xoxo88 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I woke up this morning thinking again how unfair life is. I was thinking about all the couples that i know who reunited, people whose stories i read who reunited. They did get a second chance even after horrible things like cheating or lying big time. I didn't get a second chance. When my ex broke up with me i didn't even had the chance to say anything. It was his desire and that was it. He didn't even break up with me live to say so. He broke up with me online. He simply refused to meet me. Can you imagine how much i repulsed him if he didn't want to meet me one last time? How much it would have stolen from his precious time? 30 mins. No matter what you say this IS humiliating... And selfish. He just refused to see me to end things the right way even though he knew it was important to me.
lostboyuk Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Hey you.....stop it right now! You're just assuming all those things because you feel that way right now. Nothing to do with repulsion, all to do with his act of cowardice in not coming to see you. It's likely he has guilt and to have told you to your face would have meant more guilt for him, coward. Trust me, think you know my story now, dumped on the phone 2 days after Xmas after being on my own for 3 days! Do I feel cheated, yes. Do I feel I wasn't good enough, yes. But I know I may have made some honest mistakes in the past, I did not deserve to be treated like that. The problems do not lye with you and me, they lie with the people who couldn't face up to their own responsibilities. To top it all I got a small text from her at midnight, I know it wasn't her letting me know she was thinking about me. It was her trying to appease her own guilt!
HeavenOrHell Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 He sounds like a selfish coward Yes that is SO humiliating. I wish I could have a second chance too, not that I did anything terrible, I took him back twice in the past when lots of people said I shouldn't have done as he might leave again. Your ex doesn't deserve you and it wouldn't be a case of him giving you a second chance it's more does he deserve a second chance from you after all this?! I woke up this morning thinking again how unfair life is. I was thinking about all the couples that i know who reunited, people whose stories i read who reunited. They did get a second chance even after horrible things like cheating or lying big time. I didn't get a second chance. When my ex broke up with me i didn't even had the chance to say anything. It was his desire and that was it. He didn't even break up with me live to say so. He broke up with me online. He simply refused to meet me. Can you imagine how much i repulsed him if he didn't want to meet me one last time? How much it would have stolen from his precious time? 30 mins. No matter what you say this IS humiliating... And selfish. He just refused to see me to end things the right way even though he knew it was important to me.
Author xoxo88 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Hey you.....stop it right now! Nothing to do with repulsion, all to do with his act of cowardice in not coming to see you. Nothing to do with repulsion? I don't think so. The last time we met i wasn't even his girlfriend anymore (of course i had no idea about that) it was obvious he didn't want me there, i could tell it was a burden to stand me by the way he kissed me that night. Also when we broke up (i mean when he announced me i was no longer his girlfriend) he told me there was no use to force ourselves into o relationship that's not meant to be. Can you believe it!? Force?? So that's how he felt next to me, forced...
curiousnycgirl Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 No I do not believe it had anything to do with repulsion. I believe it was 100% cowardice and humiliation on his part. Other than the effect it had on you, I do not believe his refusal ot meet iwth you had anything to do with you. You mention the way he kissed you - hey he was kissing you. It didn't make him gag. And if it did - did you morph into somethng different than who or what you were when you two first met? Nope sorry I do not believe his refusal to meet up has anything to do with you - it's all about his stupid, immature, selfish, a$$
lostboyuk Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 It isn't you it is him, repulsed is the word you used. This is how you feel, not what is actually true, it just seems that way. I do know exactly how this feels, please trust me. I may have driven her backwards making it more difficult for her to 'like me' because there is an instant barrier when 2 people want different things, where they may used to have wanted the same thing. Remember we are the ones who understand the way we feel, they often do not so show behaviour that shocks us. I've done my soul searching and know I am comfortable with me, I know I would fight for what I know was/is good and if it got harder I would simply try harder, you can fight while you're together but at this point fighting for it only makes it worse. Please think of you, this is a chance for us to learn about us.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Even if he had actually called you repulsive, it would not mean you are!! If someone stops loving us this does not mean we are suddenly repulsive. I feel unlovable because I've been dumped, but I know that isn't true really it is just my self esteem trying to bring me down!
Author xoxo88 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Ok let's pretend the way he broke up with me was just cowardice. But what about the fact that he told somebody else we had already broken up before i had any idea it was even in his plans? You really must have something against the other person to do that.
nobmagnet Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 he sounds a right peice of work. He has no courage at all. He had obviously been planning this a while befe he actally got round to telling you! Git. He doesnt deserve you love. I recon he is a contender for Sh*t of the year 2009. xxx
HeavenOrHell Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 We don't have to pretend it was cowardly to dump someone by text, internet, it IS. The fact he told someone you'd already broken up before he even left you is a really low thing to do, he should have told he wasn't happy, given you some indication. How does the fact he did those things have any bearing on how you are as a person? If I said to you I was dumped by text for example and that he told a friend we were already over before we were, or that he didn't want to kiss me, would you think that I am therefore repulsive? Ok, he didn't do it that way, he did give me good warning etc and told me face to face, but he did leave me out of the blue twice before and I didn't deserve that. Am I repulsive because he fell out of love with me after 18 years?! I might not have good self esteem, I never have, but I am not repulsive because he no longer loves me. We are still the same person they fell in love with, we weren't repulsive then and we're not now. Ok let's pretend the way he broke up with me was just cowardice. But what about the fact that he told somebody else we had already broken up before i had any idea it was even in his plans? You really must have something against the other person to do that.
