xoxo88 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 After the break up my life started to go downhill. I was lost, depressed, didn't care about anything. I'm not as pesimistic as i was when i was depressed but when i take a good look at my life i realize it's just meaningless. I wonder what keeps me going. All my friends have boyfriends, they are happy, they have someone to share their life with, their days are never boring because there is always somebody next to them. I can't say they are bad friends, absolutely not, but i feel excluded because i can't get to spend much time with them, and i know it's absouletely normal to be this way. So besides being single and still a bit damaged after that painful break up, i have practically no friends. The only thing i can do is just to focus on professional stuff and fill my life with career related activities. It's the only way i can have a life. How pathetic, isn't it? I think i'm just not made for having a good relationship so i'd better say goodbye to the idea of ever being happy with a partner. Some people are not made to be dancers, some people are not made to be doctors, some people are not made to become astronauts. I'm just not made for relationships. As simple as that. You either got it, or you don't. What do you do when you know there are things you'll never have but you'd wish so much you'd have them? Focus on something else? Change your goals? Especially when it's not something outrageous, just the simple things every ordinary person has... It makes you feel like you're not a whole person, it makes you feel low about yourself. I feel like this is it. There's nothing more to my life but an endless series of pitiful plain days.
nobmagnet Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 slap slap slap!!!!! thats the sound of me slapping your face!!! (hugs really) im sorry you are so very low. Are you taking medication for your depression? If not get your bum down tho the doctores right away. If you are on them......doctors right away and up the dose. I have been on citalapram since february and I would never have got through this terrible year with out them. All this continuing pain takes away your seratonin. You need to get it back up to normal. Have you considered dance classes or some other activities that get you out and about to meet new people? Maybe you just need to push yourself to mix wider. You are not a failure..........none of us are. We had a crappy end to a relationship but we are not failures. The key is to learn more about your self. I personally let my lowly worm take all my self esteem away. I took it back and I know i let him do it. That was my fault but it wont happen again ever. I have learnt that! keep strong xx
bayouboi Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 After the break up my life started to go downhill. I was lost, depressed, didn't care about anything. I'm not as pesimistic as i was when i was depressed but when i take a good look at my life i realize it's just meaningless. I wonder what keeps me going. All my friends have boyfriends, they are happy, they have someone to share their life with, their days are never boring because there is always somebody next to them. I can't say they are bad friends, absolutely not, but i feel excluded because i can't get to spend much time with them, and i know it's absouletely normal to be this way. So besides being single and still a bit damaged after that painful break up, i have practically no friends. The only thing i can do is just to focus on professional stuff and fill my life with career related activities. It's the only way i can have a life. How pathetic, isn't it? I think i'm just not made for having a good relationship so i'd better say goodbye to the idea of ever being happy with a partner. Some people are not made to be dancers, some people are not made to be doctors, some people are not made to become astronauts. I'm just not made for relationships. As simple as that. You either got it, or you don't. What do you do when you know there are things you'll never have but you'd wish so much you'd have them? Focus on something else? Change your goals? Especially when it's not something outrageous, just the simple things every ordinary person has... It makes you feel like you're not a whole person, it makes you feel low about yourself. I feel like this is it. There's nothing more to my life but an endless series of pitiful plain days. I feel ya, xoxo88 especially about feeling like you're just not made for being in successful relationships. I'm 29, divorced at 28 and looking at a 50% success/failure rate in marriages doesn't look very promising for me for future relationships. Some nights I find myself praying not to wake up...to just leave this plane without even realizing it happened. I also find myself praying that others don't have to feel as bad as I do. I hope you benefit from that prayer.
