Vampire Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Hey folks. I posted my story way back in August and it's here for anyone that wants a re-cap. Well, today is New Year's Eve and it stings pretty bad. Last year on this day, my ex and I got engaged. The ring of her dreams, the location that I knew would bring beautiful memories back. I even got down on one knee when she was looking in the other direction and suprised her. It feels like yesterday, but also a lifetime ago. December 28th marked exactly 2 months of NC. December 29th marked exactly 6 months since we split up. December 31st marks the day we got engaged. Needless to say, I'm pretty emotional right now and feel pathetically weak. I have this huge desire to phone her, text her or email her. Anything. I know it'll be a completely stupid move, but it's so hard to move on from 10 years with someone I called my soulmate. In these last 6 months, I have achieved so much in my personal life with college, distinctions for every assignment and taking on a load of other responsibilities just to keep my mind occupied, but this 'festive' period has just been so damned lonely and hard to cope with. Next year I'm planning on getting my body back in shape and on par with my mind and perhaps enter a few competitions, but right now, I just need someone to slap the **** out of me and remind me why breaking NC on my part will be the stupidest thing I do. Appreciate your time and Happy New Year.
Artist Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 2 months of NC. You are doing great man! Don't blow it. Stay strong. The holliday's have been horrible for me too but they will be over soon and it will be easier. You are not stupid or weak. The fact that you can hurt means you are alive and once you heal it means you will have a heart to offer another. You are being very strong is staying NC and in allowing yourself to feel the pain.
Author Vampire Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Thanks a lot pal. Just knowing somebody else understands, means a lot. A friend planted a seed in my mind that I should contact her to let her know how I feel, but I've done that by way of phonecalls, texts, letters and 3 meets in the first 4 months prior to NC. Some friend. I said I can't be the first to make contact after all I've done. What little self-respect and dignity I have left, is mine.
gaudi Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 This holiday period is always hard. Try to look at it this way, holiday period lasts for a couple of weeks. The future will last for the rest of your life, keep up with what you've been doing so far. Good luck with the working out and competitions. I'm sure your muscles will soon be as well conditioned as your mind ...........GO FOR iT MATE !!! Leave the past right where it should be.....behind you !!
Author Vampire Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Thanks a lot pal. I really, really do appreciate your words. At midnight, I plan to be standing by the Thames watching the fireworks over London. My first time being there as opposed to watching it on TV. It's the one time of year that complete strangers share a positive vibe in such numbers.
gaudi Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Well I'll take this opportunity to wish you all the very best. Couple of months ago, I was worried about having to sort something out with EX to keep her happy and make sure her new year went well. Now I'm happy that I'm going to be spending it with a couple of friends (whom I had neglected recently) that I have known since I was big, in my teenage years. 2010 is going to be a belter....for us all !!
HLP234 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Just read the link you posted..I know how you feel, its horrible. But look, at least now you are getting better and you have plans for your self. Finish your school, get back to work on your fitness. I've only been with my girl for about 5 months and then she decided to leave so even though its not that long of a relationship, the pain is all the same. I invested all my time in her..I would get back from class and talk to her all the time because if I didn't or she didn't know where I was or what I was doing she would get upset or mad at me and think I was doing something stupid. I have been her friend for 5 years, always helped her out with everything in every way I could. Even helped her set up for college here where I live and when she moved here showed her around, did everything I thought would help her heal from her last relationship..but it didn't and it ruined ours. Reading your post helps me understand that things will get better and sometimes you can't sit there and blame yourself and put yourself down. One thing I learned is that you can't let anyone get you so emotional. I've never heard of a woman leaving someone for not telling her how he feels but I have a lot of friends that are good guys like we are and they were left heart broken because they literally gave themselves over to the other person without worrying about their own feelings..until it was too late. As soon as you start to do everything they want, they get bored and always look for something else..or problems from their past get in the way. Anyways, there is hope after reading this..and you can't really sit and think about her if she doesn't appreciate you. After 10 years this?? Really, I would never believe it. Some people are just unstable and require confining or going back to others to make themselves feel better. Now I can be glad that it wasn't any longer and anything happened such as having a kid or whatever, than she leaves..that would be worse. It just makes me feel better reading stuff others write about how they have gotten past it and made it through, back to at least some what of a normal state as they were before the relationship. I'm glad I stumbled upon this place, even though I'm still in the limbo state.
