HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You win Sean I can't do this anymore. Please help, I'm falling apart.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 It is at the point that you admit to yourself that you're falling apart, that the process of putting yourself back together can actually begin. (((hugs)))
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I've fallen apart a lot the last 5 months, today though and his new woman friend (probably just a friend but how do I know) on fb is the last straw. I feel 2nd best. I am 2nd best. I never should have taken him back the last 2 times. Idiot.
nobmagnet Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 your not an idiot. you loved him. He doesnt deserve you. NC will help you no end. You must feel like somebody has kicked you in the guts. How awful to find out that way. NC will work. HUGS xx
Meaplus3 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Sounds like you have reached the point of acceptance here.. that's a very positive thing. Now stand firm and stick to NC. NC will allow you to move forward with your life. You can do it! Mea:)
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I think she's just a friend, but I'm sick of wondering about all his female friends. I feel like just a fill in until something/someone better came along.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I've fallen apart a lot the last 5 months, today though and his new woman friend (probably just a friend but how do I know) on fb is the last straw. I feel 2nd best. I am 2nd best. I never should have taken him back the last 2 times. Idiot. take him off facebook. no contact means 'no checking up on what he is doing' either
nobmagnet Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 you are worth so much more than a "fill in" and you know it. Get cross. rant stamp and delete any form of contact you have. Go have a shower, do your hair, put some slap on, nicest outfit you have and get out of the house! Go call a mate and go shopping with your head held high. Notice all the guys looking?? yes you are pretty. Yes you are attractive. He can do as he likes because you are going to shine!!! that what I did when the penny dropped. Bloody hell I had a ball! hugs neets xx
curiousnycgirl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Oh boy we are here for you. NC will be very very hard, but it WILL allow you to start moving on, as he appears to have done (if your suspicions of even one of the female friends is accurate). Please PM me if there is anything I can do for you. I am on day 29 - think I may be losing my mind (will start a different thread on that) - but I'm not reduced to a puddle of tears on the floor every day anymore, so I'll call that progress.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Thanks everyone, been crying for 3 hours now. The neighbours will think I'm mental, I have lost it. It's so stupid I knew he was meeting this woman with some of this other friends, she's an fb friend of mine too, but I thought they wouldn't get on as she's overpowering (so another friend of mine and his said), she sounds the opposite to me in some ways and that's what got to me, I think they're just friends but she came out of a divorce last year, we used to talk about our heartbreak together, now she might make mine worse. Maybe he'll enjoy having a dominant woman who'll lead him to the bedroom. I wish my shyness didn't get in the way sometimes. Ugh, regret, hate it. I did actually call him in a bastard, not to him, just shouted it out in my house. So maybe that's a good thing. I am angry he gave up on us after 18 years, and today I DO regret taking him back twice before, I could have been with someone else all that time who DID want to be with me the last 9 years. F*****
teanoranges Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You sound so much like me! I would wonder about all of his female friends because they always seemed to be a bit too friendly with him. He would assure me it was nothing, and I believed him. Then when 'she' came along, I didn't question it. I figured he loved me enough to not think of her that way, right? wrong. Congrats on the NC.. you can do it.. it does get easier to keep NC as the days go by.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I'm struggling with deleteing and blocking on fb I'm sad because we have been getting on well so lately and having such a laugh, life will be incredibly lonely without my best friend. Life seems pointless and joyless. Pathetic I know but that's how it feels. Half my lifetime gone just like that.
nobmagnet Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 No regrets.................if you hadnt met him you wouldnt be who you are. I have kissed more frogs than I care to remember but each in turn pointed me to where I am now. Its sh*tty but true. Get rid on fb. DO IT!! you need to heal and think of yourself right now and tourchering yourself looking is not NC. My Bloody lowly worm is not answering his phone. Its not me calling its his 6 year old. I am so blummin temped to text him to say he better return her call as she is getting upset.....................but I wont. He is with his new GF and obviously forgotten he has kids..........twat x
curiousnycgirl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I'm struggling with deleteing and blocking on fb . Take baby steps - do what you can today, and then next steps tomorrow or next week. I finally deleted my ex's #'s from my phones yesterday, but cannot bring myself to delete him as a friend on fb. I will, in time - of this I am sure.