DustySaltus Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 About six months ago now I was on a 12 hour flight back to America after breaking an engagement with someone that I thought was the love of my life. I was 17 years old when I first met her and she was the first girl I was ever with. We reconnected 8 years later and I thought my life was set. Well, I thought wrong. When her true colors came out at the end of the day and she did countless hurtful things to me, I questioned my idea of LOVE in general. I thought I saw an end with this girl, a family and it just wasn't the case. One night after I got back I contemplated walking to a bridge near my house and getting rid of the pain permanently. I drank 3/4 of a bottle of whiskey, walked out of my house and started walking towards the bridge. About 4 blocks away from my house I tripped and sprained my ankle on the side of the curb so bad that a friend had to come and pick me up. I sat there waiting for him, sitting on the sidewalk...tears in my eyes from what this person had made me become. I've been through hell and back and I know where you are coming from. Some people aren't meant to be astronauts, but that doesn't mean that they don't have a purpose. Everyone is capable of getting and giving love. It's a feeling that we all long for. The fact that you are posting here shows that you do have that fire inside you that WANTS to feel that love again. I promise you that it will eventually happen. Six months later i've met a beautiful young woman who I enjoy being with and we're actually going on a little road trip to see my friend and his girl for NYE. A couple months ago, I could never see myself doing this. We have to motivate ourselves. At first I didn't even want to leave the house. Then I would go to the store to buy food and come right back...I was like a hermit . Slowly but surely I did more and more to get myself back to where I needed to be. It's a process and it sucks but when you look back on it you will be so much stronger. Don't ever let someone else define who you are. I am proof of someone that is on the road back. You will have feelings again, you will love someone again..just love yourself first. Love is not about having a particular skill, it's a belief. There's quote from the bible (i'm not a big religious guy) but it makes a lot of sense, "Faith is the substance of victroy, evidence of things not seen". Just have faith, that's all you need. Good luck.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I feel the same hun About 3 or 4 years ago I felt I'd finally reached a place in my life where I felt really happy, (I've been battling anxiety and depression all my life), then it all went downhill when I worked myself into the ground, heading for a breakdown and then it all led to my partner leaving this year. It's ironic his reasons given for leaving being that I was too busy for him and he thought I didn't love or need him enough, yet it's me who has fallen apart cos I can't live without him, I feel I've lost everything which gave my life purpose, mostly gave up the animal work I was doing. I had it all, a wonderful loving partner, friends, work I enjoyed. Now none if it means anything now that he's gone, without him it seems pointless. I am trying to rebuild my life but what's the point without someone special to share it with. I don't know what the answers are hun, just wanted you to know you're so not alone in how you feel. After the break up my life started to go downhill. I was lost, depressed, didn't care about anything. I'm not as pesimistic as i was when i was depressed but when i take a good look at my life i realize it's just meaningless. I wonder what keeps me going. All my friends have boyfriends, they are happy, they have someone to share their life with, their days are never boring because there is always somebody next to them. I can't say they are bad friends, absolutely not, but i feel excluded because i can't get to spend much time with them, and i know it's absouletely normal to be this way. So besides being single and still a bit damaged after that painful break up, i have practically no friends. The only thing i can do is just to focus on professional stuff and fill my life with career related activities. It's the only way i can have a life. How pathetic, isn't it? I think i'm just not made for having a good relationship so i'd better say goodbye to the idea of ever being happy with a partner. Some people are not made to be dancers, some people are not made to be doctors, some people are not made to become astronauts. I'm just not made for relationships. As simple as that. You either got it, or you don't. What do you do when you know there are things you'll never have but you'd wish so much you'd have them? Focus on something else? Change your goals? Especially when it's not something outrageous, just the simple things every ordinary person has... It makes you feel like you're not a whole person, it makes you feel low about yourself. I feel like this is it. There's nothing more to my life but an endless series of pitiful plain days.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 DustyS. it's good to hear there is hope even when you reach the depths, I'm at the bottom of the pit now, looking for a way to stop this pain. It is a comfort to read your story
survivor18 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 There is no such thing as a meaningless life. You just have to discover your meaning. Also, people who are in relationships have many boring days as well...so don't convince yourself that your life is beyond repair because it certainly isn't. You now have an opportunity to improve your life and become more than you imagined...so you go for it with every fiber of your being without regrets and without any doubt that you can do it.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Sorry thread jacking here Just wanted to say I feel I had meaning to my life finally. I found it and then lost it again.
GrayClouds Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I miss being a child. Morning would come and I would pop out of bed, throw on what ever I could find, and my red Chuck Taylor's high tops. Rush down stairs to eat a bit bowl of raisin brans flacks and way to many spoons of sugar. Jacked up and sugar and a bright blue sky I would take off through the woods in the back of the yard. Some days it was fighting bears, other times it was outlaw cowboys, still other it was just laying back and seeing critters, people and dinosaurs in the clouds passing over head. It was good old fashion play. It was good old fashion fun. It was meaningless. But I was not trying to find meaning. I was simply allowing myself to enjoy the pursuits of life. That does not have to end with childhood. Sometimes trying to find meaning get in our way of pursuing life. And usually when we pursue life hard enough the meaning reviles itself after words. Try something meaningless to pursue that puts a simile on your face. .