Author Vampire Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Well, it's about now that I was down on one knee a year ago, in the grounds of a beautiful church near where we used to live some 9 years previous. The temptation to phone her is so great but I can't do it. I've played out every variation of possible conversations and they all go one way down Heartbreak Avenue. Today would not be a good day to hear her say "I have someone else." It was bad enough when she hit me with "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Yeah, she sucker punched me with that old chestnut that I thought only existed in TV-land. Only a few hours left to go before I can try and shelve this day for another year, by which time, I'm hoping it hurts much less.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Don't break NC, you've made it clear how you feel already, you can't say anymore. What would it achieve if you broke NC now? This time of year is extremely tough for those of us who lost our partners this year, horrible, and I am looking forward to getting back to normal on saturday Today must be such an emotional day for you But, like you said, you have achieved so much the last 6 months, how amazing is that!!!! You don't need a slap, you need a hug, ((((((hug)))))) so there Hey folks. I posted my story way back in August and it's here for anyone that wants a re-cap. Well, today is New Year's Eve and it stings pretty bad. Last year on this day, my ex and I got engaged. The ring of her dreams, the location that I knew would bring beautiful memories back. I even got down on one knee when she was looking in the other direction and suprised her. It feels like yesterday, but also a lifetime ago. December 28th marked exactly 2 months of NC. December 29th marked exactly 6 months since we split up. December 31st marks the day we got engaged. Needless to say, I'm pretty emotional right now and feel pathetically weak. I have this huge desire to phone her, text her or email her. Anything. I know it'll be a completely stupid move, but it's so hard to move on from 10 years with someone I called my soulmate. In these last 6 months, I have achieved so much in my personal life with college, distinctions for every assignment and taking on a load of other responsibilities just to keep my mind occupied, but this 'festive' period has just been so damned lonely and hard to cope with. Next year I'm planning on getting my body back in shape and on par with my mind and perhaps enter a few competitions, but right now, I just need someone to slap the **** out of me and remind me why breaking NC on my part will be the stupidest thing I do. Appreciate your time and Happy New Year.
Author Vampire Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Thankyou so much for that. I've managed to keep the tears in over Christmas, only briefly having a bit of leaky eye but then pulling myself together. Today I just want to let it out, but at the same time, don't want to. For the life of me, I'll never understand how you can be loved one day, to being erased from existence the next. It would have been so nice to at least hear from my boy. At least tonight I get to scream without being looked at in a funny way!
lucielady Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 wow you're doing so well, I initiated nc today and hope that I can be a strong as you have been. Good luck to you and have a great time in london tonight by all accounts its going to be amazing x
nobmagnet Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 wish i was with you!!! hahah all I have is a massive bottle of Gin and a small amout of tonic! hic hic have a great time 2010 bring it on! x
p01130 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I'm feeling in the dumps as well, after my ex of almost 2 yrs decided that she needs to find herself and stay single, left me last monday. I was going to propose soon since we've had the talk, gone to look at rings, and informed parents of it all, but now I am glad that it happened now, rather than if we had proceeded and then broken up. The holidays are almost over, and now I am feeling alot better, due largely to all the posts that I've been reading from this site. Stay strong and just remember, it happended for a reason, and we are all due for something greater in 2010 (at least that's what my pastor says)
hopesndreams Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Needless to say, I'm pretty emotional right now and feel pathetically weak. I have this huge desire to phone her, text her or email her. Anything. I know it'll be a completely stupid move, but it's so hard to move on from 10 years with someone I called my soulmate. In these last 6 months, I have achieved so much in my personal life with college, distinctions for every assignment and taking on a load of other responsibilities just to keep my mind occupied, but this 'festive' period has just been so damned lonely and hard to cope with. But move on you must. This festive stuff will be over after tomorrow.
Author Vampire Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Just got back in. Perhaps I should have stayed in and watched it on the TV. I missed the show as I was caught behind police barriers...for safety reasons. Classic case of sliding doors; had I taken the District Line, I'd have got there earlier, but there would still have been a crowd of 200,000 to work through. The way I went was a journey in itself. The only notable thing, was that there was a man dressed as a pirate standing near me by the barriers - after walking around London for hours and through many different avenues, I caught a train at a random station miles from my original, and standing next to me on the train, was the pirate. In a place like London, believe me when I say that is a miracle in itself. Sometimes the world is vast. Other times, you're reminded just how small a world it really is. I'll admit to crying a bit as I walked the streets, but I knew it wouldn't be noticed. I miss her so damn much that it makes my heart hurt. I stood on the bridge over the Embankment staring towards Big Ben and watched the crowds take over the roads. I've never seen anything like it in my life. Couples. Hand in hand. Smiles. Children. Prams. Laughter. I've never known loneliness to be able to echo in a human mind so much. I was tempted to phone her but again, I stopped myself. All night, only two people said "Happy New Year." A couple who then asked if I'd mind taking a photo of them by a clock. I did so happily and was given a hug by the man and a hug and a kiss by the woman. "Happy New Year" they said as they walked happily away. "May all your dreams come true this year, you deserve it" he said. I hope so. I really do. Tonight was far more painful than I thought it'd be. For those of you waiting for the shadow of 2010 to creep over you, may your dreams also come true. You deserve them as well.
