DenverBachelor Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Wow. It is worse than I thought. I was just talking to my brother. He told me the date my ex got engagued. It was less than 6 weeks after our break up. The other interesting thing is that she reached out to me again on Dec. 4th and on Dec 9th I told her I saw the pick which proved she had cheated on me and to never contact me again. She was engagued on Dec. 13th, 4 days after my last email. Does it sound like there is any connection between my last email and her getting engagued? As much as I feel for your situation, you're still doing the same thing. You're applying to much mental energy into questions that don't matter any more. You shouldn't be asking your brother anything. In fact, her name shouldn't even come up in any of your conversations with anyone. You guys are done. It doesn't matter why she got engaged or how your e-mails to her might affected the situation. The simple fact is that it is done and you need to hit the gym, become a better person and get back out there and meet some really great women. You're running in circles in your own mind and it is a marathon with no real prize. You could analyse this until the cows come home and it would be for naught. You guys are done. You guys are over with. Get that into your head and start making moves to better your own life. You need to get cracking and move forward with things. This is your past and you're acting as if you can somehow reach into it and change the present. Move on my friend. As hard as it is, you need to value yourself and stop placing so much of your self-worth on the outcome of any one relationship.
Author Artist Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Well I agree with what you are saying. Today I have actually been in a good place. I have not looked at her facebook page or contacted her for 24 days now. These two updates were uninvited. I have told both my friend and brother I don't want to hear anything else. I actually am feeling a lot better today and can tell I am healing but when I hear this kind of news it does make me curious. My female friend who found out she got engagued 4 days after I told her to never contact me again suggested the whole thing may be about making me jealous which is a horrible thought. So I hear ya but I just wonder what people think about that idea.
Author Artist Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Yes I know you all are right. The truth is I am slowly letting go. To day was the first good day I have had since I found out she was engagued. The truth is I have not sought out any info on her. I have not visited her face book or any other website, not called or texed or emailed. After she broke up I said ok bye. Then she kept contacting me and I responded with "I love you and want you but I need someone who can meet me halfway in a relationship and you seem to need me to keep coming back and rescuing you. If you want a relationship you will have to initate it this time. Bye." The next few weeks she keeps playing games. I stop contacting her. 2 weeks go by and she contacts me again? So each time she reaches out it tears my heart out and takes me back to day one. The last time was 6 days ago when a friend calls me, a friend who I had specifically asked not to tell me anything about my ex, and tells me she is engaged. Again I feel like I have gone back to day one. So long story short in the last 2 months she has moved at such a crazy pace into engagement after our breakup that I keep getting slamed by friends with good intentions. I have told all who have contacted me to tell me nothing about her ever again so I think I am safe now. I feel good today but I hear you all and you are right. I need to stop thinking of her and as best I can let her go and will try but I do need this board to talk about my process so I hope you all will be patient with me. I do feel I am healing and I appreciate you all.
blackbear_703 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I have to agree with all the others in this thread. It's pointless to try to figure out all the reasons for her breaking up. Try to imagine the break-up as a puzzle with a few missing pieces and pieces from another puzzle that don't fit. The more time you spend trying to put this puzzle together, the more it's going to leave your mind in knots since there's no solution and there's no telling where the missing pieces are. The best thing you can do is to throw the puzzle back in the box (and preferably in the trash) and move on with your life. Do whatever you can to stop yourself from thinking about what happened w/ your ex since there's nothing you can do about it now. Get back to some of your fav hobbies, meet new people, or do whatever you can to help yourself move on with your life and most importantly of all, get her out of sight, out of mind. Good luck with the healing process bro and we'll be here for you to help you through it.
Author Artist Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Ok. I have been nc for over 70 days and have healed a lot. My councilor has told me that she is clearly a narcissists. After 70 days I decided to block her and her om from facebook and myspace even though I had not looked at it in over 70 days. I did get some blocked calls which hung up on me over the hollidays which I never get. When I went to block them it pulls up their profile pic which I did not expect. The pic had their wedding date posted on it in early may. Man that hurt. How the hell can we be talking marriage in oct. And she is engaged to another guy in 6 weeks and then married 4 months later. Anyway I blocked her. In my last communication to her I told her I saw a pic of them on his site so she knows I can go there to see stuff. When I was blocking his site there was a quote on there from her in early Jan. It said. "hello darling. Can u believe we will be getting married in less than four months. I love you" what was wierd is there was no other communication on his wall before or since. Since they are not communicating on that site and she knows I have access to it I just wonder if the purpose of that quote was to hurt me? What a nut!!
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