skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 (edited) it's been THREE months but she is on my mind ALL time what the hell is the matter w/me? Edited December 30, 2009 by skydiveaddict
carolinawanderer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 There is nothing at all wrong with you. I dated a girl for a little under two years. She dumped me in mid-July, making it over five months. Even now, I can't get her off my mind, either. The length of time it takes to heal depends on so many things - not just the nature of the relationship, but who you are, too. I find it's taking me a long time for several reasons: 1. I had a great deal of admiration for who she was as a person, and we shared a great deal of affection. 2. I feel very guilty about my mistakes. I felt like most of our problems revolved around my moodiness for a period, or how I could argue a point too forcefully sometimes. 3. It was the first relationship for both of us. We lost our virginity to each other as well, we had a good sex life and I felt a strong physical connection to her. 4. I moved to a new town for her and was then dumped after ten days, introducing a huge element of shock. 5. She promised me "forever" a good bit, but now she's sleeping with someone else. 6. While I was dating, I was going through a period where I felt like I was become more socially isolated at school. This made my connection to her even stronger. Plus, I thought she felt the same way - she was shy and did not have a whole lot of friends. Now that it's over, I feel very alone all over again, especially as I'm in a new town. 7. She wasn't much of a complainer and did not have very many annoying habits, which endeared me to her. Each of the things I mentioned above makes what I've lost really painful. I have to deal with all those things - but notice that none of those things are incredibly outlandish. My point is many people that are dumped after strong and "normal" relationships take a LONG time to heal. Just keep going at it. Don't beat yourself up too much because you can't get over it right away. If anything, the length of time it takes to heal is evidence that your love for your ex was real. Remember - there is nothing wrong with you. You feel what you feel, and that's that.
madrugada Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Time, brother. It takes time. It's been two months for me, and still not a second goes by that I don't think about her. What's the matter with you? You're human. You have feelings. I'm two months out and I know exactly what you're going through. Not a second goes by that I don't think of her. Keep your head up and keep moving. For me it's not even a day by day thing, more like minute by minute. What are you doing to occupy your time? That helps me. Reading books, seeing friends, throwing yourself into work, drinking. I know how difficult it is though. I asked my dad how long it took him to get over his first wife after she left him. He said "you don't get over them. You find a way to get through." For you still to be feeling this way three months out shows that you are a caring and sensitive person. That's a good quality, but we sensitive ones feel and process pain in a different way than others do. Hang in there.
carolinawanderer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Time, brother. It takes time. It's been two months for me, and still not a second goes by that I don't think about her. What's the matter with you? You're human. You have feelings. I'm two months out and I know exactly what you're going through. Not a second goes by that I don't think of her. Keep your head up and keep moving. For me it's not even a day by day thing, more like minute by minute. What are you doing to occupy your time? That helps me. Reading books, seeing friends, throwing yourself into work, drinking. I know how difficult it is though. I asked my dad how long it took him to get over his first wife after she left him. He said "you don't get over them. You find a way to get through." For you still to be feeling this way three months out shows that you are a caring and sensitive person. That's a good quality, but we sensitive ones feel and process pain in a different way than others do. Hang in there. All good stuff. Though madrugada was probably joking about the drinking, I'd watch your alcohol consumption. I started drinking a little more after my breakup as an escape. Remember - alcohol is a depressant, and you'll feel good at first, but what usually ends up happening is I feel even sadder about my ex, to the point of sobbing. So go easy on the sauce.
GrayClouds Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 it's been THREE months but she is on my mind ALL time what the hell is the matter w/me? Nothing. Thought the next question is what are you doing about it. Have you did the things suggest to help you heal? What do you do when she does come haunting, do you give into it or move on to something else. A little time an a lot of effort will all help. Hang in there.
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 For you still to be feeling this way three months out shows that you are a caring and sensitive person. That's a good quality, but we sensitive ones feel and process pain in a different way than others do. Hang in there. thanks for your support but i'm usually not a "caring and sensitive person" but i fell so hard and fast for this girl. & i NEVER do that. i think i must be going crazy
jms76 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Nothing is wrong with you. You just need time to forget. Depending on how long you were with your ex, will normally dictate the amount of time it may take for you to move on. The saying goes that for the amount of time you were with your SO, it will take half that time to get over him/her. Not necessarily true. Really depends on what is going on in your life and how busy you are. The more time you have, the easier it will be for your mind to wander and allow memories/emotions to creep in of your ex. You should also realize that when you are with someone for a significant amount of time, parts of your brain's neural pathways are rewritten for your ex. In other words, your brain got used to her(smell,appearance,taste,personality) and now that she is gone, you are basically going through withdrawal. Sucks anyway you slice it. At least you are in good company. Hope you feel better sooner than later.
