Ms. Joolie Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 (edited) What are the secrets of an LTR? I am an 27 year old woman in a relationship with a 39 year old man. He will be 40 next month and there are times when my inexperience with an LTR and the age difference leave me insecure. He is divorced now, but was married for seven years. They had two kids together. So I feel all this inadequacy when it comes to providing the kind of relationship he needs. He has a home with kids and this LTR experience... I'm a bit daunted by that, but want to step up to it. I want to be his partner, and be prepared for what that is going to be like for me. I want to know his wants/needs and provide for that, but I need my eyes opened on how I'm going to do that. We've dated on and off for over three years. It was difficult for me to get my head on straight and provide that kind of relationship he wanted, but I am finally ready to do this now. In January of 2009, he spoke to me for the first time about what he wanted, and throughout the year he brought it up several times. What he wants is for me to move in with him. But there was trouble throughout the year. As I said, I've never had my head on straight to provide this relationship for him, but I'm ready now. I want him to know I'm ready. I want to prove I'm ready. I want him to know I love him, trust my love and feel reassured that I can be his partner. I feel I have to earn that relationship with him again, and need all the help I can get. I want to know what it is going to take to establish and maintain an LTR with this man. Your advice, insights or thoughts will be greatly appreciated. Also, if there are any book/website recommendations you can share that would be great. Thank you! Edited December 30, 2009 by Ms. Joolie
Author Ms. Joolie Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I'm not trying to force an LTR, or even force his re-considering the whole move-in thing.... I just want to invest in the relationship this time, and feel so clueless about it. We just started seeing each other again, but how can I show him it is real this time? We've dated, spent the weekends together, he use to do most of the calling/texting but I'm trying to balance that out. More communication, more doing things together.... but what are all those little things? What's so important this time around in this relationship? Why do I feel so desperate? lol .... anyway, just needing to clear up my head and definitely looking for any thoughts anyone here on LS might have on all this.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 No thoughts? Not even criticisms??
carhill Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Likely covered elsewhere, but relevant IMO... How far? Mileage is fine How long? Out of three years, how many times has he visited you? You him? How long was the last hiatus? What he wants is for me to move in with him. When you're married
Author Ms. Joolie Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Likely covered elsewhere, but relevant IMO... How far? Mileage is fine How long? Out of three years, how many times has he visited you? You him? How long was the last hiatus? When you're married Well, I would go on about our relationship together and get into that story, but what I am really interested in is hearing advice on maintaining a relationship. I want to hear about things done in a relationship that work, that help keep that relationship going. I would like to hear about what you would do differently now that you didn't do before to make a relationship work. ...kinda like the ABCs in a relationship, really, because I'm just feeling so daunted right now. Guess I wasn't clear about the advice I wanted and started going into the story too much. oops
carhill Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 No worries. Done two. One was 60 miles and one was 6500 miles. Basic tenants remain the same. 1. Communicated desire for closure of distance at some point. Desire with a plan. 2. Actions of travel and communication to support that desire. 3. Transparency. The above presumes all other elements of attraction and compatibility exist. Married the former. Probably should've married the latter. Hindsight is always 20/20
HeyThere Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I'm not trying to force an LTR, or even force his re-considering the whole move-in thing.... I just want to invest in the relationship this time, and feel so clueless about it. We just started seeing each other again, but how can I show him it is real this time? We've dated, spent the weekends together, he use to do most of the calling/texting but I'm trying to balance that out. More communication, more doing things together.... but what are all those little things? What's so important this time around in this relationship? Why do I feel so desperate? lol .... anyway, just needing to clear up my head and definitely looking for any thoughts anyone here on LS might have on all this. This and the first post is what you need to communicate with him directly - you know what is needed.
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