Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 OMG. are you SERIOUS? holy crap that's some dough to be dishing out for some flakey bitches! like I said, I have never dated before and had NO IDEA what to expect. Live and learn I guess. I had no idea online dating was such a wasteland of individuals. I figured they were all like me.
alphamale Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I had no idea online dating was such a wasteland of individuals. I figured they were all like me. dude everyone has to figure it out for themselves...the online dating-scam companies are also counting on it to keep money coming in
bwidger Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Honestly, I feel so discouraged. I've heard a couple of people on this site say don't let dating set you too high or too low, but I just can't manage that. I'm usually a pretty positive person. However, I don't see how the hell dating is simple for anyone, especially guys. I want to stay positive because I know that will encourage me to go out there and look, do more, experiment and converse but the reality is that I don’t know how to stay positive about it when I'm getting rejected left and right. Call me what you will. I don't hate myself for it. How do you stay active? How do you stay positive? Just straight cold turkey dating for a while and gain your bearings again, or you never lost them in the first place? Any advise... I've deleted so many numbers from my phone lately because of flaky and dishonest girls... damn, where the clarity? Where's the fn' motivation and hope? Seriously... I'm exhuasted and I know I shouldn't be. I just want to go to bed because I feel I don't have the energy for this crap right now...
Mary3 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 do you hate me? sheeez. the one girl just really sticks out above the rest///by far. 2 are still awaiting a second date, so not sure if they qualify in the 'dating', but i included them i also have 2 more im emailing that are waiting for me to ask them out. im very picky, so when I find something i like, it really wows me. why the F would I come on here an lie about anything? im looking for help and you guys dont know me from a hole in the wall. I never said you lied about anything. No. I don't hate you. You are on a forum asking for advice . All these girls though , isn't it a bit confusing ? I recommend focusing on one and if you are that's good... I just tend to see right through people. You don't have to be standing in front of me for me to see it....
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Honestly, I feel so discouraged. I've heard a couple of people on this site say don't let dating set you too high or too low, but I just can't manage that. I'm usually a pretty positive person. However, I don't see how the hell dating is simple for anyone, especially guys. I want to stay positive because I know that will encourage me to go out there and look, do more, experiment and converse but the reality is that I don’t know how to stay positive about it when I'm getting rejected left and right. Call me what you will. I don't hate myself for it. How do you stay active? How do you stay positive? Just straight cold turkey dating for a while and gain your bearings again, or you never lost them in the first place? Any advise... I've deleted so many numbers from my phone lately because of flaky and dishonest girls... damn, where the clarity? Where's the fn' motivation and hope? Seriously... I'm exhuasted and I know I shouldn't be. I just want to go to bed because I feel I don't have the energy for this crap right now... dude...I KNOW how you feel. Believe me. If anyone on this forum does, its me. Dont guive up, dont get discouraged. You can be disappointed, sure. But you need to fight on. Take it as a personal challenge. Challenge yourself to beat this. Try different techniques with different girls and trust your gut. One of the girls I went out with once - we IM'd all day everyday for the first 3 weeks we started talking (I later decided she wasnt a good fit). Another girl, I cant get her to talk to me unless I start the convo. Every girl is different and responds differently to us. Lets keep this going and bounce ideas and share our dating experiences with other and figure out how to beat this. Unfortunately, online dating is a big game. You have to beat and win the game in ordr to be successful. Dont give up, dont ever give up. Ms. Right isnt going to be stopping at your door anytime soon, so lets go get her!
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 I never said you lied about anything. No. I don't hate you. You are on a forum asking for advice . All these girls though , isn't it a bit confusing ? I recommend focusing on one and if you are that's good... I just tend to see right through people. You don't have to be standing in front of me for me to see it.... does this mean you think I am being deceitful or not portraying myself honestly? I'm trying to be as honest as possible on here in order to get the best advice possible. As for the multiple girls, I would LOVE to focus on one...but in reality, I know that is not an option with online dating. They are all being courted by multiple men, so I feel like I need to have options. I dont want this to drag out for a year. Also, by having more than one, when that one ditches me or cancels, it doesnt hurt as bad because I know I have options. I spent time this weekend sending out emails and winking for the first time since I started this adventure//. I have about 5 new prospects that responded to me, so i guess Im back to square one, seeing the 2 that made it past date #2 seemed to have moved on, even though the both want to reschedule and assure me they are still very interested. I'm not banking on that at all though, since they have proven themselves otherwise.
