White Flower Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Do you think it's possible to eventually fall in love with someone you don't feel 'chemistry' (sexual) on the first date. I met this guy last night.. he's amazing.. nice guy, pretty good looking, looks much younger for his age (he's 52).. retired, living on his investments and commercial/residential properties... We had a good time.. (no sex) just a peck on the cheek when I left.. at first I thought he wasn't that interested since he was kind of 'shy' and he came across (on the phone) as someone really NOT shy at all.. very social, outgoing.. likes to be in public.. etc. He told me he had book a trip down south for 10 days (leaving this Monday).. So I got up this morning and I have an email from him.. saying he was shy cause he was a little intimidated by me (he thought I was very good looking)... and he wants to see me again (invitation for a nice dinner)... Problem is ... I didn't feel much chemistry (sexual) on my part.. he's nice but it's just not there.. but I would LIKE to 'feel' more .. since this one would be a keeper.. he's got a lot of what I'm looking for.. (nice personality, money, good sense of humour) so far so good.. but I sooo want to feel more.. this would be my chance.. IMO... We don't meet 'keepers' every day.. Any advices, thoughts.. You came here for anwers but I have a question for you. How do you know there was no chemistry with just a peck on the cheek? I went out with someone a while back and got a hug. I didn't feel chemistry either, but I think my heart is still too tightly wound around You Know Who. Try kissing him next time...on that dinner date.
meerkat stew Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) It's not always that clear... chemistry is extremely 'complicated'... it can work with one person and not the other.. what makes it hot for one and not for the other.. it's not that easy to understand. He slouches and his posture is unattractive, he keeps physical distance from me, he is uncomfortable to maintain eye contact with, his accent is a bit annoying, he touches me in a casual but inviting way, his package hangs well in his pantaloons, his hands look very masculine, his eyes are active and intelligent... As detail oriented as women are in analyzing men, I just don't buy the over-reliance on the term "chemistry," and yes I'm making a mountain of a molehill, but it's keeping me from cracking that bottle of Maker's Downstairs and starting NYE a wee bit too early Happy NY to all BTW! This guy is quite attractive.. not as attractive as some guys I,ve been with.. he's a bit 'chubby' but my last ex was obese.. and I adored him.. Chubby as in no six pack or chubby as in floppy-arm-mooby wobbly? I have heard women acquaintances, etc. be rather -extremely- descriptive about sex and physical traits of men on many occasions, yet then hear these same women fall back on "chemistry?" waddup with that? he booked a trip down south, alone.. ALONE? Heavens what was he thinking? You make us sound like the Yanamami in the Amazon or something. We will be sure to keep the surly crackers and KKK from tearing him limb from limb down hyar, I reckon so I reckon, or by South do you mean Bogota level south? EDIT: Wait a minute, does this "chemistry" issue have anything to do with the fact that he didn't immediately invite you to come along on his trip down South? Is "chemistry" just a term for "injured vanity" here? Hmm? Edited December 31, 2009 by meerkat stew
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 I know.. he wasn't that shy... we laughed.. we chatted.. he didn't seem shy at all to me... I only found out in his email this morning that he was a bit shy .. he said he's usually shy around beautiful women.. (his word, in French though).. but he came across as not shy on the phone.. email, even while we were together.. so I thought he wasn't that interested.. but he was..
InspiredbyYou Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 No it doesn't happen Lizzie, not in my books it doesn't people claim to fall in love with people that they are not attracted to at first but I have tried never worked for me, and I doubt it ever will. I just ended up frustrated and stuck in a situation that was hard to get out of because I hate rejecting guys. Now in this particular instance I think you should give him a second chance to go out on a second date, because you say that he was being shy and acting as if he was not into you. I wonder if your perception of him and the attraction could be there if he were more animated and if he were more engaging? I would challenge myself to try one more time if that were the case. Unless of course there was something about him that totally turned you off that did not involve his shyness. I bet you any money you didn't find him attractive because he was being really shy, but if he comes out of his shell you will see him with better eyes. A shy date will always be unattractive no matter how hot he is, that's my take on it at least. I am not attracted to shy introverted guys...need someone more like me in that respect. Is that also what you like?