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Funny.... When I was a mum picking up my little girl from school, I remember a wet autumn day that had left puddles, like silver coins, alongside the footpath down to the school...and a little girl, leaping carelessly (that is, without a single care) into a really big one, to shatter and splatter and splash it everywhere. Her socks were muddied and soaked, but she laughed.... Her mother, exasperated, asked her "Oh Connie, why the hell do you do that?!?" Before Connie could answer, I interjected, "The mystery is not why children do it, but why we no longer do...." We all have purpose. Sometimes, we spend a lifetime looking for it, without realising that the answer is with us all the time: The meaning of Life, is to simply be the best person you can be. Yourself. Nobody else is better qualified. Do no harm. Consider others. Live wisely. And say thank you. I think, to be honest, that probably covers it....
PinkToes Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I've felt this way too, a bunch of different times. But the thing is, everything changes eventually. Wherever you are, whatever you're feeling -- good or bad -- doesn't last forever. So sometimes you just have to wait it out. Dusty Saltus' story is a perfect example. I'm probably older than you, so I can look back at the times when I did feel exactly what you're feeling now, and it turned out that I was wrong; the life I wanted would come back. So now I try to remember that, when I'm in that space (and to be honest, I'm kinda there now too). That I really have no idea what's ahead. And all you can really do is keep going, until it changes. I had lunch with an old friend yesterday, and he was talking about spending Christmas with his 2 college-aged kids, and how nice it all was, and how he had a new girlfriend, and his job was going well and he was already planning a fishing trip with friends next summer... and I will admit, I felt envious. Then I told him something I wasn't proud to admit. I said sometimes I felt I'd lived my whole life waiting for it to start. It's like you keep living and working and spending time with people you care about and falling in and out of love, and yet sometimes you look around and wonder what happened... how you got to where you are today, and why isn't life exactly the way you hoped and thought it would be. And my friend, who seems to have everything I don't, at the moment, said he often felt the same way. I was shocked. I felt like a bit of a whiny failure just telling him that. But he understood, and could relate. So you are definitely not alone. You just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other, and know that will lead you to a better place, eventually. And add a bit of childish fun, like the others have suggested, just to get you through the darker days. Take care.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Do no harm. Consider others. Live wisely. And say thank you. I do all of those things and still life hit me. I am the kind of person who is always polite, helps others, i help my friends as much as i can and they do the same avery time they can. So here comes the question: is life fair? NO!!! Nobody treats me bad because i'm not the type of person who instigates you to do it and still my ex did. The way he dumped me was so hurtful, mean and humiliating it makes me wonder where did i go wrong? It makes me think about all that bulls**t about karma, what goes around comes around, bla blaaaa. Do you think it's true? NO! My ex is living his life carelessly, with no regret about what he did to me. He left me in ruins and he had no problems doing it. He's not paying in any way for what he did and he never even apologized for what he did. Do you think he ever will? Absolutely not! So for those who encourage us to have faith because God takes care of everything i would have to say this: would you cut the s**t? Well this is the cruel truth: lif is NOT fair!!! Don't wait for a miracle because it won't happen. You fave to fight for every single tiny thing that you want. All that exagerated optimism is just stupid. You have to put a looot of effort to have a decent life. Not even good. Just decent.
GrayClouds Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Do no harm. Consider others. Live wisely. And say thank you. Once I realized I do those things not for rewards but because I want to be that person I became a happier person.
bayouboi Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Do no harm. Consider others. Live wisely. And say thank you. I do all of those things and still life hit me. I am the kind of person who is always polite, helps others, i help my friends as much as i can and they do the same avery time they can. So here comes the question: is life fair? NO!!! Nobody treats me bad because i'm not the type of person who instigates you to do it and still my ex did. The way he dumped me was so hurtful, mean and humiliating it makes me wonder where did i go wrong? It makes me think about all that bulls**t about karma, what goes around comes around, bla blaaaa. Do you think it's true? NO! My ex is living his life carelessly, with no regret about what he did to me. He left me in ruins and he had no problems doing it. He's not paying in any way for what he did and he never even apologized for what he did. Do you think he ever will? Absolutely not! So for those who encourage us to have faith because God takes care of everything i would have to say this: would you cut the s**t? Well this is the cruel truth: lif is NOT fair!!! Don't wait for a miracle because it won't happen. You fave to fight for every single tiny thing that you want. All that exagerated optimism is just stupid. You have to put a looot of effort to have a decent life. Not even good. Just decent. Yeah I'm not a believer in karma at all, either. This life rewards those who: -harm others -consider themselves above others -live unwisely -don't say thank you But I still choose to not be like that.