Mary3 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 does this mean you think I am being deceitful or not portraying myself honestly? I'm trying to be as honest as possible on here in order to get the best advice possible. As for the multiple girls, I would LOVE to focus on one...but in reality, I know that is not an option with online dating. They are all being courted by multiple men, so I feel like I need to have options. I dont want this to drag out for a year. Also, by having more than one, when that one ditches me or cancels, it doesnt hurt as bad because I know I have options. I spent time this weekend sending out emails and winking for the first time since I started this adventure//. I have about 5 new prospects that responded to me, so i guess Im back to square one, seeing the 2 that made it past date #2 seemed to have moved on, even though the both want to reschedule and assure me they are still very interested. I'm not banking on that at all though, since they have proven themselves otherwise. No . I think you are trying way too hard. Whats really eating you ?
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 No . I think you are trying way too hard. Whats really eating you ? i wont deny that im trying too hard.... nothing eating me...just want a relationship maybe a little to bad. that could be causing my over-eagerness. maybe im trying to heal the pain from my last relationship 7 months ago.. who knows. i sure dont.
CLC2008 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I don’t understand how it’s possible for you (or anyone else for that matter) to invest any kind of emotional energy into someone, when you’re courting 3-4 people at once. Maybe that’s part of the problem in-itself?
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 I don’t understand how it’s possible for you (or anyone else for that matter) to invest any kind of emotional energy into someone, when you’re courting 3-4 people at once. Maybe that’s part of the problem in-itself? eh... i liked this girl way more than the rest. we have talked extensively online and had 2 great dates. i wouldnt say i was THAT emotionally invested. I just wanted to know what this girl was thinking. there were some weird signs prior and 10000% overreacted. it was very disappointing that I thought she was blowing me off... dealing with rejection is hard for me...still learning. i have to defend myself an awful lot on here. that sucks.
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 OP, part of being a man is accepting the perspectives of others and, even if you disagree, respecting the differences and following the path you know to be true for you. If you're still healing from your last relationship, that's your path. If dating these ladies has helped you realize that, it's a positive thing. Act on that. Perhaps you still need more alone time, who knows. Maybe just talk with one woman at a time. Try different things and accept the results. There's no formula
CLC2008 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 eh... i liked this girl way more than the rest. we have talked extensively online and had 2 great dates. i wouldnt say i was THAT emotionally invested. I just wanted to know what this girl was thinking. there were some weird signs prior and 10000% overreacted. it was very disappointing that I thought she was blowing me off... dealing with rejection is hard for me...still learning. i have to defend myself an awful lot on here. that sucks. Well you opened up the topic, so it's not a matter of defending yourself, but rather seeking answers you are looking for. IMO, I just think the mindset some people have with the purpose of multi-dating, is wrong. If you’re going to multi-date, it should be with the intent on finding someone who is compatible, versus wanting to have “back-ups”, when/if one doesn’t work out... Nobody likes rejection, I've been rejected many times in my life, and it's hard regardless. And it doesn't have to be in the form of someone just not being interested in the other, rejection comes in all shapes and forms. Being cheated on, is rejection. Being dumped, is rejection. Being stood up, is rejection.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Well you opened up the topic, so it's not a matter of defending yourself, but rather seeking answers you are looking for. IMO, I just think the mindset some people have with the purpose of multi-dating, is wrong. If you’re going to multi-date, it should be with the intent on finding someone who is compatible, versus wanting to have “back-ups”, when/if one doesn’t work out... Nobody likes rejection, I've been rejected many times in my life, and it's hard regardless. And it doesn't have to be in the form of someone just not being interested in the other, rejection comes in all shapes and forms. Being cheated on, is rejection. Being dumped, is rejection. Being stood up, is rejection. i hear you on rejection...they all carry different levels of pain and anxiety though. i would never go out with a girl a second time if I couldnt see at least a chance at a future with them. I guess my wording was bad there. i just know that the reality of the situation is, for every 5 girls I date, i may get 1 who could possible turn into a relationship. at least thats what im finding. no one is a back-up. Truthfully, if I had any faith in the 2 girls I have seen more than once, I wouldnt bother dating anyone else. but their actions and reality of online dating has me searching for others still. i hope that makes sense....
