StartingOver2010 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I don't really know what to do with this situation. I have been seeing this guy for about a month. We have hung out three times and have texted at least every three days and have spoken a few times on the phone. My issue is that he has never tried to kiss me. He was in NY over the weekend for the Giants game (wow was that a disappointment!!!) and called because he missed his original flight and asked if I could pick him up from the airport. I did. We hung out at his house after I picked him up for about two hours and he made no move. It was getting late, so I just left. Everyone that I spoke to about it said that he is probably nervous and that I should take some initative. Today I texted him asking him if he wanted to have dinner. He said he was busy. I texted back "yeah, that's what I figured". Probably not the most pleasant but I was annoyed. Two hours later he texted me that the meeting tomorrow was cancelled. (He works for a consultant to my company and I already knew about the meeting) I didn't reply. Two hours after that he texts me again asking if I got his text. I replied Yeah and that was it. I probably should have just ignored him again but whatever. My question is what kind of game is this guy playing? I like him, but I mean really.
BobSacamento Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You are doing yourself a disservice. It's cool to back off a bit but don't be snide. That just spells drama.
Author StartingOver2010 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Okay...now that we have that out of the way:) ...what do I do here? he asked me out for NYE but I don't know if I should even bother going now.
BobSacamento Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I would go. If he doesn't make a move on NYE then you definitely have your answer. It sounds like a perfect opportunity for him to step up.
Author StartingOver2010 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Good advice. I am not contacting him again> He will have to do the contacting from here on in.
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You've seen the guy three times in a month, he has a business relationship with your company, and just because he hasn't kissed you yet, he's playing some kind of game? SLOW THE HELL DOWN . Take a breath and try to enjoy getting to know someone new. People have their motives and reasons for behaving as they do that come out IN TIME. If you like him, spend the time to get to know him, all will become clear. Don't take every little thing so personally. You don't know much about this person. He could be on the way out in a dying relationship, could be old-fashioned. It could be so many things that don't matter one iota. There are people out there who have developed the wisdom and maturity earned via hard experience to not jump into the physical right off the bat. You are way too invested in this at this time and that overinvestment comes at the cost of the fun you should be having right now. Just let yourself have fun without all this angst maybe? The only thing that matters is if you enjoy his company, vice versa, and things are pleasant on both ends. If things are good in that department, keep it going, all will become clear in time.
Yukikazi Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Good advice. I am not contacting him again> He will have to do the contacting from here on in. "Today I texted him asking him if he wanted to have dinner. He said he was busy. I texted back "yeah, that's what I figured". Probably not the most pleasant but I was annoyed. Two hours later he texted me that the meeting tomorrow was cancelled. (He works for a consultant to my company and I already knew about the meeting) I didn't reply. Two hours after that he texts me again asking if I got his text. I replied Yeah and that was it. I probably should have just ignored him again but whatever. My question is what kind of game is this guy playing? I like him, but I mean really." Looks to me that was him trying to do the contacting and you blowing him off.. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't hear from him again
D-Lish Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 . Today I texted him asking him if he wanted to have dinner. He said he was busy. I texted back "yeah, that's what I figured". Probably not the most pleasant but I was annoyed. My question is what kind of game is this guy playing? I like him, but I mean really. You could have just as effectively said "I am drama"...or "I have a low self esteem" You teach people to respect you- and if he's expecting rides from the airport, but gives you little in return ~ you're at fault for staying with him. The game he's playing is "I can do what I want with this girl and she's not going anywhere". Why would you continue to play?
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I have to say, you weren't exactly giving off very good vibes either. I would ask, in his position, what the hell you're doing, blowing hot and cold..."you agree to meet me at the airport, but then, I get sarcasm and the cold shoulder?" I don't personally like your responsive attitude, I think you should have handled it differently. if you want to be treated in a particular way, it's best to treat others in the same way. I think you'd have gotten different results, if you had...... But hey, I don't really figure....
Awesome Username Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I personally think that you're going at this casual get-to-know-me phase too hard and too fast. If he's busy, find something else to do. Nothing is more sexy than someone with stuff to do.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I have to say, you weren't exactly giving off very good vibes either. I would ask, in his position, what the hell you're doing, blowing hot and cold..."you agree to meet me at the airport, but then, I get sarcasm and the cold shoulder?" I don't personally like your responsive attitude, I think you should have handled it differently. if you want to be treated in a particular way, it's best to treat others in the same way. I think you'd have gotten different results, if you had...... But hey, I don't really figure.... this is a good one. you need to show the right attitude and treat him the way you want to be treated yourself. I'm speaking from experience here. I know it's frustrating when you are trying to figure out someone else but you have to give them a chance.
