stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I had a third date all setup for tonight. Talked to her briefly on IM last night after I called her to confirm and it went to voicemail. Instead of calling me back, she hit me up on IM. I confirmed or plans, she set the time, seemed excited. She even had 2 seperate times where she could of called it off and didnt. I even tried to cut the convo short and to the point and she said "no, I dont have to go". So i wake up this am to a text saying "you're going to kill me. I'm so sick and home from work today, I need to reschedule tonight". I'm like ok, no big deal. So, I can even verify she is home from work, cause I saw her on IM this morning, which is blocked at her work. So instead of just responding to her text, I try to hit her up on IM....the message goes through, but then she signs off like 2 mins. later. Coincidence? I dunno. So I just texted her back saying not to worry about it and get better. Am I looking into this too much? Why didnt she call me back last night and IM me instead? Was she planning on canceling? But then why, when given 2 opportunities to cancel last night did she say "no,no, no" and "you know were on". Why didnt she respond to my IM? She is 'online' on our dating site now, but that can mean anything. what are your thoughts? what do i do from here? im really bummed out... I hate this ***** so much. I'm literally having a panic attack....
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 try to distract yourself for a day or two at least and wait for her to get in touch. you are freaking out
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 try to distract yourself for a day or two at least and wait for her to get in touch. you are freaking out im seeing other girls, but this was my clear cut favorite. i had been out with her twice, but hadnt kissed her. I was planning on upping the romantic stuff tonight too. She went home for xmas and we text'd a few times, nothing crazy...i kept it short and sweet and even waited awhile to text her back to i didnt look to eager. There are just SO MANY conflicting things here that say tonights cancel is legit and tonights cancel is a hint.
thats what i said Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You might want to consider pulling back a little. It's only the 3rd date and there's no saying which way this will go. Since you don't say much about her and how she has acted on previous dates towards you, the only thing I can think is that she doesn't know how to turn you down without hurting your feelings. So last night she IMs you that you're definitely on for your date and this morning she gives you the perfectly good excuse that she's sick. It sounds complicated, I know. The only way to know is to give it another shot once she's all better.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 im seeing other girls, but this was my clear cut favorite. i had been out with her twice, but hadnt kissed her. I was planning on upping the romantic stuff tonight too. She went home for xmas and we text'd a few times, nothing crazy...i kept it short and sweet and even waited awhile to text her back to i didnt look to eager. There are just SO MANY conflicting things here that say tonights cancel is legit and tonights cancel is a hint. you don't know enough about her to make a decision so you have to give her a chance. by the way (and this is contrary to popular opinion) waiting with a response and not texting back as soon as you can sends out the wrong signal in my opinion. it's curtesy to respond as quickly as possible, I find it a turn off when I can tell someone keeps me waiting - at least until I know that person better and know their quirks. the way you avoid looking needy/too keen is by allowing her to initiate it as well. like now. allow her to get in touch since she is the one that cancelled
Bejita463 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 There are just SO MANY conflicting things here that say tonights cancel is legit and tonights cancel is a hint. Which is a pretty solid reason to settle down, and stop trying to over-think things, yes?
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You might want to consider pulling back a little. It's only the 3rd date and there's no saying which way this will go. Since you don't say much about her and how she has acted on previous dates towards you, the only thing I can think is that she doesn't know how to turn you down without hurting your feelings. So last night she IMs you that you're definitely on for your date and this morning she gives you the perfectly good excuse that she's sick. It sounds complicated, I know. The only way to know is to give it another shot once she's all better. I don't think this is particularly helpful. being a positive person in dating is important. give her a chance, don't make any assumptions, just wait for her to get in touch.
