Emotional24 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Where does everyone stand when it comes to marrying someone of the same faith? Is it important to you? What things do you think you need to consider when it comes to marry someone who doesn't even believe in a God?? Can a marriage work if both of you don't share the same belief?
JamesM Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Where does everyone stand when it comes to marrying someone of the same faith? Having married someone of the same faith and very similar church, I would do no different. Having watched a number of marriages fail due to different religions, I think it would not be wise to marry someone who is quite different. There are plenty of other things that will cause problems in marriage. Is it important to you? Yes. What things do you think you need to consider when it comes to marry someone who doesn't even believe in a God?? This depends on the person, but in many cases, you will find that every aspect of your life is influenced by your beliefs as is his/hers. The obvious one is raising children. Dating couples never give this the concern that they should because it seems such a long ways off. Yet when the children come, you find how important they are and how much it matters that they are raised as you see is proper. Can a marriage work if both of you don't share the same belief? Depends on what the differences are, and how each views the other's beliefs. Most marriages that I have seen that did not end in divorce, usually results in one person compromising his or her beliefs to keep peace in the household.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 As a Buddhist, it really doesn't matter either way. There is little or no conflict with a non-Buddhist, and there is little or no conflict with a fellow Buddhist. The worst conflicts - if you permit them to arise in the first place - are those within yourself. Does this make Buddhism seem like an easy ride, or a safe option? Don't you believe it.
quankanne Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I'm wondering if "faith" isn't a word mistakenly used for beliefs or convictions. As in, 'My husband is a practicing heathen, and I'm Catholic, but we have very strong similar beliefs about how we approach and live out our marriage, and we agree there are certain ways we DON'T want to raise our family, etc.' because as someone who is married to a non-Catholic and therefore not the same faith as me, I think what makes it work is that we have strong convictions about the big issues in our marriage. And that's what has kept our marriage going for so long. We have the same outlook on loyalty, on honesty, on cheating, on kids (more like ideals, in this case), etc, and we were raised WAAAAYYYYY different from each other. on the outset, if you're looking only at "common faith," then yeah, you can set your relationship on a course toward failure. But if you dig more deeply into those things you have strong convictions about, I'm thinking yoiu've got a better chance at succeeding.
Author Emotional24 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Well...he currently does not even believe in a God. However, now he is open to the idea of going to church and keeping an open mind. He can't promise me he'll become a christian someday but he is willing to experience this and see if it's for him. We have a long history of dating and have broken up over this...since we were talking about marriage and I realized I would of not been comfortable saying yes since I want to marry a christian. Now after being broken up for several months, he has come to me saying he wants to go to church because I am important to him and he loves me...but I also told him this would have to be something he wants to do for himself and that this isn't something to do in hopes we would get back together because I cant promise him that. I guess for myself, I'm going to keep focusing on God, focus on myself & school and keep praying about this and for him. I was completely taken aback that he'd be willing to open his mind to this since for many years he has been opposed to even considering being a Christian. If I am just God's tool to help him become a Christian, well then I guess I will know that over time. Or maybe this is just another one of our milestones that will even lead us to greater things! On the other hand, if he ends up never coming to church with me and really wanting to explore Christianity, well then I guess I have my answer there as well and what his true intentions were, thinking he could just get me back by saying he'd do this... I just never saw this coming..and now I'm conflicted in my heart...
Love Hurts Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Scripture tells us NOT to be unequally yoked [2 Corinthians 6:14]- inserted for proof] together with unbelievers... however two unbelievers should fit well together. I say this with knowledge of my parents both unsaved at one time .... but then- my mother became saved well after the marriage and it was a Holy War in our House! Blessed be for all in the family Dad became saved years later. ... and once again they were equally yoked. Truly that does not always happen but Praise to Jesus it did in this case. As for different religions... like say Buddha and Jesus... NO WAY... are THEY going to mix! Lust will run its course and fizz out. After the lust is gone ... reality will set in... and the truth will CONVICT one or the other... to change or get out! Its a ticking time bomb!
