LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 ...and what are you doing about that? Curious on what some dumpers think about us dumpees.
Hazyhead Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I'll be honest. I left one relationship early this year because I had feelings for someone else (yes, cliche - MM) and it indicated to me that my previous patner wasn't 'the one' for me. However, after the roller-coaster ride that was my relationship with the MM my previous partner has been very sweet and a real rock for me and I do find myself thinking 'Why can't I just love you?' I had moments where I thought I should ask him back... occasionally still do He's such a good person and I know he'd continue to treat me so well... but... you know... I want that spark too.
Kantor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 ...and what are you doing about that? Curious on what some dumpers think about us dumpees. Because at the time I didn't have the knowledge or experience to know what I was running away from. What am I doing about it, slowly trying to pick up the pieces of my life, while also trying to slowing see if there is any chance of another chance. My chances are slim to none, and I think slim just left the building... However, she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with so I can't just give up yet. Although I probably need to very soon... Anyways, hope that helps.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I understand a bit of what you all are saying. Kantor, you know we've had great discussions on the boards so I especially thank you for your insight. Do you guys think that your dumpee is following the advice(especially NC) given on LS so much that you feel they would not give you a chance to win them back? As a dumpee, I can say that I wouldn't give that opportunity to my ex for a very, very long time. He's going to Afghanistan for a year and I can only think that if he has changed for the better then maybe I will talk to him again. Sadly, I think I will be in a new place and not even want to...
Kantor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I understand a bit of what you all are saying. Kantor, you know we've had great discussions on the boards so I especially thank you for your insight. Do you guys think that your dumpee is following the advice(especially NC) given on LS so much that you feel they would not give you a chance to win them back? I think many of us who are the 'chasers' are blinded by our own love. For a while I don't think it matters WHAT the dumpee does we still think there's a chance... Its like dumb & dumber ... "so you're saying there's a chance!" However, do your point, yes - if they follow NC eventually... the chaser will give up and move on... Again though, once that point is reached chance or reconciliation is probably passed.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 A part of me wants my ex to keep pining for me as to hurt him the way he hurts me. That is not healthy or logical though. What I want as the dumpee, I cannot have. And that is my ex to be the man I thought he was. I know we are both on different levels as far as what we want in a relationship. God, I just wish he wanted to really work on us, not just play this game of texting me when he gets into a fight with his fiance' or gets bored. I felt used. He's just not ready to grow up.
CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 The more you want your ex, the less likely it's to happen. Think about that for a while.
kickintheaz Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 The more you want your ex, the less likely it's to happen. Think about that for a while. Spot on CG.. spot on.. as to the original question.. I want her back cos I realised what i wanted in life and the reason I dumped her was b/s... I realised after being friends for so long after break up that she was the girl for me, that she possess all the qualities in a woman that I want and that I want my kids to have, that the hopes and dreams we shared in our 3 years together weren't just all talk, that they mean something and that I could, if given the chance, spend my life achieving those goals.... the ex did not want NC, she wanted to stay in contact cos maybe, just maybe, I'd be happy becoming her lifelong friend.. but its not her choice anymore.. This chaser is slowly moving on... lesson learned though!
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 The more you want your ex, the less likely it's to happen. Think about that for a while. And that's exactly why I am moving on. He is leaving for Afghanistan in a a few days AND told me that he "hopes I will wait on him when he returns" That's just dumb to me. He says it "scares" him to know I might meet someone while he is away. I just looked at him in awe. I wanted to say, "Dude, you're engaged! Why should you care?" Caliguy, I just feel like an idiot because I almost hope he that when I get over him, he will want me back so I can honestly and truthfully refuse.
CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 And that's exactly why I am moving on. He is leaving for Afghanistan in a a few days AND told me that he "hopes I will wait on him when he returns" That's just dumb to me. He says it "scares" him to know I might meet someone while he is away. I just looked at him in awe. I wanted to say, "Dude, you're engaged! Why should you care?" Caliguy, I just feel like an idiot because I almost hope he that when I get over him, he will want me back so I can honestly and truthfully refuse. The better point to be in your life is indifference. When you don't care if he wants you or not. Then you know you've truly healed. He's engaged. Act like he's dead and move on as best you can.
Golfilla Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 And that's exactly why I am moving on. He is leaving for Afghanistan in a a few days AND told me that he "hopes I will wait on him when he returns" That's just dumb to me. He says it "scares" him to know I might meet someone while he is away. I just looked at him in awe. I wanted to say, "Dude, you're engaged! Why should you care?" Just tell him you used to care, but you don't anymore, then say "goodbye" and put the phone down and never speak to him again. He's just keeping you as a back-up in case the plan with his current woman doesn't work out (which is the most common reason dumpers want to get back with their exes). The fact is, you'll always be second choice in his eyes, so it's time to move on and find someone who wants to be with you.
Kantor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 A part of me wants my ex to keep pining for me as to hurt him the way he hurts me. That is not healthy or logical though. What I want as the dumpee, I cannot have. And that is my ex to be the man I thought he was. People change, love is a ever changing entity... However, gee golly do I wish my ex had that thought process...! I want to be that man.
DenverBachelor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 What I want as the dumpee, I cannot have. And that is my ex to be the man I thought he was. All right, you just highlighted the most profound piece of your problem. You're not in love with him, you're in love with whatever image you constructed and then placed on him. Perhaps he had most of the qualities that you wanted, but a few major qualities were lacking. You're in love with an image of love and not him. You need to separate the fantasy from the reality and strip away what you've created in your head. You will need to write him out of your life. Start today.
HLP234 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 That's a good question. I guess I want them back because she just left me for no reason, her issues and problems with her other ex's screwed stuff up for me. She had changed herself for everyone else and gave them a chance but just because I have been treating her nicely and different than the rest, she has become confused. I don't see why if she was able to stay with the others for 1 or 2 years why she can't give me that chance. So i just want my chance to prove its nothing bad just because things have been going her way when she started dating me. But that's nothing I can fix so it has made me upset and depressed and the only option for me is to move on until maybe one day she will realize but I doubt it since she always goes to confine in other people when she has a problem.
Ophelia Rue Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I was with my ex, Jay, for two years, and broke up with him about, well, two years ago. A while ago I kept thinking fondly of him, looked him up on Facebook, and he suggested we meet up for a drink. At first, I saw him, and all my old feelings came rushing back. He looked cute, smelled of the same cologne, and just had the same greatness about him. Then, 20 minutes into our drink, he opened his mouth and I realized why I dumped him in the first place. He's a cheap, narcissistic a-hole. Thanks for the martini. :-D
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Thank you all so much. And special thanks to long time LS members that gave it to me straight. I know my ex is a never was and a never will be. He will need major construction on his own self to change. I can't do it. The new fiance' can't do it. Just him. It takes work that he is too lazy to even lift a finger to do.
gaudi Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Take a good look at your username chuck. LOVELYDAZE, Let's face it, if we all listen to the sound advice that's given on here whenever we need it.......then there are surely Lovely Days ahead for us all x Keep going chuck, hope we all have a great 2010 x
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