DustySaltus Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I think everything was up in the air until you said that she signed off two minutes after you sent her the message on IM. See with a text, you can't tell if she's around or not but with an IM (although she might have been away from the computer) when it goes through, it's pretty obvious...especially since she signed off two minutes later. Something's up. You could be a #2 guy without even knowing it. So you sent her a text, you sent her an IM and now the only thing you have left to do is call her and tell her you hope she feels better and straight up ask her, "when are you free, let's reschedule now because I have a lot of things coming up blah, blah, blah". The problem now is that she's not seeing you as a challenge and you need to step back. But at the same time if you sit back and do nothing this could go on for another month. I think an alternative is to call her and say, let me know when you want to hang out. Let her set things up and if you don't hear from her in a few days, let it go. I know it sucks, it's always the one that your're most interested in but you need to stick to your guns here.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 you don't know enough about her to make a decision so you have to give her a chance. by the way (and this is contrary to popular opinion) waiting with a response and not texting back as soon as you can sends out the wrong signal in my opinion. it's curtesy to respond as quickly as possible, I find it a turn off when I can tell someone keeps me waiting - at least until I know that person better and know their quirks. the way you avoid looking needy/too keen is by allowing her to initiate it as well. like now. allow her to get in touch since she is the one that cancelled i figure that if she is interested, I will her back from her sometime todqay. I text her back and told her no big deal, just get better. If she is interested in keeping this going, I will hear from her today, especially since NY's is right around the corner and she is headed out of town. I'm always cognitive of making first contact. Its been 50/50 and never too much. thing is, I had a funny feeling after an horrible 10 line IM session monday night and no contact the next day that something was a miss. I was fully expecting my call to go to Voicemail last night....but, then she IM'd me...but - why didnt she just call? I'm starting to feel like she was going to cancel last night and whimped out. But then why is she home today? AHHHHHHH! its not thats its her. I'm dating like 4 girls now. its all the time spent thinking about her, taking her out, getting to know, the rejection, and the NOT knowing whats going on. It kills me. I know i'm freaking out about nothing and you guys are -probably lie "this dude needs to relax", but its just the way I am wired. I've never been rejecting by a girl before (Im 33) and am kinda afraid of it. I know I will have no problem dating others, its just the whole wanting what you cant have thing.....
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I think everything was up in the air until you said that she signed off two minutes after you sent her the message on IM. See with a text, you can't tell if she's around or not but with an IM (although she might have been away from the computer) when it goes through, it's pretty obvious...especially since she signed off two minutes later. Something's up. You could be a #2 guy without even knowing it. So you sent her a text, you sent her an IM and now the only thing you have left to do is call her and tell her you hope she feels better and straight up ask her, "when are you free, let's reschedule now because I have a lot of things coming up blah, blah, blah". The problem now is that she's not seeing you as a challenge and you need to step back. But at the same time if you sit back and do nothing this could go on for another month. I think an alternative is to call her and say, let me know when you want to hang out. Let her set things up and if you don't hear from her in a few days, let it go. I know it sucks, it's always the one that your're most interested in but you need to stick to your guns here. don't do any of the above. just wait for her to contact you. my msn signed me off in the past without my wanting to (internet connection), it means nothing. be positive and wait for her to contact you. she will. keep talking to the other girls even just for distraction.
carhill Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I've never been rejected by a girl before (Im 33) and am kinda afraid of it Lucky guy. Like I said, enjoy dating the other girls. This one is done for now.
DustySaltus Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 don't do any of the above. just wait for her to contact you. my msn signed me off in the past without my wanting to (internet connection), it means nothing. be positive and wait for her to contact you. she will. keep talking to the other girls even just for distraction. What are the chances of MSN and her phone not working at the same time? You're telling me there's nothing fishy about this situation?
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 its not thats its her. I'm dating like 4 girls now. its all the time spent thinking about her, taking her out, getting to know, the rejection, and the NOT knowing whats going on. It kills me. I know i'm freaking out about nothing and you guys are -probably lie "this dude needs to relax", but its just the way I am wired. I've never been rejecting by a girl before (Im 33) and am kinda afraid of it. I know I will have no problem dating others, its just the whole wanting what you cant have thing..... I hear you. I get the same thing as well. it KILLS me if I like someone and he leaves me hanging. however, this is somethig you have to learn to handle. well, I'm sure you don't need to 'learn' just remind yourself. be strong. you can't control what's happening, she will either get in touch or not.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I think everything was up in the air until you said that she signed off two minutes after you sent her the message on IM. See with a text, you can't tell if she's around or not but with an IM (although she might have been away from the computer) when it goes through, it's pretty obvious...especially since she signed off two minutes later. Something's up. You could be a #2 guy without even knowing it. So you sent her a text, you sent her an IM and now the only thing you have left to do is call her and tell her you hope she feels better and straight up ask her, "when are you free, let's reschedule now because I have a lot of things coming up blah, blah, blah". The problem now is that she's not seeing you as a challenge and you need to step back. But at the same time if you sit back and do nothing this could go on for another month. I think an alternative is to call her and say, let me know when you want to hang out. Let her set things up and if you don't hear from her in a few days, let it go. I know it sucks, it's always the one that your're most interested in but you need to stick to your guns here. we talked on IM sunday night and she openly admitted she has had no success on our dating site. that im her Match. BUT, the last 2 nights, she had been online on the site an awful lot. who knows. I could very well be #2. i text her back this am.....when are you saying i should call her? i was planning on leaving the ball in her court and if I dont here from her, then that's that. she's always been real good and communicating with me. m i would think that if she is interested, i would hear back from her sometime today. im willing to stick to whatever guns i need to, to figure this out
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 What are the chances of MSN and her phone not working at the same time? You're telling me there's nothing fishy about this situation? i didnt call her this morning. just a quick text saying its cool, feel better. IM is a strange thing. ts not even IM for her, its GCHAT - meaning if you are signed into your gmail, you are online, if you navigate away from your email, you are signed off - so it can really be anything.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 What are the chances of MSN and her phone not working at the same time? You're telling me there's nothing fishy about this situation? I'm saying chill. Speculation is rarely helpful.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Lucky guy. Like I said, enjoy dating the other girls. This one is done for now. i know. i've been blessed with great looks and good enough personality that I get by. but this whole online dating thing has me wanting to kill myself....never tried to date multiple people at once. i get to invested in the girl...like this one.
