gtrguy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I remember this story. This is the guy who was all up on you SUPER quick, correct? Girl hate to tell you but you have been very masterly played. I am 110% sure he is not married or have children. I think he probably knew it was something that could happen, but seeing we've only been dating for two weeks, I don't think he was going to bring it up until it become a real possibility.
Author pandagirl Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Okay good reason, but then why even date? If he knows he's moving out of state he could have at least waited until he has settled down in his new home. Why risk the " possibility" of being in e.g. a relationship if the chances of it being LDR is higher than not? I don't know. I really don't think he thought he would actually have to leave. He's still trying to make it so he doesn't have to move, because he doesn't want to. I remember this story. This is the guy who was all up on you SUPER quick, correct? Girl hate to tell you but you have been very masterly played. Yes, same guy. Have I been played? I don't know. There are red flags, but also signs that he is genuinely interested in me, such as: calling me when he says he will, wanting to see me often, I've met his friends, etc.
gtrguy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I feel for you I do. Did this happen in NYC? I live/work in NYC and I know many of the guys who do this and do it well. I just think it is really odd that he all of a sudden has to "move" yet he was professing his love for you so fast. Really great way to get an innocent girl into bed, quick... A lot more common in NYC than you would think. I just don't buy it. I don't know. I really don't think he thought he would actually have to leave. He's still trying to make it so he doesn't have to move, because he doesn't want to. Yes, same guy. Have I been played? I don't know. There are red flags, but also signs that he is genuinely interested in me, such as: calling me when he says he will, wanting to see me often, I've met his friends, etc.
Author pandagirl Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I feel for you I do. Did this happen in NYC? I live/work in NYC and I know many of the guys who do this and do it well. I just think it is really odd that he all of a sudden has to "move" yet he was professing his love for you so fast. Really great way to get an innocent girl into bed, quick... A lot more common in NYC than you would think. I just don't buy it. Yup, NYC. And don't feel for me. If I am being played, I will survive. Also, I haven't bought into it yet. I'm a pretty guarded person and I definitely not taking his words to heart or as gospel. He never professed his love for me. haha. And I haven't slept with him.
gtrguy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Yup I figured as much.. Really a classic trick. Good for you for holding out on the sex. Get rid of this one and focus on someone better who is grounded and not moving anywhere to work for health insurance from Daddy. Guy sounds like a loser. You deserve better. Yup, NYC. And don't feel for me. If I am being played, I will survive. Also, I haven't bought into it yet. I'm a pretty guarded person and I definitely not taking his words to heart or as gospel. He never professed his love for me. haha. And I haven't slept with him.
jw90063 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I feel for you I do. Did this happen in NYC? I live/work in NYC and I know many of the guys who do this and do it well. I just think it is really odd that he all of a sudden has to "move" yet he was professing his love for you so fast. Really great way to get an innocent girl into bed, quick... A lot more common in NYC than you would think. I just don't buy it. This is what I was saying. I do think its a little strange he suddenly has to move, after he was coming on so strongly, so quickly. Of course, he could very well be telling the truth about the moving ordeal. I still think some of the things he has told the OP are a little off, and that alone is a reason to further question his sudden talk of moving. At least she hasn't slept with him.
Author pandagirl Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 He has diabetes and health insurance is necessary for him. So he really can't go without a job that provides it at all. Yup I figured as much.. Really a classic trick. Good for you for holding out on the sex. Get rid of this one and focus on someone better who is grounded and not moving anywhere to work for health insurance from Daddy. Guy sounds like a loser. You deserve better.
gtrguy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Panda... I very much understand that. Of course he would need a job with full benefits. Are you trying to tell me in NYC he can't find a career that will provide him with full benefits? Is he unemployed? He has diabetes and health insurance is necessary for him. So he really can't go without a job that provides it at all.
Author pandagirl Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Panda... I very much understand that. Of course he would need a job with full benefits. Are you trying to tell me in NYC he can't find a career that will provide him with full benefits? Is he unemployed? Well, he has a very specific career: he's an architect. I would PM you the details of the situation, but you don't have that option and I don't feel right divulging all his personal life here on this forum. But he might move because of a job that is guaranteed for him.
Rudderless Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 But haven't you ever met someone where everything clicked and felt right? Yep, and then it's "unclicked". Don't read too much into that. I think more importantly this guy hasn't been sincere from the start (think I made my views on this quite clear). But, unlike other people on this thread I don't think this is necessarily about sex, I think it's about emotional immaturity. Props to you for exercising caution though, you'll know well enough within a few weeks whether this is something that will last or not.
Vertex Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) Yep, and then it's "unclicked". Don't read too much into that. I think more importantly this guy hasn't been sincere from the start (think I made my views on this quite clear). But, unlike other people on this thread I don't think this is necessarily about sex, I think it's about emotional immaturity. Props to you for exercising caution though, you'll know well enough within a few weeks whether this is something that will last or not. Very well said. I agree with this 100%, although I do think it is a mix of both sex and emotional immaturity. Unless this new job was a very recent development, I have to furrow my brow a bit at the lack of forthcomingness on his behalf. The evidence, to me, points to a desire to get laid quickly as a result of preying on uncertainty in a limited timeframe. Edited December 31, 2009 by Vertex
xpaperxcutx Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Very well said. I agree with this 100%, although I do think it is a mix of both sex and emotional immaturity. Unless this new job was a very recent development, I have to furrow my brow a bit at the lack of forthcomingness on his behalf. The evidence, to me, points to a desire to get laid quickly as a result of preying on uncertainty in a limited timeframe. Exactly. For a professional like him ( architecture) his job would have given at least 2-3 months notice or a reasonable timespan for him to make a decision, they can't have just up and told him to pack in two weeks and move to another state. It just doesn't make sense. And do people really get transferred during the holidays? Something smells very very rotten.
