drew86 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) My ex girlfriend broke up with me just after my birthday, around early October. The next 3 months were spent with her telling me she needs time, me finding out about a certain guy she was hanging out with a lot, her telling me not to move on because she hadn't, talking to me about marriage and moving in together once I was home and done school, etc. I had lots to hope for and hold onto, she literally said that once I was home for the holidays we would spend lots of time together and "get back to being the best couple ever". She flaked out on me pretty much every time. I got a little fed up and said you can't keep telling me that you love me everyday if you don't want to date me. Apparently she took that as me being cool with her to start sleeping with that same guy... I found out through some friends what was happening, sent some angry texts a couple days before Christmas saying to "keep your presents, I don't want to hear from you ever again, you disgust me" etc. I thought my heart couldn't get crushed anymore than it had - she was so convincing telling me everything was ok, but I see now that she was weaning herself off of me... using me as a crutch to move on. Every year we used to go to the same party on new years eve... tonight that won't be happening. We've been NC since Christmas day, and I'm pretty sure she thinks it's because I don't care anymore, which is pretty much the opposite of what I feel. I've read many posts about NC and realize that I need to do it to protect myself and heal. I love that girl, but my pride won't let me ever get back with her. It's still hard to cope with how convinced I was about her wanting to get married... I was "the man I want to spend the rest of my life with" to her only a month ago... So I am still going to the party, she just won't be there this time. It hit me huge today how lonely I really am. I woke up at 4 this morning crying - I feel so weak and I hate that I can't be rational about it. I can't even fake a smile. What do you guys do to get through these important days you shared with your ex? How do you deal with the huge wave of emotions knowing they are spending it with someone new? Edited December 31, 2009 by drew86
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