Joe Normal Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I have a bit of a tricky question to ask, let me give you the background. I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over half a year, and it has become a serious relationship. However, there have been a couple of issues - first is that it's (at the moment) long-distance, the second related one is that this has at times put a little strain on things...not much of one, but enough to notice when it does occur (maybe once every couple of months); the final one is that because of this, my gf (and to be honest, myself) was not ready to commit 100% and told me so. This in turn made me hold back a little. Apart from that, everything else about the relationship is great. Because of these issues, I got a bit frustrated - she sensed this and became a bit colder, I noticed that and so got more frustrated etc etc. I had a really busy patch at work, and lost a fair bit of money with some bad investments, so I was pretty busy and got distracted from keeping in touch like I normally would with someone I cared a lot about in a relationship. Slowly we stopped communicating so much as before, and things just built up like that over a month or two. She noticed and got a bit upset by it, and at the time I was too defensive due to stress and felt this was a personal attack. Eventually I suggested we either take a break or maybe have a more casual FWB relationship, because a long-distance one was too frustrating, and because of these communication issues. She reluctantly agreed with me on the issues, and said she would try it. We agreed we could meet others if it happened, but that we wouldn't actively go out looking (i.e. not one of those breaks which is an excuse to screw around), and that we'd tell each other if either of us met someone else. Ultimately what I actually wanted was to be 100% serious, and move over to be near to her, and for her to want that and be happy with it too. Yeah I know, why didn't I just say so? I don't know really, I admit I was stupid, but there you have it. As a result, I was pretty unhappy after the "temporary break" and did two things. The first was that after about 2 weeks I told her how I felt, said I didn't want a halfway house and wanted a fully committed relationship. I backed it up by saying I would move over within 6 months if she was still interested in it. She said she was thinking the same thing and agreed 100%, and seemed very happy about it. So we got back together and it felt great, things are now going better than ever and apart from the distance (which will stop next summer probably) there are no problems...except the other thing I did during the break. Basically I got drunk a few times to drown my sorrows (I don't normally drink), and one of those nights I went online and got chatting to someone I had dated a couple of years ago, who was still interested in me. I basically said I was on a break, and asked kinda hypothetically, if the break became permanent and I was single again, would she be interested in meeting up sometime in future. She seemed interested and we talked for a while about how it might go if we met up, what kinda things we liked and so on. There wasn't explicit sexual chat but there was a bit of subtle flirting going on. Anyway, the next day when I'd sobered up, I immediately regretted it and contacted this other lady to say I was just drunk, and although she was an attractive woman I was still interested only in my gf and did not want to meet up. She was a bit annoyed but I apologized and eventually she seemed ok with it. We agreed to "part ways" and I have not contacted her since. So, my problem is that this is weighing on my mind, my relationship with my gf is really good now and I wish I had never done it and could just forget about it. Normally I would tell my gf, however I know her pretty well and even though she would probably believe what I say, I know part of her will start to have doubts that maybe I did more and am not telling her the whole story. It's partly her nature, and partly the long-distance which magnifies insecurities and jealousies. I guess I am looking for advice on whether it would be better to mention it, and just say it was one-off during a break, just me wondering what it would be like if i was single and then going out with someone; or should I just put the whole thing to the back of my mind, not mention it, and forget it completely? Overall I don't feel I broke any promises, we were on a break after all, but I just have a bit of a bad feeling about how I acted. Can anyone give me some advice on the situation please? Thanks!
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Some things are better left in the vault. I know if my bf disclosed something of this nature to me it would forever change how I felt about him. You flirted with someone online, while on a break from your relationship. It isn't nessary to tell your gf about this.
dazzle22 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Wow. You are a very nice guy I think. Most guys wouldn't even feel guilty about sex in such a break, so the fact that you feel guilty about just chatting with another woman would make you a keeper in my book! I don't think you need to tell her about this. It was just a hypothetical conversation, nothing more, and you broke it off and didn't leave the door open, so no, don't.
Author Joe Normal Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Ok fair enough, thanks for the advice.
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