dannie19 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I've been using Loveshack for a couple of days now & thanks to the advice I received to my problem & the many other problems I've read about I've really had my eyes opened and I've decided it's time to call it a day with the man I've been having an affair with for just over a year. He sent me a text this morning accusing me of being with someone else! We've had no contact since then. My problem is I work with him, I can't leave my job, so I wondered if anyone else out there has been in this position and can give me some tips on what to do when I encounter him at work? I know he'll try to talk to me, he'll want to be mates and will keep smiling at me. We've been here before but this time I don't want to backtrack, not a step. I've had a gutful, I am soooo angry and want and need to stay it.
tiredofit Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Wish I had some tips but I don't. I dealing the same situation myself. good luck. Why the hell do I feel like a High school kid. ? You'd think by my age I could deal with this crap
tiredofit Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I've had a gutful, I am soooo angry and want and need to stay it. Iv'e tried the angry thing too, can't stay with it. Besides if I did would only cause more problems at work due to oour positions.
Author dannie19 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Thanks for at least letting me know you are in the same position. It all helps!
tiredofit Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I know he'll try to talk to me, he'll want to be mates and will keep smiling at me. . I actually started a thread called "that smile" It's hard dannie. Some days I'm good , others my my mind wanders way too much.Like today. Not working with her till mid next week. Hoping I can get my head together before then. I'm seriously thinking of looking for another job.
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Read the caliguy No contact guide in my signature. What makes it all the more important, is that he too, works under the same roof as his ex. He absolutely ignores her completely, avoids eye contact and blanks her totally, unless it's something to specifically do with work. Then, he deals with that, and that alone. In a professional, detached and impersonal manner. Do the same. Read the guide, and know - it can be done. And it's made all the easier by their childish attitude. Whatever you do, never rise to the bait, and never, ever let them see they're getting to you. Good luck!
Author dannie19 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Thanks for that link to NC guide. I can't find 'that smile' though. Oh, am dreading work on Monday. If you really are able to look for another job that would be a great new start and you should go for it but I can't at the moment. Maybe he'll leave!
WhereToGoFromHere Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Find a new job, a better one. Yeah I know, easier said than done. Especially now in this world. Maybe at least see whats out there. Other than that, TaraMaiden has it right. Read the guide. I don't work with my AP so the NC is easier(still virtually impossible). I can't imagine running into her. If that happened I know I'd completely cave in. I'd need a rubber room for sure. Dannie, you've I'm sure noticed on this site that there are lots of people here in your same situation. You are not alone.
fooled once Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 IF he causes you issues at work, I will let him know if he doesn't treat you as a co-worker and treat you respectfully, you will file a hostile work environment complaint with HR.
jj33 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 With all due respect to Fooled DO NOT GO TO HR. You dont say if he is married, but if he is, that cant be good for you. If he isnt they will think you are being a baby. The fact that he tries to speak to you is not sexual harrassment. Is he your boss? If so then there may be ramifications but even so just follow the advice above and DONT go to HR. This sort of thing is an unwelcome problem for HR which is an unwelcome problem for your employer - noone wants to be the cause of an unwelcome problem. If he gets out of hand and threatens your job that is another story but just because he speaks to you or wants to speak to you abou the past - that is yours to deal with. I fell down repeatedly on the not rising to the bait. Be careful that was my undoing and it caused me a lot of problems. Just keep your dignity and follow the above re keeping a distance but for essential professional contact. Cry at home, rant at home punch a punching bag, dont let him see you sweat.
Recommended Posts