Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 I love how this thread had got completely out of control. This has gone waaaaay beyond the original post called for sorry:( kinda took on a life of its own and think helped others out as well.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 But.... but.... isn't this just like the third date? Are you interested or not? I wouldn't put the ball in her court for the third date. She's just as unsure of your real interest as you are. If I were you, I'd be the gentleman and ask her out on the third date. Make your interest in her clear. Go on that third date and just see where the attraction is at. It's been a lot of fuss up to now, but remember how much you two got along, and what the fuss is about. Ask her out. Make your interest clear in that way. Take her on a third date. Decide from there. hmm.. ok, but she's is gone until Sunday, So i think I'll just call her sunday night. i really dont want to have to contact her before then. It would be GREAT if she contacted me, but I'm not holding my breath. this girl couldnt be playing her hand any slower if she tried....
ordinary_girl Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 sorry:( kinda took on a life of its own and think helped others out as well. don't be sorry. I just don't think this is helping YOU much
monkey00 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 girls can be icky, even if you leave the ball in their court or tell them straight up...they will still expect the guy to continue to pursue them even after the cancellations. I don't really think there's any specific advice you can use to apply to this girl. Go date your other girls in the meantime, who knows you might like them more than this one.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 girls can be icky, even if you leave the ball in their court or tell them straight up...they will still expect the guy to continue to pursue them even after the cancellations. I don't really think there's any specific advice you can use to apply to this girl. Go date your other girls in the meantime, who knows you might like them more than this one. ugh....great... im going on another date sat with someone else, so....looking forward to it. this girl actually shows me that she's interested....
Mary3 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 we talked on IM sunday night and she openly admitted she has had no success on our dating site. that im her Match. BUT, the last 2 nights, she had been online on the site an awful lot. who knows. I could very well be #2. i text her back this am.....when are you saying i should call her? i was planning on leaving the ball in her court and if I dont here from her, then that's that. she's always been real good and communicating with me. m i would think that if she is interested, i would hear back from her sometime today. im willing to stick to whatever guns i need to, to figure this out You said she is on there ( dating site ) alot but you are dating 4 girls so doesn't that make you on there alot too ? I think she was sick to be honest.... I also think with all this IM and text and other stuff , get REAL and get on the phone . I don't use the IM , so impersonal. Texting too...
Phateless Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 hmm.. ok, but she's is gone until Sunday, So i think I'll just call her sunday night. i really dont want to have to contact her before then. It would be GREAT if she contacted me, but I'm not holding my breath. this girl couldnt be playing her hand any slower if she tried.... Don't call her the day she comes back, that's a little claustrophobic for her. Give her a couple of days AFTER she comes home, so she has time to unpack and settle in. I guarantee that when she comes home from traveling you won't be the first thing on her mind, so don't crowd her. If she comes back Sunday, CALL HER Wednesday to set up date 3. That is, if you're still hell-bent on calling her. And I agree with whoever said to not dick around with texting her anymore. NC for a couple weeks then call her. I say you give it a few weeks as we originally discussed and then try to reinitiate from scratch.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Don't call her the day she comes back, that's a little claustrophobic for her. Give her a couple of days AFTER she comes home, so she has time to unpack and settle in. I guarantee that when she comes home from traveling you won't be the first thing on her mind, so don't crowd her. If she comes back Sunday, CALL HER Wednesday to set up date 3. That is, if you're still hell-bent on calling her. And I agree with whoever said to not dick around with texting her anymore. NC for a couple weeks then call her. I say you give it a few weeks as we originally discussed and then try to reinitiate from scratch. im not sure you have read the whole thread or maybe you missed something? Why would I have NO contact with her? She WAS sick and I DID talk to her that night and she reiterated wanting to reschedule and asked what my week look likes next week for plans with her. I'm thinking If I dont talk to her Sunday or Monday, she will take this as me being not interested. So you really think I should wait til WED. to call then? I guess it couldnt hurt, but I dont want this to put me off and have someone else swoop in. I dunno....
