be one of those married guys that forget the men who were their before. The reason why many men fall to pieces is that they have let their wives slowly chip away at their support system so when she is no longer attracted to the shell of a man she is married he has nowhere to turn. If a man nurtures his friendships he has a place to fall if his wife turns on him.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I agree but many men I know can't sneeze without their wives throwing a fit. When I ask a friend of he wants to do something they have to ask their wife permission like a parent asks his mommy. I have never asked another permission to live my life so why start now? I think it's a matter of perception. Some men resent sharing their life with someone and see the courtesy of "Hey, the guys want to do X on Sunday, that okay with you?" (which wives tend to view as just that--a courtesy) as 'having to ask permission'. Again, that goes both ways. Some wives also resent having to be courteous to their life partner. I think these people should just stay single. And for lawd's sake, don't breed! Kids will suck the life out of free spirit.
carhill Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Another contributory factor is how men bond, which is generally over shared interests and pursuits. As a man's interests shift more towards family and children, those bonds with male friends, especially single ones, can weaken and eventually shift to acquaintances or no contact at all, simply because they no longer have 'anything in common'. Women bond with female friends differently and have a different dynamic within those friendships which is largely unaffected by relationships or marriage. During our M, my stbx saw death, divorce, babies, break-ups and all the normal things of life happen within her circle of female friends and that circle remained largely, near completely, unbroken. That's very instructive. To me, examining my own psychology, any propensity for 'being whipped' came down to fear, mainly fear of abandonment by someone who I had committed to love and support for life. My sense of self-worth at the time was too weak to overcome that fear. Time and MC strengthened it to the point where I began to care less and see I had options and could meaningfully challenge an unhealthy dynamic. I did and now have no fear and a better understanding of the dynamic of 'being whipped' and how to avoid it in the future.
HeyThere Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 The reason why many men fall to pieces is that they have let their wives slowly chip away at their support system so when she is no longer attracted to the shell of a man she is married he has nowhere to turn. If a man nurtures his friendships he has a place to fall if his wife turns on him. I think it’s extremely important to have balance in one’s life and an outside network of buddies helps. Woogle, you seem to expect your wife to not be there in the long run(?) – where does this fear come from? I’m grateful for my marriage. I see the possible pitfalls in any relationship – but I don’t plant those seeds in mine. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Card carrying member of CRAP – Citizens Resisting Acronym Proliferation
RedDevil66 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I love carhill and his replies............smart guy with tons of sense Now having said this, I do think men get "whipped" easily. I've never wanted a man who was whipped, but did and do respect when my BF would ask me first before he made plans. And that is only because I don't get to see him much now. If we lived together and were together a lot, I would and have encouraged him to make other plans and do stuff alone. Now, I have a friend who tells her BF what to wear, how to eat, what to eat. She gives him an allowance and he makes more money. He is so whipped, (and this is not a joke), he calls her "mommy" She is a control freak and he's whipped and I feel sad for him Now she is forcing him to get married. Poor bast$ard!
Woggle Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Your friend is wrong for how she treats him but he has the choice not to marry her.
Woggle Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I think it’s extremely important to have balance in one’s life and an outside network of buddies helps. Woogle, you seem to expect your wife to not be there in the long run(?) – where does this fear come from? I’m grateful for my marriage. I see the possible pitfalls in any relationship – but I don’t plant those seeds in mine. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Card carrying member of CRAP – Citizens Resisting Acronym Proliferation I love her dearly and trust more than I have any woman but I am all too aware of the walkaway wife craze and the fact that women today cheat like it is nothing so I am careful. Plus even if I were single I would never give up my adopted family. If it weren't for some of my friends I would have starved to death on the streets and I will never forget that.
RedDevil66 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Your friend is wrong for how she treats him but he has the choice not to marry her. sure he has a choice, but he doesnt know he has a choice. They've ben together 19 yrs, since he was 19 yrs old, She has him by the balls and he would not say no to her. He didn't even ask her to marry him. She just made all the arragements to go away and get married. He will just show up She told us she's only marrying him in case he dies and she wont have access to his pension. Not to mention, she also cheated on him over 10 times. He has no clue! She's the devil!
Woggle Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 sure he has a choice, but he doesnt know he has a choice. They've ben together 19 yrs, since he was 19 yrs old, She has him by the balls and he would not say no to her. He didn't even ask her to marry him. She just made all the arragements to go away and get married. He will just show up She told us she's only marrying him in case he dies and she wont have access to his pension. Not to mention, she also cheated on him over 10 times. He has no clue! She's the devil! I must say I am pleasently surprised that you don't have a you go girl mentality towards this situation. Call me sexist but I think that most encourage this type of thing in each other.