Malenfant Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 although I am an atheist, my beliefs are still very important to me. I couldnt be with someone who was very religious, as their view of life would be so totally different from mine that we could never see eye to eye if religion affected their decision making process. My H is more like agnostic than atheist. My friend is agnostic and is with a very religious man. He's a really nice person, but sometimes when he's had a bit to drink he starts going on about religion, and one night upsetted a gay friend of hers by preaching to him about how wrong his life was, which wasnt very nice. I know that religion and anti-homosexuality dont neccessarily go hand in hand, but its just an example of how problems can arise. As an agnostic she can put up with this behaviour but I couldnt. Apart from individual beliefs, I wouldnt want to have children with someone who is very religious, as they would want to raise the children to share their beliefs. I understand why but I couldnt bring children up telling them what to believe. I was raised agnostic and just came to my own conclusions. I guess that it is extra difficult to make a relationship work if both partners are quite devout in their own differing beliefs. We all want a partner who is on our level, a person who gets where we're coming from. Conflicting religions that cant advocate the other dont allow for this. thats where problems occur. But i believe that if you love a person enough, and if you respect them enough not to try to change them even out of the best motives then a relationship can work.
Malenfant Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Well...he currently does not even believe in a God. However, now he is open to the idea of going to church and keeping an open mind. He can't promise me he'll become a christian someday but he is willing to experience this and see if it's for him. We have a long history of dating and have broken up over this...since we were talking about marriage and I realized I would of not been comfortable saying yes since I want to marry a christian. Now after being broken up for several months, he has come to me saying he wants to go to church because I am important to him and he loves me...but I also told him this would have to be something he wants to do for himself and that this isn't something to do in hopes we would get back together because I cant promise him that. I guess for myself, I'm going to keep focusing on God, focus on myself & school and keep praying about this and for him. I was completely taken aback that he'd be willing to open his mind to this since for many years he has been opposed to even considering being a Christian. If I am just God's tool to help him become a Christian, well then I guess I will know that over time. Or maybe this is just another one of our milestones that will even lead us to greater things! On the other hand, if he ends up never coming to church with me and really wanting to explore Christianity, well then I guess I have my answer there as well and what his true intentions were, thinking he could just get me back by saying he'd do this... I just never saw this coming..and now I'm conflicted in my heart... i'm curious, if he goes to church, but still does not end up a believer, would you be prepared to pursue the relationship? or would he have to convince you he is converted in order for you to enter back into your relationship with him? the fact that he is even willing to try for you says a huge amount about how much he cares for you, i wouldnt do that for anyone, no matter how much i loved them. Its a massive deal for someone who is atheist. If he converts, how can you ever be sure he truely believes, and isnt just doing it to be with you? I had an ex who required me to convert. I didnt just find it impossible because of my own views, but also i felt that it was disrespectful to those in his religion for me to pretend. almost a mockery of their beliefs in a way. If you need a partner who is religious then i would suggest finding someone else who already believes. You're not an instrument to show him god's way, his beliefs are his own, and if you dont like them, you shouldnt try to change him.
disgracian Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 As for different religions... like say Buddha and Jesus... NO WAY... are THEY going to mix! Lust will run its course and fizz out. Absolute rubbish. I would ask if you have any statistical evidence to back this up, but I know in advance that there is no such thing. So I can skip to the good bit: you are talking alarmist, extremist nonsense. Roughly 1/3 of marriages will fail whether the partners are of the same beliefs or not. The factors leading to divorce are many. You are trivialising a complex issue and doing absolutely no good here, only harm. Cheers, D.
disgracian Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Well...he currently does not even believe in a God. However, now he is open to the idea of going to church and keeping an open mind. He can't promise me he'll become a christian someday but he is willing to experience this and see if it's for him. Realistically, though he might be sincere in what he says, I would not hold out much hope of converting him. Missing somebody is often enough to make people think they'll do anything to get them back, and they may even do that in a moment. But changing your whole worldview is just not that easy. If a person really doesn't believe in something, then they have to address the reasons why they don't. In the case of your religion, something has to convince him that a long-dead Jew really was god and that he died for our sins, and it's not likely to be that he's afraid of being alone. My one piece of advice (this from somebody who is in an interfaith marriage) for anybody considering the same is this: marry the other person for who they are now, not for who you think you can make them. If they're not right for you right now, that's a dealbreaker. Cheers, D.
