horrorgirl Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I had a huge argument with my bf over money last week. we talked about things last night, and he wants to move out and be by himself for a while. he is even talking about moving to a different state to stay with family. I feel horrible because I said a lot of mean things. He has lost a loved one recently, and I have tried to help him through the difficult times. He moved in not because we were taking our relationship to the next level, but because it was more economical. I supported us for a while moneywise. He has contributed to the bills of the house, but at times, I got stressed because I needed more help and he was helping his family. I should have been more understanding, I was just stressed about trying to feed the both of us. I love him with all of my heart. I feel torn because at times I feel like we are so different----he is mellow, and I am amped up, he doesn't care for politics, and I adore them. We do not have a lot of things in common, except for our intense love and care for each other. I also don't think he is ready for a family, and I want to start one in a couple of years. I also worry that because I am more uptight about things, that he may find me nagging or boring and feel the need to stray. there was a couple of incidences where he texted another person. I don't think anything happened, but he did explain that he needed someone to talk to and that he didn't find that i was interested in the same things he was. I don't know how to feel because I love him so much, and i worry about finding someone who will love me as much as he does. I also feel that maybe i have been too hard on him and should have been more understanding. I worry also that our differences will cause us to drift further apart if we were to get married. Not sure what to do or feel, and could use your advice.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I had a huge argument with my bf over money last week. we talked about things last night, and he wants to move out and be by himself for a while. he is even talking about moving to a different state to stay with family. I feel horrible because I said a lot of mean things. He has lost a loved one recently, and I have tried to help him through the difficult times. He moved in not because we were taking our relationship to the next level, but because it was more economical. I supported us for a while moneywise. He has contributed to the bills of the house, but at times, I got stressed because I needed more help and he was helping his family. I should have been more understanding, I was just stressed about trying to feed the both of us. I love him with all of my heart. I feel torn because at times I feel like we are so different----he is mellow, and I am amped up, he doesn't care for politics, and I adore them. We do not have a lot of things in common, except for our intense love and care for each other. I also don't think he is ready for a family, and I want to start one in a couple of years. I also worry that because I am more uptight about things, that he may find me nagging or boring and feel the need to stray. there was a couple of incidences where he texted another person. I don't think anything happened, but he did explain that he needed someone to talk to and that he didn't find that i was interested in the same things he was. I don't know how to feel because I love him so much, and i worry about finding someone who will love me as much as he does. I also feel that maybe i have been too hard on him and should have been more understanding. I worry also that our differences will cause us to drift further apart if we were to get married. Not sure what to do or feel, and could use your advice. Hmm this is tough. If he feels that he needs to stay with his family for now, then you should try to understand and let him stay with his family. Ya I don't know... you can try to convince him not to go, but I wouldn't. A person's family is very important... maybe during this time they need him and he needs them. You know in the long run, when two people get together after marriage, family values and things like that are very important. He probably feels that you are not understanding in these things. If everyone thinks about themselves, then well... kids would be on the streets begging at age 12, old people would not be getting any help because their kids are millions of miles away living their life.
Author horrorgirl Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) the thing is, i am all about family and strength in family. I fully support that, and I told him I would support whatever he needs to do to be happy. what happened was that he has gone through a lot of difficult things since we have been together, and I have been there for him. the past few months have been really hard for me moneywise, and I have been more stressed about money than I usually am---which says a lot. He was paying for a family member's bills, and that bothered me, because I didn't like how his family member treated him. because of those bills, the help i needed at times was last. the help i needed went towards helping the both of us. I told him that I was not upset that he was helping the family member, but upset about how the family member treated him. I understand now why he was doing it, and I support him. Edited December 31, 2009 by horrorgirl wanted to clarify
Author horrorgirl Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 My bf has seemed a bit distant lately. He is really unhappy with a lot of things in his life, and I really worry about that level of depression. I want us to be together very badly. And, I also wonder about the things that make me worry about us---he isn't ready for marriage, he is not sure what he wants, lack of intimacy for many many months, drinking, lack of mutual interests. Can love overcome these issues? Am I focusing more on the negative rather than the positive? I am aware that he is the nicest man I have ever dated....all of my previous boyfriends never really accepted me the way that he has. Some may have been more ambitious or more successful or had better chemistry, but I never felt they accepted me (messy hair in the morning and all), the way that he has. Also, he sincerely cares for my wellbeing, and my previous boyfriends really could care less about me.
littlebittle Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Let him move out, and maybe you'll both get some perspective about the relationship. Love cannot overcome everything. There's so much more to a lasting, stable relationship than simply love. It's very important that you have similar goals and values. Studies also show that couples who have similar interests tend to have more successful relationships. That's not to say that this can't work, but ultimately, it could be that you two just aren't compatible. If things do end, you will find someone else. This is everyone's concern when a relationship ends. I know you love him, but there could be someone out there who is even better for you. You deserve to be with someone who wants the same things that you want, and so does he.
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