lecasanova's guide to being charismatic

[lecasanova]

Okay, this took me quite awhile and i've read a couple of books and compiled this list here. Feel free to criticize, compliment and add to it where you deem fit and i'll try to update accordingly. So.. feedback please!

 

1) Be Enthusiastic

I cannot emphasize the importance of the difference between being ethusiastic and being a hyperactive nut case. There's a thin line there, really thin line -nods. When you're enthusiastic, you are immediately perceived as the life of the group, attracting the attention of people and being seen as fun, outgoing and exciting - all the attractive qualities that girls look out for in guys.

 

2) Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin

It is crucial that you seem comfortable in your own skin. As not seeming comfortable in your own skin would also lead to people seeing you as insecure. Do not look down while walking around, instead, carry your head up high, not to the extent that your nose is up in the air, of course. This includes all other scenarios where your confidence in yourself or security would be tested.

 

3) Do Not Adopt A Follower's Mentality

People follow for a very simple reason - they cannot / do not dare to lead, and from the structure of the world (as of today at least), there are always followers outnumbering leaders a million to one. Why? Because following doesn't require any hard thinking. However, what girls want to see in guys is not so much as leadership, but instead, independence. Leadership is simply a bonus. So the next time you find yourself at the end of the group, make an effort to walk in front, in the scenario that you're leading the pack, don't turn back too often to see if people are following you and don't wait at every junction that requires you to make a decision to turn. Walk with enough confidence and everyone would follow you, trust me, this works brilliantly from my experiences.

 

4) Be Unconcerned About What Others Think Of You

People all too often are swayed by peer pressure, by worrying too much about what others think of them and thus altering their behaviour to suit society's norms, a reason for the huge number of followers too. Well, to address such an issue, you have to overcome the mental barrier that society is always right and steer away from the comfort of doing something everyone else is doing. When it comes to criticisms, take them in your stride and if they're worth considering, then do, if they're taunts, simply shrug them off and show people you're unconcerned and unaffected by their brainless taunting. In time, people will learn to respect and more importantly, admire, such a strong character.

 

5) Be An Object Of Their Desire

Basically, this means something along the lines of being perfect, which is what this blog would try to help you achieve. This could be in the form of physique, studies, looks and perhaps even personality. Being an object or their desire would command you an immediate form of respect, as you have achieved something they couldn't achieve, be it whatever form that may be in. So, it's important to strive to be perfect in every sense (yes, this is absolutely possible) so that you would be an object of desire to every person around you.

[alphamale]

people who are outgoing and charismatic generally blame negative things on other people whereas people who are introverted and boring blame negative outcomes on themselves

[lecasanova]

hmm.. quite true i guess. perhaps it's an act of self confidence or something? if you have high esteem of yourself and hold yourself in high regard, you hardly ever blame yourself for negative things (:

[Malenfant]

Charisma cant be faked, and it cant be taught.

 

you've either got it or you havent

[kahn2154]

You make it sound so easy, but no one is going to be comfortable in their own skin or not care about what others think in the blink of an eye.

[lecasanova]

Charisma cant be faked, and it cant be taught.

 

you've either got it or you havent

 

not entirely true, there are certain qualities that make a person charismatic and they can be learned over time. people shouldn't resign to their own fate and believe that they can't be charming, a lot of things can be done to be charming. i've seen many of my friends go for confidence courses and come out so much more confident and charismatic than before. all it takes is practice (:

 

in fact, my blog in my signature below : http://the-missing-chapters.blogspot.com is dedicated to making people get as charismatic and perfect as they can get (:

[lecasanova]

You make it sound so easy, but no one is going to be comfortable in their own skin or not care about what others think in the blink of an eye.

 

ah i know exactly what you mean, i've tried it and it took me a few weeks to get used to not caring about what others think. for instance, not following people blindly in a group (herd mentality). they would go to the canteen and queue up for an hour in the peak period and i'd choose to go at a later time when it's less crowded and sometimes even without a person to accompany me. it takes a lot to sit alone and eat your lunch by yourself, and it's not easy. i'm not saying it's right to eat your lunch by yourself, but it's a training that you can put yourself through once in awhile to see how comfortable you are about what people think about you.