Author xoxo88 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 We don't have to pretend it was cowardly to dump someone by text, internet, it IS. The fact he told someone you'd already broken up before he even left you is a really low thing to do, he should have told he wasn't happy, given you some indication. How does the fact he did those things have any bearing on how you are as a person? If I said to you I was dumped by text for example and that he told a friend we were already over before we were, or that he didn't want to kiss me, would you think that I am therefore repulsive? Ok, he didn't do it that way, he did give me good warning etc and told me face to face, but he did leave me out of the blue twice before and I didn't deserve that. Am I repulsive because he fell out of love with me after 18 years?! I might not have good self esteem, I never have, but I am not repulsive because he no longer loves me. We are still the same person they fell in love with, we weren't repulsive then and we're not now. You are right. It is him not me for what he did. I know he had no idea about the fact that the depression was the cause of my careless behaviour, but still what he did was low. If you don't like your relationship, go on and end it. But do it like a man, without disrespecting your partner like that.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Exactly You are right. It is him not me for what he did. I know he had no idea about the fact that the depression was the cause of my careless behaviour, but still what he did was low. If you don't like your relationship, go on and end it. But do it like a man, without disrespecting your partner like that.
LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 You are right. It is him not me for what he did. I know he had no idea about the fact that the depression was the cause of my careless behaviour, but still what he did was low. If you don't like your relationship, go on and end it. But do it like a man, without disrespecting your partner like that. You've just said it...he's NOT a man. I bet the majority of us have exes that didn't even do what's called a "break-up"" they just BAILED! Your ex is a coward like everyone says. You shouldn't want that kind of trash back. Think. If he were to pound on your door right now and had flowers and tears running down his face begging you to come back...would you take him back? At this stage, you probably would. That should tell you right there that you need to be apart from him for a long time and probably period. How do I know this kind of test, my ex did just that several times. He haas texted, called and e-mailed me. He came over a few nights ago to ask me to wait on him to dump his new fiance' after he gets back from Afghanistan. Did you catch that? My ex wants me to "wait" for him in the off chance he wants me back. I am being treated like crap, the new fiance' is being treated like crap and he is crap himself. Biggest of all red flags is his idotic notion that I am that desperate. DON'T let your ex back in until you feel indifferent. A fellow LS member told me that and that is the best feeling to have. Indifference and apathy toward your ex WILL come. I have exes that I lost my mind in tears over and at least 3 of them are my Facebook friends. One of them is married and he is beyond being my platonic buddy! I am honest to heart happy that I am not with any of them, PLUS I am friends with them after time apart. Until you can feel that you CAN live without your ex...then you cannot under any circumstances, let your ex back in your life. You will just get your heart broken again and trust a lot of us...there IS such a thing as hurting even worse the second time from the same person.
Author xoxo88 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 I think what stopped me for so long to see how lame it is what he did was the guilt. The depression made me so...uninterested. Uninterested in life generally. Now i know the way i acted made him feel like i didn't care. When i think about the way i was back then i just can't believe it. I remember how sometimes i hated myself for the way i was acting. I was so happy and enthusastic in my heart every time i saw him but couldn't really show him any tiny bit of affection. Depression makes you react slower, your level of energy is lower, you lose your apetite, you lose interest in everything. It transforms you into a robot with a sad face. I posted a thread explaining how i was and someone said i didn't even deserve to be called his girlfriend and suggested some really lame break ups for a behaviour like that. So i guess i messed up too. But still i don't agree with a lame break up in any situation. How do you find peace when you know exactly what your feelings were but you had to pay for something that wasn't true? I know there's no one else to blame but me for my actions but it is so unfair... Depression is an illness. There's a point to where you can blame the ill. It's like blaming the one with an ill heart for being ill. You can blame him for not taking care of himself and getting ill, but once the illness is there he can't control it anymore. So this is why it has been haunting me for so long. Maybe he did it just to get back at me, or maybe he did it because he's a loser. I don't know if i'll ever convince myself what was the real reason for his actions. All i want is to move on and find peace. Forgive him? I don't think i ever could. You forgive mistakes, not things done intentionally. I just want to get to the point where i no longer care about it.
Author xoxo88 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Every morning is a sad one lately... They say what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. How much longer do i have to wait until that's going to be true? This experience only made me weaker. I walk through life sad, bitter, even more insecure. How can you trust anybody again after something like that? Maybe one day everything i've learned from this will be useful but deep inside i'll never be whole again. The price to pay for those little tips was much to high. And maybe they won't even be useful. I couldn't see it coming this time and i might not see it coming next time. When i look back i still can't blame myself for not seeing the signs because there were no signs he was such an idiot. Some people are very good at pretending. They make it look like nothing's wrong then out of the blue they cut you down. So is this experience ever going to be worth all that pain? Man i don't know...
Author xoxo88 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 How long was your relationship ? 1.5 months. Don't tell me this is an excuse for anything that he did because it certainly isn't.
DenverBachelor Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 1.5 months. Don't tell me this is an excuse for anything that he did because it certainly isn't. Six weeks? That's the dating zone -- I don't think anyone can call themselves in a "relationship" so soon. Well, they could, but that's rushing it a little. I'm not downplaying your emotions but come on, you need to get out and date and not get hung up over some guy you were with for six weeks.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I agree with DB, 6 weeks isn't really a relationship, you don't have a deep bond there like I did/do with my ex after 18 years. I can understand why you are upset but I thought you had been with him for years. No the way he split up with you isn't nice but it isn't easy dating someone with depression and maybe he was/is feeling hurt too. Me and my ex both suffer with depression (I also suffer with anxiety). Are you getting help for your depression? I'm wondering if you need to get the depression under control before dating again?
Author xoxo88 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Yeah i did get professional help and i also turned to some self help books to pull through. Dating should definetely be saved for the times you don't suffer from depression. I saw it myself it doesn't work.
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