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Do you think it's possible to eventually fall in love with someone you don't feel 'chemistry' (sexual) on the first date. I met this guy last night.. he's amazing.. nice guy, pretty good looking, looks much younger for his age (he's 52).. retired, living on his investments and commercial/residential properties... We had a good time.. (no sex) just a peck on the cheek when I left.. at first I thought he wasn't that interested since he was kind of 'shy' and he came across (on the phone) as someone really NOT shy at all.. very social, outgoing.. likes to be in public.. etc. He told me he had book a trip down south for 10 days (leaving this Monday).. So I got up this morning and I have an email from him.. saying he was shy cause he was a little intimidated by me (he thought I was very good looking)... and he wants to see me again (invitation for a nice dinner)... Problem is ... I didn't feel much chemistry (sexual) on my part.. he's nice but it's just not there.. but I would LIKE to 'feel' more .. since this one would be a keeper.. he's got a lot of what I'm looking for.. (nice personality, money, good sense of humour) so far so good.. but I sooo want to feel more.. this would be my chance.. IMO... We don't meet 'keepers' every day.. Any advices, thoughts.. I think the chemistry will come when he's more comfortable, confident, and in his element. Think about it; what's the MAIN point of advice we give men to get women to like them better? My current gf I didn't feel a major click when I first met her but after seeing her a few more times I started to get really excited about her, as she came out of her shell. I think you should give this guy a few more chances and once he comes out of his shell you might feel the spark. Congrats on finding someone worth investing in!
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I know.. he wasn't that shy... we laughed.. we chatted.. he didn't seem shy at all to me... I only found out in his email this morning that he was a bit shy .. he said he's usually shy around beautiful women.. (his word, in French though).. but he came across as not shy on the phone.. email, even while we were together.. so I thought he wasn't that interested.. but he was.. I've seen your avatars, Lizzie. You ARE hot... I'm around beautiful women every week at salsa dancing and I still think I would be intimidated by you. I completely understand how this guy would be too.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 No it doesn't happen Lizzie, not in my books it doesn't people claim to fall in love with people that they are not attracted to at first but I have tried never worked for me, and I doubt it ever will. I just ended up frustrated and stuck in a situation that was hard to get out of because I hate rejecting guys. Now in this particular instance I think you should give him a second chance to go out on a second date, because you say that he was being shy and acting as if he was not into you. I wonder if your perception of him and the attraction could be there if he were more animated and if he were more engaging? I would challenge myself to try one more time if that were the case. Unless of course there was something about him that totally turned you off that did not involve his shyness. I bet you any money you didn't find him attractive because he was being really shy, but if he comes out of his shell you will see him with better eyes. A shy date will always be unattractive no matter how hot he is, that's my take on it at least. I am not attracted to shy introverted guys...need someone more like me in that respect. Is that also what you like? I think you are right... I like a more 'agressive' type of guy... one that will initiate the first kiss... we'll see.. .he might have gotten the 'hint' today when I answered his email... he might be 'more agressive' next time..
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 I think the chemistry will come when he's more comfortable, confident, and in his element. Think about it; what's the MAIN point of advice we give men to get women to like them better? My current gf I didn't feel a major click when I first met her but after seeing her a few more times I started to get really excited about her, as she came out of her shell. I think you should give this guy a few more chances and once he comes out of his shell you might feel the spark. Congrats on finding someone worth investing in! Thanks.. Phateless.. I hope you're right.. it would be fun (I think) to have a regular bf..
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 I've seen your avatars, Lizzie. You ARE hot... I'm around beautiful women every week at salsa dancing and I still think I would be intimidated by you. I completely understand how this guy would be too. aaahhh.. thank you..
sagetalk Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I've seen your avatars, Lizzie. You ARE hot... I'm around beautiful women every week at salsa dancing and I still think I would be intimidated by you. I completely understand how this guy would be too. By reading her post, I had a pretty good idea that she was attractive. Sometimes a woman's good looks are her own worst enemy, and, crazy as it sounds, can actually prevent her from finding happiness. The best looking girls I have known had a similar attitude of, "why isn't he all over me, he must not like me or he's gay". Lizzie60, if those are your feet in your avatar, I can say with 100% certainty I would be a little intimidated by you on a first date (I love tall, slim women ). The intimidation would have nothing to do with a lack of attraction or confidence at all. Sometimes, some women are just so hot it's all you can do to just breath when you first start meeting them.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Lizzie60, if those are your feet in your avatar... I know I love those sandals they are super hot!