trueblue72ny Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Yes, it does feel completely meaningless somedays. But, No refunds, no exchanges. It’s a one way ticket. You have to keep pushing – for yourself. And you are right, the only thing you can do is your best to keep your focus and try to accomplish things that make you feel good in life. small steps.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Once I realized I do those things not for rewards but because I want to be that person I became a happier person. I don't do them waiting for rewards either. I do them because that's the person i want to be. But still it makes me wonder when i get hurt for no reason. What did i do to deserve that? Nothing. There are mean people in the world. Sometimes it makes me think that i'd better be a self centered bitch and i'd be happier that way. But i just can't. I don't want to be like that. So i have to endure all kinds of mean things whereas i only want to do positive things for everybody. Where's the balance in that? There isn't. Life's not fair.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Life isn't fair unfortunately, just think of the millions of starving people in the world for a start, or kids born into abusive families, people with terminal disease etc etc, life is extremely tough for millions of people as we speak. None of them did anything to deserve it. You don't deserve this heartbreak and nor do I. I don't believe in karma as such but I do think peoples' actions can come back to bite them later on in their lifetime, although it is probably just our consciences talking, (for those who have a conscience that is). Sometimes it seems good things happen only to bad people, but that's BS, bad things happen to good people too. I don't believe in god, I mean if there is one then why the hell do so many people suffer?! All the best to you hun x Do no harm. Consider others. Live wisely. And say thank you. I do all of those things and still life hit me. I am the kind of person who is always polite, helps others, i help my friends as much as i can and they do the same avery time they can. So here comes the question: is life fair? NO!!! Nobody treats me bad because i'm not the type of person who instigates you to do it and still my ex did. The way he dumped me was so hurtful, mean and humiliating it makes me wonder where did i go wrong? It makes me think about all that bulls**t about karma, what goes around comes around, bla blaaaa. Do you think it's true? NO! My ex is living his life carelessly, with no regret about what he did to me. He left me in ruins and he had no problems doing it. He's not paying in any way for what he did and he never even apologized for what he did. Do you think he ever will? Absolutely not! So for those who encourage us to have faith because God takes care of everything i would have to say this: would you cut the s**t? Well this is the cruel truth: lif is NOT fair!!! Don't wait for a miracle because it won't happen. You fave to fight for every single tiny thing that you want. All that exagerated optimism is just stupid. You have to put a looot of effort to have a decent life. Not even good. Just decent.
cdt76 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Greyclouds sort of puts it in perspective. As kids, we live for ourselves and for the moment. As we grow we are taught to live for others, our family, children, spouse, significant other. When the significant other leaves us, we are lost because we put so much focus on the we or they or them that we lose the me. I've learned over the last few weeks that we will never know the reasons for why it went wrong. In the healing process we spend hours, days, months and possibly years trying to convince ourselves that the past can still be recreated today. The longer we hold onto that frame of mind, the longer the child within us is kept caged and true healing can't take place. You will have your down days or hours or possibly weeks but if you truly put effort into living like the child, you will overcome your past. Doing things for you, that have meaning for you will help you put yourself first and your past behind you, because though you want to, you can not go back. I've tried to put effort into doing just that. It helps. It's not a miracle pill but it helps.
bettermustcome Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I understand and am going through the feelings you are having, you are not alone. I felt like dying a week ago honestly. I was ready to give up school..everything, I felt my life was pointless after a sudden breakup after 6 years. Your life has meaning even though I know it may not seem that way right now! You have not failed..people have failed YOU! I know everyone keeps saying it will get better and one day you will meet someone better for you etc, etc, etc. It may seem far fetched but try to believe it, that is how I get through my days sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I am still struggling so so so hard with my emotions, but have come to realize this takes time and I will feel like crap for a while but it is not wrong to feel like crap after your heart has been broken. But, I will do the things I need to do, go to school, find a new hobby, meet new friends..I don't have many single friends either and am so lonely as well. Try going for a walk or pick up a new hobby, it helps me. It's been 3 weeks and I am no where near being "okay"..but everyday there is some kind of improvement and I guess that's all we can ask for.
TaraMaiden Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Yeah I'm not a believer in karma at all, either. This life rewards those who: -harm others -consider themselves above others -live unwisely -don't say thank you But I still choose to not be like that. Just because you don't 'believe' in Karma, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. The problem is, most people who talk about karma coming back and bitting the @$$ - whose ever @$$ it is - actually have no idea what they're talking about Sorry, but I have written so many threads and responses to what Karma actually is, that those who know me, think I sound like a stuck record. ...But at least THEY understand Karma...
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