Peitho Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 A female friend of mine has this theory that women cheat more. Why? According to her, the reasons are: Women have the same desire for variety as men do and are sexually interested in other men However women don’t have any milder, more socially acceptable outlets available. Men have their strip clubs, porn, magazines… It helps them satisfy those desires without actually cheating.Although there is a small number of male strip clubs and attempts in making female porn, women simply don’t react to those the same. There is nothing currently available to produce similar erotic effect in women.It is much easier for women to find someone just for sex than it is for men. This makes women more vulnerable to actually go ahead and cheat and more likely to put that into ‘not important’ basket. By the time they realise how detrimental it is to their relationships, it’s often too late. I don’t agree. But without clogging this post with my own opinion on this, I’d just like to say this was a purely theoretical discussion and my friend has never cheated. I’ve read this forum long enough to know that there are some people here who would agree with her. I’d like to know what the rest of you think. Do you think there is any truth in this?
bentnotbroken Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 According to a few studies I have read, that would depend on several factors. Age, income, religion, whether or not the woman works outside the home, ethnicity, race and culture. Education can even play a factor. I think that overall men may cheat more, but the gap is closing...rapidly and the difference isn't as huge as people think.
Author Peitho Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 You’re right. I should have clarified We were talking about women from our circles – all educated, most of them successful in their careers, but some chose to stay at home while raising children, born in different religions but none of us is very religious, ages 22 - 59, most financial stable but not rich.
Spoiled Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 A female friend of mine has this theory that women cheat more. Why? According to her, the reasons are: Women have the same desire for variety as men do and are sexually interested in other menHowever women don’t have any milder, more socially acceptable outlets available. Men have their strip clubs, porn, magazines… It helps them satisfy those desires without actually cheating.Although there is a small number of male strip clubs and attempts in making female porn, women simply don’t react to those the same. There is nothing currently available to produce similar erotic effect in women.It is much easier for women to find someone just for sex than it is for men. This makes women more vulnerable to actually go ahead and cheat and more likely to put that into ‘not important’ basket. By the time they realise how detrimental it is to their relationships, it’s often too late. I don’t agree. But without clogging this post with my own opinion on this, I’d just like to say this was a purely theoretical discussion and my friend has never cheated. I’ve read this forum long enough to know that there are some people here who would agree with her. I’d like to know what the rest of you think. Do you think there is any truth in this? I do not think women cheat more than men. I do believe women cheat better than men. How are most affairs discovered? Usually the men slip up. In my opinion, those reasons are strange. I partially agree with #1. None of those reasons had anything to do with my cheating.
bentnotbroken Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 What I have read is that the numbers were slightly higher women 18-30 and 40 and up. Especially if they had jobs that required travel. Education and steady employment allow more options therefore more security. This gives them the same options that have traditionally been enjoyed by mean. If not strong in their belief system it also lowers boundaries. The things I have studied say the group you have described is one with higher rates of infidelity among women.
Author Peitho Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 None of those reasons had anything to do with my cheating. What were your reasons?
Spoiled Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 What were your reasons? Emotional disconnection with my H. Lack of attention, excitement, conversation, and affection for almost two years. Sex was not my reason for cheating. Had appropriate social outlets like church activities, sports activities, etc. None of those outlets like magazines, strip clubs, etc would have provided my missing needs.
Spoiled Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 You’re right. I should have clarified We were talking about women from our circles – all educated,most of them successful in their careers,but some chose to stay at home while raising children,born in different religions but none of us is very religious,ages 22 - 59,most financial stable but not rich . I am educated, high paying career, mid 30s, have small children, work but not full time. Guess I fit this profile.
Author Peitho Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Emotional disconnection with my H. Lack of attention, excitement, conversation, and affection for almost two years. Essentially, you cheated because something was missing from your marriage? None of those outlets like magazines, strip clubs, etc would have provided my missing needs. That was actually her point. That there are no outlets available to women.
Blindsidedagainalive Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I think men cheat a little more. However, the opportunity is generally more avail for men. Woman that have more opportunity to cheat, cheat more often than woman that don't obviously. A big thing to consider is ....when gathering statistics, woman are MUCH more apt to deny cheating even if they did.