[Malenfant]

not entirely true, there are certain qualities that make a person charismatic and they can be learned over time. people shouldn't resign to their own fate and believe that they can't be charming, a lot of things can be done to be charming. i've seen many of my friends go for confidence courses and come out so much more confident and charismatic than before. all it takes is practice (:

 

in fact, my blog in my signature below : http://the-missing-chapters.blogspot.com is dedicated to making people get as charismatic and perfect as they can get (:

 

being charming and being charismatic are two different things.

of course charismatic people are charming, but charisma is an undefinable attribute, its something that naturally oozes from those lucky people.

you can learn to be charming, but charisma is something you're either born with or not.

 

if a person strives to be charismatic by learning what is charming, they arent actually charismatic, they're pretending. its not the same thing.

[lecasanova]

being charming and being charismatic are two different things.

of course charismatic people are charming, but charisma is an undefinable attribute, its something that naturally oozes from those lucky people.

you can learn to be charming, but charisma is something you're either born with or not.

 

if a person strives to be charismatic by learning what is charming, they arent actually charismatic, they're pretending. its not the same thing.

 

 

hmm you have a point there, and then again, if they're pretending skills are really good, and they pretend right, wouldn't they be considered charismatic by other people? with practice it could even become second nature and in time, a habit turned personality trait, no? (:

[Malenfant]

hmm you have a point there, and then again, if they're pretending skills are really good, and they pretend right, wouldn't they be considered charismatic by other people? with practice it could even become second nature and in time, a habit turned personality trait, no? (:

 

as the saying goes, you can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time.

 

I just think that pretending to be something you're not is quite damaging to your own self esteem. Its one of the reasons why people find relationships so difficult, because they have these doubts about whether a person is genuine or not.

 

Being charismatic doesnt guarantee happiness, or even that people will like you. If it goes just a tad too far, its seen as smugness or arrogance.

Thats the problem really because if you're faking, you cant be sure how you're being perceived.

 

Adjusting your actions to some degree is a good thing for example if you're the kind of person who offends people without meaning to, but creating an entirely new persona means you'll end up performing for everyone, even yourself.

 

Of course i would love to be naturally charismatic! but in a partner I would rather have someone who is totally genuine with faults on show and no pretences.

[disgracian]

I thought your last list was bad, but this is just stupid and breathtakingly shallow.

When you're enthusiastic, you are immediately perceived as the life of the group, attracting the attention of people and being seen as fun, outgoing and exciting - all the attractive qualities that girls look out for in guys.

Some women (I note that you constantly refer to girls, probably a subconscious reflection on the maturity level you're operating on) prefer men that are thoughtful and intelligent with a bit of substance. Not this mask of vacuous "perfection" you bang on about.

It is crucial that you seem comfortable in your own skin.

No, it is important that you be comfortable in your own skin. Putting on an act is juvenile and short-sighted.

Do Not Adopt A Follower's Mentality

That's pretty ironic, given that people would have to be pretty gullible to follow this bilge.

Walk with enough confidence and everyone would follow you, trust me, this works brilliantly from my experiences.

Because a confident stride is the backbone of any stable, meaningful relationship.

People all too often are swayed by peer pressure, by worrying too much about what others think of them and thus altering their behaviour to suit society's norms

True to a very, very limited degree. Mostly this is the reason that society actually works.

This could be in the form of physique, studies, looks and perhaps even personality.

It's very revealing the way you regard personality as almost an afterthought.

So, it's important to strive to be perfect in every sense (yes, this is absolutely possible)

Congratulations on the stupidest statement I have heard in months. I've had enough of this amateur snake oil salesman crap. I hope everybody else sees through you as easily as I have. Else the more people that actually try to follow this "guide", the more conceited, self-absorbed jerks we will have in the world.

 

Cheers,

D.

[Taramere]

I've had enough of this amateur snake oil salesman crap. I hope everybody else sees through you as easily as I have. Else the more people that actually try to follow this "guide", the more conceited, self-absorbed jerks we will have in the world.

 

Cheers,

D.

 

My thoughts too. There is an abundance of home-spun "How To Be Grand" philosophising by wannabee gurus on the web. It all seems to come from the same narcissistic kind of mindset that focuses on PUA theory.