CLC2008 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 i hear you on rejection...they all carry different levels of pain and anxiety though. i would never go out with a girl a second time if I couldnt see at least a chance at a future with them. I guess my wording was bad there. i just know that the reality of the situation is, for every 5 girls I date, i may get 1 who could possible turn into a relationship. at least thats what im finding. no one is a back-up. Truthfully, if I had any faith in the 2 girls I have seen more than once, I wouldnt bother dating anyone else. but their actions and reality of online dating has me searching for others still. i hope that makes sense.... It does make sense, you're frustrated, and you're venting. Nothing wrong with that. TBF had a good post on here, listing needs/wants. I always carried around my own list in my mind, but it was good to actually write it out. Ultimately, we are all searching for that special someone, but a big part of that, includes searching within OURSELVES. I know that sounds corny, but really, it's true.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 It does make sense, you're frustrated, and you're venting. Nothing wrong with that. TBF had a good post on here, listing needs/wants. I always carried around my own list in my mind, but it was good to actually write it out. Ultimately, we are all searching for that special someone, but a big part of that, includes searching within OURSELVES. I know that sounds corny, but really, it's true. frustrated is a GREAT way to describe it. i feel like I am sacrificing who I am a little in order to play the game....
CLC2008 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 frustrated is a GREAT way to describe it. i feel like I am sacrificing who I am a little in order to play the game.... Well, maybe stop approaching it like it's a game, but rather finding someone you are compatible with and have a connection with. Dating is hard, but the real "guts" are when you're actually in a relationship, at which point, there won't be any "back-ups" to fall back on when things get rough.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Well, maybe stop approaching it like it's a game, but rather finding someone you are compatible with and have a connection with. Dating is hard, but the real "guts" are when you're actually in a relationship, at which point, there won't be any "back-ups" to fall back on when things get rough. i have the relationship experience and have been there done that. a 2 year, a 7 year and another 2 year... i'm not saying I know it all, but more than most! im trying real hard to not make it a game...but maybe im a bit jaded after reading all the advice on here!! haha;)
CLC2008 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 i have the relationship experience and have been there done that. a 2 year, a 7 year and another 2 year... i'm not saying I know it all, but more than most! See, there you go. im trying real hard to not make it a game...but maybe im a bit jaded after reading all the advice on here!! haha;) Yeah this place at times, will certainly do that!
Phateless Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Do NOT focus on only one at a time, that's terrible advice! You don't focus on one until you've been dating her for at least a month and you know she's the only one you want. You play the field to find the right girl. You don't owe anybody exclusivity until you have a specific conversation about it and mutually agree to it.
CLC2008 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Do NOT focus on only one at a time, that's terrible advice! You don't focus on one until you've been dating her for at least a month and you know she's the only one you want. You play the field to find the right girl. You don't owe anybody exclusivity until you have a specific conversation about it and mutually agree to it. That's what I was referring to Phateless. From the OP's posts, it sounded like he was still courting several women past the one month mark. I don't know if that's actually true or not, but that's the impression I got.
Phateless Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 That's what I was referring to Phateless. From the OP's posts, it sounded like he was still courting several women past the one month mark. I don't know if that's actually true or not, but that's the impression I got. Ah. Well there's nothing wrong with courting. The point isn't the time limit, the point is to find someone you like so much that you don't want to date anyone else. Lots of people multi-date for long periods of time. One of my dearest friends is a girl I dated casually for 3 months, about 3 years ago.
CLC2008 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Ah. Well there's nothing wrong with courting. The point isn't the time limit, the point is to find someone you like so much that you don't want to date anyone else. Lots of people multi-date for long periods of time. One of my dearest friends is a girl I dated casually for 3 months, about 3 years ago. I don't think there is anything wrong with it either, as long as the person who is multi-dating is upfront about it. I've had situations where I was dating someone for a good month or so, and any one else who was interested in me at the time, I told them I was already dating someone.
Phateless Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I don't think there is anything wrong with it either, as long as the person who is multi-dating is upfront about it. I've had situations where I was dating someone for a good month or so, and any one else who was interested in me at the time, I told them I was already dating someone. I agree about being up-front. Honestly, it's your bad for assuming that you are exclusive if you haven't discussed it. Until you talk and mutually decide it's a closed relationship, it's open.
CLC2008 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I agree about being up-front. Honestly, it's your bad for assuming that you are exclusive if you haven't discussed it. Until you talk and mutually decide it's a closed relationship, it's open. Well I don't know if I necessarily agree with that, the "assuming" part, but to each their own.
carhill Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 In light of history the OP has shared, and his reaction to the current multi-dating dynamic, it would seem reasonable to consider other dating methodologies which might be more in line with his current emotional state. Build on success, slowly
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