Just cancelled on...thoughts?

[Ms. Joolie]

well she IM'd me (i was away) and she texted me saying "sorry i missed you! i went back to bed im so sick!"

 

how do i play this??????

 

im thinking ill just call her tonight

 

 

Yes, just call her tonight.

 

 

You mentioned stuff about her wall that she's built. That she's told this to you is an indicator of where she's at, at least to me. Hear me out.

 

What I hear from that is that she's a very young woman who definitely has a wall up. However, she is on a dating site and searching so she is willing to let that wall down. You will have to discover why this wall is up, not so as to get the edge, but so as to help her move on.

 

Should be an interesting gal to get to know. Don't be afraid of walls, it just may take a different kind of effort. It may be why you are attracted more to this one than the others. There's something more to her, isn't there? Oh, the mystery...

 

She may have quirks, but if you want to date her then do it. Find out who she is, have fun with it. And if you are sexually attracted to her all is well, very well. lol

Edited December 30, 2009 by Ms. Joolie

[stevejohnson1976]

Yes, just call her tonight.

 

 

You mentioned stuff about her wall that she's built. That she's told this to you is an indicator of where she's at, at least to me. Hear me out.

 

What I hear from that is that she's a very young woman who definitely has a wall up. However, she is on a dating site and searching so she is willing to let that wall down. You will have to discover why this wall is up, not so as to get the edge, but so as to help her move on.

 

Should be an interesting gal to get to know. Don't be afraid of walls, it just may take a different kind of effort. It may be why you are attracted more to this one than the others. There's something more to her, isn't there? Oh, the mystery...

 

She may have quirks, but if you want to date her then do it. Find out who she is, have fun with it. And if you are sexually attracted to her all is well, very well. lol

 

this is really great info Joolie. thanks. it seems like you understand where I am coming from, even though I have only given you pieces of info. amazing

 

i am really attracted to her. I'm successful, attractive and intelligent and like girls who are similar - classy, witty, beautiful. her sense of humor is amazing. she fits it to a T. no one else I am dating is a 'fit' like her. I am very attracted to her and would really like to help her take down her wall. it seems like she wants to let me in - especially with th pics she sent me on monday and over xmas break of her in her PJ's holding the new puppy and other xmas photos of her and the puppy. she wants to let me in, but is not going to do it all at once.

 

i think the IM and text about an hour ago show's she is sincere.

[Ms. Joolie]

i think the IM and text about an hour ago show's she is sincere.

 

Yes. I think she is. Also, if she has this wall up when it comes to a romantic relationship she may not be use to communicating. Be patient and show her how it's done. She'll thank you for it.

 

sigh.. it could be a great romance in the making.* Believe me, I can relate to the wall. The man who knocked my wall down has my heart now.

 

lol. So be careful, but get excited. It does sound like she is willing to let YOU in. That's an amazing opportunity for you. Hope to hear more about how this one goes for you.

 

 

 

* I know this is gushy. oops. I'm a romantic at heart maybe.

Edited December 30, 2009 by Ms. Joolie

[stevejohnson1976]

Yes. I think she is. Also, if she has this wall up when it comes to a romantic relationship she may not be use to communicating. Be patient and show her how it's done. She'll thank you for it.

 

sigh.. it could be a great romance in the making.* Believe me, I can relate to the wall. The man who knocked my wall down has my heart now.

 

lol. So be careful, but get excited. It does sound like she is willing to let YOU in. That's an amazing opportunity for you. Hope to hear more about how this one goes for you.

 

 

 

* I know this is gushy. oops. I'm a romantic at heart maybe.

 

ill keep you updated...but im not sure this is really the beginning of something great...at least not yet. she seems like a GREAT catch to me though..

 

i really like her...even though its only been 2 dates, we have talked a lot..and like i said, i can judge chaacter really well.

 

im sure you havent heard the last of steve johnson...ill freak out a bunch more before i seal this deal

[Ms. Joolie]

im sure you havent heard the last of steve johnson...ill freak out a bunch more before i seal this deal

 

You go, steve johnson. Seal that deal. lol. And we're here to help.

[DietDrPepper]

So I just joined this site because I saw Steves post and could relate to it. I almost started a thread of my own but it seems i've solved my own problem at the moment and I'll explain how below.

 

Short version: Texted alot at first, went on first date (was great), planned second date then she got sick (legit), had to cancel second date but the next week was christmas so there was no reschedule that could be made but we still texted (not as much as before first date). Our last texts were on christmas eve afternoon..Christmas came and I didn't text her (didn't want to bother her, she seemed really into family) nor did she text me.. since I hadn't heard from her I called her this past monday night (first time) and got the voicemail, left a message...