RedDevil66 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I must say I am pleasently surprised that you don't have a you go girl mentality towards this situation. Call me sexist but I think that most encourage this type of thing in each other. No way, I am in my mid 40's and have no time for this sort of behavior. She's been my closest friend since we were both 13 yrs old. I've finally cut her out of my life. It was tough but no way would I encourage this sort of behavior in anyone. Male or female!
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Not to mention, she also cheated on him over 10 times. He has no clue! She's the devil! Why don't you clue him in?
carhill Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 sure he has a choice, but he doesnt know he has a choice. Key component of the psychology of being 'whipped'. It's social conditioning, a process which takes place both in public and private. The driveway episode in the OP is an example of the public part. It was only when friends commented to me privately that I came to understand what was happening in public to myself, as I had been so conditioned to accept it. That was completely my responsibility. My stbx knew I wouldn't challenge her in public because I'm a gentleman and don't make a scene, again, in my specific case, with a root in fear, fear of social rejection. That was another fear to overcome, one rooted in the low self-esteem of the moment. I like and generally agree with Wog's perspective on this topic; my only reservation is I would wish it to come from more of a positive place, rather than as a reaction to female past and present behaviors. IOW, see not 'being whipped' as a solitary positive, not relative to what women do or do not do or perceive. Part of that process is acceptance of their actions and perceptions. Accept the annoyance, irritation, manipulation, whatever as separate from and irrelevant to the health of making independent, loving and caring decsions based on one's own perspective. I would say, amongst my circle of male friends, most of whom have been married 25+ years, the men who seem the most content in their M's are the ones who visibly accept the reaction of their spouses to their actions without specific concern in that moment; they are loving and generous but those actions do not interfere with their autonomy. In the moment, if they feel their spouses actions or words are unwarranted or unfair, they accept them as such and continue without concern, maintaining autonomy. As I write this, I am reminded of how my stbx reacted to me. Very similar. She didn't visibly care. If there had been some balance (global caring versus situational caring), we'd likely still be married
RedDevil66 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Why don't you clue him in? Man, I have struggled with this question myself for MANY years! Our whole gang (we are about 5 friends) all know and we all sit baffled at what to do. Some say he should know, some say it's not our place to tell. I actually started a thread about this situation. This guy would be destroyed if he knew. Maybe it's best he lives in his la la land?! Not sure. I am really conflicted! By the way, he's a GREAT guy! The best! He was with her every step of the way when she was dying. She was 80 lbs with no hair and he took care of her for 2 yrs. wow! I feel sad!
RedDevil66 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Key component of the psychology of being 'whipped'. It's social conditioning, a process which takes place both in public and private. The driveway episode in the OP is an example of the public part. It was only when friends commented to me privately that I came to understand what was happening in public to myself, as I had been so conditioned to accept it. That was completely my responsibility. My stbx knew I wouldn't challenge her in public because I'm a gentleman and don't make a scene, again, in my specific case, with a root in fear, fear of social rejection. That was another fear to overcome, one rooted in the low self-esteem of the moment. I like and generally agree with Wog's perspective on this topic; my only reservation is I would wish it to come from more of a positive place, rather than as a reaction to female past and present behaviors. IOW, see not 'being whipped' as a solitary positive, not relative to what women do or do not do or perceive. Part of that process is acceptance of their actions and perceptions. Accept the annoyance, irritation, manipulation, whatever as separate from and irrelevant to the health of making independent, loving and caring decsions based on one's own perspective. I would say, amongst my circle of male friends, most of whom have been married 25+ years, the men who seem the most content in their M's are the ones who visibly accept the reaction of their spouses to their actions without specific concern in that moment; they are loving and generous but those actions do not interfere with their autonomy. In the moment, if they feel their spouses actions or words are unwarranted or unfair, they accept them as such and continue without concern, maintaining autonomy. As I write this, I am reminded of how my stbx reacted to me. Very similar. She didn't visibly care. If there had been some balance (global caring versus situational caring), we'd likely still be married is it social conditioning or maybe a gentic mutation of women ;-) I've yet to meet a women (Including myself) who has not tried to control a man at one point or another. My BF puts up with a lot of my actions and he won't ever react. But the other day we were out doing groceries and he was getting annoyed that I was taking too long. I ignored his pleas to "hurry it up" because I didn't think he was that annoyed. Well he got mad, reacted and actually raised his voice to me in public. I listened, I left the store and apologized. He took his balls back, so to speak and I respected that. I was not trying to control, I just was! But you're right, I think men just accept the the actions of their spouses.
eeyore1981 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I must say I am pleasently surprised that you don't have a you go girl mentality towards this situation. Call me sexist but I think that most encourage this type of thing in each other. Sexist. Your attitude towards women is quite disturbing, especially considering your wife, by your posts, seems to be such a good person.
Recommended Posts