Mary3 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 im not sure you have read the whole thread or maybe you missed something? Why would I have NO contact with her? She WAS sick and I DID talk to her that night and she reiterated wanting to reschedule and asked what my week look likes next week for plans with her. I'm thinking If I dont talk to her Sunday or Monday, she will take this as me being not interested. So you really think I should wait til WED. to call then? I guess it couldnt hurt, but I dont want this to put me off and have someone else swoop in. I dunno.... But I ask again , : Why do you really care about this one girl when you have 4 more ?? Are you afraid you are losing your touch ? Sorry , but something does not feel right here. Most guys who multiple date could give a rats patoot about one individual girl . Why do YOU ?
Ms. Joolie Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Sorry , but something does not feel right here. Most guys who multiple date could give a rats patoot about one individual girl . Why do YOU ? Completely normal for only one woman to catch his special interest out of four, and cause him a special worry, too.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 But I ask again , : Why do you really care about this one girl when you have 4 more ?? Are you afraid you are losing your touch ? Sorry , but something does not feel right here. Most guys who multiple date could give a rats patoot about one individual girl . Why do YOU ? do you hate me? sheeez. the one girl just really sticks out above the rest///by far. 2 are still awaiting a second date, so not sure if they qualify in the 'dating', but i included them i also have 2 more im emailing that are waiting for me to ask them out. im very picky, so when I find something i like, it really wows me. why the F would I come on here an lie about anything? im looking for help and you guys dont know me from a hole in the wall.
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Steve, have you ever seen a grown man naked? Don't fret. Do what you do. It'll all work out...
Ms. Joolie Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I think it's crazy how we multi-date. Always looks absurd to read about guys contacting several girls at once. Can't you concentrate on one woman, dammit?!! But then we do the same thing. We accept all these guys talking to us, we flirt with mulitiple guys. Until one day.... this ONE person comes along, and all our energy is concentrated, focused or scattered, on this one person. I think when that one person comes along, they deserve special attention, special interest. They are special to us. sigh. just rambling. since I like this thread. Steve! Call her early next week! Remember, she flirts with other guys and you want her attention!
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Joolie, i would LOVE to not have to multi-date, but with online dating, its a necessary evil. i would love to focus my attention on one girl.....that's who I really am. multi-dating takes the fun out of the early stages of dating. I remember the feeling i got early on the first few times I went out with my last girlfriend....it was so exciting and surreal. this just feels like work. i also found out the girl who cancelled on me tonight probably lied. she said she was out of town skiing, but is online on the dating site. i doubt she is online out of town at a hotel...whatever. I'm done getting riled up over it. its out of my control. on to the next I guess. this is also getting very expensive. i may have to change my first 2 date strategy. i always do a nice dinner which is a minimum $130. maybe im just a sucker. who knows...
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Steve, have you ever seen a grown man naked? Don't fret. Do what you do. It'll all work out... i have unfortunately;) not sure what you're saying, but i'm not fretting. frustrated? yeah. but im done freaking out. I've basically had 3 rejections this week. So i'm learning to deal with that. i wont even tell you what happened the 3rd one because I'll probably just get more crap than i already do....but I went out with her Wed. after the other girl called in sick. im pretty sure we could sticky a thread on here showing my trials and tribs and it will do two things. 1. Show people what NOT to do and 2. scare everyone away from online dating forever.
bwidger Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Joolie, i would LOVE to not have to multi-date, but with online dating, its a necessary evil. i would love to focus my attention on one girl.....that's who I really am. multi-dating takes the fun out of the early stages of dating. I remember the feeling i got early on the first few times I went out with my last girlfriend....it was so exciting and surreal. this just feels like work. i also found out the girl who cancelled on me tonight probably lied. she said she was out of town skiing, but is online on the dating site. i doubt she is online out of town at a hotel...whatever. I'm done getting riled up over it. its out of my control. on to the next I guess. this is also getting very expensive. i may have to change my first 2 date strategy. i always do a nice dinner which is a minimum $130. maybe im just a sucker. who knows... yeah dude, definitly change your dinner scheme. that's too much to be paying for a girl when you have no idea where it's going.
yeex Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 on to the next I guess. this is also getting very expensive. i may have to change my first 2 date strategy. i always do a nice dinner which is a minimum $130. maybe im just a sucker. who knows... I highly recommend changing that. I usually go for a coffee or beer. I have to know a girl and have been out a few times before I'll take her out to a nice dinner. Also some girls will think you are trying too hard if you are buying expensive dinners on the first few dates. And like you said, it can get expensive fast.