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Sucks anyway you slice it. At least you are in good company. Hope you feel better sooner than later. skydiving is the only thing that makes me feel better. ever wonder why it is that the girl you REALLY want is the only one you cant have?
madrugada Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Not caring and sensitive? Sure you are. Listen, I never thought I was either, but one of the things I loved about my ex was that she brought those qualities to the surface. I fell hard and fast too. Like I've never fallen for anybody. And that's part of what makes this process so difficult. You think you've found something you never had before and you'll never have again. We just have to convince ourselves that's bullsh*t. And skydive away, if it makes you feel better. I have a feeling if I jumped out of an airplane right now I'd be hoping the chute wouldn't open because f*** it, at least the pain would be over with. But that's just me. And yes, avoid the alcohol. I started hitting it hard after she moved out and it just slowed me down.
carolinawanderer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You should also realize that when you are with someone for a significant amount of time, parts of your brain's neural pathways are rewritten for your ex. In other words, your brain got used to her(smell,appearance,taste,personality) and now that she is gone, you are basically going through withdrawal. This is very true. I like to call these things "relationship minutiae." Think about the things you wanted out of a relationship BEFORE you met your ex. You would not have said "I want a woman who looks EXACTLY this way, behaves EXACTLY like this, or smells EXACTLY like that." You find someone who exemplifies enough of the traits you want in a relationship, then our brains fool us into thinking that our one ex is the only person that would have those qualities. We remember the way they smelled, made love, their accent, pet names, all those tiny things that defined what was actually a big part of the relationship. The "minutiae" are VERY hard to get past since we attach them all to the person we loved, and when we compare others to our ex, this is what we're doing - perhaps they are nice like our ex or funny like our ex or affectionate like our ex, but those minutiae aren't there. But remember - you weren't looking for minutiae when you met your ex. And you don't need the same ones to be happy. I've told myself this every single day. You will find a greater love, and although it will be different, you will be surprised that you can love their minutiae just as much. This has not happened to me, but I know people it has happened to. Just remember, if you find yourself missing those, it's only part of what you fell in love with.
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 And skydive away, if it makes you feel better. I have a feeling if I jumped out of an airplane right now I'd be hoping the chute wouldn't open because f*** it, at least the pain would be over with. But that's just me. . me too but there's this little thing in your container that will automatically jack your reserve if you don't pull the chain by 1500'. it's actually quite hard to comimit suicide by skydiving. but i know what you're saying. being in love w/ someone who doesn't love you REALLY sucks
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 it's just that it's been so long since i've even talked to her but it still hurts
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I fell hard and fast too. Like I've never fallen for anybody. And that's part of what makes this process so difficult. You think you've found something you never had before and you'll never have again. dude you are SO on target! that's EXACTLY how i feel right now
Meaplus3 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 it's been THREE months but she is on my mind ALL time what the hell is the matter w/me? You are human. That is what's the matter with you. We all heal at our own pace. For some it's rather quick and for others it takes a touch longer. Take your time here to come to terms with the end of this R. You will get there.. I promise you that. Mea:)
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 You are human. That is what's the matter with you. We all heal at our own pace. For some it's rather quick and for others it takes a touch longer. Take your time here to come to terms with the end of this R. You will get there.. I promise you that. Mea:) If i was with somone who looked like you i'd be over it in a heartbeat
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 to be honest though, it really sucks when you love someone & she isn't in love w/you i guess it's just a healing process
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 from the band "Skillet": " but i think, the older i get, will i get over it? it's been way too long for the times i miss, i can't believe it still hurts like this... i'm just getting older, i'm not getting over you but i'm trying to..."
RoMeIx Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I am going on 4 months of being broken up with my ex. We were together for about 6 years. It is still very hard for me as well. The pain is not as intense as it was the first month or so, but it certainly is still there. Everything reminds me of her. Just do your best to keep youself busy, and when you do start thinking of her you have to tell yourself that beating yourself up over something that is out of your control is useless. I know what you are feeling, I know it is terrible. You just have to know that it will get easier in time.
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I am going on 4 months of being broken up with my ex. We were together for about 6 years. It is still very hard for me as well. The pain is not as intense as it was the first month or so, but it certainly is still there. Everything reminds me of her. Just do your best to keep youself busy, and when you do start thinking of her you have to tell yourself that beating yourself up over something that is out of your control is useless. I know what you are feeling, I know it is terrible. You just have to know that it will get easier in time. thank you & you're right. every little d..mn thing i think of seems to remind me of her ! driving me crazy
Kantor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 to be honest though, it really sucks when you love someone & she isn't in love w/you i guess it's just a healing process Yep - It takes time but you will come to the conclusion that YOU don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you... You'll get there... Hopefully me too!
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Yep - It takes time but you will come to the conclusion that YOU don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you... You'll get there... Hopefully me too! i hope you're right dude good luck to ya in the meantime i suggest taking up skydiving no better way to take your mind off your troubles than realizing you may die in the next few seconds. lol jk actually it's pretty safe but a lot of fun
D-Lish Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 It's really just a process you have to go through. Emerging yourself in things you love doing will help- so does talking about it. That's what I loved about this place when I first found it after a tough break up- when my friends grew tired of hearing me talk about my problems, I always knew I'd find ears here:)
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 It's really just a process you have to go through. Emerging yourself in things you love doing will help- so does talking about it. That's what I loved about this place when I first found it after a tough break up- when my friends grew tired of hearing me talk about my problems, I always knew I'd find ears here:) you're right i'm glad i found it too.
D-Lish Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 you're right i'm glad i found it too. Just keep talking until it gets sorted out. It will help;)
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Just keep talking until it gets sorted out. It will help;) i'm not sure i could even talk to her right now
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