Spoiled Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Essentially, you cheated because something was missing from your marriage? That was actually her point. That there are no outlets available to women. Yes, there were several things missing. You mentioned "erotic" outlets. IMO, those outlets are to satisfy sexual desires. Those were not my desires. Strip clubs and porn outlets for men do not provide conversation or admiration. Maybe I am misunderstanding!!!! Outlets for women to provide what???
dazzle22 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I read an interesting article on MSN that said the richer you are, (multimillionaire status) the more likely you will cheat, both genders having much higher percentages than people with less money. A lot of mile high stuff going on apparently in private jets...
bentnotbroken Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Emotional disconnection with my H. Lack of attention, excitement, conversation, and affection for almost two years. Sex was not my reason for cheating. Had appropriate social outlets like church activities, sports activities, etc. None of those outlets like magazines, strip clubs, etc would have provided my missing needs. When I mentioned boundaries or religion, I didn't mean just activities, I meant a relationship with God. I need to call one of my group members who did the researched the studies on religion and infidelity. The numbers he found were slightly different than what I had expected. I did mean that higher SES provided for more opportunities to cheat, but so do lower SES. People who work in factories tended to have higher levels of cheating. And female middle and high school teachers had higher levels. Again not gigantic numbers. It is important to say there are more similarities between men and women cheating than differences.
Author Peitho Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 A big thing to consider is ....when gathering statistics, woman are MUCH more apt to deny cheating even if they did. And I've heard mean brag about the affairs they never had! Good point.
Author Peitho Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Yes, there were several things missing. You mentioned "erotic" outlets. IMO, those outlets are to satisfy sexual desires. Those were not my desires. Strip clubs and porn outlets for men do not provide conversation or admiration. Maybe I am misunderstanding!!!! Outlets for women to provide what??? I’m not quite sure what she meant exactly, but since the discussion was about sexual affairs, I took it to mean sexual or erotic outlets. IMO, strip clubs actually provide both communication and admiration for men. Even porn provides some sort of ‘all those hott women desire me’ type of fantasy. I assumed you had a sexual affair. Are you saying that lack of conversation and attention made you have sex with another man?
Spoiled Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 When I mentioned boundaries or religion, I didn't mean just activities, I meant a relationship with God. I need to call one of my group members who did the researched the studies on religion and infidelity. The numbers he found were slightly different than what I had expected. I did mean that higher SES provided for more opportunities to cheat, but so do lower SES. People who work in factories tended to have higher levels of cheating. And female middle and high school teachers had higher levels. Again not gigantic numbers. It is important to say there are more similarities between men and women cheating than differences. You lost me, I did not read your post. That research sounds interesting. But I DO have a relationship with God like many others. And just because one cheated does not suggest their relationship was not as strong as another. Hopefully that is not what you are implying.
Spoiled Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I’m not quite sure what she meant exactly, but since the discussion was about sexual affairs, I took it to mean sexual or erotic outlets. IMO, strip clubs actually provide both communication and admiration for men. Even porn provides some sort of ‘all those hott women desire me’ type of fantasy. I assumed you had a sexual affair. Are you saying that lack of conversation and attention made you have sex with another man? Long story. I had an A for a year with a MM who was a friend of mine for ~12years. We had an EA for a few months prior to becoming physical. We lived several hours apart and majority of our A was emotional. Frequent conversation, attention, years of friendship, mutual attraction(since we first met), support, and so much more enhanced my desire to have sex with this particular man. After two years of lacking certain emotional needs, I was highly vulnerable. When my needs were ignored, I should have packed up my children and left, but I chose the selfish route and receive those needs elsewhere. We looked to each other for support which obviously became inappropriate support.
bentnotbroken Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 You lost me, I did not read your post. That research sounds interesting. But I DO have a relationship with God like many others. And just because one cheated does not suggest their relationship was not as strong as another. Hopefully that is not what you are implying. I wasn't implying anything, just stating what I read. It said that the closer one was to God, the more likely they would not cheat.
Spoiled Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I wasn't implying anything, just stating what I read. It said that the closer one was to God, the more likely they would not cheat. Okay. We cannot determine anyone's relationship with God, therefore, I find that material inaccurate.
bentnotbroken Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Okay. We cannot determine anyone's relationship with God, therefore, I find that material inaccurate. Ummmm okay. Since I speaking of research (general) not about anyone person (you) whatever you conclude is fine by me.
gopher Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I gather that a person can only cheat ON their SO and not cheat the other person's SO out of( or take away from them) their emotional love or sexual intimacy....interesting.
Author Peitho Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 I gather that a person can only cheat ON their SO and not cheat the other person's SO out of( or take away from them) their emotional love or sexual intimacy....interesting. I’m not sure if I understood you correctly, … but for me cheating means committed people cheating on their SOs. IMO blaming the affair partners is only rationalisation and the attempt to minimise WS responsibility.
HeyThere Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 one word : NO Come on Lizzie - what the....LOL!!!!!
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Come on Lizzie - what the....LOL!!!!! Of course she was monogamous and uses the "fell out of love" line over and over..... Now she is I think exclusively with MM's..... Maybe we need a full story from Lizzie to understand it better.... Sure it is somewhere, but she does have many many posts..... Found one where she gave the numbers she's been with and it is quite impressive;).... Probably 2/3's plus were married, so that may skew her perception.
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