HLP234 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I've gone throughout the day wishing people happy new year even though I feel miserable..at least it makes me feel better others are happy. And only hope to feel the same way soon again. Hope the new year brings good things to us all. There will be a time when things will get better, its just time that has to take its course.
Author Vampire Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 The perception of time is one of the craziest things ever. 6 months ago, s much as I was dreading this day, I thought it would never come. Looking back, it's like it was yesterday and at the same time, a lifetime ago. I pray I can make it through the next 6 months with my sanity intact and my self respect repaired. I hope we all can. You know, one day, we'll all have to meet up, have a coke and say "We did it."
HLP234 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Hehe that day sounds like utopia away. I wish I didn't work today so i could have made plans to go drink or something. That way at least I go to bed not thinking about anything and waking up the next day somewhat clear minded lol.
Author Vampire Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Those time before you close your eyes and the time when you're waking up, are the hardest. I've dreamt of her so much lately. What does she dream of? Twilight and Blood Ties heart throbs. I guess this Vampire wasn't good enough for her! Utopia you say? No man, I say it will happen, but the road will be filled with all kinds of traps to stop us reaching nirvana. Should be turned into a PS3 game - "Death Love: This Time...It's Personal."
D-Lish Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I am glad you made it through the evening without calling. Friends mean well when they encourage you to call an ex- but it's naive advice in most cases- they just want to see you happy. I always take the hard line with my friends- and although they normally don't listen to me at first, they usually come back and say NC is the best advice. The best way for a friend to support you is to keep you focused on healing, not regressing. The holidays are hard enough to get through without it having significant meaning with regard to memories of an engagement. But you did it, and you did it without calling. Congrat's on that!
HLP234 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I am glad you made it through the evening without calling. Friends mean well when they encourage you to call an ex- but it's naive advice in most cases- they just want to see you happy. I always take the hard line with my friends- and although they normally don't listen to me at first, they usually come back and say NC is the best advice. The best way for a friend to support you is to keep you focused on healing, not regressing. The holidays are hard enough to get through without it having significant meaning with regard to memories of an engagement. But you did it, and you did it without calling. Congrat's on that! That's really true. All my friends hate how she has treated me and left me hanging without saying anything. They keep telling me to tell her I'm done and just forget it but I don't feel like contacting her anyway. I dunno what her intentions are so I don't want to have any regrets and they all tell me by not doing anything and not telling her than I am just stalling and giving her what she wants..time to figure out and do whatever she wants. They also told me, and its true I believe, that if she comes and tells me she's done or moved on it will hurt me more than me telling her instead.
Author Vampire Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Thankyou so much for that D. Appreciate it. I just wonder if she thought about it at all. The last we ever spoke, via text, was October 28th where she said I needed to back off to save the friendship. Friendship? Realistically, that's never going to happen. My friend thought I was being stubborn when I said she had to contact me first if it was going to happen at all. I don't think it's stubborn. Self preservation more like. I guess listening to In The End by Linkin Park isn't the best way to start 2010.
Author Vampire Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 They also told me, and its true I believe, that if she comes and tells me she's done or moved on it will hurt me more than me telling her instead. Absolutely. I tried the first bit with my ex but she got round me within minutes as she couldn't stand the power being taken away. Built me up and then 2 weeks later dropped the bomb on me. Still hurts. My advice from experience, and for what it's worth, take control and don't give it up for a minute or the pain will morph into something even uglier than you can imagine.
HLP234 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Well I guess by me doing nothing I am sort of taking control. I don't even have anything to say to her if I were to say anything because I've been hurt and she's stubborn and only wants to think of herself, hence the break she wants. Once she is back here I plan on ignoring her continuously..can't even tell if she will even initiate any contact because I had to find out from facebook that she is coming back here soon, through a newsfeed post to one of her friends. I guess if she hasn't let me know when she is coming back there is no point to say anything. I should change my status from complicated to single and then just delete her I suppose...but there's too many confusions as to what will happen by that.
D-Lish Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I just wonder if she thought about it at all. My friend thought I was being stubborn when I said she had to contact me first if it was going to happen at all. I don't think it's stubborn. Self preservation more like. Of course she thought about it- you can't spend that much time with someone and not remember things. It's not being stubborn to remain in NC mode. It's the best thing you can do for yourself to heal. When my exH and I broke up after almost 8 years, we continued to talk to one another, we even leaned on one another during our own divorce. I didn't truly begin healing until I stopped all contact with him. It was the best thing I ever could have done for myself. Let's face it, you should be thinking about yourself right now. After being in a relationship for so long and being used to being a couple, it's time to learn how to live as an individual. It's liberating to face this and get through it. It's an arduous task, filled with ups and downs- but you're on a faster track by ignoring her than those that remain entangled with an ex.
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