aeh Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 And I agree with you Spark. There are many places that I will not go either be cause he went there at some point with her over the 10 month period. There is even a parking garage (!!!) which is near his office that anytime I drive down a major highway in our city, figures into the landscape (funny, I never noticed it before...now its like a behemoth to me!) where he used to go with her....it was the first place he had sex with her and the location of many of their trysts. But more bothersome are the restaurants, etc. Exactly, when there is a longer duration, there are more triggers to contend with. More anniversaries of events. The deception, the deception....
skylarblue Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I would think the length of an A would affect the chances for a “successful” reconciliation. It seems it’d be much harder to accept that your W/H looked/laid/lied at/to you for a number of years as oppose to a number of months. I don’t think the pain would hurt any less, but I do think the amount of doubt, confusion, and questions in the M would be greater. I’ve wondered if my MM’s M would stand a chance (other than in name) if his W ever discovered he’d seen me for years now. If he was honest I don’t know how it could. I think the longer the A the harder it’d become for the BS to convince themselves or believe the WS had any love, guilt, or remorse.
anne1707 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I think the longer the A the harder it’d become for the BS to convince themselves or believe the WS had any love, guilt, or remorse. I think that is probably right but the OW/OM also needs to protect themself and realise that the BS can actually still want to work on the marriage and that the WS may still want the marriage and the BS than they want the AP. I wonder whether in fact that there is a correlation between length of affair and the WS's desire to stay in the marriage, i.e. the longer the affair, the more the WS wants their marriage.
atlnay Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I wonder whether in fact that there is a correlation between length of affair and the WS's desire to stay in the marriage, i.e. the longer the affair, the more the WS wants their marriage. You lost me on that one the longer the WS stays in the affair the more he/she wants their M?
anne1707 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 You lost me on that one the longer the WS stays in the affair the more he/she wants their M? Yes - as in they never intend to leave the marriage. If the affair has been going on for a few years and the WS has not left the marriage then it is not unreasonable to think that is because they never intend to leave the marriage. The affair is "an extra" for them. After all, if the WS has a choice of a OW/OM who they say they love and who loves them back then surely they have something positive to look forward to if they left the marriage - but they still choose to stay. There must be something about the marriage that is wanted more than the affair.
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