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) Steve, glad to hear that. So, you in fact do watch gladiator movies Take a look at a relevant thread I started on my 'dating situation' I solicited some feedback from the sage ladies of LS, made some adjustments to my 'situation', and moved on. If ladies shoot me down because I'm separated or cancel or act flaky or ride rocket ships to Venus, I have no control over that. All these ladies you're looking to date are just like you and me; regular people with regular lives. It's really cool when one gains that extra dimension which keeps her in your thoughts; think of it as one way of having a nice day. Lots of other ways; it's one of many. Don't fret. BTW, wrt strapping on the feed sack, I would take dates to a local place a friend owns where the food is homemade (Mexican) , the prices are cheap and the margaritas are strong. Hard to spend 30 bucks on dinner for two. Keep it simple. She doesn't need to fall in love with your wallet.... Edited January 3, 2010 by carhill
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Steve, glad to hear that. So, you in fact do watch gladiator movies Take a look at a relevant thread I started on my 'dating situation' I solicited some feedback from the sage ladies of LS, made some adjustments to my 'situation', and moved on. If ladies shoot me down because I'm separated or cancel or act flaky or ride rocket ships to Venus, I have no control over that. All these ladies you're looking to date are just like you and me; regular people with regular lives. It's really cool when one gains that extra dimension which keeps her in your thoughts; think of it as one way of having a nice day. Lots of other ways; it's one of many. Don't fret. thanks carhill...that really helps put things in perspective... i guess im just so anxious to get in another relationship and a bit insecure about being alone. my last 2 relationships ended in them cheating (like I mentioned before) and I think that plays a huge part in how I am with this dating thing. i consider myself a nice guy, and by the sound of that on here, that's the wrong thing to be. i feel i have a lot to offer someone in a relationship and am trying to prove it to these girls right away. i'm definetly going to adjust my strategy. i never thought that taking these girls out to nice places and events would be working against me, but i kinda see that now. just in the time today's girl cancelled, i have gotten 2 emails and about 5 other 'interests' on my online dating site, so its not like its these 2-4 girls or bust. i am very picky though, and none of the 5 really meet my 'standards. im just gonna take it day by day and look for advice from you carhill and joolie and some of the others on here who seem tpo know what they are talking about. to everyone who has offered advice and listened to my whining and over-reacting - THANK YOU!!!
Yukikazi Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 yeah dude, definitly change your dinner scheme. that's too much to be paying for a girl when you have no idea where it's going. I gotta agree with this.. 130 bucks for dinner is just insane.. that price tag shouldn't be anywhere till after exclusive and a few sex sessions
Phateless Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Steve - I understand about her saying when to hang out next week, but you've also been contacting her a bit too much. Maybe wait til Monday or Tuesday, then. That's still the beginning of the week but you're not pouncing on her as soon as she's home. Use your judgment, not your fear, to decide.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Steve - I understand about her saying when to hang out next week, but you've also been contacting her a bit too much. Maybe wait til Monday or Tuesday, then. That's still the beginning of the week but you're not pouncing on her as soon as she's home. Use your judgment, not your fear, to decide. already decided to wait until at least Monday...prolly Tuesday. Thanks for your advice!
Phateless Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 already decided to wait until at least Monday...prolly Tuesday. Thanks for your advice! Not a problem!
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 I gotta agree with this.. 130 bucks for dinner is just insane.. that price tag shouldn't be anywhere till after exclusive and a few sex sessions yeah...i realize that now. i was really trying to impress them...but have learned a valuable (if not expensive) lesson. I even took one girl to an exclusive sporting event which tickets were going for $450 a pair!!! i make plenty of money, so ts not a HUGE issue, but i had no idea I would have to date probably 15 girls to find a potential match...so it would become one. the next girls are getting a few drinks and thats it;)
bwidger Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 yeah...i realize that now. i was really trying to impress them...but have learned a valuable (if not expensive) lesson. I even took one girl to an exclusive sporting event which tickets were going for $450 a pair!!! i make plenty of money, so ts not a HUGE issue, but i had no idea I would have to date probably 15 girls to find a potential match...so it would become one. the next girls are getting a few drinks and thats it;) OMG. are you SERIOUS? holy crap that's some dough to be dishing out for some flakey bitches!
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