xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I met a girl online through Craigslist and we've exchanged several emails back and forth. I have to say she's amazing in words. She's in college studying to be a Broadway playwright and her hobbies closely resembles mine that I can already imagine the both of us getting along. I know Craigslist has a notorious reputation but after reading several ads on the site, this girl's ad was the most genuine, being that she's looking for an LTR, which is something that I want as well. I know she's not superficial because she hasn't made any references that would made me think she's only after the physical. Actually, we haven't even exchanged photos. For some reason, I'm looking forward to meeting her without even wanting to ask for her picture. I'm actually nervous that she wouldn't like me. She's actually the first girl that i contacted that I wouldn't mind dating ( and just to be clear, I'm a girl as well). We're trying to meet up for coffee in the city ( she's coming from Westchester) but I'm confused as to who buys coffee.... Do we each pay for our own, or should I pay for her? On a regular date with a guy, I know the guy wouldn't mind paying for me. When I'm with my platonic girl friends, they pay for their own stuff. But for a semi- first date, should I pay? I am older than her by a year, so does that mean the older person pays?
Golfilla Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I think the issue of "who pays" is overstated, but if you're happy to pay for her, then just offer to pay the time comes. If she's happy to pay her share, then let her. It really doesn't matter all that much though. Anyone who refuses to see you again over this issue probably didn't want to be with you anyway.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I think the issue of "who pays" is overstated, but if you're happy to pay for her, then just offer to pay the time comes. If she's happy to pay her share, then let her. It really doesn't matter all that much though. Anyone who refuses to see you again over this issue probably didn't want to be with you anyway. I know that it shouldn't be a big deal and I really don't mind paying for coffee, but then it also raises the question that if we were to to have dinner later on, do we go dutch?
DustySaltus Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Oh man, craigslist NY and you don't want to see her picture? Check the adam's apple perhaps? I'm a NY'er as well and I've heard HORROR stories about cl ad's in NY. Everything from the girl really being a dude, to being married, to being homeless, expecting $ after sex....you name it. I really wish you the best, but be careful and meet her in a very public place. I think it's great that you feel the connection with her so much that you don't care to see her picture. It probably doesn't matter anyway because anyone can be on the other end of that screen. Pay for the coffee, be a gentleman. Let me know how it goes, I want to be be wrong. Again, i've just heard too many stories.
alphamale Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Actually, we haven't even exchanged photos. i'm quite concerned about this statement We're trying to meet up for coffee in the city ( she's coming from Westchester) but I'm confused as to who buys coffee.... whose ever idea it was to meet for coffee pays the entire bill which will amount to like $4.17
Golfilla Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I know that it shouldn't be a big deal and I really don't mind paying for coffee, but then it also raises the question that if we were to to have dinner later on, do we go dutch? You can also deal with that at the time, and do it the same way. Look, the issue of "who pays" is a minor one, and if you get dumped over it, the person didn't want to be with you regardless. And as the others said, get a picture first.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Oh man, craigslist NY and you don't want to see her picture? Check the adam's apple perhaps? I'm a NY'er as well and I've heard HORROR stories about cl ad's in NY. Everything from the girl really being a dude, to being married, to being homeless, expecting $ after sex....you name it. I really wish you the best, but be careful and meet her in a very public place. I think it's great that you feel the connection with her so much that you don't care to see her picture. It probably doesn't matter anyway because anyone can be on the other end of that screen. Pay for the coffee, be a gentleman. Let me know how it goes, I want to be be wrong. Again, i've just heard too many stories. Lol just to clarify, I'm a girl and I found the girl in the w4w section. If I were a guy, I think it would make things easier since it would mean that I can be a "gentlemen" and pay for coffee and dinner. But since I'm a girl, I'm not exactly sure how things would go. Since I was the one that contacted her, would that automatically be implied that I'm " courting" her?
alphamale Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Lol just to clarify, I'm a girl i see... my reply is still valid
thatguy85 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 This is an interesting topic, but fairly simple IMO. Just offer to pay no matter what... Coffee costs like 4 bucks. Are you getting coffee closer to where she is, or closer to where you are?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 whose ever idea it was to meet for coffee pays the entire bill which will amount to like $4.17 Actually, we just exchanged emails about movies and meeting up for coffee just came up. She actually proposed coffee as an option, and I said I wouldn't mind coffee. Actually $4.17 is enough for one grande ( we're meeting up at a Starbucks unless we can come up with a bette coffee shop) and since I live in NYC, I expect to be charged for tax.