DustySaltus Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 i didnt call her this morning. just a quick text saying its cool, feel better. IM is a strange thing. ts not even IM for her, its GCHAT - meaning if you are signed into your gmail, you are online, if you navigate away from your email, you are signed off - so it can really be anything. I hope you are not #2. Yeah, I was talking about the text. I mean, she had to get that? And another thing, if it's GCHAT she definetly got the message because even when you sign off it comes in as an email...not to overanalyze or anything. I just think it's better to find out if she's a falke early on before investing anymore time.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I'm saying chill. Speculation is rarely helpful. im thinking the ball is clearly in her court. she may not have gottenthe IM, but she has my text. if I dont hear from her, then its done. the waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. like, if she flat out told me its not going to work and its 'over', i'm feeling much better right now. its the NOT knowing that is tearing me up!
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 im thinking the ball is clearly in her court. she may not have gottenthe IM, but she has my text. if I dont hear from her, then its done. the waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. like, if she flat out told me its not going to work and its 'over', i'm feeling much better right now. its the NOT knowing that is tearing me up! same. no-one likes loose ends. you'll be ok. see it as a little practice for the future
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I hope you are not #2. Yeah, I was talking about the text. I mean, she had to get that? And another thing, if it's GCHAT she definetly got the message because even when you sign off it comes in as an email...not to overanalyze or anything. I just think it's better to find out if she's a falke early on before investing anymore time. like i said, we had a pretty frank convo Sunday night. she isnt the type of girl to pull any BS. she flat out told me "i went on a few dates, but nothing clicked. you are my match. you are my success story - I'm deactivating my account" she also said "how about we just assume everything is fine between us unless either one of us states otherwise, that way, neither of us has to worry". like, she couldnt be more upfront saying that she digs me. thing is, she has been online on the dating site more than usual the last 2 days. She wasnt on for over a week over xmas and probably accumulated a lot of emails and interests from other dudes. maybe one of them clicked. and of course, out of the 4 potentials I have, this is the one I wanted the most. maybe I came off as that and too accessible. mabe thats the prob here.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 also, i'm hoping that because she said 'reschedule' instead of 'cancel', that i may be ok here. who knows. frucking women....
Ms. Joolie Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I think she owed it to you to call and cancel your date together. Sending a text to cancel is a little rude, but maybe I'm just being old fashioned. Since the communication is obviously not clear here, why don't you call her? Call her just with the intention of touching basis. See if she answers your call. If she does, let her know that you can reschedule. See how she responds. Maybe bring up some NY plans, make it sound fun and let her know that you would like to celebrate this with her if she feels better. Something like that. If she doesn't answer, leave a message saying you hope she gets well, and you would like to keep in touch with her about plans for tomorrow. .... after all, if she said you are her match she has to like you enough to say that. If you are her match, you will be her NY date priority. But definitely take the initiative here to call, touch basis and clear up the communication.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 and of course, out of the 4 potentials I have, this is the one I wanted the most. maybe I came off as that and too accessible. mabe thats the prob here. I personally like men who show me that they are accessible and like me. I try to do the same. if you want a healthy, positive relationship, you need to find someone who is compatible with you. maybe that's the type of woman who appreciates a man that shows how he wants her. a confident man shows a woman that he wants her, a lot of us find that very sexy.
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