Vertex Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Exactly. For a professional like him ( architecture) his job would have given at least 2-3 months notice or a reasonable timespan for him to make a decision, they can't have just up and told him to pack in two weeks and move to another state. It just doesn't make sense. And do people really get transferred during the holidays? Something smells very very rotten. I'm sure such transfers do occur, but it would all depend on the details. In any case, this feels very reminiscent of "Well, I'm off to war... you may never see me again! D:" if only to kickstart an accelerated progression to sex... it wouldn't surprise me if this happened, only to have him proclaim, "Well, it looks like I didn't have to go after all!" I mean, had this been "not serious" in the first place, why would he even bother dating in a city he was not going to stay in for very long? You'd think he'd mention it, either way. So the only logically valid thing to arrive at is that he must have been in contact with the company and only recently acquired the greenlight, but this would mean that he was actively seeking employment external to NYC to begin with. You're not going to find a new company overnight that's willing to relocate you and cover diabetic expenses (you need to interview, and in this economic state, the application process for a given firm takes weeks if not months). All the evidence, in any given scenario, seems to indicate that he was not planning on staying put for long. And I would say that pandagirl is not ideally into short-term flings right now given her post history (correct me if I am wrong, sorry!). At any rate, this guy seems a bit emotionally immature if he's conducting himself under this plan structure. That much seems certain. As a result, it seems LIKELY that he's just trying to clock a quick lay before he does his thing -- even if it's all a sham and he plans to stay in NYC and concoct a story, the short-term nature of it all would otherwise be effective incentive for women on the fence to move to sex quickly. Any way you look at it, it doesn't really speak to his favor. holy **** did I seriously just type all that? Longer than I wanted, sorry.
Author pandagirl Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 The thing is, I'm not too concerned about having a long-term relationship about him. I barely know him -- I met him 2.5 weeks ago -- but I am enjoying getting to know him. My primary concern is that he is not being disingenuous. Is all he wants from me sex? I don't think so. Am I one last hurrah for him before he leaves? Some of you may think so, and I don't want to believe that, but I'm not ruling it out as a possibility. All I know is he putting a LOT of effort into getting to know me, if I am someone he is merely trying to manipulate. But, I suppose, the only way to find out the truth is to let it play out. I don't give my heart away easily, so it's being kept in check for the time being. The problem is, it is my PATTERN to push everyone away. I am an emotional island unto myself. For once, I want to not sabotage a situation.
Vertex Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 The thing is, I'm not too concerned about having a long-term relationship about him. I barely know him -- I met him 2.5 weeks ago -- but I am enjoying getting to know him. My primary concern is that he is not being disingenuous. Is all he wants from me sex? I don't think so. Am I one last hurrah for him before he leaves? Some of you may think so, and I don't want to believe that, but I'm not ruling it out as a possibility. All I know is he putting a LOT of effort into getting to know me, if I am someone he is merely trying to manipulate. But, I suppose, the only way to find out the truth is to let it play out. I don't give my heart away easily, so it's being kept in check for the time being. The problem is, it is my PATTERN to push everyone away. I am an emotional island unto myself. For once, I want to not sabotage a situation. Completely understandable, pandagirl, but the concern is obviously in his planning and motives. This sudden decision to move is something that seems to have been in the works for a while. So, if you're okay with the notion that he had this plan on the backburners all along, then all the more power to you. But otherwise, it isn't unreasonable to assume an ulterior motive of some sort. Like, if I were looking for work in another city and got involved with a local girl, I would find it very immature of me to be dating under this plan structure, and that's all I'm saying. You can let it play out, but like others have said, don't get manipulated into the sex if he pushes for it (unless you're apathetic about the notion and wouldn't mind, at any rate).
start-fresh Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I have a hard time believing an architecture firm in NYC can retain any professionals worth retaining without offering health insurance. It's one of the basic requirements of any benefit package, IMO. Is his dad in architecture as well? Think about those things for a minute. I think this guy's playing you like a champ personally. I don't think this is a good situation to try to overcome your tendency to sabotage relationships either. Subconsciously, you know he's leaving anyway, so the door's really closed on this guy already.
Author pandagirl Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 I think I need to stop coming back to this thread. It's making me confused. I appreciate all the comments and concern, but the thought that most of the people here think I'm being majorly "played" is really starting to mess with my emotions and my natural sense of intuition. Also: if being played means believing when someone is being nice to you, then so be it. I can't go around being so cynical of everyone.
Vertex Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 The easy way to look at it: Regardless of whether or not he has ulterior motives, he is certainly emotionally immature. And, either way, he's likely going to have a hard time maintaining anything with you when he moves. Therefore, either way, it's best not to get too close right now.
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