 

which brings me to now, which I still haven't heard from her. At this point in time I'm thinking (and my friends say) she is not interested. She has sporadically been checking Match, which isn't bad but it certainly doesn't make her look more interested. So I'm thinking "great here comes the cold shoulder"...

 

well I read a comment on here (ms joolies wall one) and was like "screw it" and so I sent her a text. Which actually i just copied a text she wrote me once (sent after the first date) that said "well you have been terribly quiet" (after we didn't text for a day). So i pasted that into a text and sent it to her 20 minutes ago.

 

She replies back that her friend had a family tragedy and she has been helping them cope. I tell her i'm sorry to hear that and we text for a second about it and then I text

 

"well get a hold of me when everything gets back to normal for you..I still want to take you on out on that second date to P&Y's (name of restaurant)"

 

her reply "Ur so cute!!! I do too... sorry, I know I fell off the map... :("

 

me: "I know (I'm cute)... Don't even worry about it, just hit me up when your waters are calm over there :)"

 

her: "Thanks dear ;)"

 

Her personality really came off as being honest so I don't see any reason not to believe she was sick or her friend had a tragedy..

 

So thanks Ms Joolies for the inspiring words, it was your communication comment and wall comments that really made me think I should get in touch again.

 

This battle has been won, still need to to win the war though!

 

Oh and I'm rooting for you Steve!!!

Edited December 30, 2009 by DietDrPepper

[stevejohnson1976]

thats awesome DDP^!!!

 

Joolie to the rescue!

[DietDrPepper]

loose lips sink ships

 

this is so true!

[Ms. Joolie]

Awesome. There's lots of advice on here that if applied can get you new results. That's why I love LS. It's great.

 

I'm just glad that what I said inspired you to take action and got a great result for you. That's what LS is for and that's why I am here.

 

 

...Here to learn and share.

 

 

 

[DietDrPepper]

and heres another bit for Steve..

 

a little more details on the her being sick... I felt the same exact way you did, of course "being concerned" is what people do when other are sick but how do you not make it so you seem needy and all that crap..

 

well she got sick on a Monday, our date was the coming Friday... what ever she got really seemed to jack her up, and she was out of work for a few days. So i didn't expect much contact anyway but we did a little throughout the week. When Friday came I sent her a text asking if she was feeling better and if that night we were still on (perhaps I should have let her contact me to cancel but since I knew she was already sick it didn't seem like an issue for me to ask). She said we should reschedule but didn't give a date or anything and our conversation ended for the mean time. Converstion ended at around 1pm.

 

Later that night I get a text from her like at 11:45pm

 

her "i just woke up from the longest nap.... u must think i'm nuts... i'm so sorry i have fallen off the face of the earth"

 

me "lol no not nuts, just crazy I've been there, you dont have to apologize"

 

her: "so sorry"

 

me "dont even worry about it"

 

Then we text for a bit about how sick she was then she says shes going back to bed and just wanted to say hello...

 

 

So i guess my stories point is that getting sick can screw people up so much that they might be interpreted as having a low interest level when infact they are just sick but still interested.

 

In situations like this its hard not to blow it with insecurity and impatience, stay strong! (like dont tell her you really want her the most, thats a tricky one because it seems so obvious to say but i dont think its ever worked for me in the past)

Edited December 30, 2009 by DietDrPepper

[stevejohnson1976]

 

In situations like this its hard not to blow it with insecurity and impatience, stay strong! (like dont tell her you really want her the most, thats a tricky one because it seems so obvious to say but i dont think its ever worked for me in the past)

 

haha..i would never do that....i was just saying it as like "come on!!!"

 

i just hate the games....

 

she is the kinda of girl who doesn't pursue at all or show her cards really. there have been a couple instances, but i basically pried it out of her. she only reciprocates touching, never starts it, hardly ever starts the communication via text, IM, email, phone. i'm in IM a lot for work, and ill see her jump on and if I dont say hi, we wont talk. its annoying.

 

she's going to be a tough nut to crack....hopefully i'll get there

[bwidger]

I had a third date all setup for tonight. Talked to her briefly on IM last night after I called her to confirm and it went to voicemail.

 

Instead of calling me back, she hit me up on IM. I confirmed or plans, she set the time, seemed excited. She even had 2 seperate times where she could of called it off and didnt. I even tried to cut the convo short and to the point and she said "no, I dont have to go".

 

So i wake up this am to a text saying "you're going to kill me. I'm so sick and home from work today, I need to reschedule tonight".

