lesoiseaux Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Hey everyone, My ex and I broke up last Saturday, 10 days ago. It was a 2-year relationship and we're both 20. I've been doing okay, much better than I had expected I would...I still think about him but I'm accepting that the relationship is over. I'm going abroad for the next 5 months and we agreed NC until I get back, at which point we'll discuss the relationship. I haven't really been latching on to that idea, though. I mean I figure we'll talk but I'm not really holding out hope that the relationship will work or anything, since who knows what will happen. I think a part of me still hopes that it will work out, but I really have been doing my best to move on and I think I'm doing fairly well. Here's the thing...today a guy I know a bit (an acquaintance I guess, I met him through a friend and have seen him maybe 2 or 3 times in the past year) let me know today that he liked me. And this is a guy who I had "liked" a bit during my relationship. It wasn't anything serious because I would have never considered leaving or cheating on my ex (I was so into him)...it was more like, whenever I saw this guy I just thought he was pretty interesting and if I had been single I probably would've developed a crush on him or something. So anyway, I let this guy know I liked him too but he knew I had just gotten out of a 2-year relationship. I'm going abroad anyway so no relationship is developing (which is good--I DON'T want a rebound) and we've just decided to keep in touch while I'm away. We weren't really friends in the first place so I guess in a way we've decided to become friends. This just confuses me a bit. I'm afraid that I will start thinking of this guy too much and that I won't fully heal from my ex, or something. But it's confusing because we (me and this new guy) aren't actually currently pursing a relationship. I'm confused because it hasn't actually been that long since my ex and I broke up, but at the same time I've been making more progress in terms of healing than I had expected. I know I need to focus on myself so I am definitely glad I am going abroad and won't even have the opportunity to end up getting involved in what would undoubtedly be a rebound. But I feel like the fact that I did like this guy a bit when I had first met him, even when I was in a relationship, indicates that my attraction to him isn't (solely) based on my desire to get over my ex as quickly as possible. But is this just a bad idea? I don't really know how to react to this. I'm just confused. Any advice???
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 My ex and I broke up last Saturday, 10 days ago. It was a 2-year relationship and we're both 20. I've been doing okay, much better than I had expected I would...I still think about him but I'm accepting that the relationship is over. I'm going abroad for the next 5 months and we agreed NC until I get back, at which point we'll discuss the relationship. Why bother? If you're on a break, that's one thing. But you guys are broken up now. You don't need to do this.... I haven't really been latching on to that idea, though. I mean I figure we'll talk but I'm not really holding out hope that the relationship will work or anything, since who knows what will happen. I think a part of me still hopes that it will work out, but I really have been doing my best to move on and I think I'm doing fairly well. The reason you broke up, was already that it wasn't working. What makes you think, after 5 months with NC that it would work any better? A lot can happen in 5 months, after you've broken up.... Here's the thing...today a guy I know a bit (an acquaintance I guess, I met him through a friend and have seen him maybe 2 or 3 times in the past year) let me know today that he liked me. And this is a guy who I had "liked" a bit during my relationship. It wasn't anything serious because I would have never considered leaving or cheating on my ex (I was so into him)...it was more like, whenever I saw this guy I just thought he was pretty interesting and if I had been single I probably would've developed a crush on him or something. And here indeed, is the thing. That can happen, after you've broken up. See? Your heart is already considering new options..... So anyway, I let this guy know I liked him too but he knew I had just gotten out of a 2-year relationship. I'm going abroad anyway so no relationship is developing (which is good--I DON'T want a rebound) and we've just decided to keep in touch while I'm away. We weren't really friends in the first place so I guess in a way we've decided to become friends. With possible future intentions...and that's ok.... This just confuses me a bit. I'm afraid that I will start thinking of this guy too much and that I won't fully heal from my ex, or something. But it's confusing because we (me and this new guy) aren't actually currently pursing a relationship. I'm confused because it hasn't actually been that long since my ex and I broke up, but at the same time I've been making more progress in terms of healing than I had expected. I know I need to focus on myself so I am definitely glad I am going abroad and won't even have the opportunity to end up getting involved in what would undoubtedly be a rebound. But I feel like the fact that I did like this guy a bit when I had first met him, even when I was in a relationship, indicates that my attraction to him isn't (solely) based on my desire to get over my ex as quickly as possible. But is this just a bad idea? I don't really know how to react to this. I'm just confused. Any advice??? Yes. Fer chrissakes, just relax! One: You broke up with your ex- and are now a free agent. there is no longer any commitment to your ex. he can go his way, you can go yours. Two: You're going abroad. Nothing is going to precipitate into a steep fall on a roller-coaster ride.... Three: You both know you're freshly out of a relationship, and that 'rebound' is possible. But read 'Two' again... Four: You're over-thinking this. you're young, just relax. Enjoy your life, and the opportunities it brings. Why get your knickers in a twist over such small stuff?
Author lesoiseaux Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Thanks TaraMaiden. I guess I just don't want to mess things up for myself, in terms of both healing and future relationships. You're right, though. I have a tendency to worry...I must work on that, haha. I guess I just feel sort of confused since I didn't expect change to present itself as quickly as it did. Still not fully over my ex yet but I know that comes with time. This other guy is helping me see that. Thanks again for your response, I really appreciate it.
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