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 aaahhh.. thank you.. Welcome. Give dude a chance to regain his composure and see what happens.
sagetalk Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I know I love those sandals they are super hot! LOL, I'm talking about what's in the sandals. Gorgeous feet .
alphamale Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Do you think it's possible to eventually fall in love with someone you don't feel 'chemistry' (sexual) on the first date. no i don't actually. the "spark" has to be there at first meeting
InspiredbyYou Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 LOL, I'm talking about what's in the sandals. Gorgeous feet . Yes of course the feet are gorgeous too...but if they are not Lizzie's then who cares...she still has good taste in shoes. Anyway, Lizzie I'd give him another chance maybe he comes out of his shell more the second time around.
sagetalk Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Yes of course the feet are gorgeous too...but if they are not Lizzie's then who cares...she still has good taste in shoes. Ah, the brick head (me) couldn't take the hint . Ah well, my intentions were good.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Ah, the brick head .... When I first read that I thought you were going to continue to say something about me....was going to say you are so tough on me!
Star Gazer Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I didn't read any of the responses in the thread, just the OP. But to answer your question, yes. I didn't feel mad sexual chemistry for my BF when I first met him. We had a different sort of chemistry, the kind that left me lingering, wanting to see him again, a sort of, "Wow, he's handsome and a great guy..." I figured that I didn't feel that mad sexual chemistry because he didn't generate any feelings of insecurity or drama, as all of the jacka$$es who came before him had - . Anyway, I don't know if that's what it was, but I'm REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY glad that I saw him again, and again, and again... :love: So yeah, give him another chance, and another, and another.
Sharla Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Do you think it's possible to eventually fall in love with someone you don't feel 'chemistry' (sexual) on the first date. Yes, but there has to be an element of physical attraction towards the other person, and a spark.
bayouboi Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 .. she was 'tickled' because he was flirting with another woman.... gosh we are stupid sometimes.. I understand and totally agree.. You are one of my favorite posters ^_^ I hope everything works out for you!
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 By reading her post, I had a pretty good idea that she was attractive. Sometimes a woman's good looks are her own worst enemy, and, crazy as it sounds, can actually prevent her from finding happiness. The best looking girls I have known had a similar attitude of, "why isn't he all over me, he must not like me or he's gay". Lizzie60, if those are your feet in your avatar, I can say with 100% certainty I would be a little intimidated by you on a first date (I love tall, slim women ). The intimidation would have nothing to do with a lack of attraction or confidence at all. Sometimes, some women are just so hot it's all you can do to just breath when you first start meeting them. Naahh.. they're not.. I wish I had feet like that though... but I loooove the sandals.. I love anything that has bows (I must have a 'bow fetish' ).. I have a pair of stockings that have a nice black bow on each wide band on the thighs... amazingly sexy.. and bows on each side of the thong or on the back...
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 I will give him another chance for sure... I got another email from him.. saying he will call before he leaves for his trip... He said he is hoping to take me out when he comes back.. We'll see..
sagetalk Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I have a pair of stockings that have a nice black bow on each wide band on the thighs... amazingly sexy.. and bows on each side of the thong or on the back... I'm so glad I brought this up .
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Well.. I've been sick for the last few days (flu).. so I didn't go out at all. He called last night, he's leaving tonight for Punta Cana. We talked for over 2 1/2 hours... He is definitely interested.. we'll see each other again... he said as soon as he comes back.. he'll take me out for dinner. He also said he will email me from the resort. He has lots of 'projects' so we'll see how that goes.. because for some of these projects I can't see myself in.. (he's planning to buy a condo in Florida )... but that can change.. What bugs me a little.. (I know it's ridiculous but..) it seems like he's trying too hard.. if I say something like I don't like this or that.. he will say like me... that he's not like that.. blablabla.. I have a feeling he wants to please me too much.. (gosh I wish I wasn't so hard on men ), like he's not being totally 'honest' just to 'please' me... it's hard to explain.. Wish me luck!
Ruby Slippers Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 What bugs me a little.. (I know it's ridiculous but..) it seems like he's trying too hard.. if I say something like I don't like this or that.. he will say like me... that he's not like that.. blablabla.. I have a feeling he wants to please me too much.. (gosh I wish I wasn't so hard on men ), like he's not being totally 'honest' just to 'please' me... it's hard to explain.. I totally get it. The guy I just finally broke things off with was the same way, and it felt a little tragic. He was very smitten and was trying SO HARD to please me that he kept fumbling. He kept trying to bend himself to fit what he thought I wanted, and I told him to just BE HIMSELF. I liked him a lot better when he just relaxed and did his thing without trying so hard. I took him to meet a couple of my friends, and they said the same thing: "He's obviously crazy about you and wants to impress you and your friends, but he needs to just RELAX." He was a great guy who seemed convinced, mistakenly, that I was "out of his league". He really did himself in. I hope your guy is more mature and can handle himself better!
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