kickintheaz Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 the healing can start properly now... you've been through loads HOH, the patience you have shown this person has been immense... but its 'me' time now.. forget bout what friends he has... it don't matter and it don't mean anything to you... you are who you are now and now is your time to regain all the best parts of you and show them to the world... NC proper is good, I'm on it now i think a week or so, i dunno, who's counting!... yeah I think of her, but then I re explain to myself how she led me down the garden path this year and around the maze of despair... she's not worth a positive thought in my head now... and if she has a new man, which I seriously doubt since she's so fussy(!!) then he can deal with her sht and her biological clock that is ticking so fast its a fan... Get the slap on and the prutiest dress and get out there.... you is a darling, a kind sincere patient woman who has learned a lot of lessons but the events that taught you those lessons are in the past.. and that m'dear is where they should stay... ya know we're here for ya.. and wil continue to be.. don't be worryin bout what ifs and what nots etc... new decade coming up in 2 more days.. think of the FUN the noughteens are gonna bring you!!! chin up, remember to tell yourself how good a person you are and whilst its hard and may not seem the right thing to do, smile, and LAUGH a lot... it does help!.. this ain't day 1 NC for you hon, this is day 1 of the next half of HOH's life!! and THAT must surely be the bestest day ever eh??!!! :bunny:
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I'm struggling with deleteing and blocking on fb I'm sad because we have been getting on well so lately and having such a laugh, life will be incredibly lonely without my best friend. Life seems pointless and joyless. Pathetic I know but that's how it feels. Half my lifetime gone just like that. I know it's hard but you must let go. until you delete him you are not truly having NC
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Thanks to whoever it was for flagging my post about chatting on messenger, I didn't even put my details in my post. Already feeling fragile and feeling worse again now so thanks for that.
sean1970 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You win Sean I can't do this anymore. Please help, I'm falling apart. No, you win sweetie... I will be here when ever you need me... we all will. Ill PM you my phone number... Call me anytime.
GrayClouds Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 HevOHel You have arrived at the point you have to choose between two things you value; yourself or his friendship. You are discovering you, yourself is more important then him as a friend. it is a painful reconnection but an important one. It time to understand he is no longer your best friend. A best friend would be by your side during this break-up, you would be able to cry on there shoulder because it, they would be helping your to feel better not worst, they would pushing you to heal. He does not do that, he can not do that. A brest friend, even a good friend, would be selfless to you right now, he is being selfish to you. Now your saying it is not all right for him to have parts of you when he wants and the fun of the single life when he does not. It is time to stop letting him have is cake while eating it too. For 18 years he was happy to with the whole you. Now he wants to enjoy you as a cafeteria plan, to be able to pick and choose the part of you he enjoys while leaving the rest. But the fact is your a 5 star Chief and unless he going to sit down and eat the whole meal, then he does not even get to come into the restaurant. And you are correct, it is time to shut the door on this nibbler. It is too difficult to manage the kitchen and the front door at the same time. So if your going to shut the door, shut it, do not keep it crack open, you have seen the unwanted still finds a way in. If it is time for NC then complete NC. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 No more grumbling, or sulking or hating my state; No more letting my troubles confound me - But laughing - and loving the friends all around me, And soon, I shall find, If I really keep trying, I'll have enough blessings to keep me from crying. Never go far, HorH.... We're always close by. TM
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 You are SO right! I am laughing at the "it is time to shut the door on this nibbler":laugh: I think this must be my new fb status HevOHel You have arrived at the point you have to choose between two things you value; yourself or his friendship. You are discovering you, yourself is more important then him as a friend. it is a painful reconnection but an important one. It time to understand he is no longer your best friend. A best friend would be by your side during this break-up, you would be able to cry on there shoulder because it, they would be helping your to feel better not worst, they would pushing you to heal. He does not do that, he can not do that. A brest friend, even a good friend, would be selfless to you right now, he is being selfish to you. Now your saying it is not all right for him to have parts of you when he wants and the fun of the single life when he does not. It is time to stop letting him have is cake while eating it too. For 18 years he was happy to with the whole you. Now he wants to enjoy you as a cafeteria plan, to be able to pick and choose the part of you he enjoys while leaving the rest. But the fact is your a 5 star Chief and unless he going to sit down and eat the whole meal, then he does not even get to come into the restaurant. And you are correct, it is time to shut the door on this nibbler. It is too difficult to manage the kitchen and the front door at the same time. So if your going to shut the door, shut it, do not keep it crack open, you have seen the unwanted still finds a way in. If it is time for NC then complete NC. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.
Kantor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 take him off facebook. no contact means 'no checking up on what he is doing' either Agreed - I blocked my ex on fb just because I couldn't stand to see photos / messages.
LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Agreed - I blocked my ex on fb just because I couldn't stand to see photos / messages. Hey HeavenOrHell. You know we've chatted before. You are doing great, you just don't see that. Many of us are heartbroken after just months or a few years with our ex. So 18 years and yet you are here on LS, sometimes giving great advice yourself is wonderful! You obviously know your self worth...own it. Like everyone says, block or delete your ex from any social networking site you have. I hids my ex's status updates from my Facebook. He can see mine but I can't see his and the best part is, he can show off pics, quotes and anything else and he would have no idea his showing off is all for nothing. The person doesn't even know you hid them from your Facebook! All they can do is post to your personal wall and/or send you a direct message in your inbox. It makes it so much better!
mickleb Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Well done, HoH. This is the state of acceptance that means 'you are half-way there'. Don't go back. x
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Haven't managed the fb thing yet though I am hiding his posts rather than deleting/blocking him, cos maybe I'd like him to see my profile still Well done, HoH. This is the state of acceptance that means 'you are half-way there'. Don't go back. x
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