 

I'm like ok, no big deal. So, I can even verify she is home from work, cause I saw her on IM this morning, which is blocked at her work. So instead of just responding to her text, I try to hit her up on IM....the message goes through, but then she signs off like 2 mins. later. Coincidence? I dunno.

 

So I just texted her back saying not to worry about it and get better.

 

Am I looking into this too much? Why didnt she call me back last night and IM me instead? Was she planning on canceling? But then why, when given 2 opportunities to cancel last night did she say "no,no, no" and "you know were on". Why didnt she respond to my IM?

 

She is 'online' on our dating site now, but that can mean anything. what are your thoughts? what do i do from here? im really bummed out...

 

I hate this ***** so much. I'm literally having a panic attack....

 

I'd tell her how you feel. Because your afraid you'll lose her your not telling her what you want and what she is doing isn't cool.

 

If I was you (and I do find myself in this situation A LOT) I'd text/call/IM her and tell her that what you think she is doing is iffy and it is making you second-guess dating her. Whether she says fine then and never talk to you again or tries to work out something with you, it is the right thing to do because then you can find out if she is your type or not (the kind that s responsive and willing to come to terms).

 

Last night, after my little thread I started (with you in it), I made a decision about what I expect from the girls I date. If they are the least bit iffy or dodgy, and if I talk to them about it and they still act that way, then it would of never worked out anyways.

 

In some instances, women don't think it is a big deal they act this way (not returning phone calls/canceling consecutively), so you'll want to discuss this with them and how it makes you feel (unsure) and if they aren't willing to work withy ou on this, how else do you expect it to work out? Be open. Be honest and be upfront and stop worrying about a girl flaking on you and you losing her because you got to let the runners keep running like DustySaltus said.

 

And please, for God's sake, stop playing games with women and stop thinking women are playing games with you. If they are, drop them and find someone your compatible with! It may take a while to find but they are out there.

 

Btw, I texted those girls I mentioned in my previous thread about them not responding back to my messages. I even told two of them that if they aren't responsive and can't find time to hang out with me then it won't work out and sure enough they worked with me. Only one of them broke it off but that is because she was about to start school and she didn't want me to get involved in this busy time in her life. Heck, I still don't know if it will go could with these two girls or not but I finally feel comfortable and satisfied that they understand that I can't date girls that act offish and are too busy.

 

You need to talk with them about it and if they aren't willing to talk or come to term then they aren't for you anyways...who the heck wants a chick who can't work out thing with you anyways?

Edited December 30, 2009 by bwidger

[stevejohnson1976]

all valid points.

 

i have been talking to her for a month now, so she may get freaked out by all that in your face stuff...that would be my only worry. i would love to just be like that, but i think she'd get scared off. its early.

[gtrguy]

You are 33? You sound absolutely crazy. Man up dude. It was a third date she cancelled from an online website. Are you serious? What the hell do you even do for a living that you could post this much about a ridiculous issue?

[bwidger]

all valid points.

 

i have been talking to her for a month now, so she may get freaked out by all that in your face stuff...that would be my only worry. i would love to just be like that, but i think she'd get scared off. its early.

 

 

Your missing the point. What she is doing isn't right, she knows that. If, however, she is truly being honest about being sick then you need to chill for a bit until she feels better.

 

I'm not advising you to be "all up in her face" like wtf, I'm simply saying you need to tell her (if she is continuously offish and iffy towards you) that it is causing too much stress on you and if you can't talk about it or work it out then you need to drop her ass.

 

The point of emphasis is that you need to develop open and honest communication with the people you date or it'll ALWAYS be this second-guessing painful **** your going through right now. Trust me, if you talk to her about how you feel (and no, it' snot mushy at all to be upfront) then you'll feel 10xs better and confident about what is going on. You won't feel any pain about it because you both talked about it and you feel like you have come to term or a better understanding. This also wills how you if this chick is serious about dating you or not. Dude, if she runs then that is her not wanting to be a normal human and work with you, and chances are if she isn't willing to talk and work withy ou now she never will.

 

Obviously, you need to not DEMAND actions of her. Just tell her what it is you want from dating and just talk to her about it.

[stevejohnson1976]

You are 33? You sound absolutely crazy. Man up dude. It was a third date she cancelled from an online website. Are you serious? What the hell do you even do for a living that you could post this much about a ridiculous issue?

 

woah...relax kemo sabe

 

im just trying to figure out whether im wasting my time or not. i have never dated and im pretty sure that's what this forum is for. to bounce ideas and situations off people.

 

 

**** yourself as well

[bwidger]

You are 33? You sound absolutely crazy. Man up dude. It was a third date she cancelled from an online website. Are you serious? What the hell do you even do for a living that you could post this much about a ridiculous issue?