 

People draw together and connect because they're intrigued by and enthusiastic about eachother. The self appointed gurus don't want it that way. They don't want to be intrigued and interested. Indeed, that's often seen as a weak position to inhabit, by people who are obsessed by the art of Being An Intriguing and Interesting Person.

 

How to be impressive. Accomplish something meaningful would seem to be the most surefire method, but some some motivation beyond hollow narcissism and a desire to be impressive is required for that to happen. For instance, passion, hard work and dedication to the area in which the meaningful thing is accomplished.

 

No amount of carefully cultivating posturing beats the genuine confidence people earn through meaningful achievement. Nor does it compensate for a lack of genuine interest in/enthusiasm about anyone or anything other than oneself.

Edited January 2, 2010 by Taramere

[TaraMaiden]

I have to say, I followed all his advice to the letter.

The result is, that, I used to be conceited, but now, I'm absolutely perfect.

[Meaplus3]

IMO, Just be yourself. That's all it takes.

 

Mea:)

[threebyfate]

Charisma is one of life's little mysteries, where you can't "create" a charismatic individual. Someone either has it naturally or doesn't. You can twist, turn and bend your personality, looks, everything but it's not going to happen for you.

 

Having said that, self-improvement should never stop, no matter how old you are.

[Scottdmw]

Charisma cant be faked, and it cant be taught.

 

you've either got it or you havent

 

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they are yours.

 

I don't know for a fact that charisma can be acquired, but I strongly suspect it can, though perhaps not in the way the OP suggests. I do know that it happens all the time that people say something can't be done and then someone goes and does it.

 

How would you know that such a thing is impossible? You might have tried and failed, you might have seen other people try and fail, but that doesn't prove anything. You might see someone trying too hard to be charismatic and think that proves it can't be done, and see a person who IS charismatic and not realize that at some point in the past they had been in the “trying too hard” stage themselves.

 

Scott

[Malenfant]

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they are yours.

 

I don't know for a fact that charisma can be acquired, but I strongly suspect it can, though perhaps not in the way the OP suggests. I do know that it happens all the time that people say something can't be done and then someone goes and does it.

 

How would you know that such a thing is impossible? You might have tried and failed, you might have seen other people try and fail, but that doesn't prove anything. You might see someone trying too hard to be charismatic and think that proves it can't be done, and see a person who IS charismatic and not realize that at some point in the past they had been in the “trying too hard” stage themselves.

 

Scott

 

my point is that charisma is an undefinable attribute.

you might know someone who is charismatic, but you cant pinpoint what exactly makes them so.

 

to pretend to be charismatic is in itself to not be charismatic. People who fake always get found out.

[burning 4 revenge]

My thoughts too. There is an abundance of home-spun "How To Be Grand" philosophising by wannabee gurus on the web. It all seems to come from the same narcissistic kind of mindset that focuses on PUA theory.

 

People draw together and connect because they're intrigued by and enthusiastic about eachother. The self appointed gurus don't want it that way. They don't want to be intrigued and interested. Indeed, that's often seen as a weak position to inhabit, by people who are obsessed by the art of Being An Intriguing and Interesting Person.

 

How to be impressive. Accomplish something meaningful would seem to be the most surefire method, but some some motivation beyond hollow narcissism and a desire to be impressive is required for that to happen. For instance, passion, hard work and dedication to the area in which the meaningful thing is accomplished.

 

No amount of carefully cultivating posturing beats the genuine confidence people earn through meaningful achievement. Nor does it compensate for a lack of genuine interest in/enthusiasm about anyone or anything other than oneself.

Well I think the OP is an online marketer. If you follow his link to another link on the bottom of his page you end up on a pay-pal site to buy his blogs

 

I cant fault the guy for trying to make a buck. Its a hard economy right now

[disgracian]

I certainly can. There are more honest ways to make a living than this garbage.

 

Cheers,

D.

[burning 4 revenge]

I certainly can. There are more honest ways to make a living than this garbage.

 

Cheers,

D.

People do this sort of thing to supplement income

 

For all you know this guy works 12 hours a day and has four kids to feed

 

Cheers,

B4R

[carhill]

Minor negative is external links and fair use policy agreed to by all members kinda prohibits 'making a living' off of here. Much as I'd love to hear coins clinking in the tin can for my advice and support, it's prohibited. Don't toss any at me Perhaps a more charismatic person could talk their way out of that pickle, IDK.