JamesM Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Realistically, though he might be sincere in what he says, I would not hold out much hope of converting him. Missing somebody is often enough to make people think they'll do anything to get them back, and they may even do that in a moment. But changing your whole worldview is just not that easy. If a person really doesn't believe in something, then they have to address the reasons why they don't. In the case of your religion, something has to convince him that a long-dead Jew really was god and that he died for our sins, and it's not likely to be that he's afraid of being alone. My one piece of advice (this from somebody who is in an interfaith marriage) for anybody considering the same is this: marry the other person for who they are now, not for who you think you can make them. If they're not right for you right now, that's a dealbreaker. Cheers, D. This is says it best and probably from the perspective of your boyfriend. You cannot marry him hoping or thinking that he will become a Christian. I honestly don't know of anyone where this happened. And usually the one who is the Christian begins to go to church less and less. Outward practices of faith becomes less visible. If this difference of belief is a stumbling block now, then it will be a dealbreaker after marriage. Personally, I agree with those that say it will statistically make your marriage very difficult to maintain. While it is not the only factor for divorce, it is definitely one of the factors (and in my experience/world around me...a major factor) that leads to divorce. Disgracian is an example here that has made it a non-issue in his marriage from what he posts, but in my real life, I can list many examples of marriages that are no longer due to completely different faiths/beliefs. I can list many examples of marriages where a Christian no longer attends church after saying that he or she would change the person they married. And I think I know of one example where they are apparently thriving in their marriage despite this major difference. Marriage is a major event in your life...some say the biggest event. Who you marry will determine the direction of your life even if you divorce them. Choose carefully and wisely. Marry someone who meets the criteria that you have today.
TaraMaiden Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Scripture tells us NOT to be unequally yoked [2 Corinthians 6:14]- inserted for proof] together with unbelievers... however two unbelievers should fit well together. I say this with knowledge of my parents both unsaved at one time .... but then- my mother became saved well after the marriage and it was a Holy War in our House! Blessed be for all in the family Dad became saved years later. ... and once again they were equally yoked. Truly that does not always happen but Praise to Jesus it did in this case. As for different religions... like say Buddha and Jesus... NO WAY... are THEY going to mix! Lust will run its course and fizz out. After the lust is gone ... reality will set in... and the truth will CONVICT one or the other... to change or get out! Its a ticking time bomb! Oh goodness me.....! One of my best Buddhist friends is married to a Roman Catholic woman. They've been married for 33 years. He's been a Buddhist all his life, and she's been a RC all her life. You've never met a nicer, more well-rounded, wonderfully happy couple in your life. She occasionally attends his temple with him, he occasionally goes to her church with her. At home, they celebrate Buddhist festivals, and they celebrate Christian dfestivals. Oh yes. This one's doomed to failure, all right.... Emotional24, I did try to gently tell you there'd be posters from both camps. But this one takes the biscuit.
Eve Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Well...he currently does not even believe in a God. However, now he is open to the idea of going to church and keeping an open mind. He can't promise me he'll become a christian someday but he is willing to experience this and see if it's for him. We have a long history of dating and have broken up over this...since we were talking about marriage and I realized I would of not been comfortable saying yes since I want to marry a christian. Now after being broken up for several months, he has come to me saying he wants to go to church because I am important to him and he loves me...but I also told him this would have to be something he wants to do for himself and that this isn't something to do in hopes we would get back together because I cant promise him that. I guess for myself, I'm going to keep focusing on God, focus on myself & school and keep praying about this and for him. I was completely taken aback that he'd be willing to open his mind to this since for many years he has been opposed to even considering being a Christian. If I am just God's tool to help him become a Christian, well then I guess I will know that over time. Or maybe this is just another one of our milestones that will even lead us to greater things! On the other hand, if he ends up never coming to church with me and really wanting to explore Christianity, well then I guess I have my answer there as well and what his true intentions were, thinking he could just get me back by saying he'd do this... I just never saw this coming..and now I'm conflicted in my heart... I say ignore everyone else and see what happens. You seem wise enough to keep an open mind which does not conflict with faith. Maybe it will become more obvious as time goes on what the best route is to take with this relationship? I wouldnt rush but understand how these things can go.. I married a 'non Christian'... but really he was already on his way there - praying with me was just part of his journey. If this was not evident then I would not have continued with the realtionship beyond a friendship. So, think hard about what aspects of faith you really want to be evident in a relationship first and foremost beyond any outward signs, especially such as going to Church. My Hubby wanted to pass on the thought that the man in question being a good person within your relationship is what matters mostly. I agree with this but also disagree because perceptions of 'goodness' can be a stage for all sorts of pathological nonsense... just look at the world! I must however concede that it is not always possible to be rid off all negatives ... but bottom line, consider carefully whether you want 'faith' as a sustenance or a definitive aspect of a relationship. This to me is key as I hear it often of people who really are just attendants within a relationship rather than being joined. Take care, Eve xx
quankanne Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 marry the other person for who they are now, not for who you think you can make them probably the most logical advice given about considering marriage – you've got to remember that YOUR example helps those around you grow, and that sometimes, you're not going to have things just the way you want them, but that they still work out because you're willing to make them work.
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