scottishlassy Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I am currently in total shock! My husband came home yesterday afternoon, 2 days before our 17th anniversary and tells me that he has changed since his accident and is not the same person that he was before and now wants a divorce! This has come out of the blue for me, but he says that he has been thinking about it for 8 or 9 months now. My husband was in a motorcycle accident a year and a half ago. He was not wearing a helmet and suffered a head injury as well as broken bones in his face, ribs and shoulder. For 2 weeks I sat by his bedside as he was laying in a drug induced coma on a ventilator. For a month after, I was with him as much as possible helping with his rehab and getting him back to health. I thought I would die if he didn't pull through. And this is the thanks I get for my love and devotion to him! A knife in the back with the explanation of "I've changed since the accident. I'm not the same person I was before. I want a divorce." So now, I am sitting here balling my eyes out, wanting to just scream and throw things at him, wondering how stupid could I possibly be?
soserious1 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I've seen a lot of folks over the years in my career who'd suffered the kind of head injury your husband has, chances are good he is a different person now. Chances are also good that over time you'd begin to see a lot of unattractive personality traits and problematic behaviors as result of his injury. Lot of head injurt folks end up unemployable, they struggle with drug and alcohol addictions, they get themselves into a lot of trouble socially, fiscally and legally. He might well be doing you a favor here.
Brightmoon Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I am currently in total shock! My husband came home yesterday afternoon, 2 days before our 17th anniversary and tells me that he has changed since his accident and is not the same person that he was before and now wants a divorce! This has come out of the blue for me, but he says that he has been thinking about it for 8 or 9 months now. My husband was in a motorcycle accident a year and a half ago. He was not wearing a helmet and suffered a head injury as well as broken bones in his face, ribs and shoulder. For 2 weeks I sat by his bedside as he was laying in a drug induced coma on a ventilator. For a month after, I was with him as much as possible helping with his rehab and getting him back to health. I thought I would die if he didn't pull through. And this is the thanks I get for my love and devotion to him! A knife in the back with the explanation of "I've changed since the accident. I'm not the same person I was before. I want a divorce." So now, I am sitting here balling my eyes out, wanting to just scream and throw things at him, wondering how stupid could I possibly be? I am so sorry you are going through this scottishlassy, (((hugs))). It sounds heartbreakingly cruel. Did you notice any changes in his personality after he got home? Was he a different with you after accident? Do you think there is anyone else? I can totally understand you anger and sense of betrayal.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 How incredibly painful, so sorry. Are there any professionals you could both go to for help and advice with this? My partner left me in july after 18 years, loved me but not in love anymore. So I understand to some extent what you are going through. Keep posting x
xpaperxcutx Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I would take the house and ask for alimony that amounts to at 3/4 of his income for emotional bereavement and whatever pain he put you through. If getting a divorce is making you go through hell right now, make him go through hell with the divorce procedures.
Author scottishlassy Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 I am so sorry you are going through this scottishlassy, (((hugs))). It sounds heartbreakingly cruel. Did you notice any changes in his personality after he got home? Was he a different with you after accident? Do you think there is anyone else? I can totally understand you anger and sense of betrayal. Yes, he has been different since the accident. He has been depressed ever since the accident. I have asked him to go get help, to talk to someone, and he always says no. We were talking one day and he said that he realized that he treats me like one of his crew members instead of his wife and that he needed to work on changing that. He just continually slips back into treating me as though I were one of his crew members. As far as there being anyone else. I really don't know. I never would have pegged him for being that type of person, but I never thought he would want a divorce either.
Author scottishlassy Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 How incredibly painful, so sorry. Are there any professionals you could both go to for help and advice with this? My partner left me in july after 18 years, loved me but not in love anymore. So I understand to some extent what you are going through. Keep posting x I don't think he wants to go that route. He has been house sitting for his friend and I think he has enjoyed his "freedom", and has just given up on the marriage.
Author scottishlassy Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Well, just when I thought things could not get worse, they did. Had it out with my husband this morning and found out that not only did he tell his best friend a week or so before he told me, but he also talked to two co-workers and his boss about wanting to get a divorce from me for the past month. To make matters worse, he told our two boys a month ago about his decision. He had absolutely no right to tell them and make them keep it a secret for a month. He had no right to tell them first before talking to me so we could both sit down with them and tell them together. I just feel so alone and betrayed! I feel so worthless!
Author scottishlassy Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Well, in the blink of an eye, he has decided that he wants a divorce for sure now. He wants to be able to buy another motorcycle and race it, he wants to skydive and do dangerous things. He doesn't want me around worrying about him. When I met this man, I thought he was the man that I was going to be married to for the rest of my life. I guess 17 years is pretty good and I am thankful that I had him for those 17 years. I hope we can both find the happiness that we both deserve in the near future. Rest in peace to the marriage of H and J.
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