trueblue72ny Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 (edited) Earlier today, I saw my ex at work. She was looking. and I felt a huge wave of raw emotional anger come over me. like I was really angry. Seething with it. I hate her for leaving me. I hate her for wanting to date other guys, I hate her for wanting to be just friends with me. and I hate that I am stuck still feeling something for her while she just seems to be fine. I do my best to put on a great big smile so everything looks good. But inside the cauldron is brewing. My hands start shaking from anger. And then I am on the phone and don’t even realize I am yelling at people. I don’t know if it is a cumulative effect between continually seeing her, and add to that the recent girl I just said goodbye to because she is a game player also. She has aggravated me as well. but I know this is not good. how to you dispel the anger you feel inside? I don’t feel like I am going to get violent , I just want my mind to be peaceful again. i want to look at her and feel nothing. Edited December 30, 2009 by trueblue72ny
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You want to know - you really want to know - how you're going to get rid of it? You need to show your true colours and not hide it, because whatever we bottle up and hide, turns inwards and poisons us, slowly, irredeemably, inexorably, until we hurt everything we touch, because we're so sick with it. And you're going to have to tell her. But perhaps, not to her face. Write it down. Write everything that comes into your head, and set it down on paper. Just keep writing until you can't think of anything else to write. Then take everything you've written, and put it somewhere safe, even if it means giving it to somebody else, for a week. If you get this rage again, then again - write. Write and write until you are sick of the sound of your own thoughts. You need to keep writing until you're just too tired to write any more, because everything you wanted to say, you've said.... keep everything you've written, but don't look at it, for a month. Hopefully, by then, the rage will have abated. take everything you wrote. Put it into a large biscuit tin, or metal bucket. Burn it. Burn it and tell it to go to hell. Then move on......
Ms. Joolie Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Well these days I'm all about being open and honest, so what I'd recommend is this: Figure out what you really need and want to communicate to her. If this is an ongoing and serious issue, get your courage together to have a conversation with her. You'd be surprised at what this kind of honest, real conversation can do for people. Your anger will absolutely seep over in your life, unless you address it responsibly and let it go. From what I can see, there are things left unsaid with your ex. A real conversation will help you out immensely. She is, after all, a real person just like you. And this concerns her. She has every right to be a part of it, if you so choose and allow. NC doesn't mean you have to stunt your communication. It's a tactic, but not the mother of all communication tools.
Crusoe Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 You have it get it out your system, otherwise it will chew you up and spit you out. Writing it all down is great, I did plenty of that, it works well. Sometimes it wasn't enough, sometimes it had to come out physically. There is nothing wrong with buying a punchbag and letting go on it, or going somewhere quiet and just shouting it all out. Anything, doesn't matter what it is, just get it out of yourself.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 BTW, I heard recently that anger is just hurt in disguise.
Author trueblue72ny Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) sometimes anxiety, yes. but today was just anger. the second i saw her i felt filled up by deep immense love, then three nano-seconds later washed over with deep immense anger and i hated her. ah, i am reminded of that saying now, to suppress (hide) the truth gives it force beyond endurance. i have to find a way to bleed this poison out of my system. suppression is not working. it fills me up so much that some days i scream at the top of my lungs driving home. thanks guys. even after this long, out of the blue -wham. Edited December 31, 2009 by trueblue72ny
TaraMaiden Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 BTW, I heard recently that anger is just hurt in disguise. The root of Anger is Fear. Fear of the loss of control, fear of deprivation, fear of being taken for granted, fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, fear of loss of face.
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