DustySaltus Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Lol just to clarify, I'm a girl and I found the girl in the w4w section. If I were a guy, I think it would make things easier since it would mean that I can be a "gentlemen" and pay for coffee and dinner. But since I'm a girl, I'm not exactly sure how things would go. Since I was the one that contacted her, would that automatically be implied that I'm " courting" her? *hitting myself over the head repeatedly* my apologies... I think you should pay since you are theoretically "courting" her. Again, it's pretty cheap. With that being said still into account all i'm saying, just be careful.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 This is an interesting topic, but fairly simple IMO. Just offer to pay no matter what... Coffee costs like 4 bucks. Are you getting coffee closer to where she is, or closer to where you are? We're meeting in the middle. We're going to meet in Manhattan. She told me she usually visits midtown so I'm guessing we're meet in a Starbucks somewhere around there. I haven't really replied her back yet. I'm just trying to figure out this thing.
Stung Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 As a general rule of thumb, I go by 'the person who asked for the meeting/date pays,' at least for the first date or two, whether they're male or female. You could also break this down another way, 'whoever has more money pays.' You mentioned she's a student, she's probably strapped for cash. OR 'whoever traveled least pays'...she's already paying for trainfare or gas or whatever, right? However I also agree with above poster. Coffee's pretty cheap, why not offer to spring for it and see how she reacts. If she's taken aback, suggest that she buys next round. No big deal.
Buckeye Candy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I'd insist on buying the coffee, if she was like "No, let me..." instead of "Thank you", I'd say, you can get it the next time. I never really have liked the idea that one person is expected to foot the bill all of the time but at the same time I think splitting a bill at dinner takes away from the romance. The compromised approach to this is best, imo. Take turns treating each other out. I'll buy lunch, you buy our ice skating rink admission. Etc.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I'd insist on buying the coffee, if she was like "No, let me..." instead of "Thank you", I'd say, you can get it the next time. I never really have liked the idea that one person is expected to foot the bill all of the time but at the same time I think splitting a bill at dinner takes away from the romance. The compromised approach to this is best, imo. Take turns treating each other out. I'll buy lunch, you buy our ice skating rink admission. Etc. Good suggestion. Thanks so much. I really don't mind paying for coffee. It's just I was really confused with the whole etiquette of things. Haha, but thanks again, I will definitely get coffee, and maybe even dinner.
alphamale Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Haha, but thanks again, I will definitely get coffee, and maybe even dinner. your chances of gettin' some "action" are better if u go w/ the dinner
lecasanova Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 i would recommend offering to buy her coffee first, it's only gentlemanly to do so, but in the event where she turns down your offer, do not push it, as you might seem dominating and she wouldn't like that. your safest bet is to do the coffee dance, offering to buy her coffee, and allowing her to buy her own if she turns down your offer.
Lishy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 lol its a coffee! So what who pays? It is not like you are gonna book tickets to the Bahamas lol I am shocked you are trying to work it out and it isnt even a problem Chill and just buy the coffee ... problem solved!
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 your chances of gettin' some "action" are better if u go w/ the dinner Alpha, I try not to sleep on the first date. Besides I'm looking for an LTR, NOT a FWB or an ONS.
alphamale Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Alpha, I try not to sleep on the first date. then u better go dutch on the coffee, u don't want to give teh wrong impression...she may think she "owes" you
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 then u better go dutch on the coffee, u don't want to give teh wrong impression...she may think she "owes" you Haha... it's just coffee. Maybe I'll just go with tea.
New_Life08 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I think it would be a nice gesture if you offered to pay for both. If she insists on paying for her own...so be it...but offering is nice. Good Luck
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