 

 

Oh crap...she canceled three times? yeah, you seriously need to forget about this chick like now

[stevejohnson1976]

Your missing the point. What she is doing isn't right, she knows that. If, however, she is truly being honest about being sick then you need to chill for a bit until she feels better.

 

I'm not advising you to be "all up in her face" like wtf, I'm simply saying you need to tell her (if she is continuously offish and iffy towards you) that it is causing too much stress on you and if you can't talk about it or work it out then you need to drop her ass.

 

The point of emphasis is that you need to develop open and honest communication with the people you date or it'll ALWAYS be this second-guessing painful **** your going through right now. Trust me, if you talk to her about how you feel (and no, it' snot mushy at all to be upfront) then you'll feel 10xs better and confident about what is going on. You won't feel any pain about it because you both talked about it and you feel like you have come to term or a better understanding. This also wills how you if this chick is serious about dating you or not. Dude, if she runs then that is her not wanting to be a normal human and work with you, and chances are if she isn't willing to talk and work withy ou now she never will.

 

Obviously, you need to not DEMAND actions of her. Just tell her what it is you want from dating and just talk to her about it.

 

im not sure she didnt anything that was abnormal for a human. she texted first thing in the morning to reschedule a date because she is sick. she texted because she thought i was at work, and I have confirmed she is sick, and she just went back to bed and text AND IM'd me as soon as she woke up and saw that i replied to her.

 

initially, when i started the thread, I was skeptical. but she has since proven I have nothing to worry about.

 

is she a little standoffish? eh...maybe. maybe just more than I like. Maybe to someone else she is perfect in that regard.

[stevejohnson1976]

Oh crap...she canceled three times? yeah, you seriously need to forget about this chick like now

 

NOOOOOOOOO

 

she just cancelled for tonight/.

 

you guys should really read the WHOLE thread before blasting away your nonsense on here. it makes your points null and void.

[bwidger]

im not sure she didnt anything that was abnormal for a human. she texted first thing in the morning to reschedule a date because she is sick. she texted because she thought i was at work, and I have confirmed she is sick, and she just went back to bed and text AND IM'd me as soon as she woke up and saw that i replied to her.

 

initially, when i started the thread, I was skeptical. but she has since proven I have nothing to worry about.

 

is she a little standoffish? eh...maybe. maybe just more than I like. Maybe to someone else she is perfect in that regard.

 

Over what period of time has she canceled three times?

[bwidger]

NOOOOOOOOO

 

she just cancelled for tonight/.

 

you guys should really read the WHOLE thread before blasting away your nonsense on here. it makes your points null and void.

 

Alright,t henf orget what I said but if she keeps canceling you should consider other ways of handling it, and I'm sure you are...

[stevejohnson1976]

Over what period of time has she canceled three times?

 

last time. she hasnt.

 

she cancelled just for tonight. and wants to reschedule....

[bwidger]

last time. she hasnt.

 

she cancelled just for tonight. and wants to reschedule....

 

 

Then everything is fine so far. Don't even worry about it...

[monkey00]

last time. she hasnt.

 

she cancelled just for tonight. and wants to reschedule....

 

I still find it hard to believe this became such a long thread with a girl you only went out on 2 dates with. Anyway if she wants to reschedule, be less available.

 

If you're serious about this girl, tell her you'll look at your schedule and get back to her when it's clear. At least the ball will be back in your court and she'll know you're a busy person (even if you may not be).

 

There's been too much back and forth going on with this girl, and whether not she really was sick. She's rescheduled too much already and canceled too much. If you continue to accept this kind of behavior, she might get the idea she can pull it again and often in the future.

[stevejohnson1976]

I still find it hard to believe this became such a long thread with a girl you only went out on 2 dates with. Anyway if she wants to reschedule, be less available.

 

If you're serious about this girl, tell her you'll look at your schedule and get back to her when it's clear. At least the ball will be back in your court and she'll know you're a busy person (even if you may not be).

 

There's been too much back and forth going on with this girl, and whether not she really was sick. She's rescheduled too much already and canceled too much. If you continue to accept this kind of behavior, she might get the idea she can pull it again and often in the future.

 

where are you guys getting this cancelled too much and resceduled too much? i dont think staying home from work because you're sick and cacelling a date is 'too much'. but because it is so early in the dating process, i wanted to see what people thought. if this was after 7 dates, i wouldnt be worried. but with 2 dates, you're in that 'who knows wtf is happening' time period.

 

did i miss something here?

 

this is the first and only time she's cancelled