Buckeye Candy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I agree with everyone who replied here but I'm wondering why he updated you with "the meeting was cancelled" and not something like "the meeting was cancelled, want to get together?" This is why texting sucks, a phone conversation would never go like this.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I agree with everyone who replied here but I'm wondering why he updated you with "the meeting was cancelled" and not something like "the meeting was cancelled, want to get together?" This is why texting sucks, a phone conversation would never go like this. yeah I wonder if texting was banned tomorrow whether communication would get easier by forcing people to call or whether those that text just wouldn't bother to phone at all
Buckeye Candy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Okay...now that we have that out of the way:) ...what do I do here? he asked me out for NYE but I don't know if I should even bother going now. Sure, go, if you like him.Also, make a new year resolution to quit texting with people you just met/started dating.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I have to say I treat txt'ing in the same way as leaving a message on an answerphone. Good for communication if the first option of actually talking to someone isn't possible! (Radical, I know.... actually talking to someone.....)
Author StartingOver2010 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Its not that I mind taking it slow...but I would like to know if there is chemistry there. I am not asking to jump into bed with him and I am not asking for a complete make out session. A kiss goodnight after a date would let me know if this is worth pursing as a relationship or if we are going to be just friends, which is fine too. I guess maybe I should have given you a little more detail in my initial post. For the first few weeks, I never made initial contact. If he called or texted I would reply, but would never be the one to initiate it. One night last week we were speaking on the phone and he stated that he would like it if I initiated some kind of contact and that it would be nice if I planned something for us to do. At first I was not going to do that, but then thought what the heck. This was the second time that I asked him to do something with me and the second time he was too busy or had other plans. I guess that was way I was annoyed more than anything. I was perfectly content to let the relationship progress at its own pace, but then he is too busy when I try to make plans with him and he doesn't ever suggest another date and or time and he still hasn't kissed me. Part of me thinks that maybe he is just not interested in me that way, but if he doesn't them why does he keep calling me?
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I understand what you are saying and I had a similar situation with someone. I personally would move on. In my experience when someone has other priorities it doesn't work out. whatever the reason.
phineas Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I agree with everyone who replied here but I'm wondering why he updated you with "the meeting was cancelled" and not something like "the meeting was cancelled, want to get together?" This is why texting sucks, a phone conversation would never go like this. I would take this to say he was now available for dinner. Some wouldn't. So I agree on texting. A lot of times If i gotta send more than a line of text i'll just call because I hate typing that much on a little tiny key pad.
phineas Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Its not that I mind taking it slow...but I would like to know if there is chemistry there. I am not asking to jump into bed with him and I am not asking for a complete make out session. A kiss goodnight after a date would let me know if this is worth pursing as a relationship or if we are going to be just friends, which is fine too. I guess maybe I should have given you a little more detail in my initial post. For the first few weeks, I never made initial contact. If he called or texted I would reply, but would never be the one to initiate it. One night last week we were speaking on the phone and he stated that he would like it if I initiated some kind of contact and that it would be nice if I planned something for us to do. At first I was not going to do that, but then thought what the heck. This was the second time that I asked him to do something with me and the second time he was too busy or had other plans. I guess that was way I was annoyed more than anything. I was perfectly content to let the relationship progress at its own pace, but then he is too busy when I try to make plans with him and he doesn't ever suggest another date and or time and he still hasn't kissed me. Part of me thinks that maybe he is just not interested in me that way, but if he doesn't them why does he keep calling me? So you are sure he knows you are dateing? I've been in situations where I asked a woman I was friends with to do something without even thinking "date" & she considered it a date while I thought I she viewed me as just a friend. But I am your typical clueless male. I've been so clueless in the past i've had women I knew make a move on me & I NEVER saw it coming. and the ones I thought liked me never did.
Author StartingOver2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Okay, this is the update. We were supposed to confirm plans for NYE on Wed. and he never called so I made other plans. He calls me on NYE at 5 to confirm plans and I told him that since I had not heard from him the day before I made other plans. He seemed perfectly okay with that so I figured that well I was right, he's just not that into me, and was actually fine with that. I had not heard from him all weekend and then he calls me tonight at 8 asking me to call him back. I didn't. At 10:45 I get a text saying, "well since you have not called me back I assume that you are not going to the game tomorrow" I texted back yes I am going to the game. He then calls me right away. I picked up and he asked what time we were leaving (I am going to the game with 10 girls to celebrate my friends birthday) I answered and he said well call me when you get there because we will probably be there before you. We don't know each other well enough to be "friends" but I have no idea what he is thinking. Do I call when I get there?
dazzle22 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Ask yourself what you would do if you weren't interested in this guy and he was just a platonic friend. You would just be upfront, honest, and not make too much of anything, whether it be missed calls, etc. That is the best way to start all relationships with the opposite sex, because until you have really gotten to know them by seeing them in all different kinds of situations and contexts, any feelings you may be conjering up are merely hormones and limerance anyway.
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