LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 My 30 year old ex is set to marry his 18 year old fiance' when he returns from Afghanistan in 2011.While still engaged to her, he has tried to get back with me several times since are breakup in October as some of you know.Of course, I can not. Thing I thought of was how before I was with him, my ex was engaged to a 17 year old and around the time she turned 20-21, he said he was upset because she had "changed" causing him to break up with her before he went on his 1st tour overseas. I am the same age as he,I have my own home I am renting, two jobs, and finishing my graduate studies. But he keeps going back to "barely legals" then dumping them because they have changed. Isn't that called maturing? Anyway, I just wanted to gather your thoughts on if you think it is a pattern or whatever your opinions are.
DenverBachelor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 My 30 year old ex is set to marry his 18 year old fiance' when he returns from Afghanistan in 2011.While still engaged to her, he has tried to get back with me several times since are breakup in October as some of you know.Of course, I can not. Thing I thought of was how before I was with him, my ex was engaged to a 17 year old and around the time she turned 20-21, he said he was upset because she had "changed" causing him to break up with her before he went on his 1st tour overseas. I am the same age as he,I have my own home I am renting, two jobs, and finishing my graduate studies. But he keeps going back to "barely legals" then dumping them because they have changed. Isn't that called maturing? Anyway, I just wanted to gather your thoughts on if you think it is a pattern or whatever your opinions are. Is he commissioned or enlisted? Sounds like a case of low self-esteem or self-worth and he is attracted to younger and immature women because he has some type of control issues and once they "mature" then he may feel less able to be control them.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Is he commissioned or enlisted? Sounds like a case of low self-esteem or self-worth and he is attracted to younger and immature women because he has some type of control issues and once they "mature" then he may feel less able to be control them. I think so. My ex still lives at home and has two big sisters that wait on him hand and foot. He never has to cook or clean. They gladly do it. His friends used to joke that me being the same age is out of his "comfort zone" because they were so used to him dating 17/18 year old girls. When he did dump his latest fiance' just 3 weeks back, he contacted me wanting to start our relationship over claiming he knew that the two didn't love each other but loved the push and pull of fighting then making up. He came by for the last time the other day & asked me once again if I will wait on him to return from Afghanistan because(and I will quote him verbatim) "I know she & I won't make it. I am thinking I will leave her for good while I am overseas. I know this isn't fair but will you please wait for me? I love you more than you will ever understand." This is the man I fell in love with.......
fofiffs Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Stop worrying what he is doing and let him make his own mistakes. You cant get over someone if your constantly checking on their life. And I know for a fact that their relationship will not last. Shes still a baby. She will leave him sooner or later or likewise.
Golfilla Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 The "no contact" rule was designed for situations like this one. I suggest applying it with immediate effect.
sean1970 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Why are you concerned with his pattern of behavior? The fact that you know these details about him, and as ****ed up as they are, should have you running the other way. However, to answer your question, he is not looking for a 'partner' in these relationships. He is looking for control and someone to look up to him. Both fade followed by the relationship.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Stop worrying what he is doing and let him make his own mistakes. You cant get over someone if your constantly checking on their life. And I know for a fact that their relationship will not last. Shes still a baby. She will leave him sooner or later or likewise. Just wanted to try to address some individually. Yes, fofiffs, It will be easy to stop worrying about him because he won't be coming over since he's gone to Afghanistan in just mere days. What's scary is that he has told all of our co-workers(yes, we worked together but won't see each other since he's gone to military training in another state) that he KNOWS it won't last with her either. Our co-worker Nate even said he asked him why he is stringing that girl along & he said my ex's answer was "I don't know. I don't want to hurt her feelings.":confused:
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Why are you concerned with his pattern of behavior? The fact that you know these details about him, and as ****ed up as they are, should have you running the other way. However, to answer your question, he is not looking for a 'partner' in these relationships. He is looking for control and someone to look up to him. Both fade followed by the relationship. Someone else mentioned that including my own mother. She stated because I enjoy keeping my own life with other friends, work & college I just smell like independence. Wanting and not "needing" him is his problem with me. He used to absolutely hate that I insisted on paying my share of dinners when we were together and almost went psycho when I tried to buy both our tickets to a baseball game. The thing you said about " someone to look up to him" resonated because he did say many times that he feels he has to be with this kid in order to "save her" I can't make crap like that up. I just can't believe I fell for him. I really can't.
selena_cat Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I think so. My ex still lives at home and has two big sisters that wait on him hand and foot. He never has to cook or clean. They gladly do it. His friends used to joke that me being the same age is out of his "comfort zone" because they were so used to him dating 17/18 year old girls. When he did dump his latest fiance' just 3 weeks back, he contacted me wanting to start our relationship over claiming he knew that the two didn't love each other but loved the push and pull of fighting then making up. He came by for the last time the other day & asked me once again if I will wait on him to return from Afghanistan because(and I will quote him verbatim) "I know she & I won't make it. I am thinking I will leave her for good while I am overseas. I know this isn't fair but will you please wait for me? I love you more than you will ever understand." This is the man I fell in love with....... geat,mama's boy.That ex of yours is a piece of work,maybe his young baby girlfriends can help change his diapers while he change theirs. Fom what you right about him that is good you are not considering the thought of going back to him, He would just leave you for another Amy Fisher long island Lolita,he is ridiculous! Hope you have the Happiest New year and i'll keep checking to see how you re doing.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 geat,mama's boy.That ex of yours is a piece of work,maybe his young baby girlfriends can help change his diapers while he change theirs. Fom what you right about him that is good you are not considering the thought of going back to him, He would just leave you for another Amy Fisher long island Lolita,he is ridiculous! Hope you have the Happiest New year and i'll keep checking to see how you re doing. Thanks so much, selena_cat! LOL! at the Long Island Lolita comment! Just reading these comments makes it clear of what a jerkoff he is. I will make sure I ignore any messages he might send in the future. I just can't get sucked back in his disturbed world. It's almost scary. He is just so random.
nobmagnet Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 he aint random love..................control freak. He doesnt see your independant strong personality as a quality. Hell he is a right knob. Good riddance! xx
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 What a good point, nobmagnet! He does have this "barely legal" pattern. I don't quite make the team and I should be happy for that. She just turned 18. Almost didn't make the cut for him, I am sure...
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